| The Albuquerque Saga-Chapter Six |
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After a quick excursion to the bathroom, Tyrael rushed back to the controls of the shuttlecraft. "We've got to activate the EMP!" he yelled over the roar of the engines. A strange dark-headed woman grabbed his shoulder. "NO! We have to wait for Neo!" "Screw Neo!" Tyrael replied suavely. Suave in a screamy I'm-going-to-kill-you-in-a-second sort of way. "Fine! Maybe I will!" the woman yelled back, disappearing, and not to be seen until 2002 at the Matrix sequal premiere. Tyrael shook his head and concentrated on flying the ship. Two fighters blew past him, rattling the small shuttlecraft in their backwash. Tyrael pulled the lever for the EMP, causing the fighters to lose all electronic functions, and slam into a rather large (and conveniant) meteor. Tails came on the comm screen. "We sent out a few fighters of our own to dispatch the other fighters. Go! Now!" "Ok, Chewie- er, Tails. Activating hyperspace..." he paused for several seconds, so that he could rip off several bad sci-fi movies at the same time. "NOW!" Tyrael pulled the lever, and the stars around him turned to lines, and expanded until everything around him was pure white. * * * Kelly walked around Israel aimlessly, for no real reason. She had a checklist of people, and she went down it, checking as she went. "Fitey....evil. Yoda...good. Chris.....evil. Roses...pretty darned evil. morpherkidvb....evil-but-could've-been-good. Kornish Rex....good. MC...good." She narrowed her eyes. "That makes two recuits for us....3 for them. So.....998 to go." This was looking bad. Tyrael wasn't going to be paticularly happy when he got back. But she wasn't TOTALLY to blame, she thought. She had TRIED to recruit Ralph Nader. Had she succeeded with that, she would've had the support of every Green Party supporter. All 3 of them! Suddenly, she tripped on something. "Hey, look!" she exclaimed. "An ancient bible scroll they missed when they found the Dead Sea Scrolls! How convenient!" She picked it up and read it aloud. "In the year 1999 plus 2..." which would be 2004, she thought. "the one who didn't quite die for your sins but did a damn good parody of ANITV will return...." She gasped. "You don't mean.....Ben Stiller!" * * * Tyrael stepped through the mucky muckiness of Whydontyoueatyourveggies. Now that he had gotten here, he wasn't quite sure how to find the Tangerine Hologram Watch. Suddenly, a watch erupted from the murkiness in a blast of tangerine light. "I...." it said slowly. "....am...." it continued. "NOT the tangerine hologram watch." it ended quickly. "So no doubt you're just going to go 'bah!' and beat me over the watch face with a carp." Tyrael tried to hide the carp behind his back. "Out with it! Out with it! I see the carp! You can't hide it!" "Wh- what carp?" Tyrael asked, sticking it in his boot. "The one right there! In your boot! You look like a damned fool walking around with a carp in your boot!" Tyrael killed the imposter watch, and never heard from it again. * * * Roses and Rosedious laughed hideously, with the rest of their evil people shortly behind them. They watched as their army of Tyrael clones marched torward Albuquerque. Soon, it would all be their's. * * * Several minutes later, Tyrael found the REAL Tangerine Hologram Watch. "Oh great Tangerine Hologram Watch, how can I solve this great trouble that has come upon my world?" "Stop groveling!" it said. "What? I don't think groveling caused this!" Tyrael replied indignantly. "No, I mean, stop groveling to me. It's always 'Oh great one' this, and 'I'm not worthy' that. I can't even have a decent conversation with someone." Tyrael looked around, not quite sure of what to do. "Well, um, I don't have much time...." "Alright, listen, you and Tails are the last of a dying race of Cannibal Monkeys." "Uh huh." "One male, and one female." "Uh huh." "Do you see what I'm saying?" "No." The Tangerine Hologram Wath whispered in Tyrael's ear for several minutes. He made a face that seemed to alternate between happy and grossed out. "Oooohhhhhhhh" * * * Just as Roses and Roseidous's clone army was reaching Albuquerque, an equally strong army of a thousand or so baby cannibal monkeys breached their defenses. The combat was fierce, and it looked as if no clear winner would be determined anytime soon. "Where'd you get all those cannibal monkeys?" Kelly asked Tyrael and Tails. "The stork." Tyrael replied simply, waving at a rather large white stork with a blue hat, as it flew away. "Good as this is, we need to take out Mind-Controlled Jeff. He's leading the clones too well," Kelly reminded them. "Yeah, yo-" Tyrael started to say. Suddenly, the sky opened up, and a young girl descended from the heavens. Light shone brilliantly from behind her, and she was dressed in beautiful white robes. Her chant was almost as a song. As she came closer to the ground, they began to make out the words: "Brooke Nevin sucks, Brooke Nevin sucks, Brooke Nevin sucks...." Kelly stumbled back. She suddenly understood the scroll she'd found. "It can't be!" she cried. Guilianna descended to the ground where Jeff stood, and placed her hand on his forehead. They could hear her mutter something about Billy Corgan. Then suddenly, Jeff seemed to pop out of a trance. "Jeff..." Guili said quietly. "This is YOUR message board. You control everything, you know. You can end it all. Right here, right now." "Well that sucks!" Tyrael yelled. "This is MY adventure! I'm supposed to end it! I'm supposed to be the hero!" Jeff's finger reached torward the "delete post" button, and everything went black.... << Chapter Five Home Chapter Seven >> |