Gigli Reviewed by "Knuckles" McGwin, businessman and entrepreneur, currently imprisoned in Belize. Allow myself to introduce myself. My name is "Knuckles" McGwin. But you can call me "Knuckles." I'm El Hombre's newest and best reviewer. And if you know what's good for ya, you'll e-mail El Hombre and tell him. Tell him I write the best reviews. Got it? Good. Did I tell ya I love ya today? Okay, now to Gigli. Gigli's a crime caper that's dead on arrival. Believe me, I know a lot of about that condition. But hey, who cares. Take a look at J-Lo. Badda-bing badda-boom. J-Lo has that zing baby. But Ben Afleck? He's a stiff and if he knows what's good for him, he'll just disappear. That's not a threat from me, "Knuckles", I'm just saying. Get lost Ben. Me and J-Lo have some "talking" to do. Here's J-Lo at the Gigli premier waving to me. She's going to dump Afleck any day now. But, back to the movie. In the movie, J-Lo is gay and Afleck is straight. It would be more believable the other way around. Gigli, played by Afleck, is ordered to kidnap the son of a federal prosecutor, but when he screws it up, Ricki (played by Lopez) is sent in. And soon, Gigli falls for Ricki. I was waiting for Gigli (Afleck) to step in front of a bus, or to fall down an elevator shaft or jump off the balcony and kiss the pavement. All those things would have made a better movie. I was also waiting for Ricki (J-Lo) to get into a cat-fight with the beautiful maid and accidentally kiss her. But that didn't happen either. This movie is dead-on-arrival, but J-Lo's the best in my book.