Now, anyone that knows me, knows that it is way easier for me to put difficult topics into writing than it is for me to actually say something face to face. Why? I don't know, it's just how I am. I am a writing-based person, always have been. Well, since it seems to be everyone (or maybe it's just me) I figured I would put it here and see who notices it first.
I feel that I go out of my way to do things for the people in my life. When someone calls and asks me for a favor, I almost always say yes, even if I don't particularly want to do it. Why? Because that is what friends do. But it seems that whenever I have something to ask of my friends, I just get blown off, as if the things in my life are so insignificant compared to theirs.
Well, I am tired of it. I am tired of putting things on hold for myself to serve the whims of others only to have them spit on our friendship. I feel that friendship is a two-way street and that if two people are friends, it isn't just one-half of the friendship that does all of the work.
Now, I am by no means saying I am perfect, but I am a good friend. I stand by my friends, I help them through the rough patches. I am there to listen when they call me up and yak away about their troubles, all the while keeping silent about mine. I am sick of keeping silent.
I have too many selfish friends, too many people concerned with only their lives. I mention something and I get cut off. Like the "friend" that happened to forget I was having surgery and never bothered to call me for over 2 months. And there is also the "friend" who asked me, why are you having surgery when I told that person at least three times in the week prior about all of my knee troubles (and this is someone I see once a week or more). Yet, when these people need something, I am there. I was even there for my friends while I was out with my surgery, and hardly any of them came to see me for over a week afterwards. That is not friendship, that is selfishness and I, for one, am damned sick of it.
Now, I am not going to name anyone specific in this gripe, but I would hope that you will know who you are, although I doubt any of you realize what you are doing. Hell, you probably won't even read this, but don't worry, you will realize as I start to treat all of you the way you have been treating me, without respect and without concern. Maybe you will read this and get pissed off or maybe you will finally notice something when I stop calling and hanging around. Whatever happens, realize this, I am nobody's fool and my life is not to be stepped upon.
i realize You may be as afraid of me as i am of You
i realize that my desire to be nearer to You may be reciprocated
i understand Your constraints of both time and place
i see that You are independent like me
i feel that We could be together if We tried
-sincerely yours
