I have had a really rough week. I'm not sure exactly why it was rough, but I think I have made it much rougher than it needed to be. I tend to do that on occasion. I don't mean to, but often I let my mind wander and it gets the better of me, causing me to escalate things in my mind so that they seem much more bloated than they really are. Maybe it has something to do with my hormonal cycles and all that jazz. Although I hate to blame things on that. It is a pet peeve of mine when women think they can just be complete bitches because it is "that time of the month."
I have decided, too, that I might be growing up. (Don't expect me to still be able to admit this tomorrow) Imagine that, me growing up at age 26! Amazing! But really, I have decided it isn't so bad, as long as I don't let it change me too much. For instance, grown ups do all that grown up stuff like work and get hitched and have kids and all that jazz. Now I am not saying I want to go and get hitched and pop out a few kids or anything, because honestly, I am not ready for that in so many ways. But I am using it as an example here.
I know so many people who got married and then just started having kids right away (and even some who did it the other way around). Regardless, I am not one of those people. I am from the school of thought that when I get married, I want to actually take a few years and like settle into all of that marriage crap before I go and add a few new faces to the crowd, you know? I want to have a few years to do all of that fun stuff you can't do once you have kids, like go away for the weekend on a moment's notice.
Hell, even when I have kids, I don't want to feel bogged down and stuck at home. I want to be the person who keeps a babysitter handy just so that I can still go out and live my life. I don't want my whole identity to boil down to the fact that I have kids. Don't get me wrong, I want kids, I think if I don't ever have kids, my life will be pretty sad and empty, but I think that having my own life separate from them will make me a better parent and a better person. Besides, if I get lucky enough to marry the right man the first time, after the kids are grown and gone, we will still have a marriage because ours won't be based on an us as parents, but rather on an us as a couple.
in my head
a million tiny
thoughts are
bo
un
ci
ng
around
i try to put my
words around just
o n e
of them as
they fly past