Anyway, the thinking I have been doing is about my life and where it is at right now. I keep asking myself, if I died tomorrow would I be satisfied with what I have accomplished in life? Part of me thinks that yes, I have achieved almost all of my major life goals with two exceptions, but the other part of me realizes that those two unreached goals are the ones that I really want to attain.
I mean here I am, almost 25 years old, and I have my college degree, a very good job, my own apartment, and a decent car (especially once I pick it up from the shop). The only things I really don't have that I have always wanted are the only two things in my life that I have always known I wanted. The two things that have never fallen from my thoughts, having someone to share my life with and being a mother.
I had always assumed those would be the easy things to achieve, not the hardest ones. I guess I just took for granted that everyone gets that if they want it. I never opened up my eyes to the fact that there are so many people out there who don't get to be a mom and who stay single their entire lives, never fully knowing what it feels like to be part of their very own family. The family they were able to choose, not the one that they were born into.
I just wish there were a way to guarantee myself that these things will someday cross my life's path. Unfortunately there is not. I may wind up that old lady in your neighborhood, you know the one everyone calls the Cat Lady or the Town Witch. Just remember, if I do end up that way, it was not by my choice. I, too, really want to be happy.
a speck of dust
drifts in the room
settling on the table
then moving on again
what you looked like
how you moved
comes and goes as quickly from my mind
for a brief moment
i swear i can smell your cologne
i can hear your voice in my ears
then its gone again
blown away as i walk past
the table sending it on its way
hoping
it will settle in
my mind once again