Faithful

Ramblin Rose

Blair sat down at his desk next to Jim’s and was moving around like he had something on his mind. Jim finally reached over and said, “Chief, if you have something to say, say it, otherwise, settle down. You’re driving me nuts.”
“Could we go somewhere and talk, Jim?” Blair asked, still not lifting his head up from his paperwork.

“No, Chief. We’re going to finish our work because that’s what we do here. We work. If you want to stop by and talk to me tonight, you can join Conner and I for dinner.”

“Fine.” Blair said shortly. He hated the way Jim was taking all this in stride so easily.

“Ellison?” Simon yelled, “could you come into my office, please?”

Jim got up, walked into Simon’s office and said, “Can I help you, sir?”

“What’s this I hear about you and Officer Murdock down in the parking garage?” Simon asked.

“It was all a big misunderstanding, sir. We worked it out. She and I shook hands and everything.”

“That’s not answering my question, Ellison. What happened that she punched you out in front of other people?”

“Sir, it was private and I really don’t think it’s anyone else’s business.” Jim said calmly.

“Too late. Everyone's talking about it. Did you know she was a lesbian?”

“Yes, sir.” Jim answered shortly.

“So why would she be punching you out?” Simon asked. “You made a move on her woman, eh?” Simon added suddenly smiling like wild.

“No, sir, I didn’t make a move on her woman.” Jim answered and wasn’t a bit amused by this.

Jim walked over to the window, looked out and tried to think of other things because he suddenly realized that Simon didn’t like the path that Jim had chosen to travel on. This depressed Jim. Simon had always been his best friend. He now knew that Simon was his friend as long as he did what Simon thought was right. Cut it out, Ellison. He didn’t even say anything yet. Ask him some questions. Find out how he feels about you being gay.

“Simon, how do you feel about gay cops?” Jim asked.

“I think that a man that's gay shouldn’t be a cop. It’s too hard on the department, his partner and his boss. Gay men or women don’t think about all this when they ‘come out’.” Simon said quickly. “Jim, I don’t have anything against gay men or women. I just think this isn’t the job for them.”

“So you think I should quit?” Jim asked incredulously.

“Jim, you’re not gay. You’re a sentinel and your guide means everything to you. I think you and Sandburg might be mighty confused but you’re not gay.” Simon said adamantly.

“Simon, Blair fucked me up my ass three nights ago and I was howling his name as I came. That makes me as gay as the next gay man.” Jim said.

“Jesus, Jim, that's way more than I wanted to hear.” Simon said with a look of pure disgust on his face.

“What I’m saying is, Blair loves fucking me. However, for some reason, he’s confused now. I wonder
if it’s something he’s around while he’s here at work. It sure as hell doesn’t bother him when he’s at the loft. He loves fucking me, Simon. Does it shock you that I bottom sometimes?” Jim asked, trying to shock his boss.

“Oh my god, I don’t want to hear anymore of this. That was enough. In fact, it was more than enough. I want you to go for some counseling.” Simon demanded.

“Simon, you can’t make me go to therapy. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m fine. Up until three days ago, I was a man in love with another man and happy as hell.” Jim said as he headed for the door.

“What about your partner, Jim? Do you fucking care about what happens to him?” Simon called out before Jim could escape.

Jim stepped back into the office and shut the door. “Simon, you have no idea how badly you’re hurting me right now. I’ll tell you about it. You’ve broken my heart. I love Blair with everything I am. He’s my life. For some reason he’s considering dating women again. Well, I’m letting him go. I told him today that we were done. You don’t have to worry about it. Consider this my one month notice, sir.” Jim said as he stormed out the door.

Simon walked up to the doorway and said, “Ellison, get back in here. I want to talk to you.”

Jim walked back in and said, “What? You want to kick me while I’m down, Simon? Want me to lie on the floor so I’m closer to your shoes?” Jim asked sarcastically.

“Jim, sit down and I want us to talk. Not just you talking but you listening, too.” Simon said.

“Fine, sir. I’m listening.” Jim said and stood waiting.

“Sit down, Jim.” Simon ordered. Jim sat down in the chair but never let his eyes leave Simon’s face.

“Now, Ellison, you’re going to listen to me. I’ve been around prejudice a lot longer than you have. Look at my skin, Jim. Do you suppose it’s always been easy for me?”

“No, sir. I never thought it was easy for you but you stuck with it and made it work and we all were behind you, sir.” Jim added.

“Be that as it may, Ellison, it was fucking hard. Do you think I’m a bad man because I want less pain and trouble for one or two of my men?” Simon asked.

“It would depend on what you mean, sir.”

“You know what I mean. Jim, when word gets out that you’re gay you won't get the proper backup. You might be killed while on a silly, stupid stakeout and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Yes, there is, sir.”

“And what would that be, Jim?”

“You could have classes here at the station on how to treat people of different social classes, races, creeds and sexual orientation. You could do many things. Telling me the things you did earlier isn’t what I anticipated from my friend. I never expected that.”

“Jim, I can’t help it. You’ve gone from being with women to wanting to be with men? How did you expect me to feel?” Simon asked.

It was inevitable for you to wonder about it. It was foreseeable for you to ask me about it, but I never expected you to tell me I didn’t belong.”

“Jim, you could be killed while out there and it would be my fault.” Simon said.

“Simon, you and I both know that you don’t care if I was killed because of that. You care that it might come out in the papers. It all comes down to the fact that you’ve always thought of the station first. What's the commissioner going to think? You’ve always worried about the wrong shit, Simon. You could have been more worried about how you were going to talk Daryl into a life of college instead of police work. You could have just worried about your marriage. There are a lot of things to worry about but instead you’re worried about me being gay.”

“You can think what you want, Jim. You know that I worry about you. I always have. You’re my friend.” Simon said sadly, knowing that wasn’t going to be the case from this day on.

“You were my friend. Things can’t be changed. I know that you were proud of Blair for rethinking his gay role. That hurt me more than anything, Simon.”

Simon could hear the tears in Jim’s voice and said, “Jim, I’m sorry that it has to end this way. I have to think about the department first. That’s why I’m the captain. I can’t change things just because of this sentinel stuff.”

“Before I leave I have to tell you something, Simon. I’ve been gay since I was 17. I’ve loved being with men for years so it’s not a sentinel thing. I’m fucking gay. You can’t blame it on anyone or anything. Just gay. It’s as simple as that. I tried to be with women to make everyone around me happy. It doesn’t work.”

Jim got up, walked to the door and said, “I’ll stay for the month and then I’ll be leaving the city. I don’t even want to live in a city that thinks this way.” Having said this, Jim walked out of Simon’s office.

Blair watched Jim walk out and go to the stairwell. He caught up with him and said, “Jim, where are we going?”

“We aren’t going anywhere, Chief. You’re going to be assigned a new partner so you can get used to him or her and I’m out of here in a month.” Jim said as he walked down the stairs.

“Wait a minute. What’s going on? What happened in there, Jim?”

“Nothing that hasn’t been happening for years, Chief. Don’t sweat it. I’m not taking you down with me. You’re a free bird just like you wanted to be.”

“Jim, wait a minute.” Blair tried to talk to him but Jim shoved him and said, “Get away from me. I want to be alone. I have the right to be alone from time to time.”

“Fine, get the fuck out of here then.” Blair said getting very pissed off as he walked back up the stairs upset and worried about his partner.

Blair walked over and knocked on Simon’s door. Simon said, “What do you want, Sandburg?”

Blair walked in, shut the door and said, “What did you say to Jim to make him quit?”

“I told him how I feel about gay officers. He didn’t like my answer and he quit.” Simon said simply.

“Well, sir. I should probably hear this since I’m the other half of the gay officer part.” Blair said, pissed off.

“Blair, at least you know it’s not the right road to travel. You’re having second thoughts for good reason. I applaud you for that. It takes a big man to admit that he isn’t gay after all and was just confused.”

“Simon, you told Jim all of this?” Blair asked with a look of horror on his face.

“Well, of course I did. It’s not any different than what you did to him. What difference does it make? You hurt him in one way. I hurt him in another. Either way, he’s hurt. It still comes out that he has to choose what his life will be like.” Simon said.

“I think I might have made a big mistake, Simon. I think you did, too. What if we’re both wrong. What if I should be with Jim? What if I’m meant for him? What if he was meant to be your best friend for the rest of your life? What if he’s not there to save one of our lives years from now and we die because of how we hurt him right now?”

“That’s all well and good, Sandburg, but I truly believe that I’ve made the right decision.” Simon said.

“I’m giving my notice, too, Simon.” Blair said as he stood up to take his leave.

“Why? You’re a good cop, Sandburg. You’ve got potential. Why would you leave now?” Simon asked.

“Because the only reason I’m here is because I wanted to be with Jim. I didn’t want anything else. Now he’ll be gone. I can’t be here without him.” Blair said.

“So you’re giving your notice, too?” Simon asked, still in a state of shock.

“Yes, you’ve got my month. I might even file a complaint. It seems that something like this should not go unnoticed.” Blair said angrily as he rushed out of the office.

Conner caught up to him and said, “What’s going on? Jim looked like he was going to spit nails when he left here.”

“He gave his one month notice. He’ll be gone after that. I gave my notice, too. I don’t like why he felt he had to leave.” Blair said sadly.

Brown and Rafe said, “Hey, Hairboy, come on. We’re all going to have a beer, you can fill us in on what’s going on with Ellison.”

“Good idea, Henry.” Megan said as she drug Blair out of the bullpen with the others.

When they all got to the bar, Joel, Henry, Rafe and Conner all sat there waiting for Blair to say something. Instead, Blair picked up his cell and dialed the loft. “Ellison.” Jim answered.

“Hey, we’re having a bullpen meeting at Sullivan’s bar, want to meet us here? Everyone wants to know what’s going on. Do you want to tell it your way or do you want me to tell it mine?”

“Chief, I’m really tired. I’m just going to lie down and rest awhile and I’ll talk to you later. Don’t drink and drive. Okay?”

“Okay, you had your chance. Bye.” Blair said as he shut the cell. “I thought I would give Jim a chance to tell you all what’s up but he doesn’t want to. He’s having a small nervous breakdown right now and feeling a little sorry for himself. I don't blame him at all.”

“What’s going on, Blair?” Joel asked.

“Well, Jim gave his one month notice because he found out what Simon thought of gay officers today and he said he couldn’t work here anymore.” Blair said softly so that not everyone in the bar would hear.

“Why the hell does Jim care about that?” Rafe said.

“Because Jim’s gay, Rafe. He found out that his friend wouldn’t stand behind him today and it broke his heart.”

“No way! Jim’s not gay.” Brown said in shock.

“Yes, Jim is. So am I. I was thinking about going back to being with women because Jim didn’t want to come out at the precinct but now I know exactly why he felt that way.” Blair said.

“No way! You’re both gay? Since when?” Joel asked nicely, not with any type of anger or anything like that in his voice.

“Well, I’ve been gay for about six years now. Long before I met Jim I can tell you that much. But Jim has been gay since his teens.” Blair said.

“So you’ve decided that maybe Jim's worth fighting for, Sandy?” Conner asked.

“Fuck, yes. I can’t believe I was such a chicken shit. That’s what it was. I was a chicken shit. I didn’t want to commit. I was frightened of what you all would say. I was just plain terrified.”

“Is there something we can do to make Jim change his mind?” Joel asked.

“I don’t know, Joel. I honestly don’t. I gave my notice, too, because I realized when I hurt Jim, I'd hurt him more than anyone should ever hurt another human being. I have to live with that every day of my life.” Blair said sadly.

“Maybe you should go home and make it up to him, starting right now.” Conner said.

“I don’t think he’ll ever let me make it up to him, Conner.” Blair said and got lower in his seat.

“You can be so stupid sometimes. He adores you, Sandy. I offered myself to him and he turned me down because he believes in people being faithful. How often do you hear that? Go and talk to him now, Sandy, or I will.” Conner said with a wicked smile on her face.

“Fine, I’ll go and talk to him. If he kills me in my sleep, you’ll all investigate, right?” Blair asked.

Rafe said, “Hey, you need a ride 'cuz your car's broken down, remember?”

“Oh yeah, shit. Who wants to give this poor gay guy a ride to see his lover so he can beg his forgiveness?” Blair asked.

Joel stood up and said, “We’re out of here. Come on, Blair. Let's get over there now. I'd hate to think of him over there all by himself all night.”

“Thanks, Joel. Bye, everyone, see you tomorrow.” Blair said as he walked out the door.

On the way to the car, Joel saw Blair shaking and knew it had nothing to do with the cold. He pulled Blair over to him, kept him close and said, “Don’t worry, Blair. Things will work out. Just tell him how much you love him. Tell him exactly what you told us tonight.”

“I sure hope so, Joel. I can’t live without that man. He’s wonderful.” Blair said.

Joel smiled all the way to the loft. He talked nonsense with Blair to pass the time and got him there as quickly as he could. As soon as they drove up Blair turned to Joel and said, “Want to come up, Joel?”

“No, Blair, you need to do this alone. Now go.”

Blair got out of the car and ran upstairs as fast as he could. He walked into the loft after opening the door with his key and saw the dark loft. He could hear Jim upstairs moving on the bed.

Blair threw his key into the basket, took his shoes off and tossed them aside. He ran up those stairs and stopped when he saw Jim lying there naked on the bed. Jim hadn’t expected Blair home for a long time, so he was stroking himself off and was almost there when Blair walked in.

“Starting without me, Jim?” Blair said teasingly.

“Blair, I can’t do this.” Jim said as he tried to get up. Blair knocked him back on the bed and said, “I’ve got a few things to tell you. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, Chief, I’m ready.” Jim said quietly.

The moonlight was shining through the windows and Blair could see the tears in Jim’s eyes and hoped to make that up to him in great detail.

“First... Jim, I love you so much. I’m a chicken shit. I was afraid of what people would think. Well, okay, I used to be. I’m not anymore. I told them and I don’t fucking care. I was terrified of never being with a woman again and now all I can think of is being with you until I die. I never want to be without you, Jim. Never. I adore you. I love you and I want you so bad, I could pound nails with this hard on.” Blair finally finished.

“Blair, I can’t live with someone that thinks he isn’t sure. I need to know if you want this for sure. I’m not trying to make you choose. I’m just saying, I can wait. I’m a patient man.”

“Well, Jim, I’m not a patient man and I want you to fuck me into next year, do you hear me? I want it so hard that I’ll be screaming tomorrow. I want you to fuck me so hard the neighbors will call the police and I hope they wake Simon up.” Blair said smiling.

“All of that could be arranged, Blair. I love you. Are you sure?” Jim asked, scared to death to make a move before he was sure.

“Jim, feel this big boy and tell me I’m not sure.” Blair said as he rubbed Jim’s palm over his hard as nails cock.

Jim decided to get down to business. He started undressing Blair very slowly. Blair didn’t like slow but that was tough. Jim was doing this his way. Blair had to lie back and enjoy the ride. As he took each thing off him, he would lick and bite a section of the exposed skin. “Jim, I’m going to come before you even get a cock close to me. Could we move this along?” Blair asked.

“Nope, Chief, this time, my way.” Jim said as he moved down Blair. Jim knew that Blair loved 69 and intended on making this very good for him. First, he flipped Blair’s ass to him, pulled his cheeks apart and licked Blair’s divine crevice. Jim loved Blair's flavor. It was something to write home about. Jim just kept giving him a tongue bath until Blair was moaning so loudly that it was even hurting Jim’s ears. Finally, Jim poked into his sweet hole with his tongue and held Blair down as Blair tried to fuck himself on Jim’s tongue. Jim pulled Blair’s cheeks apart even more, buried his face into his ass and was putting his tongue into it like he’d never done. Blair was begging to help him find release. Jim got up on his knees and pulled Blair along with him, never leaving that sweet place. “Jim, please let me come, let me come.” Blair was begging. Finally, having a little pity on the man, he laid Blair back down and turned him around. Now they both had a cock in front of their face.

“Man, I love this so much. I’m so sorry, Jim. I’m so sorry.” Blair said as he started licking Jim’s cock and balls.

Jim took Blair into his mouth and started sucking hard. Blair knew that he wasn’t going to last long before he came so he had to have Jim catch up. He started humming and nibbling on Jim’s cock as he moved his head back and forth. Finally, Jim let up a little with Blair so he could catch up with him. He started moving his hips in rhythm to the movements of Blair’s mouth. Oh yeah, Jim was getting close. Jim licked his fingers and started putting them into Blair’s ass, one at a time.

Blair was now moaning around Jim’s cock and Jim was right on the verge. He rubbed Blair’s prostate and Blair started coming in spurts into Jim’s welcoming mouth. At the same time, Jim pounded his cock into Blair’s waiting mouth. He came right after Blair, screaming his name repeatedly.

They lay there on the bed trying to just breathe. Finally, relaxing a little, Blair flipped around and went into Jim’s arms for his cuddling time. How had he thought he didn’t want this? What a fucking moron you are sometimes, Sandburg. No more. This is it; Jim will be it and no one else.

“I love you, Jim.” Blair said as he fell asleep in Jim’s arms.

When Jim woke up that next morning, he saw the empty bed, the sadness washing over him and wondered why he’d pushed him out this time. As that very thought was there his partner, friend and lover came up the stairs carrying breakfast. He was wearing nothing but a carnation hanging from his cock. It was beautiful. Jim was totally turned on from that sight alone.

Blair saw the cock standing straight up and said, “Oh look, someone wants me for breakfast instead of food. Well, food can wait.”

He giggled as he jumped into the big bed and they began kissing passionately. Blair lay back and let Jim take over. He wanted Jim to fuck him hard and long again. He didn’t care if he was sore from last night.

Jim, being Jim, wouldn’t hear of it. He told Blair, it’s your turn, Chief. Want to show me how hard you can fuck me. I need it hard. I want you to fuck me so hard I won’t know what I’m saying or doing the whole time. I don’t want you to get me prepared. I want it now.

What could Blair do with Jim begging like that? He had to do the job. All except the part about not getting him ready. No way was he going to do that. He would just loosen him up with one or two fingers. That would be something different.

He started getting Jim ready and Jim said, “Baby, I want it so hard. I want it now. I want you to take me right this second. Blair couldn’t hold back anymore. He shoved his cock into Jim’s tight hole and Jim howled with pain, but said, “Don’t stop Chief. Please?”

So Blair continued pounding into him. Blair wasn’t sure that this was the right thing to do but Jim wouldn’t make Blair hurt him for no reason. Blair took his fucking at a little bit of a different angle and every time he stroked in, he hit Jim’s prostate. Jim started howling saying, “Chief, more. More. Please harder.”

Blair started pounding into Jim till he felt like his own cock was on fire. He reached around and gave Jim’s cock two strokes and Jim came, screaming his name repeatedly once again. Once Jim came, his tight channel stroked Blair’s cock and Blair came, screaming Jim's name as loudly as Jim had screamed Blair’s.

After a few moments, Blair pulled out carefully and looked to be certain there was no blood. It looked fine. He cleaned Jim off and then himself and curled into Jim’s arms again. “Let’s not show up for work today. What will they do, fire us?” Blair asked, smiling.

“Fine by me. I’d love to lie in bed all day with you. That’s much more fun than work anyhow.

“Jim, are you all right?” Blair asked seriously.

“Yeah, Chief, I’m fine. I wouldn’t have been all right if you hadn’t come back. I know that much. I not only love you but need you like you wouldn't believe.” Jim said sweetly.

“Thank you, Jim.” Blair said in mid-yawn. He was exhausted. Jim would kill him before he was 35. What a way to go.

Jim pulled him even closer to him and said, “I love you so much, Baby. Stay with me forever? Please?”

“I can do forever with you, Jim. I really can. I promise this time if I get scared or confused, I’ll talk to you first.”

“Okay, let's rest a while and then we can do this again.” Jim said laughing.

Before long they were both sleeping soundly. So soundly they didn’t hear the phone or the answering machine.

“Ellison, please call me back. This is Simon. I need to talk to you. I need to tell you some things.”