A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.
Q: There are two tubaplayers sitting in a car. Who's driving?
A: The policeman
Q: How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: one to hold the bulb and two to drink until the room spins.
Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?
A: With a "tuba glue."
Two tuba players are walking past a bar... (Well, it could happen!)
A symphony was performing Beethoven's 9th in a park one afternoon, but it was so windy that the musicians had to tie their music to the stands. When the tubas finished playing their part in movement 1, they decided, since they had 2 movements of rests, to sneak off to the pub across the street. So they sat in the pub, downed a few, and listned to the orchestra. When they heard the pickups to their part they therw money on the ocunter and stumbled into the street. THey could barely keep from falling over as they ran to pick up their tubas, but even worse, they couldn't untie the music. They were pulling and tugging but the string was so tight that they fell over from the effort. Just then, the conductor looked back and thought, "Oh lord, it's the bottom of the 9th, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded!"
Why did the tuba player switch to the drums?
Because he couldn't read the music.
How do you raise the town's IQ?
Shoot the tuba player.
How many tubas does it take to change a light bulb?
5, one to change the bulb, 4 to complain how high it is
Q: How do you tune two tubas?
A: You shoot one!
An orchestra is rehearsing a piece in which the tuba has a solo after 84 bars rest. At the point where the tuba should start the solo, nothing happens. So, the conductor stops and asks the tuba player why he didn't play. " I have 84 bars rest," says the tubist. To which the conductor replies, "But we are past those 84 bars already." The tubist: "How should I know that?" The conductor replies, "You can count, can't you?" The tubist: "Do you call that rest?"