June the 29th 1950
25 year old Hawkeye Pierce stood at Kimpo airbase in Seoul, in full class A’s – which he made a memo to himself to wear as least often as possible, waiting to be taken to what he would later describe as worse than hell. It was not 6 weeks ago that he received that fateful letter that would put a snag in not only his career, but in his life. He was called up to a war…the one thing he hated most in life was death…and although he was here to do surgery, he had heard horror stories from the few men in his town that were called up for the last one, and he’d be damned if he was gonna take a life. Hell, he’d rather be living in a cave than to kill or maim a person. His thoughts moved to better times, as he took off his jacket – it was after-all the middle of summer and it was scorching hot. As soon as the tie was off, he began to cool off. He remembered what it was like in college…Saturday football. He drifted to one afternoon in July 1947…that was the day that changed him. Maybe not instantly…but it was the day he met Trapper…
Today was like any other Saturday. Well…any other Saturday for the past 6 or so years. Before that I would be rushing to finish homework so that I could chase Maine’s finest choice of women – 15 to 18 that is. Never in a million years would I have thought that this would happen. That I would stop chasing.
After a 3 – game losing streak and placed 3rd last in the ladder, today was an important game for us to win: Androscoggin. A campus of the University of Maine, to which I was studying to be a surgeon, my life’s dream was becoming a reality. We were pitted against Dartmouth – an Ivy League school in New Hampshire…full of stuffy guys who thought about nothing but their money…or so I thought.
Trapper John McIntyre stood in his living room in his apartment in Boston. Louise and the girls were supposed to be here soon. It was, after all, going to be the last time he saw them in what could be a very long time. He was off to a war…not just out of med school…and his first assignment was to patch up kids, so they could continue to kill other kids. He did not like that…not one bit. It angered him to think about it. ‘Why him?’ There were plenty of better doctors around…why aren’t they being called up? He thought about the many people he met during med school. Sure he came 3rd in a class of 204…and he was proud of that…but there were still better guys. He thought about one man in particular…Hawkeye Pierce. Sure he’d met him in his 2nd year of med school, his 6th year of studying…a mere 2 years ago…but he was one guy he’d never forget…after what they’d said…what they’d DONE. He smiled at that thought. He knew he’d never have a closer ‘friend’ than Hawkeye…not even Louise…his girlfriend would ever compare. He remembered that day…the day he met his best friend…
It’s half time and the score’s 18-12…Androscoggin’s winning. Damned if I’m gonna lose another game. After all, I’m Trapper John McIntyre – the best passer Dartmouth’s ever seen.
I wonder if Louise and the girls came? Yeah, sure she wants to get married…and I guess in a way, so do I, but not until I’ve got my diploma…and earning a living. Sure both our parents do…and Becky will be starting school soon, I don’t want this just for convenience. I know I love her and the girls to death, but recently things haven’t been great…what if she doesn’t want to…what if I don’t want to? Oh, game’s on again.
Margaret Houlihan…a newly promoted Major…stood out the front of the Officer’s Club at Kimpo. Major huh? Wasn’t that a privilege to be? A major…in a mans world. To have that rank and be above so many by 25. ‘Blah blah blah’ she thought. She was planning to have her second promotion party…as Lorraine promised, it was going to be bigger and wilder than the first. So why the hell wasn’t she? She was stuck in a war…in charge of 8, maybe 10 nurses. She shuddered at the thought. She remembered when her aunt became a head nurse. She was 7 and her aunt had just turned 28. She loved her aunt…she was a lot like her. Outgoing, fun, a person who knew how to have a good time! But that all changed the day she became the head honcho of Fort Augusta in Georgia. She changed…she stopped having fun. Margaret dreaded the fact that if we’re related…and this happened to her…then why wouldn’t it happen to me? She remembered what Lorraine said to her before she left: “Now Mags remember…don’t become like your aunt. Remember that you are Margaret Houlihan: a fun loving, caring, sometimes-wild party girl. You don’t have to be all strict and stuck up to get them what you want them to do. Be their friend. Be their equal.” Margaret was at her wits end with what to do. She finally decided ‘Lorraine’s my best friend…and I never got to thank her for everything…well Lorraine…I’m gonna take your advice.’ Margaret quite happy with this thought, remembered back to her first promotion party: To Captain Margaret Houlihan…
“July 12th…oh July 12th will be a day that will go down in the history of Houlihans. Today is the day that my little girl Margaret got her first promotion.” Oh God dad – PLEASE DON’T…NOT NOW! “And hopefully, the first of many. Isn’t that right sweetie?” What…oh damn he just asked something “Yes dad” Phew…I hope that did it. Well, he’s smiling…so I guess it did. When can I get OUT OF HERE? Lizzy…please HELP ME? “Ah daddy” “Yes Elizabeth?” “Would it be too early for us to be excused? I mean…me and Maggie wanna go celebrate it all.” “Sure you can. Girls have a great time. I’m so proud of you my little Captain.” Oh God please SHOOT ME! “I will dad” ”Bye daddy” THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! “Oh God, thank you sooo much Lizzy…I owe you” “No problem Mags…just do the same when I become a Captain” “Sure thing.”
“Come on Stockler, stop fumblin’ the damn ball. How the hell are we supposed to win this, if you play like a girl?” “Geez Hawk settle down…It was one pass…not World War Three ya know. What’s up with you anyway” “Ask that after the game boys. Now Pierce, that number 85’s gonna be tough to stop. You think you can handle it?” ”Yeah coach” ”Now remember, we’re down 4 points and got 12 seconds to go. If you make this Pierce…you can have all the dames you want got it?” “You sure know how to make a guy wanna win” “That’s why I’m the coach. Now let’s go boys”
“Hey McIntyre, keep your eye on the ball god damn it. We don’t wanna lose this game to a bunch of mounties do we?” God will you just SHUT UP? “Keep your eye on number 52 AND the damned ball got that?” “Sure coach” “MAKE THE PASS MAKE THE DAMN PASS MCINTYRE” What the? How the hell did he intercept that? “GO PIERCE…GO!!!” Hmmm…that must be 52’s name? “And that’s the game – 33 to 27 ANDROSCOGGIN WINS!!!” God I’m in for it now “What did I tell you huh? WHAT THE DAMN HELL WAS THAT? YOU CALL THAT PLAYING FOOTBALL?” “In all fairness coach…that was a hard pass to make.” “A hard pass? A HARD PASS? I’ve seen 5 year old GIRLS play tougher football than any of you clowns did” “Get off me WILL YA?” God I’m sick of this crap every single week. You think it’s hard enough passing Med school with a decent score…but to have this shoved in there with it…is just stupid “Fine you don’t like how I play? I QUIT!”
“Hey Lorraine! It’s good to see you” “You too Margaret, hey Lizzy! How’s college going?” “Oh not too bad…Maggie’s notes really help” “You mean MY notes?” “Whatever do you mean?” “I mean I wrote them…you copied” “Probably” “Oh it’s so good to see you again. I hear congratulations are in order…Captain eh?” “God don’t remind me” “Why? Don’t you wanna do well?” “Of course…it’s just dad and all this. He expects me to be general by 25” “I’d stick to Major for then” “So would I. If dad had his way…I’d be Macarthur himself” ”Well look at it this way. We are here to celebrate your promotion and after this party…you’d be wanting to make general” ”Knowing you Lorraine…I would have to agree with you” “And every time you do get that promotion…it’ll be the wildest party America has ever seen” “Have I told you I love ya?” “Not in the last 5 minutes” “So which poor guy have you got for me today?”
“Hey good game” “Yeah. Boy you gotta strong arm” “Got it from my mother’s side…she hasn’t asked for it back yet” “Good thing too. McIntyre” “Pierce…you’re not so bad yourself.” “Meh…I’m not feelin’ the best today” “Anything too serious? I am a medical student after all” “Same here, nah, it’s just my girls” “Girls? You got two girls?” “No…three actually” “THREE? Do they know you’re dating other girls” “Oh nothing like that…4 years ago, me and my girlfriend were surprised with the arrival of my daughter Becky…then 2 years ago…with my daughter Kathy” “I take it not planned?” “Not by a long shot. But I wouldn’t give them up for anything” “I take it this not feeling the best has something to do with marriage?” “Yeah it does…I wanna, she wants to…both our parents want us too, but…” “But you want to be able to support them first?” “Yeah…what about you? I noticed there was some yelling just before you came back” “Oh damn 46 fumbled the ball that’s all” “Hey…you seem like a calm guy…there’s more to it than that isn’t there?” “Yeah, I’m having girl problems of my own” “Anything you wanna talk about?” “Not here…how about a drink later on?” “Only if you show the way…only been to Maine a few times and that was football stuff” “I know just the place”
“Martini, extremely dry” “Make that two. So uh…what’s up?” “As I said I’m having girl troubles of my own” “You got her into trouble?” “No…it’s just we’ve been living together just over a year now…been dating for almost three and…she wants to commit” “So marriage” “In a big way. But I don’t think that’s all – thanks, this place makes the best Martini’s this side of America” “yeah they are pretty good. So what else do you think it is?” “Well you see my girlfriend – Carlye’s her name – she’s a nurse and whenever she gets home, I’m either attending lectures, studying or sleeping.” “She should understand that a med student has to work harder than almost anyone else” “I know…we had a big fight on Thursday about her taking a backseat to my career.” “Was she?” “You know Trapper…I really don’t know.”
“Hey baby…howsssit goin’?” “Ah…great. Pssst Lorraine…Lorraine get your butt over here and HELP ME?” “What’s up Mags?” “This…idiot here is what’s up” “Seems like a nice enough guy” “Canada just called THEY WANT THEIR SUPPLY OF SCOTCH BACK” “Look Margaret…if it makes you feel better we can go” “But you’re having a great time…everyone is…” “Except you? Margaret…I really don’t care where we go as long as we have fun okay?” “Yeah…I’m so glad you’re my best friend” “No problem…you owe me big time that’s all” “Don’t I know it? So where do you wanna go?” “How about Canada…we can give them their scotch back” “Okay!”
“So tell me…Trapp-er…how’d you get that name anyway?” “Well Hawk-eye it’s like this…I was on my way to…to visit some relatives in a…in a…what’s this place again?” “Barney’s Bar and Grill?” “No…here here…where you live” “Oh Maine!” “Yeah that’sa it. Anyway…there was this gal…that was following me since Boston and a…and a, I can’t resist a gal when she wants somethin’. So we are a…findin’ a place where I can’t resist her…and the only free place was tha ladies bathroom.” “No way” “Yeah…so we are a…in there doing some not resisting…when suddenddenly the guard comesa in coz he heard somethin’.” “He didn’t” “He did anda hea…caught us. Realisin’ that I weren’t supposed to be there…the dame – oh what was her name again? Ah anyway…all she said was ‘Oh my god he trapped me, he trapped me…which I thought was pretty mean since I did all the un-resistin’ that I could” “So uh…what happened?” “Well he ask-ed me what happened and I told him and…he said if we both left and didn’t mention it…he wouldn’t have to either.” “Gosh…tha…that was lucky!” “Ya know the one thing I learned from that was?” “What was that that was?” “Never travel on a train with a dame!”
“Whadabout you Hawkeye…that can’t be your REEEEAL name can it?” “AS much as my father wanted it to be no” “So whered’ya get a name like Hawkeye anyway?” “My dad’sa faaaavourite book. In fact tha only one’s he’s ever read…besides medical stuff I guess.” “What book wasss that?” “Last of the Mo-hicans. Ya know with tha Indians?” “Oh yeah…my little sister’s obsessed with that one…or Hamlet – whichever?” “Whichever!” “So uh…what issss your name huh?” “Benjamin Frank-lin Piierce.” “Like the president?” “Yeah that’s it!”
“Hey Hey Mags!” “Yeah Lorraine?” “Are ya having a GOOOOOOD time yet?” “Yeah I am…thisss place is great!” “Hey how much have you had to drink tonight?” “Uh…I dunno…I lost count 4 cocktails ago” “God look at the time…it’sa 3am!” “And it’s 11pm ina Cali…Cali…ah you know…where we were born”? “And it’s tomorrow in Australia, come on it’s time to get you home.” “Home? Which one? I’ve had over 30 homes and none were really that.” “I know Margaret, come back to my place and well either talk or” “Or drink?” “I was gonna say sleep…but drinking’s good too!”
Oh God my head! Where the hell…Oh…I’m home. I wonder if Carlye’s home yet. I really should make it up to her, everything. Ah there she…wait…who the? Oh it’s Trapper. TRAPPER? What the hell did we drink last night? What the HELL DID WE DO? I have a sneaking suspicion that we did more than drink. Ah…we can figure that out later. Maybe I should…on second thought I think I’ll just stay here.
Hey what the…where the hell am I? Oh god my head is poundin’. Who the…is that? Oh it’s Hawkeye. Heh, he’s a great guy…I can understand why he’s a Romeo…boy if I was a dame I’d…what the hell are you saying Trapp? Are you attracted to Hawkeye? Maybe I am? I never thought about it before…what if I’m? Ah snap out of it Trapp…you got Louise and the girls to think of.
Whoever the hell that is Margaret…just ignore them… your head is pounding…and you don’t know if you can hold down your food “Mags…Mags…Maggie…get up – it’s 12 o’clock” Oh god Lorraine…come back when hell freezes over PLEEEASE??? “And Howitzer’s gonna be wanting to celebrate too” Oh crap…DAD? “You’re gonna be in for it Mags…” “Go away” “Come on Mags…I know you can hear everything I say…you’re dad’s gonna be ringing Macarthur to find you…now come on” “Ah geez Lorraine…please, if you need to talk…do it with your mouth shut.” “Here…I got you some coffee” “Does it come with a gun?” “No, just sugar, milk and coffee“ “That’ll do” “Are you feeling any better?” “No, my head’s still pounding and my stomach’s turning” “I meant after what we talked about last night” “Lorraine…all I remember about last night, was the truck-load of cocktails and dancing I did…you’re gonna have to be a little more specific” “I mean…ah, we’ll talk about it later…I’ll go ring your father and tell him you’ll see him” “Tonight…” “Okay Margaret.”
“Morning Hawk” “At least you didn’t say good - thanks” “Strong enough?” “What?” “The coffee?” “Oh yeah…thanks” “There’s a note here for ya” “What is it?” “I don’t go through your stuff…sorry it’s just” “Yeah…it’s from Carlye” “What’s the matter?” “She ah…she says that it’s not working out…and she wants more…” “She left you?” “”Yeah” “You okay Hawk? You wanna be left alone?” “Uh yeah…no wait….uh” “You want me to stay?” “Could you?” “No problem Hawk” “Look Trapp…about last night” “Uh yeah?” “What the hell did we do?” “Well…we were out until around 2, I asked to come back and you invited me back…one thing led to another and…” “I’m so sorry Trapp…I didn’t mean for” “Hawk, don’t be sorry…I’m not” “You’re not?” “No” “But what about the girls and everything?” “Look Hawk…I don’t know what happened, how it came to this…I should be the one that sorry” “Why?” “Because…I…I’m actually glad it happened…please don’t think I’m weird or anything…I mean I’m not like that ya know” “I know…I’m not either” “But there’s something about you Hawk…something that I’ve never felt for anyone…not even Louise” “Look Trapp…neither one of us is like that right? So we could just forget about it if you want” “But I don’t Hawkeye…I don’t want to forget about it. I don’t know what it is…but I feel something for you Hawkeye…I really do…we can just forget it if you want to” “I don’t want to either…Trapper. There’s a certain closeness that we have…What about we compromise?” “How do you mean? Friends?” “…not just friends…best friends…who occasionally…ya know…if they want to. You still have Louise and the girls” “And you have no-one” “I’ll be fine…It might take a while…but I’ll be okay”
Okay Margaret…just tell him you’re moving in with Lorraine…and everything’s gonna be okay. We’ll still talk. “Uh daddy” “Yes my little captain?” God will you SHUT UP about that…just calm down Maggie…smile and tell him “Can I talk to you about something? ” “Is it important…I have a lot of things to do” MARGARET JUST SAY IT! “Yes it is dad…uh you know how I’ve been living with you and mom and Lizzy since” “Since you were born” “Yeah” okay Margaret SMILE “Lorraine asked me if I wanted to move in with her and I said yes.” There you did it…just wait for the head to explode and all will be well “Ah ha” Ah ha? AH HA? Oh God what the hell does AH HA mean? “Are you sure about this Margaret…I mean moving out is a big decision…how would it affect your career?” Well DUH it’s a big move and it’s MY career NOT yours as you quite frequently forget. “Well dad…I know that…and I’ve thought long and hard about it…and I really want to get out…on my feet that is. To take responsibility for what I do” There…that should do it “Well Maggie…” Well Howitzer…WELL? “If you want to…you have my blessing” “Thank you dad.” Oh my God…he actually approves of something? “Just remember…I want long phone calls” “Yes of course dad” And you’ll be the one paying for it!
January 18th 1950
Come on Hawkeye…just tell him you’re moving back to Maine and everything’s gonna be okay…you’ve only been living with him for 8 months…and in a few more, you’ll be doing your residency at Portland General. He’ll understand why you can’t continue this…it’s too hard for you to be sleeping with the guy one minute…and then playing best friends with his family the next. I JUST CAN’T DO IT! “Hey Trapp” “Yeah Hawk” “I need to talk…I’m leaving” “Yeah, we got a lecture in half an hour” “No…I mean I’m leaving…for good” “What?” “I can’t do this anymore.” “Can’t do what anymore? Am I too much for you?” “Grow up for a second will ya? I’m being serious here. I just can’t continue being your best friend, seeing you with your family…all playing house. And then coming back here and being more than that…it’s too difficult…I hate what I’m doing to Louise…to Becky and Kathy” “But you aren’t doing anything Hawk…what they don’t know won’t hurt them” “But it’s hurting me Trapper. I love you…but not in the same that you love me…I don’t want this to get at the stage where you have to choose between the girls or me…” “It won’t come to that Hawkeye” “It will Trapper. Don’t you see? You need to choose them. Not me. You love Louise.” “Not in the way I love you though Hawkeye” “What we have was for fun. Something different. I love you like a brother” “Well I hope not EXACTLY like one” “You’re right, you are the closest, my best friend that I will ever have…but this can’t continue…I’m sorry Trapp. Please…we can still be friends” “No…best friends…I understand Hawk, you were always the smart one” “And you were always the cute one” “That’s what I like to think. I guess you’ll be moving then?” “Yeah…I want to go see my dad for a bit…live with him for a while…because I don’t think I’ll get to when we’re working. We’ll talk though” “Yeah…make sure you do…and we’ll catch up soon okay?” “Of course…and Trapp….I’ll never forget the time we’ve had” “Me neither Hawk.”
Okay Margaret…all you have to do is go and ask her. If she doesn’t want to come with you…that’s okay, if she does…that’s even more okay. I mean, it’s only Tokyo…a great opportunity to learn and experience different…ah whatever we’re supposed to be doing in the Army. Just…surprise her with it…no, discuss it calmly…What would Maggie Houlihan do? She’d go out, get drunk, and wake up with a dashing young Colonel or something…yeah in her dreams. “Hey Lorraine” “Maggie! How was your day?” “Uh great…um Lorraine…tell me, honestly…are you happy working here in Boston?” “Yeah…why’d you ask?” “How would you feel about moving?” “Depends…are we talking moving to like Wisconsin moving or California moving?” “How about Tokyo?” “Tokyo? Which state’s that…I don’t think I’ve heard of it” “You know Lorraine…for someone who came 10th out of 107, you’re not all there at times.” “Don’t I know it?” “I meant Tokyo…Japan” “Japan? As in ASIA Japan?” “Yeah…I was speaking to Colonel Tavern” “Tavern by name tavern by ”Nature” Yeah and…” “And he asked ‘how would you like to be a Major’…So I said ‘Could be worse’ ” “You are so lucky Maggie…you get the promotions and everything…yet you don’t care” “You know the Army’s just for fun. I wanted to see the world and it’s easier with a high rank is all” “So what’d he say” “ Something like ‘you got that sharp wit my nephew has, I think you’d like him’ HA!” “So you don’t want to be Maggie Tavern?” “Could be worse…I could be Maggie Anderson” “Watch it…” “So anyway I politely decline and he gets right to the point ‘I just got a call from General Banks at the Army Hospital in Tokyo, 2 of their nurses have just been transferred to Belgium and he wants to know if there was any girls that wanted to see Japan. I said there were many that would, but I knew of 2 in particular who weren’t only excited about seeing Japan, but are the best damn nurses he had’” “So who were they?” “A regular comedian you are. Anyway, he told me that he had you and me down as the top on the list” “In that order?” “Probably. So anyway he asked ‘how would you like to go’, I said ‘sounds okay’” “Okay? Margaret that sounds great” “There’s more…so then he continues ‘There’s just one problem’ ‘What’s that Colonel?’ ‘Tokyo General wants a Captain AND a Major’” “So…PROMOTE ME?” “ANYway…I answer ‘Yes sir’ I thought he wouldn’t let you come. He continues by saying ‘so in that event…I shall be promoting you…AND Lorraine to the ranks of Major and Captain respectively.’ Don’t tell him I told you…It’s a surprise” “Thanks Mags” “So…you wanna come?” “Let me think about it for a bit”…………”Well?” “That was a bit?” “Yeah…yes or no?” “Of course I wanna go!” “WOO HOO Watch out Japan because the terrible twins are “Coming to Tokyo!””
May 15th 1950
“Dad”…”DAAAAAAAAAD” “What? What is it Hawk?” “You know when you’re in danger…and your life flashes before your eyes.” “Yeah” “Well I just saw mine…and it’s not long enough” “What? What happened, is everything okay” “Read this” “You are hereby summoned to…what the hell…they can’t do that those damn bastards.” “Do what dad…is that what I think that is?” “Yeah…it is Hawk” “Damn…Damn Damn DAMN! Why the hell do they do this?” “Hawk…maybe it won’t be so bad” “Not so bad NOT SO BAD? DAD…I’m going to a WAR…A WAR…you know what happens in a war?” “Of course I do…I’ve lived through two of em…and now I’m gonna have to watch you go through the third.”
“Louise LOUISE…get over here please?” “John…what’s wrong…what’s happened?” “Please Louise just come over.” “Okay I’ll be there in five minutes.”…“What’s happened? What’s wrong John?” ”I’m off to War” “What? What War? There’s no War on?” “Haven’t you heard the news? North Korea’s gonna invade the South…and we’re the help” “What are you saying John?” “I’m saying this Louise” “It’s a…it’s a” “Draft Notice…I’ve been drafted into a war, just out of Med School to do Surgery” “They can’t…they can’t do this…not to the girls” “I know Louise…I know.”
June 25th 1950
“Lorraine…LORRAINE!!!” “What is it? What’s wrong Maggie? It’s 3 o’clock in the morning” “The North’s just invaded, we’re at WAR!” “What? WAR?” “Come on” “Let me get dressed first” “There’s no time for that COME ON” “What were you doing up anyway?” “I couldn’t sleep” “You should really see someone about that insomnia Mags” ”It’s not insomnia, it’s these ridiculous shifts they have us working”
“Colonel…Colonel Banks…is it true?” “I’m afraid so Major.” “Well what’s happening? Are we going to be assigned somewhere?” “Most likely Margaret. There’s a meeting at dawn…everyone will be told then.” “But Colonel!” “Major, everyone will be told at Dawn okay? Please try and get some sleep…God knows we won’t be getting any for a while.”
“Lorraine…what if they split us up? I don’t wanna be left alone again” “Shhh…Margaret, don’t cry…everything’s gonna be okay” “What about the shells, the artillery? You know I’m frightened of them…you know I can’t handle that” “Margaret…we’ll worry about that when it comes to it alright? Come on, let’s go eat whatever ice cream and chocolate we have left, okay?”
So here I am…Hawkeye Pierce, Standing in the middle of hell, about to go to a place that I don’t even know, where I don’t wanna be. I think I need a Drink. To Trapper – thank God you’re not here…and that you never will be.
Goodbye Louise, Goodbye Becky, Goodbye Kathy…Goodbye safety and sanity. Where the hell’s the drink cart? I wonder what Hawk’s doing now…God I miss him…I miss his jokes, his familiar face…EVERYTHING! Hawk…I only pray that you’re not here too.
What time is it? 9am…time for a drink. Oh Lorraine, I’m so glad you’re safe…I hope Tokyo’s not too lonely without me. Okay Margaret…don’t cry…just don’t cry…you are an officer after all. What the hell is that supposed to mean?
