“Dinner’s ready!” “COME AND GET IT!!!”
“ATT: ALL PERSONNEL, DUE TO UNMITTIGATING CIRCUMSTANCES WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT LUNCH IS BEING SERVED!”
“Surplus…?” “1944” “Ahhh a fine year!” “What are we having?” “You’re appetite really astounds me you know?” “What can I say? I’m a growing boy!” “I mean the fact that you have one.” “I just got the latest gossip from Mill Valley. Seems Erin made a mess of the kitchen and Peg ran over the trash can.” “The hazards of married life.” “What is this stuff anyway?” “Purple stuff is…moving.” “And what’s this green stuff?” “I believe it’s related to the Chicago Sewer system.” “Thanks Hawkeye…I think I’ll settle with rock toast.” “Suit yourself. Margaret…Margaret?” “Hmm?” “You alright?” “Just…thinking.” “Anything in particular?” “Just what life would be like when we all leave.” “No War, No stench, No surplus crap.” “No friends…” “What makes you say that?” “I feel more at home here than I ever had anywhere else…” “We’ll still see each other. Where were you thinking of going?” “Holiday somewhere warm maybe…then I dunno…somewhere?” “Maine’s a great place.” “So is San Francisco!” “Or Boston.” “Or even Missouri.” “Somewhere different…I don’t know.” “And it all depends on where they assign you too.” “No…I think I’ve had enough of all this…excuse me.”
“Margaret…Margaret.” “Yeah?” “What do you want to eat?” “Salad, bread, scotch…” “The first two I can do.” “I don’t think I can.” “Only if you want to. What’s on your mind?” “Why do you ask that?” “You were daydreaming…” “No, just a flashback…happens all the time.” “Anything in particular?” “Nothing that’ll help you no.” “If something ever does…” “I’ll tell you.” “Okay, how bout some lemonade?” “No scotch, but it’ll do.” “It’ll have to…I’m all out.”
*cough cough* What did he put in this?
“Hey hey not to fast, that’s young stuff…” “I’ll say. It’s worse than that rat poison you drank.” “Secret ingredient is gin.” “GIN?” “I said no scotch…I didn’t say no alcohol.” “I should have guessed…knowing you.” “Are you saying I’m predictable?” “At least one of us is.” “Margaret, how did you sleep?” “No dreams…” “Aunty Margaret, will you sit next to me pleeeease?” “How can I resist that face?” “You can’t…BJ’s tried and failed.” “So you two seriously thinking of another child?” “Thinking, but still not sure.” “If it were up to him, we’d have 6 kids already. – HA!” “How many would you settle for?” “4, maybe 5.” “At least” “At most.” “Mommy and Daddy says I can gets a brother soon.” “And what would he be called?” “HAWKEYE!”
Oh this kid is priceless!
“See, she just adores me don’t ya?”
Who couldn’t?
“That’s cause you gots a beach!” “So do we!” “Yeah, but Hawkeye’s is better.” “How?” “Because I said so.” “See – Atlantic wins all the time.” “Well I should just leave you here then!” “Noooooo! Cause then you won’t be my daddy.” “You won there Beej.”
He still seems shaky about not seeing her…and not surprising.
“BENNNN!” “Oooh grampa Dan’s home!” “Hang on YEAH!” “So Margaret, what have you been doing this past year?”
Gee Mildred, straight to the point.
“After I left Korea I went to Hawaii for a break. Nice warm non-artillery beaches. A month after that” “A MONTH?!” “Or two. I had all the paperwork in and 2 weeks later I was no longer in the army. My father soon found out and has refused to see me.” “Your own father?” “uh huh! But if he wants to be a pr…jerk about it then fine.” “What about the rest of your family.”
I feel like a damn criminal here.
“I was never close with my mother. My sister and her family are I guess…off in California somewhere.” “You guess?” “Just what I said. I haven’t spoken to any of my family since…” “Since Howitzer dropped in?” “Yeah.”
About time you showed up.
“I went to Tokyo a month later to see him, but that was to tell me how I could get promoted faster. So I told him sorry, I was urgently needed back at camp and left.” “Dan! How was your day?” “Not too bad. But when flu season hits, boy will it hit!” “I know what you mean. I got less wounded in 4 months than I did flu patients in 4 weeks!” “Yeah, but Hannibal’s a lot bigger than here.” “Hannibal also has 3 other practices.”
I AM HERE YOU KNOW!
“Dad – Margaret, Margaret – Dad.” “Pleasure to meet you.”
HA!
“Even under these circumstances?” “Yes, even under these.” “You want something dad?” “You think I came all the way over here for a social call?” “What all the way over here? You live 3 streets away. Takes less time to walk from there to here than it is to your garage.” “And whose fault is that?” “Just because I can cut and stitch my way along a body blindfolded successfully, doesn’t mean I can hammer a nail.” “Do you know how many bandaids this kid wasted?” “It was 8 and every one was needed.” “You have your uncles sense of handyman’s work.” “Well go find yourself a new son!” “Nah! Cost too much!”
Oh look, everyone’s playing happy families! Oh hi Margaret how was your day? Oh good dad, hey guess what? I quit the army! WHAT? Bye!
“So do you want dinner or don’t you?” “Depends…what is it?” “Cold cuts and salad. Too hot for anything else.” “You call this hot?” “Yeah, 85 degrees is hot” “Try living in California!” “No thanks, was there once. You west coasters have no taste,” “Suit yourself!” “Plus I like my sea on the RIGHT side. You agree don’t ya kiddo?” “Course I do, you’re my uncle HAWK!” “Oh you have so corrupted my daughter!” “That’s my goal in life Peg, to corrupt as many of your children as possible!”
Good for you…
“Margaret dear, you finished?” “No” “Yes” “No” “I ate the salad and the lemonade…I’m more than full.”
Jackass
“You never finished telling us what you’ve been doing.” “I moved to New York…I don’t know because I’ve never been there before? Tried working at one of the hospitals for a few months, but was so sick and tired of doing nothing but taking pulses, temperatures, administering medicine and cleaning up after mess. Also being treated like dirt by the doctors didn’t exactly boost my enthusiasm.” “You didn’t go into surgery?” “No. apparently us war vets aren’t ‘stable’ enough to operate.” “THAT’S BUL…ridiculous!” “So, I quit. That was seven months ago and have really done nothing since.” “How did you survive?”
We ALL know what YOU’RE thinking Hawkeye…just because I screw around DOESN’T mean I do it for money…
“Not what you’re thinking. I was mysteriously getting money put into my account. I later found out it was my father.” “So maybe he does care?” “Or doesn’t want me to spoil the family name.” “You really don’t think that?” “Of course I do! I would have refused the money, except that was my last and only choice.”
“Erin sweetie, lets go see what uncle Hawk has for dessert?” “Can I mommy?” “Yeah, thanks Mildred.”
“It wasn’t, all you had to do was call me. You had my number…well dad’s number.” “And have your pity?” “No, we would have helped you sooner. And maybe you wouldn’t be in this mess now.” “Let’s all throw it back on me! Now if you’ll excuse me…” “Uh, uh,” “What do you mean ‘uh, uh’?” “I am not letting you out of my sight for the next 12 hours. You want help Houlihan? Then you got it!” “Hawkeye…” “No, if I have to be there for you when you’re in tears, then I’m there for the whole thing. Welcome for the ride Margaret. It’s gonna be hell…but you’re stuck with it!” “You bastard!” “I may be a bastard, but you’re gonna get help whether YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!” “I’ll get her…” “Thanks Beej…”
That arrogant, self-conceding, prick!
“Margaret!” “What fucking right does he have?” “You heard what we said yesterday, Hawkeye really cares for you…more than he realises. What you don’t know is that he feels partly responsible for this…” “THIS?” “You remember…the process where you eat, stick your fingers down your throat and throw it back up – THAT one!” “And why do you care?” “Because my cousin went through the same damn thing THAT’S why!”
BJ – cousin – sick – same thing?
“Cousin?” “Yeah – Callie. She had this for 16 years non-stop. Saw EVERY specialist known to man. It was only when she collapsed and had a fit that she fixed herself. You know how many kids she has now? None. She screwed her system up SO MUCH that it permanently prevented her chance of ever having children. I know and Hawk knows how bad you want kids. I’m begging you Margaret, don’t do what she did to herself. You have a chance of fixing this. Not a great chance, but the sooner you do it, the sooner you’ll feel better. Don’t let your dream slip away because of a few bastard voices which aren’t real.”
He…he really struck a nerve…Jesus, what do I do now? Wipe away your tears and stop crying would be a start…
“But they ARE real. They’re what’s causing the headaches…IT’S THEM!” “Margaret, just let it out.”
“It’s my fault. I should have taken better care of him!” “Margaret, it’s not your fault he died. It was an accident.” “Why does everyone have to leave? If I can’t help a dog…what hope have I got?” “Margaret, you do more good here than I do.” “How?” “Sure enough we’re the ones who take out the bullets, but you. You see through their entire care. You keep people inline and when you go to do something, you put your whole heart into it. What happened today was NOT your fault. You cared for that dog when no one else did, and by feeding him, you gave him a chance at life.” “You really believe that?” “I do. And although I may hate the army, I have always respected what you do for it. And It’s okay to be sad, as Radar said, dogs are people too.” “Can you stay with me?” “Sure…you know how I said you do more good than me?” “Yes?” “You look MUCH better in a sweater.” “Thank you…Hawkeye.”
“Margaret…Margaret. You okay now?” “I just need Haw…some fresh air.” “I’ll go find him.”
Why is it I keep running to him? Why does he keep letting me?
“DAN, you seen Hawk?” “Upstairs” “Thanks, HAWK…HAWK!” “YEAH, what is something wrong?” “You have a bigger shoulder to cry on.” “You alright?” “No.” “I’ll go find Peg” “Come here…”
Just hold me…please.
“I’m not going to say I’m sorry.” “I wasn’t expecting you to.” “God what am I going to do with you?” “Can we go for a run?” “What?” “Please, it helps calm me down.” “Okay, but I’m not in shape.” “I don’t care…I just don’t want to be left alone.” “You’re not…ever.”
Why is he doing this?
Why does he want me here?
How can he forget what I’ve done to him…how I always got him into trouble?
Why does he care about me?
What makes me better or more worthy than anyone else?
Why does he like me?
“Took your time!” “What do you mean? I’ve only been gone 5 minutes.” “No, you’ve been gone for three quarters of an hour.” “No, It was only 5 minutes…you think I can remember the time?” “Look at your watch – see 45…well now 46 minutes. But it was faster than me, I usually take an hour.” “Usually? I thought you said you weren’t in shape?” “I lied…I’m just feeling lazy – didn’t get much sleep.” “You didn’t follow?” “I can see right up the beach, I was watching.” “I didn’t ask that…”
Keep up with the program HAWK!
“Look, if you were alone, wouldn’t I be inside and you still be in New York? Come on, it’s nearly 9 o’clock.” “It’s still light out.” “Only just. This is Maine.” “NO! And I thought it was Australia!” “AND so it’s light out still.” “Do we have to go back?” “No, we can just sit here if you want.” “It’s just…Charles and Trapper are back tomorrow…” “And they’d be happy to you.” “What little there is of me?” “What are you afraid of? It’s just Chuck and Trapp.”
Haven’t you worked that out yet? I thought it was obvious…even Radar would know what it was by now.
“I’m afraid of…I’m afraid of what else they’ll find. I mean what if I have something REALLY wrong…or worse?” “Why would you say that? What else aren’t you saying? And don’t lie to me, I can always tell when you do.” “I’ve been…blacking out…like I’d be thinking of something at 2 o’clock, and when I look back up and it’s 7 or 8…sometimes it’s worse or…I think it is.” “How?” “Like I…think I collapse.” “You think?”
This is quite hard to say if you hadn’t of noticed…
“No, I…I do. Sometimes I wake up a few minutes later, sometimes half a day.” “How long has this been going on for?” “Once as a kid, and for 2 or so months lately.” “What happened before you did?”
What?
“I mean did you throw up or…?” “A few times I had, mostly I just hadn’t eaten” *yawn*
“Why don’t we go back now?” “No, I just want to sit here.” “You’re turning blue” “How can you tell?” “Come here…I’m not going to bite you ya know.” “You always used to.”
“That was some party wasn’t it?” “Sure was…” “Walk you to your tent?” “If you want…We’ve been through a lot together haven’t we?” “To say the least. Who-da thought we’d be the only originals left?” “Not me…” “I can’t believe this is finally over – WE’RE GOING HOME!” “Home…” “Aren’t you happy? THE WAR’S OVER!” “Of course I’m happy…about that. D’you want to come in?” “FINALLY she sees sense!” “What can I say? I’m a late bloomer!” “Why is it that your cot’s different?” “Regular Army…Plus I can scream.” “So can I!” “Not to scare people – you couldn’t scare a child!” “That’s true. I tried once on my nephew Marty – he just laughed at me!” “I thought you were an only child?” “Cousin’s kid. You?” “One and one on the way…or arrived…I think, I’m not sure.” “You haven’t spoken to your sister?” “No, I heard it from dad. Let’s just say we’ve never been close. Nothing like cats and dogs…just she’s always been a mommy’s girl…” “And you a daddy’s girl…” “OH yeah.”
“So why the sad face?” “What do you mean?” “I mention going home and you nearly burst into tears. What’s the deal?” “You have Crabapple Cove, what have I got? A few duffel bags and a tent full of stuff. This is my home…and I HATE living here.” “But you don’t have to stay here…a tent is not a home.” “It’s all I know.” “Then change it.” “After 29 years?” “I made the transition from Maine to hell and it’s been an eternity. You can do it Margaret. But only if you want to.” “Where would I go?” “You’ve had plenty of invitations from everyone. Personally I’d pick Maine – nice lobster.” “I want to go somewhere I’ve never been before…” “Okay Margaret, just tell me when you decide.”
“We’ll never see each other again.” “What? Of course we will. I’ll personally, be hounding your ass every minute of the day!” “Don’t you do that already?” “Well yeah…Just incase…I’m really going to miss you.” “I know.” “No…I mean REALLY miss you. You’ve been an inspiration Margaret. You started as an enemy and have turned out to be one of my best friends, and once a lover. You are truly magnificent and I love you for it!” “Thank you Hawkeye.” “How about me? Am I magnificent.” “You’re a Smartass that’s for sure.” “Ha ha.” “I like your still…” “ANOTHER ONE! All you want are my goodies.” “I know what goodies you’re talking of and you weren’t that crash hot.” “Me? The Casanova of Korea?” “Did you know that Casanova was hom…” “How would you like a swift kiss in the mouth?” “If you don’t want me to tell you then…” “Well fine then! Tell me I’m gorgeous!” “Alright then. You – Hawkeye Pierce…” “That’s me!” “Honestly?” “No! Lie through your teeth!” “HONESTLY you’re warm, compassionate, caring, passionate, great with your hands, funny, GORGEOUS, MAGNIFICENT and the best friend I’ve ever had.” “Now you’re gonna make me cry.”
“Remember when I was leaving?” “Which time was that?” “I can’t operate in my tent!” “Oh that – you’re a fun drunk!” “While you’re just plain stupid.” “Thanks – really. Anyway that was Trapper.” “Yeah, sure.” “SURE!” “Do you remember what I said to Trapper?” “About you’re really built you son of a gun?” “Before that…” “About really going for him? Yeah sure I remember.” “I could have really gone for you too.” “Well it’s been…” “Known to happen.” “If you’ve got great legs – which you do” “Why thank you” “If you know how to cook and all about football, then I could have gone for you too.” “Add 2 eggs, stir and the Bears don’t stand a chance!” “You still could go for me?” “I don’t have a choice”
“Margaret” “Hmm?” “I’ve gone for you.” “Hawkeye…me too.”
“Margaret?” “Yeah?” “What’s wrong?” “I was just thinking back to our last night at camp.” “Wasn’t that some enchanted evening?”
And there we were, holding each other, more intimate than with any other person ever. His hands gliding down my naked back, those magical hands he has. Ones who have saved thousand, held thousand, but lost many. His lips, kissing my neck. Those too – magical. Always a word to be spoken, yet those words could also be hurtful. Those lips, whispering my name softly and passionately. “Margaret.” I can’t do anything but reply. “Hawkeye.” Reply as softly and as passionately as he. This, our last chance: a magical and most definitely enchanted evening. “I love you.”
“What?” “We should head back, it’s getting cold. What did you think I said?” “It’s nothing. Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” “You heading to bed?” “I was thinking about it…you?” “I was going to talk with Beej.” “Oh.” “If you fall asleep I’ll bring you up.” “Mmm Hmm.”
“Wondering where you got to.” “Just a breathe of fresh air.” “More like frozen air. How can you live here and not freeze your ass off?” “How can you live in California and not die from heat stroke?”
“You’re Crazy!”
“You’re Crazy!”
And I thought I was the loony one here?
“Well, Erin’s asleep. Potter, Mildred, Peg and Dan are getting the coffee and you’re here now.” “What no chocolate?” “What chocolate?” “You mean Erin hasn’t told you yet?” “Not told me what? That girl has your sneakiness nature in her.” “What are uncles for?” “Besides spoiling them rotten?” “All the kids I know are too old to spoil.” “You’ve only seen her…” “10 times.” “That many?” “It’s a good thing I earn a bit – airfares are ridiculous!” “You going to bed Margaret?”
Oh good – I am alive!
“Why does everyone keep asking me that? No, I’m not.” “Okay, just that you’re falling asleep standing up. Dracula looks less dead than you.” “Thank you for that positive reinforcement BJ, really.” “I’m just saying…” “Okay okay, no need for another fight. What chocolate? – In the top left corner of the large cupboard in the tin of Spam.” “You…Hawkeye…after 3 years of eating crap…eat SPAM?!” “GOD NO! Just a brilliant hiding spot, which thanks to you is a hiding spot no more!” “You could have just got it yourself.” “Not while keeping Goldilocks here up.”
Cute, real cute.
“You can trust me – honest.” “With everything but socks.” “Again with those damn socks.” “Well your feet really stank and I had lasted a whole war with them not smelling half as bad as yours.” “Wanna bet?” “Yeah” “Yeah…” “CAN WE go inside? I’m freezing out here!” “That’s the phone, I’ll get it!” “Ahhh, you’re back!” “No, I’m just a figment of your imagination.” “Coffee?” “And chocolate!” “You say chocolate?” “Now I know where BJ got his sweet tooth from.” “Oh believe me Hawkeye, he had it long before I married him!” “Where’s Dad and Mildred?” “It was getting cold and she wanted an early night, let us catch up a bit.” “I was just grabbing a cup and going to check on Erin…but with chocolate I think I’ll wait a bit.”
Mmm I could kill for chocolate!
‘Then do Margaret, chocolate will give you energy.’
Where have you been?
‘Observing. You have a feeling Sidney will be here sooner than expected.’
I do?
‘Yes. You’ve been through a lot Margaret. Breaking point hit a year ago and it’s caused you to sorta break up with you inner selves.’
Selves? As in more of me?
‘Yes, everyone has more than one part to them. Otherwise you’d all be Frank.’
God help us all!
‘Exactly! I’m – your inner child Aka conscience – the part that knows commonsense. You know in the movies where the guy has a decision and he has the angel/devil on each shoulder?’
Yes
‘That’s what they are. Normally the angel does what’s right and the devil, wrong. But because of everything that’s happened – which by the way you haven’t and won’t realise for a while – the angel has skedaddled over to the devil.’
What are you saying exactly?
‘Equilibrium hasn’t been reached. Your emotional balance is totally one sided, and it’s a miracle you haven’t killed yourself yet.’
What can I do to stop all this? I hate this…everything. So many emotions mixed up.
‘Listen and do what people say.’
People?
‘Hawkeye and Sidney and the other doctors – especially Hawkeye.’
Why especially Hawkeye?
‘Because he has more weighing on you getting better.’
Why, How, What do you mean?
‘You know…well part of you does. That’s why you need to talk to Sidney. This is too much for Hawkeye to handle. Sidney’s trained. Listen to him and do as they all – the real people – say.’
Tell me what I don’t know, please?
‘I can’t…all I can tell you is that when you are back to Margaret Houlihan; none of us will talk. Voices will cease, and the only sounds will be outside your mind.’
Even you?
‘Most of the time. Boredom is when I get to speak. Although you’ve been busy your whole life, I haven’t got much of a chance.’
“I’m so tired.”
‘Just go to sleep, you’re lying on Hawkeye’s lap anyway.’
“Hmmm” “I think she’s falling asleep.” “Margaret, let’s go to bed?” “Mmm” “Who was she speaking to?” “I’ll find out tomorrow. Night.” “Night Hawk!”
“Can you walk?” “I think so.” “You are actually quite warm you know?” “That’s good to know. I never heard complaints those 2 times.” “Well the first we were both scared shitless…and the second was the best night of my life. Not just the sex either.” “Wasn’t bad was it?” “Again, I never heard a complaint.” “Mmm, how could anyone ever?” “You want to get changed?” “No, I’m too *yawn* tired.” “No kidding.” “Mmm, your bed’s nice.” “I’ve heard a few girls say that before.” “You’re incorrigible!” “No, I’m Hawkeye!” “Ever loveable and adorable Hawkeye…” “With ever gorgeous and sexy Hotlips”
Margaret, what are you doing? He’s not here for kissing!
“Margaret…” “What?” “No…this isn’t right. Not now at least. I can’t take advantage of you…” “I’m not exactly a kid Hawk.” “But you’re vulnerable. And I don’t think I can with you sick…I love you too much for that.” “Really not complaining here.” “Make me a promise okay?” “Okay.” “Neither of us are ready now. In a few months – however long it takes you, we can try again…promise?” “I can only give you the promise to try.” “I’m just too adorable to turn down!” “That and everything…” “Goodnight Margaret – you need to sleep.” “Hawk…please don’t leave me…” “I promised to stay with you and I will…” “Night Hawk” “Night…Margaret.”
“God, Hawkeye!” “I love you Margaret…” “I love you too.” “Please don’t run away…” “I don’t want to.” “Come home with me.” “What?” “Come and live with me in Maine.” “Hawkeye, I told you what I wanted to do…” “Have you ever lived in Maine?” “Twice.” “Crabapple Cove?” “No…but it’s still Maine.” “Okay. Promise me you’ll move somewhere close? Please?” “I promise.” “God I love you…I think I always have.” “Always? Even before you met me?” “You are my ideal partner, but yes even before knew your name.” “Mmm…remember when I gave you my ideal guy?” “The one I played 10% part in?” “You’re now 80%…” “Why thankyou. But what about the other 20?” “I still put my father in there somewhere…” “So I’m not your custom fit?” “You said we’re looking in an off the rack world. Maybe I should go for the nearest I get.” “I like your thinking!”
“So uh listen” “Yeah…”……………………………………………………………………………… “Well, so long!” “See ya!”
Why am I letting him go?
“WAIT!” “What is it?” “If you want to reconsider my offer…ring me…or move in – whichever!” “Thank you Hank…” “Thank you Darlene!”
And with a final kiss I drive off, tears in my eyes with the realisation I’ll never see him again… “I love you Hawkeye…”
