A Bundle Of Love

By Cat

“Jen!”

Jen turned around. “Pacey?!”

Pacey ran to her and hugged her. “Oh my God! I haven’t see you since graduation.”

Jen smiled. “Yeah. How have you been?”

“Um, good.” She said quickly. “So I heard you have your own business?”

“It’s a fast food chain. It’s nation wide now. I’m here for business actually.”

“So you’re rich now, huh?” She said bitterly.

“Yeah, kinda. But let’s talk about you more. Would you like to go eat somewhere?”

Jen felt a bit uncomfortable. “Coffee?”

“Sure.” he took her hand and they headed for the nearest coffee shop.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I knock hesitantly on the door. I’m so nervous. What is he going to say? What will she say? The door opens slowly. So slowly that it was unbearable.

“Jen?”

A tall brunette looks at me, astonished. This must be the biggest surprise of her life. Me, here. She was living with Pacey now. They were living in the sin, as Grams would say. Pacey had taken such good care of her after Bessie, Body, and Alex died in a car accident just before graduation. Jen smiled at her. There was nothing else to do.

“Hello Joey.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

They were now drinking coffee that Pacey paid for. He had no idea how bad Jen was doing. He was asking questions about her life but she skillfully changed the subject. How was she supposed to tell him that she was nearly on the street. That she had been beaten almost to death by her ex-boyfriend? He would pity her and that was the last thing she wanted from him.

He was looking at her now. His eyes were hunted. Hunted with desire. Jen smiled flirtatiously. It had been such a long time since she had played this game. She took some whipped cream with her finger and put it in her mouth. She licked her finger slowly, never taking her eyes off his. Pacey swallowed hard. Jen was a very beautiful, sensual, and sexy woman.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Don’t mind the mess. The maid is coming tomorrow to clean up the house. Sit down.”

I sit down on the luxurious couch. I wish I had a couch, not even an expensive one. Just one simple couch. “I don’t mind. So how are you Joey?” I do have to exchange pleasantries. She must be wondering what I’m doing here.

Joey smiles broadly at me. “I’m good. I’m great actually. I’m an actress. On broadway.”

I nod. The only thing I can do. It’s always the same thing between Joey and me. She has the perfect life, I have the screwed up one. But she had the tragic event so everybody will feel sorry for her. Me, they think I’m just plain trash. “Good. And Pacey?”

“Pacey? He’s doing great too. The restaurant is great. It’s actually starting to be as popular as McDonald’s and Burger King.”

I’m glad for Pacey. He deserves it. He deserves so much. “That’s nice. Is he here?”

“No but he should be here in half an hour.”

I’m relieved. I won’t have to be alone with Joey for long. I feel weird being in front of her after what happened. “Ok. I’d like to talk to him. That’s why I came here.”

Joey nodded. “Yeah. I figured that out.”

What’s that supposed to mean? Does she know why I’m here for? Does she have any idea? Did Pacey tell her what happened? Would he?

“Coffee?” Joey asked.

I look at her with a blank face. She’s so dumb sometimes. “Do you have decaffeinated?”

Joey smiled awkwardly. “Oh yeah. Yes I think we do.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“This is a very nice room.” Jen said when they entered the hotel room.

Pacey put his arms around her waist. “I don’t care about how nice the room is. All I know is that I have a very nice lady in the room.”

Jen smiled. She didn’t even remember when was the last time someone spoke such nice words to her. She looked up at Pacey. The desire she saw in his eyes at the coffee shop was still there. She had never been so aroused by a look before. Pacey lifted her chin and kissed her softly. It sent chills down her spine. A minute later, they were kissing hungrily like there was no tomorrow. Pacey took off Jen’s shirt. Jen did the same with Pacey’s shirt. They both took off their pants. Pacey looked at her. She was beautiful. Undeniably beautiful. He kissed her again. He had never wanted a woman as much as he wanted Jen now.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“So when is it due?”

Same old Joey. She has never really been motherly. She didn’t have this inner love for children like most women do. My baby is not a “it”. It’s a baby, it’s a treasure, it’s a bundle of love. But it’s definitely not a “it”. “It” reminds me of that Stephen King book I read once.

“It’s due in September. The 12th.” And I have no idea where I’m going to live or how I’ll take care of that child. I have a bit more than two months to figure that out.

“Are you happy?”

I faked a smile. My only acting ability. I’ve practiced a lot the past couple of years. “Yes I am. It’s the best thing that could ever happen to me.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Where are you going?” Pacey asked as Jen dressed.

“Home.”

“Already?”

“Yes, already. I don’t have time for sad goodbyes. I have a job, I have a life, you know.” She said harshly.

“What’s wrong with you? Are you disgusted by what we did?”

She glared at him. “I’m not but maybe Joey would.”

“Joey?”

“Yes, Joey. Your girlfriend. She called.”

“Oh my God, she called? What did she say?”

“Relax. She trusts you. It was already pretty late when she called so I told her I was the maid and that you were gone for the day. She asked me to write a note, which I did.”

Pacey sighed in relief. “Thank God she believed you.”

Jen put on her coat. “Next time you sleep with a woman, I advise you to tell her first that you’re not single.”

She walked to the door but Pacey stopped her. “Jen, what happened last night has nothing to do with Joey.”

“So what?” She asked angrily.

“I’m with Joey because she needs me. I can’t leave her. It would be too cruel. But you, you…” his voice broke.

Jen was still angry. “What “me”?”

Pacey looked in her eyes trying to find her soul somewhere in this dark place. “You…I’m in love with you.”

Jen turned around and opened the door. “You’re not Pacey. You’re not.” And she left.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Hello!”

It’s Pacey. Without my consent, my heart begins to beat faster. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t be affected by seeing Pacey again. But I am. And I still haven’t seen him yet. God, I’m pathetic. Pacey enters the room. My heart stops beating. He’s even more handsome that I remembered.

Oh Pacey, just take me. Take me away from everything and protect me forever.

Yeah, right. Like that’s going to happen.

“Jen?!”

I smile. Would it be inappropriate if I said ‘Surprise’?

“Hi Pacey.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jen had cried that day. For the first time in two years, she had cried. She had cried for the phrase she had wanted to hear for a long time. She had cried for a man who was beyond her reach. She had cried for a life she’ll never have. And she had cried for a love story that will never be. She knew that she would never see him again. The love of her life was lost forever and she could only hang on to the memory.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“What are you doing here?”

I think he’s not happy to see me. Does he think I told Joey? Does he think I would do such a thing? Why does he look at me like he’s going to kill me. It creeps me out.

“She came here to talk to you.” Joey said smiling her perfect smile. Actually, now that I look closely at it, it’s not that perfect. She kind of smiles with the corner of her mouth. It makes her look like a troll.

“What do you want to talk about?”

Wow, that’s harsh. What’s going on? Why does he speak to me like that? Why does he look at me like that? I think I’m about to cry. Isn’t it obvious why I came here? As I put my right hand on my belly, I knock my hand on the table. The table. He doesn’t know. He can’t see my belly.

I get up. His eyes pop out of their holes as he sees my belly. “Can we talk alone, Pacey?” I ask softly.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jen looked a the little pink box she just bought. Now, she only had $3.67 left. But this little pink box was very important. She slowly walked to the public restrooms. She had to know. She had to know now. But at the same time she didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to accept her fate.

She opened the women restroom door. No one was inside. It was pretty dirty in there. But Jen was used to dirt. She’s been in the dirt for nearly a year now. Except for one night, two months ago. One magical night with her prince charming. Jen smiled at the thought of Pacey. But she stopped. She didn’t believe in fairy tales, especially that her life reminded her that they don’t exist every day.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I’m in the guest room. A very nice guest room. I’m going to sleep here tonight. That’s what Joey told me. Pacey looks at me the same way he looked at me earlier. With that hard look. It makes me want to cry. But I won’t cry I swore to myself that I wouldn’t. So I won’t. Instead, I look outside the window to avoid his eyes.

“Is it mine?” his grave voice asks.

“Yes.” I answer. Will he believe me?

“Is the baby a boy or a girl?”

“I don’t know.” The truth is I haven’t seen a doctor. I can’t afford it. I don’t know what’s going to happen to my baby. I hope he won’t ask questions.

He doesn’t. He just nods. “Why did you come here Jen?”

I turn to him. This is the time where I have to swallow my pride. Here goes nothing. “I came here to ask you for money. I need a little extra money for this baby but I don’t have it. Since you have a lot of money and you’re the father I thought…”

“You thought you could blackmail me.”

I looked at him bewildered. “What do you mean blackmail you?”

Pacey gets up from his chair and walks toward me. “Don’t play the innocent girl. You came here to blackmail me. To ask for money in exchange of your silence. So you won’t tell Joey who the baby’s father is.”

I suddenly realize what he’s implying. I get up myself and face him. “How dare you? How dare you imply that I would do something so low?”

And I did what I vowed to myself I wouldn’t. I cried.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jen looked at the white stick. There was a big plus sign on it. There was no denying it. She was pregnant. She was carrying Pacey’s child. Tears in her eyes threatened to fall. How was she supposed to take care of a child while she wasn’t even capable to take care of herself? And this child would be the constant reminder of a life she could have had with a man but that she’ll never have.

Jen cried in the tiny bathroom all afternoon.

Around five o’clock, she made a decision. She would do anything for this child. Anything. She will never pity herself again and she will never cry again. Her child will always come first. Always.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It’s already the night. It’s dark outside. Pacey and Joey are sleeping in the bedroom net to mine. I am lying on the bed but cannot sleep. The whole environment is so estranged to me. The luxurious house. The nice clothes. The clean bathroom. The food. The meals with friends. I used to have some of these things. But now they were only some distant memories.

Then I feel it. His presence. He’s there. I don’t have to look, I know he’s there. He slowly walks to the bed.

“Jen”

I inhale sharply. Oh…how he says my name. No one says my name like that. He lies down on the bed beside me. I look at him and he smiles. I smile too. He’s so beautiful. The moonlights glisten on his cheekbones and nose. His eyes are dark. With desire. I know that look. He often gave me that look during our last year of High School. He gave me that look seven months ago. He caresses my belly softly. I don’t stop him. It feels too good.

“I’m sorry Jen.”

I close my eyes slowly. “I know.”

He moves his hand from my belly to my cheek. “I wasn’t talking about what I said earlier. Although I’m sorry for that too.”

Again, I whisper. “I know.” I’m not stupid. I know he’s sorry it ever happened. I know he wishes he never slept with me.

“Jen, I wish things were different.” I laugh bitterly. He wishes things were different. Well what do I wish then? I wish the world would end. I wish I could die now. That’s what I wish.

“Jen…what’s wrong?”

Why is he so nice? I don’t need him to be nice to me like that. I need him to be a jerk so I won’t want him so much…

“I love you Jen.”

I love you too Pacey. I’ve loved you for years. You’re the essence of my life. You’re so close yet so far.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jen was a stripper. She had no choice. It was the only way to make good money fast. Except prostitution. But she could never sell her body. Never. She hated her job. But she was doing it for her baby. And Pacey's baby.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Jen is pregnant with my child Joey."

My mouth drops. Literally. This is the last thing I expected. We're all eating dinner. At least trying to. Joey's eyes as big as saucers.

"What?" She said coldly.

"Jen is having my baby."

Joey gets up slowly and silently. She goes upstairs. I look at Pacey, trying to figure out why he would say such a thing.

"Pacey..."

"Jen, I told you. I love you. Maybe you don't love me, but I love you. It's obvious that you need some extra money. That you need some support. Things aren't going so well with Joey anyway. I have to help you. It's my duty."

I look at him coldly. I am not a pity case. "Maybe you're rich and maybe I'm poor but I will not accept charity from you. I just need a little bit of money from you to get me started and that's all. I don't want anything else."

"Dammit Jen. It's my baby too. I think - "

Pacey stops talking as he sees Joey with a suitcase. "Here." she says. "That's all your personal belongings. I want you and your whore out in less than 10 minutes."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jen was walking down the street really upset. She didn't know what to do. A month after she started her job, her pregnancy began to show. So she had to quit. Now she had no money, no job, and no one. She needed to find something, anything.

A car pulled over next to her. A man got out of the car.

"Are you lonely? Because I could use some company. I could pay for it." He said seductively looking at her breasts.

Jen caressed her hand on her belly. If she wasn't pregnant, she would have accepted. But now she was. She showed the man her growing belly.

His eyes grew larger as he saw the evidence of her pregnancy. Then he did something unexpected. He smiled at her and led her to his car. Jen got in silently.

"I like pregnant women."

He didn't say anything else during the entire ride.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“So what are you going to do?” I ask Pacey. We are in a little café down the street.

“About what?”

“About your life. Joey just threw you out. You have no place to stay. Are you even going to stay in New York?”

“I’ll move to Chicago. To be with you.” I sighed. Will he ever understand?

“Pacey, no. I already told you. I don’t want your charity.”

“It’s not about charity, it’s about your baby. My baby.”

“Listen, it wasn’t your baby the minute you decided that Joey is more important to you than me.” I say angrily.

“But Jen…”

I cut him off. “You were willing to stay with Joey for the rest of your life until you learned about the baby. Well sorry sir, you missed the train.” I get up and walk off.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jen woke up confused. She was in an unknown room. Everything was totally unfamiliar. She sat up and looked around the room. And then she was it. The money. On the night table. She had done it; the unthinkable. She had prostituted herself. She silently cried. She was so ashamed of herself. She had gone so low.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I’m on the street now. I’m nine months pregnant and I’m on the street. I have no place, no job, no money and no friends. And it’s all my fault. I should have stayed with Pacey. I love him. He wanted to be with me.

“Jen?!”

I look up. It’s Pacey. My heart begins to beat faster. I guess he will always have that effect on me.

“Jen I looked everywhere to find you. Please let me be with you. Let me love you. I’ll give you whatever you desire. And I’m not talking about material things but about friendship, care, and love. Please.”

My bottom lip begins to shake. Tears are rolling down my cheeks. I’m so emotional, especially now on my ninth month. And then I felt it. My waters broke. And my first contraction.

“Ah.” I screamed in pain, holding my stomach.

“Jen?! Are you ok?”

Guys are so dumb. “No, I’m not ok, you IDIOT! I’M HAVING A BABY!”

Apparently some guys are smarter than others, because I hear a man’s voice say, “Someone has to drive her to a hospital.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jen was now on a bus to New York. She’s going to her lowest. She’s going to ask Pacey for money. She would have never thought she’d do that someday but she had to. For her baby. She would do anything for her angel.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“This little girl is the most beautiful baby in the world.”

I smile at the baby cuddled in my arms. “Yes she is. Would you like to hold her?”

Pacey nods and takes Claire in his arms. “Jen…I want to be her father. I want to watch her grow. With you.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jen got out of the taxi and looked at the luxurious house in front of her. It was now or never. She knocked softly at the door.

“Jen?!”

That day her life changed dramatically.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I look up at him. He’s not the only one who wants that. He looks at me in the eyes and he knows. It’s written all over my face. I take Claire in my arms and Pacey leans toward me and kisses me. It was a beautiful kiss. It was a kiss of love.

The End