Summary: There's a film to be made, but this time Joey gets to direct. Pacey, her subject matter, isn't as keen as she is on the topic of choice- that is, until he gets to ask the questions.
Setting: Not long after "To Green, With Love."
Rating: NC 17.
Author's Note: Well, this is dedicated first and foremost to the people who have helped me recently- SO much. Laura Smith, always. Jen, (my little 'angelina') Em, (you amazing thing you!) and Catherine, (who will have the power to move forwards when writing driving sideways.
Feedback? Pretty please?
"So, is makeup and stylist included in the package, or are you just going
to let the camera capture me, unkempt and rugged as I am?"
Joey grinned, but the expression was hidden behind the camera she was
peering through as she struggled to steady it on the tripod. "Pacey, as much
as I would love the opportunity to reconstruct your face, I'm afraid the
current Potter accounts wont stretch to allow the plastic surgery it would
take to actually make you appealing."
Her breath caught at the lie, watching him more than she had to through the thin glass screen. She hoped to God he didn't notice. This was strange enough as it was without the embarrassment factor of him actually knowing she quite…liked him.
Pacey grinned, flopping down on the bed in front of the camera. "Oh, I don't know. I'd like to think I can see in myself some of the handsome, rugged manliness of Ben Affleck, with a few of Jude Law's fine, flawless features."
"Yeah," Joey scoffed. "Like I can 'see myself in Feria'."
"Well, Potter, I'm truly awed by the fact that even in following Dawson's pipe
dream, you've managed to hold onto your age-old cynicism and caustic wit."
Joey frowned slightly, hitting the zoom button with growing impatience.
"Well Pacey, I don't think that's going to be disappearing any-time soon.
Besides…" Her eyes narrowed as she peered behind the lens. "I'm not
following Dawson's pipe dream, I'm merely…"
"Living a day in the guys shoes? Or rather, seeing it behind his
most-prized possession…Tell me again, Joey, how did you persuade Dawson to
lend you his 16 mm?"
"Blackmail," Joey muttered, smiling coyly, looking over at him. "I refused to play the hapless victim or heart-felt heroine anytime in the foreseeable future when he
decides to regain the passion of his youth, unless he lent it to me. And until then…" Joey twisted the camera around to take in Pacey's grinning face. "The camera's only
collecting dust. You've gotta love self-defeat."
Pacey shot her an amused, curious look. "Joey Potter, am I imagining things
or did I just hear you suggesting a certain amount of pleasure at Dawson's decision to step back from the world of film?"
"Well, truth be told, it does make things pretty handy considering this project is due in
Friday and I've spent the majority of the time biting my nails and avoiding
its looming presence entirely. I'm just about getting to grips with the
subject matter, and since Dawson's camera just happened to be free…I thought I'd take advantage of Nikki's obvious persuasive powers and give documentary a go."
"Explain to me the 'why' of that?."
"Well…" Joey frowned, her eyes betraying a little more anxiety than her
casual words portrayed. "After the way my last visual art-piece was regarded by the
Capeside community, I decided to give public art a miss."
"Yeah. I can see why."
"And since Miss Brook said the project had to be presented visually, until I'm about ready to get you up there singing my discoveries a la Broadway, film is…pretty much my last respectable medium."
"Did I mention I do Broadway?"
Joey laughed softly, remembering somewhere from long ago the sound of his voice singing "New York, New York." A time long ago when she had hated him with a passion. Well, things had changed a lot since then.
A lot of things had happened. Now, Joey felt it wouldn't be amiss to file him under "friend", and maybe he felt the same way about her. Grinning, she shot a glance in his direction. She was pretty sure he did. She couldn't think of many guys she knew willing to teach her to drive, buy her a wall, stand up for her…
Buy her a wall…Joey shook her head. One of these days she was going to know exactly what to write on it. One of these days she was going to be able to say thank you, like he deserved. One of these days she was going to work out exactly what it was she saw behind his eyes, and what it was that lay somewhere behind her own.
Until then, she had a film to make.
"Okay, Pace, camera's about set up."
"Fine." Pacey hopped off the bed, coming to stand next to her. Seeing her still fiddling with the camera lens he placed a hand on hers, stilling it. "Jo."
"Huh?"
"Stop a minute." Joey sighed, standing to her feet and rubbing her back tiredly. "Now, since I've agreed so readily to you recording my words of wisdom for prosperity, perhaps you'd like to return the favour and actually tell me what I'm going to be talking about?"
Joey felt her stomach tighten as she turned away, pressing one of the buttons on the camera and not even knowing which one. Just wanting to touch something so she wouldn't have to look at him, which of course he was bound to realise.
Pacey Witter, he was one smart guy.
Joey was starting to wish she'd asked somebody else. Except who had half as interesting stories? Who listened as easily, and understood her as well as he did?
"Ah…" Joey smiled wryly. "The small matter of the subject matter."
"I'd say that about sums it up, yeah."
She grimaced, pulling some sheets off the desk before she turned to him. "Well…"
"Yes, Potter?"
"Okay. Miss Brook wanted us to explore what we consider the most important part of the modern relationship, and I…"
Pacey's mouth gaped open. "You what, you thought you'd ask Capeside's love expert, yours truly?" He sat down on the bed slowly, still trying to process her words.
"Uh, yeah." Joey fidgeted nervously, stepping from one foot to the other as she stared down at him.
"Joey, I've hardly got a good track record as far as the "modern-relationship" is concerned. I mean, you remember Tamara, right? And Andie?"
Joey pulled a face. "How could I forget?"
"Joey, my first relationship ended in court. The second ended when Andie dumped me for a mental patient, before running off with…Rob Logan of all people. Are we seeing a recurring pattern here?"
Joey didn't say anything and he sighed. "Well let me spell it out for you, Potter. Pacey Witter does not equal love machine. Pacey Witter does not equal hapless romantic with an endless supply of good to offer the female sex. In fact, what Pacey Witter can offer is a good fuck and not much else…"
Joey blushed at the words, turning away for a moment. "Well that's fine, then."
"Excuse me?"
She shrugged, nervously, eyes flitting over his face. She wondered what he would say. "Miss Brook said 'most important' part. So I'm focussing on the only thing that seems to mean anything anymore."
Pacey stared at her open-mouthed. "Sex?" he asked finally, his voice weak.
"Yeah." Joey laughed nervously, shaking her head. "And I suppose, well…"
"I'm the person you know with most experience in the field." He looked down, playing with the hem of his shirt. Well, he could hardly kid himself. He was 'that guy.' He had always been 'that guy.'
Joey saw the look on his face and stepped forward, touching his shoulder gently as he stared at the floor. "Not just that, Pacey, I…well I can talk to you."
He looked up finally, a smile on his face; even though it didn't quite convey the happiness he was aiming for. There was tension in his eyes. "That's me, kiss and tell…"
"Are you angry with me?"
Pacey sighed. "No. I'm not."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah." He studied her sadly for a moment. "It's just…is that what you really think? That…sex is the most important thing?"
"It makes the world go round." Joey shrugged, eyes never quite meeting his. "Sex sells, you know?" Her smile thinned. "I guess that's a price you have to pay in a relationship as well."
He didn't know what to say. She was standing there, so awkwardly, this look on her face like she really wanted him to make everything right again, and he had no idea what to say.
No idea how to tell her she was wrong.
Finally, he shook his head, moving so he was sitting in front of the camera again. "Okay, Jo. Do your magic."
Joey smiled, relieved that he was letting it go, and moved to stand behind the camera, which somehow made her feel safer. "Okay…ready?"
Pacey was silent for a long time, staring at the long line of her body as she crouched behind the tripod, her fingers holding the camera. He swallowed, hard. "Sure. I'm ready."
"Okay." Joey hit the record button and focussed the lens in on Pacey's face, which seemed strangely distant. "So…how do you feel about sex?"
Pacey laughed nervously, his eyes looking straight at the camera. He wondered briefly if the question could be any more vague. "How do I feel about it?"
"Yeah. Your general impression, good things, bad things…"
"You're sure this is going to be okay for the ears of the innocent little Capeside High students?"
Joey managed a grin. "Don't worry, Pacey, I'll edit out your gory details. Besides, we're not showing them publicly. I think Miss Brook's a little worried we'll either incriminate ourselves or the entire student body in some way or another if we get to show them to the class."
"Don't you just love those amendments?"
"That's what they're there for…"
"Joey, I…" Pacey stopped, wishing he could see her face. "I'm not sure we should really be talking about this."
"No?" No. He was right. He was always right, but he was going to be wrong if he thought she was backing down now. She couldn't, out of principle alone.
"No." He sighed. "Because we're friends, and friends and sex don't match."
Joey blushed a little, glad he couldn't see her properly. "Pacey, I wasn't suggesting we actually try it out, just engage in a general discussion about its…intricacies."
"Intricacies, huh?" Pacey laughed, shaking his head. "Fine, Potter. I'll give you intricacies." He paused, trying to find the words, hoping to God they would come out right, and not as the stumbling affectations of some awkward, teenage boy.
"Sex is…sex is one of those things, that…well, until you cross the line, it's not really something you can ever understand."
"Why is that?" Joey adjusted the lens, moving in to focus on Pacey's mouth.
"Because everything you expect, everything you think it's going to be…well, it usually doesn't end out that way."
"In what respect?"
He laughed again. "Physically or mentally? It's different in both respects. Physically, you're not sure what to expect, but…it doesn't hold the perfection you were kind of looking for. Not that it can't be the most wonderful thing on earth, but…"
Pacey frowned, not sure if he was explaining himself well. He was watching her hand, clasped tightly around the camera handle, her long fingers, soft skin, and asking himself how the hell he had found himself in this situation.
With her.
"It's not as easy. The touches, the kisses…they're not as clear, it's not scripted to be smooth, and flowing. It's…it's awkward, and it's silly, and it's messy, and it's scary…"
Joey felt her heart beat faster and she eased herself down onto her knees, afraid that if she remained crouched she was likely to fall over. She was feeling a little light-headed already, just the sound of his voice…Rough and forced and gentle. She shook her head quickly, trying to get the thought out of her mind.
"What makes it scary?"
Pacey's eyes clouded over, and she realised she had lost him. He was somewhere else now, with someone else. Remembering something else. She turned the lens.
"You're lying there…you're staring at this other person, and whether it's before, or afterwards, or while it's actually happening…You're staring at this person you're baring yourself to. You're giving them something, and you're taking something in return, and…and that's not always easy."
"Does it matter if you love the person?"
"If you love the person?" Pacey laughed bitterly, his eyes seeming to find hers, even through the glass of the camera lens. "Of course it matters. It's the difference between sex and making love."
"And where would you draw the line?" Joey struggled to keep her voice straight, strong, though it seemed to be weakening each second.
Pacey shrugged. "Sex could be anything. Sex is…sex is the act, the doing, the exploring, the attraction. Sometimes with the wrong person."
"So making love is always with the right person?"
Pacey's eyes narrowed as he struggled to gauge the emotion in her voice. "No. But sometimes you love her enough that it doesn't matter."
Joey shook her head, feeling her arms shake and struggling to keep her grip on the camera. "Kinda like me and Dawson then, right Pacey?" her voice sounded bitter and he wondered if he'd just made a larger mistake than he realised.
"That's not what I was saying."
"Really…" he could see her shake her head behind the camera and anger rose in the pit of his stomach.
"Don't be so arrogant, Joey, assuming I'm talking about you. You and Dawson didn't even get that far."
"But we were the wrong people, weren't we, Pacey? At least for each other."
He didn't say anything for the longest time, just staring into the camera, eyes unflinching. "I thought this was for school."
"It is." Joey swallowed hard. "It is for school."
"Right. Then why are you asking me this? Why are you asking me question we both know you'll be too afraid to show anyone else."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you."
Pacey almost laughed at the incredulity of it all. He sighed, raising hands, running them through his thick, dark curls. "Okay."
"Okay." He heard her sigh. "So…what about your own experiences?"
Pacey clenched his hands into fists tightly, out of sight, willing himself to stay calm. His 'own experiences'. A nice euphemism because she was too afraid to say Tamara's name. Too afraid to say Andie's.
"In my own experience, I've found that retrospect puts a nasty light on things."
"What do you mean?"
Pacey raised an eyebrow. "I mean that considering how things ended, I find it hard to remember the things like how we made love, or…" He paused, looking down. "Had sex…without seeing things entirely differently."
"Do you regret it?"
He took a deep breath. "Yes. No. I…" he broke off, wanting to walk over, and press the stop button, and either kiss her hard, or walk out of the room. He was tempted to do both. "It felt right at the time."
"Does that make it right?"
"No. It makes it understandable." He paused for a moment. "Sometimes, you're with somebody, and…and maybe you know that it's not going to last, maybe you know it's entirely superficial, but you…you need to have that person."
"'Have' them?"
"Yeah, Joey. Have them. Screw them. Fuck."
Joey swallowed, willing herself not to remark coldly, knowing he was as tense as her, and rightly so. Maybe even scared. It felt odd being back here. For some strange reason, she felt like she was meant to be somewhere else. Like next to Pacey. Holding him.
"Okay. And do you think it's okay to have sex when you're not in love?"
Pacey's eyes narrowed. "I think that it's not something we should make a judgement about."
"No?
"No. I think that sex is between two people. It's not about a third person." He smiled grimly. "Not even if she happens to be a camerawomen."
Joey looked up sharply, zooming out through the camera to take in his whole body. "Are you trying to say something, Pacey?"
"No." He sighed tiredly, somehow seeming older than his years, and weary. "I'm just wondering why you need to ask me this."
"It's for my documentary."
"Oh, of course! For your documentary!" Pacey laughed bitterly, the sound rising in the air and falling between them.
"It's the truth."
"Is it? Because it seems to me like some sort of perverse attempt at understanding something you can't understand through somebody else's eyes."
"Isn't that…" Joey struggled to keep the tears at the back of her eyes. She wasn't going to raise a hand to wipe them away, not in front of him. "Isn't that what documentary is all about? Voyeuristic pleasure?"
"Is that what you think, Joey?"
She wasn't sure what to say now that he had turned it around on her, and they both knew that. "I don't…"
"Can I ask you a question, Joey? Am I allowed to do that?"
"There aren't any rules, Pacey."
"How can you make the decision that sex is the most important part of a relationship when you haven't even experienced it?"
Joey felt a tightness inside herself and one of the tears fell. "I don't agree with it, it's a hypothesis. I…"
"You're scared though, aren't you?" Pacey paused, seeing her body tense, and he knew he was right. "You're scared that it is the case."
"I'm…I'm not."
"Turn off the camera, Joey."
"I'm sorry?" behind the lens she could see Pacey get up from the bed, leaving her screen blank, with only her bed as an empty setting. She felt his hand on her back and jumped, pulling herself to her feet.
Pacey's eyes were wide, dark. "Turn it off."
"What? I…"
"Joey." His voice sounded broken now, and at the same time more forceful than Joey remembered. She turned, pressing the stop button, and turning back to him again.
"There?" Her eyes scoured his face. "There, I've done it, are you happy?"
Pacey shook his head, his own eyes moving slowly over her, widening, filled with emotion, and…was that desire? "You've left me in the dark, Joey."
"What?"
"All these questions…" he gestured in mid air with his hand. "All these questions and I still know noting about what you think."
Joey looked down, feeling her heart beat so loudly in her chest she thought he might hear it. "I don't…"
"You don't know?" He was silent, waiting for an answer which didn't come. "You don't know. Well join the club, Joey. You think…you think that because I've done it, I understand it? It doesn't work that way. And I'd like to understand where you get the impression that it's all that matters."
Joey looked away, and he sighed. "Is it because of Eve? She was ready to put out, and Dawson seemed pretty happy about it, so it must be the most important thing?" She still wouldn't answer. "Is it because you offered yourself to Dawson, and he turned you down, and so you believed it meant if he didn't want you, he couldn't possibly love you?"
Pacey's eyes were incredulous as they ran over her face, damp from tears which slipped over her skin. "Why are you crying?"
Joey looked away, finally reaching up and brushing the tears away with her hand. "I don't…I don't know what it means, Pacey. I…" Suddenly scared, she turned away, starting towards the camera. "I think you should go. I'm going to pack up the camera and…"
"Stop it." Pacey reached for her and Joey almost cried out as she felt his hand tight against her arm, pulling her back.
Angry, she turned around to face him. "Let go of me," she warned, her voice hoarse.
"No."
"Pacey, please, I…"
"No. It's my turn. I want to understand what's going on inside your head, Joey Potter. What are you so afraid of?"
"Nothing." She looked down.
"You are." His voice was quiet, low, making her shiver. He placed a cool finger underneath her chin, lifting her face up to look at him. "Are you afraid that if you say no, the person you love won't love you anymore?" She didn't say anything, and his eyes narrowed. "Or are you just afraid that you want somebody like that, but you don't love them enough?"
Joey eyes widened, running over his face, and Pacey laughed softly, a bitter edge to the sound. "Right on the mark, wasn't I, Potter?" Reaching out suddenly, he grabbed her chin in one hand, and pressed his lips against hers, tongue plundering her now open mouth as he felt her breathe harshly against him.
Smiling triumphantly, he pulled back, breaking the kiss. His eyes met hers again. Glancing down briefly he noted in satisfaction the way her nipples had hardened to peaks beneath her shirt. She was breathing deeply. "There," he whispered, letting go of her. "Does that make it easier? It's okay, Potter. You can fuck me, you don't have to love me."
He stepped back, expecting her to run away, or hide, or throw something at him. Instead she just stood there, unmoving, eyes fixed to his face. There were new tears in her eyes, and he realised with a small amount of guilt that he had put them there.
"I don't…" She stopped, realising the words had gotten lost. Or maybe she had never really known what she was trying to say.
"What, you don't want to fuck me?" he asked, voice mocking, incredulous.
"I…" Joey looked down, eyes blurring as she tried to clear her face, before raising it to meet his again. "I'm confused, Pacey."
Pacey's eyes softened at that moment, and he took a step closer to her. "Why?"
"Because…" Joey's face was red with shame as she looked at him. "Because Dawson loved me, but he didn't want me, and you…" her eyes widened. "You don't love me, but I think…" She grimaced. "Well, sometimes I think that you…"
"That I want you?"
"Yeah." She sighed, relieved that he had finished the words for her.
Pacey's eyes darkened and she couldn't read the emotion behind them. "What makes you think I don't love you too, Potter?" Joey opened her mouth and he shook his head, stopping her. "Don't."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I asked you here, I'm sorry I asked you to answer those questions. I'm sorry that I…Well, I'm just sorry." She smiled sadly, looking down at her feet.
Pacey was still for a moment before he shrugged, smiling wryly. "It's not something I haven't thought about before." And then he was silent, still wondering how far he was meant to go. "So…do you want me?"
Joey managed a smile, nervously stepping from one foot to the other. "The thought had crossed my mind."
Pacey grinned at the thought, almost shaking his head in wonder. He looked down at her. "Come here."
"What?" She looked up in surprise.
"Come here."
Joey stepped forward hesitantly, and Pacey pulled her into his arms, crushing her small frame against him, feeling her tremble and only holding her closer. He raised a hand, smoothing her dark hair. He bent to whisper in her ear. "Don't be afraid, Joey."
"What?" She pulled back, her wide eyes meeting his. She turned her face, glancing over at the bed. Her gaze lingered a moment too long to go unnoticed. "Are we…?"
Pacey smiled gently. "If you want." Joey nodded numbly, waiting for him to speak. "Okay." Pacey backed her gently towards the bed, until her shins hit the side of the mattress and she almost fell backwards. He steadied her as she sat.
Kneeling in between her legs, Pacey held her face in his hands. "Jo, are you sure that you want to…"
"Shush." Joey smiled, resting a single finger against his lips, and bringing her head down to meet his, their cheeks pressed together. "I just…I just want to dip my toes in."
Pacey nodded, a sinking feeling in his stomach, even though he knew it was probably the way it was going to be. His arousal was plainly obvious and almost painful. He knew he'd be able to stop when she needed him to, but it was going to be as frustrating as hell. And he wasn't going to let her know that.
He reached out and planted a soft kiss at the side of her neck, grinning as she murmured something hesitantly under her breath, her head tilting to the side to allow him better access. Her hand was gentle against the back of his neck, urging him closer as his kiss moved upwards, sucking on the junction between her neck and collarbone.
Pacey slipped his hand underneath her shirt at the waist, hearing her sharp intake of breath and grinning as his fingers danced over her skin. He pulled back only to help lift the shirt over her head, watching in awe as the cloth was removed and her body was exposed to the light, to his eyes.
Joey watched him nervously, biting her lower lip as she stared at him, his eyes roaming over her. "Is it…Is it okay?"
Pacey brought his face up to meet hers, and she thought she could see tears in the back of his eyes. "You're beautiful, Potter. God Jo, you're so beautiful…"
Joey's eyes were bright, her mouth half-caught in a smile. "You're so good at lying. I love that about you."
Pacey shook his head, holding her face in his large hands. His eyes scoured hers, incredulous. "What is it about you, Potter?"
"What?"
"How do you manage to be so…well, it's either incredibly modest or ridiculously stupid, and I haven't quite figured out which one it is."
Joey grinned, leaning forward to press her forehead against Pacey's. "Probably the latter," she muttered.
Pacey laughed softly, running his hands over her smooth, dark hair. He pulled back, looking her in the eyes. "You are beautiful."
"Thank you." Joey blushed, looking down at her hands which were clenched tightly in her lap.
"Hey." Pacey tucked a cool finger under her chin, bringing her face up to meet his again. "You shouldn't hide yourself from me, Potter…" he grinned, planting a soft kiss on her mouth.
Surprise and desire coursed through his body as Joey leaned into him, deepening the kiss, her tongue seeking to slip between his lips. Her hands ran up his chest to hold the collar of his shirt, pulling it towards her.
Pacey grinned against her mouth, sucking on her lower lip. "Getting feisty now, Potter?" he mumbled between kisses.
"Shut up, Pacey."
Almost nervously, Pacey leaned forward, brushing his hands up Joey's side, from her waist to her ribcage, round to her protruding shoulder-blades. He noted the tension in her body, muscles clenched, and he smiled, dropping to kiss her neck.
"Relax," he whispered, kissing down her shoulder, his mouth brushing the underside of her arm.
took a sharp intake of breath, feeling it hiss against the back of her throat as her head lolled to the side. "That's easy for you to say, you're an expert at this…"
Pacey halted, his mouth remaining for a moment on her skin before he pulled back, looking up at her. "But I'm not an expert on you, Potter." He grinned, smoothing the skin he had just kissed with his finger, cooling it. "Not yet…"
Joey laughed softly, shutting her eyes. "These things can change…"
"That they can."
Pacey let go of her arm, reaching out to place both his hands palm down on her legs. He felt her jump slightly, and gave her a questioning look, his eyes asking her if she wanted him to continue. Joey smiled nervously, her eyes wide as they devoured his, and she nodded.
Slowly, Pacey ran his hands up her leg, dipping to the side as they reached the top of her thighs, slipping to the side, settling on the back of her ass. He squeezed her gently, sending shivers down her spine.
He looked up at her, eyes wide, and grinned. "Well, I've never done this before…"
"They say…" Joey stopped to catch a breath as Pacey's thumb smoothed over a sliver of skin above the hem of her pants. "They say that trying new activities is very good for you. Very good for your id."
"It is, huh?"
"Yeah. Extremely educational."
"I'm not sure I like the sound of 'educational', Potter."
Joey put her hands on the bed behind her, leaning back slightly and using them to support her body weight. For a moment she thought she was going to fall, and she wondered briefly if he would stop her, hold her back. "On the other hand…this could, most probably…definitely be very bad for your health."
"I'll drink to that…" Pacey raised an eyebrow in amusement, reaching down to cup her ass in his hands again. In one, quick movement, he pulled her forward, her knees sliding either side of his chest, her breasts, rising and falling just seconds away from his mouth.
It was a tempting thought.
Joey took a deep breath, eyes moving over him, quietly hesitant, desire and confusion in equal measure, crowding their depths. "Pacey, I…"
He almost let go of her, his body frozen. His eyes met hers. "You want me to stop." More a statement than a question, as if he had already accepted his fate.
"No." Joey grinned, a small, throaty laugh emerging. "I was just gonna tell you to get a move on."
Pacey shook his head, his soft laugh joining hers. Getting up on his knees, he shuffled towards the bed, pulling her legs still closer to him. Slowly, he lowered his mouth to her chest, kissing away a drop of sweat that had settled between her breasts.
"Patience, Miss Potter, is a virtue," he murmured as he pulled back.
"I don't know, Pace…" She stared down at him, mouth forming a lopsided smile. "Virtue is overrated."
"You're right," he agreed, slowly brining his hands from her legs to her chest, cupping her breasts. Seeing the look on Joey's face as his palm brushed against her nipple, Pacey raised an eyebrow. "But it might be a good idea to keep breathing, Jo, because unconsciousness is overrated too."
Joey breathed out slowly, and he could feel her breath, warm against the skin of his face. "Oh yeah," she murmured, rolling her eyes. "Gotta keep with the breathing."
"That might…" Pacey moved to circle her right nipple with his index finger. "…Be a good idea."
Joey looked down, eyes fixed on his hand as hand as his thick fingers squeezed her nipple gently. The tension built up in her body, a thud in her chest, stomach tightening and releasing. Her hands were curled around the blanket, fingers digging into the cotton. Every now and then, in the silence between their breathing, she could hear the sound of fabric against her nails.
Slowly, Pacey bent his head again, fingers cupping her left breast as his mouth circled her nipple, his tongue running over the hardened tip, biting gently as his fingers kneaded the soft skin.
Joey moaned softly and leaned forward again, grasping hold of Pacey's neck in one hand, holding him to her. Her fingers ran through his hair as his lips moved over her. "Hmmmm…."
Pacey laughed softly against her chest, nipping lightly at the skin before planting soft kisses in the valley between her breasts. "You know, I heard that lack of coherent speech is a worrying trend in teenage girls."
"Hmmm…"
"Well done, that's a very good counter argument." He laughed again, sucking on the skin over the curve of her breast. After a moment he pulled back, cooling the reddening mark with his breath, blowing gently.
He moved to continue his ministrations on her other breast, impatiently brushing away strands of hair that had fallen down, plastered to her skin by the sweat that trickled over it.
Joey barely noticed the time go by, all brain-power concentrated on the feel of his touch, his mouth on her, the feeling inside her stomach and between her legs…And then it stopped for a moment, and she opened her eyes lazily, eyeing him curiously.
Pacey stared up at her, amazed by the look on her face, a look he had put there. He could make her cry, but he could turn her on as well. Pacey felt a sense of pride at the thought, and he grinned.
He had never seen her like this before; messy, sexy, looking barely awake and strangely alive all at the same time. Her skin glistened with sweat, cheeks a rosy pink, the rest of her skin a dark brown; only her breasts were pale, pointing out the line of her bikini.
His hands lowered again, trailing down over her stomach. He felt it ripple under his touch, and moved his palms slowly down to her thighs again, scraping the denim of her jeans with his nails.
He took a deep breath before he spoke, still scared he was going too far. "Do you…do you want to take these off?" His eyes gestured to her jeans, and as he looked back up at her face, he recognised the surprise in her eyes. "You don't have…" he stammered. "I mean…"
"Shush." Joey smiled, placing a single finger against his lip, stopping him. Then she pulled back, standing to her feet just in front of him so her waist was dangerously close to his mouth.
Pacey watched, enraptured, as her fingers played with the button, undoing it finally, and pulling down the zip. He breathed deeply, feeling his heart beat hard in his chest and wondered if she was teasing him, trying to turn him on with her own mini strip-show.
Joey smiled, seeming confident and assured as she wiggled the jeans down her hips, pulling them off her legs and standing before him in a small pair of black panties. Pacey noted with a small smile that her legs were trembling, her stomach tight, chest rising and falling too quickly. He knew she was afraid.
Moving slowly, Pacey circled his hands around her waist, trying to calm her. He pushed her gently back down onto the bed, opening her legs again so he could kneel between them.
He pulled at them so her ass slipped forward, and she leant back on her elbows, staring at him, wide-eyed. He gave her a reassuring smile, running a hand up her stomach, over her breasts to her shoulder. He pressed down, pushing her down to the bed.
Seeing the look on her face, Pacey bent to kiss her stomach gently, teeth nibbling at her navel for a moment before he looked down at her. "You'll be more comfortable this way."
Joey laughed, the movement making her stomach rise and fall, back arch slightly off the bed, her head thrown back. "If you say so, Witter."
"I say so." Slowly, Pacey kneaded at her waist, making her hips shift upwards towards his hand as feather-soft fingers brushed over the warm skin. Finally going lower, Pacey slipped a finger under the cotton of her panties, hearing her breathe sharply as he touched the inside of her thigh.
He stopped for a moment, trying to gauge the expression on her face. Her eyes were tightly closed, her rolled back. "You okay?" he asked casually, fingers continuing to make circles on her skin with the hand that rested over her stomach.
"Stop asking me that," Joey chided between breaths, her eyes still closed.
"I apologise." Pacey grinned, returning his attention to her one remaining item of clothing. "This isn't a one-way street, you know. I was just checking that you were happy with the speed, engine power…" He grinned. "You catch my drift."
"Don't worry. You seem to be following directions just fine," she murmured dryly, shaking her head slightly so her tousled hair fanned out around her face.
Pacey stared down at her, eyes loving, in a brief moment when he could afford to reveal the deep emotion behind his eyes, emotion he had got good at hiding when she was looking. When she had her eyes open.
Pacey slipped his other hand down, pulling at the side of her panties before pulling them over her hips and off her legs in one, swift move. He almost grinned at the precision with which he had managed to get her completely naked and lying in front of him.
Joey Potter, naked, in front of him. His eyes widened in approving disbelief. Ever so slowly, Pacey ran a singly finger from her knee up to her thigh, continuing his path as he reached the soft hair. He heard Joey moaning softly, and smiled.
He brushed his fingers lightly over her, never staying in one place, teasing her before his touch hardened, finding direction and purpose as he slipped a single finger inside her. Joey moaned again, louder this time. She arched her hips off the bed, pushing towards his hand.
Pacey let his other hand raise to hold onto her hip, stilling her as his finger stroked the inside wall of her channel, inducing soft moans from Joey. With his other hand, fingers splayed, he pressed them down on her stomach to keep her down on the bed as she tried to thrust up against him.
He smiled at the strength she had, needing to fight hard to still her so he could let another finger slip inside. Joey stopped moving, frozen by the feeling of his two fingers inside her as he spread them out, opening her wider before releasing her again.
Pacey's thumb brushed against her clit, exerting another sound from Joey as he ran his thumb up and down over the sensitised flesh. Feeling her muscles tighten around his fingers, Pacey pulled his hand away, letting the fingers slip out and ignoring the frustrated growl Joey gave him.
Bending forward a little further, Pacey brushed his mouth against the inside of her thigh, feeling Joey open her legs to him, hooking them over his shoulders. He leant against the bed, and with both hands, gently parted her lips.
"God….Pacey," Joey whispered as she felt the heat of his breath against her, his tongue slowly finding her clit, and running over it carefully. Her hands slipped down to cup around the back of his neck as she urged him closer.
Pacey let his tongue slide inside her, raising upwards to run it along the upper wall before slipping out again, tantalising her. He sucked her hardened clit into his mouth, biting gently.
Letting two fingers slip inside, he continued to work her with his mouth and his tongue and his hands. He waited until he felt the tell-tale signs, her muscles tightening around his hand, her knees locking tight around his shoulders, and looked up, wanting to watch her expression as she came.
Pacey smiled, still feeling her throbbing around his fingers as heat soared through her body, every vein, every point of her body tingling, tightening, releasing.
His hands stopped moving and he watched curiously as her mouth caught between a cry and a smile, her eyes still clenched tightly shut. Moving from between her legs, Pacey slipped up onto the bed, lying half on top of her still-aching body, a hand resting gently on her stomach.
Finally, Joey opened her eyes, finding his almost immediately, filled with wonder and confusion and something close to love. She smiled.
"Pacey…"
"Shush." He smiled, repeating the gesture she had used earlier on him, letting a finger rest against her lips, silencing her. Joey studied him curiously, eyes trained to his face as her tongue darted out, running along the side of his finger. She could taste herself, and it felt strange.
It felt good, and it felt strange.
"You don't have to say anything," Pacey told her, eyes watching her.
"I know." Joey tucked her head forward, burying it against his neck, and he could feel her harsh breathing against his skin, making him smile.
Joey's hand, trapped between them, trailed slowly down Pacey's chest, reaching the top of his jeans; slipping a little lower, she ran her palm over his erection. Pacey took a deep, shuddering breath, reaching down his own hand to still hers.
"Don't."
Joey eyes him curiously. "But you're…"
"Joey, if you…if you do that now I don't think I'm gonna have the willpower to stop."
Her eyes narrowed. "Who says you have to stop?"
"I do." He leaned forward, kissing her gently, pushing her hand away from him. Sighing, Joey rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. Pacey studied her for a moment, fingers trailing over her bare stomach. "Sorry already, Potter?"
"Never." Joey's eyes clouded over, remembering his touch, his mouth, from just a few moments before. Remembering the feeling of it all culminating inside of her as she came.
They lay in silence for a few moments before Pacey raised his hand to cup her face, stroking her chin softly with his thumb. "You feel like making a film now, Potter?"
Joey laughed at the idea of it, returning his lopsided smile. "I think my subject matter just got more interesting."
"You're right, it did." Pacey bent his face, kissing her shoulder briefly before resting his head against the cover, just watching her.
"But I can't ask you questions anymore."
"And why is that?"
"Because you'd be talking about me, about what…and well, that would be embarrassing."
"Maybe I was talking about you already, Potter, you just didn't realise." He saw Joey's eyes widen in surprise and he laughed. "What, you think a guy doesn't dream?" Joey didn't answer, she only smiled knowingly.
She sighed, but felt too satisfied and comfortable to get some real effort behind it. "I don't know what I'm going to do," she murmured finally, leaning to rest against him.
"You never know, Potter. Maybe you'll find something new to talk about."
Joey closed the door, leaning against it as she stared at his back. With a smile, she decided he looked pretty damn good from behind as well, and vowed that she would tell him so, one day; she coughed lightly. Pacey turned hurriedly, his eyes finding hers. He removed his hands from where they'd been holding the camera.
He smiled, seeing the water drip from her dark hair, down her neck, onto the floor. The robe was tied casually around her waist, and he smiled appreciatively, eyes fixing on the bare skin where the robe didn't quite cover.
"Feeling better?"
"I don't know." Joey raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she stared at him. "I think I was feeling pretty good already."
Pacey smiled, picking up his coat from the chair. Seeing the look of surprise, and maybe disappointment on Joey's face, he shrugged. "I should go."
"Oh. Okay. Right." She looked down, trying not to let him see that disappointment was surging through her body.
"Joey…" Pacey had stepped forward, and was running a hand down her cheek. "We both need a little time to cool off. And you…" he tapped her lightly in the nose before pulling away. "You've got several things to sort out."
"Like my film," she offered.
"Yeah." Pacey smiled knowingly. "Like your film."
"Okay." Joey paused, watching curiously as he stepped towards the door. "Pacey?"
"Yeah." He turned back to look at her.
"I'll…I'll see you tomorrow, right?"
He smiled warmly, feeling something scary and wonderful catch in his chest as he studied her. "Yeah. Of course."
"Good." She smiled at him one last time, and he nodded, turning to walk towards her door. He paused, briefly, casting her one last glance, and shut the door behind him.
Joey stood there in silence for a moment, not able to move, her mind still running over the events that had just transpired, remembering his face.
She almost wished he hadn't gone.
Joey sighed, collapsing on her bed with an apple in one hand as she leaned forward, pushing the video into the player with her other hand. Leaning back, she eyed the screen warily, wondering how it was going to look. She was no Dawson, not an expert film-maker, but she way praying it would be okay.
She remembered some of the questions she had asked him, and wondered how she had had the nerve.
And he had answered coolly, or at least honestly. Of course, that was before he'd kissed her, and things were different now.
Joey waited for her own brief introduction to the film, surprised when it didn't appear, and instead a close-up of Pacey filled the screen. She leaned forward, transfixed, not recognising the moment from what she had recorded, wondering what the hell was going on.
On the screen, Pacey seemed to tip from side to side and she realised he was holding the camera out in front of him, talking to it. Somehow she still felt like he was looking right at her.
"Joey," Pacey said.
Joey took a deep breath, confusion and anticipation running through her as she wondered what he had done. Hell, she knew what he had done, now she was just wondering what he was going to say.
Pacey smiled nervously to the camera, his eyes wide as he sat for a moment in silence. "Joey." He reached forward, knocking gently on the glass screen. "Damn, I really hope this is recording…" Joey laughed softly at the look on his face, before her eyes darkened again.
"Joey, I really hope you weren't deeply attached to this tape, because I have to admit to recording over it." Joey cursed softly, shaking her head. "I guess…I guess I had something I wanted to say, and I figured it needed to be captured by the camera, just as much if not more so than all the other things we've said."
"Joey…It's hard to tell you of all people that you're wrong, but…maybe after what happened this afternoon it'll be easier for you to understand." Something caught in Joey's throat as she stared at the screen, struggling to breathe. "You told me that you were making a film about the most important aspect of a relationship. So I guess I had to correct your mistake.
"It's not sex, Joey. I know it might feel like it." He raised an eyebrow, giving a lopsided smile. "In fact, I'd say that at times it feels bloody damn like it, but…" His smile softened. "But it's not. It's a bonus, it's an expression. But it's not the heart of the matter.
"I guess…you're sitting there at home right now, cursing yourself for leaving me alone with Dawson's precious equipment while you went to have your shower, and cursing me for having the audacity to record over your beginning. But I figured…" he smiled again. "I figured, Joey Potter, that if you were going to start, it had better be the right beginning."
Joey felt tears at the back of her eyes for the second time that day, wishing he was here so she could hit him, and shout at him, and maybe kiss him too. Okay, so more than 'maybe.' She shook her head, eyes still fixed to the screen.
"So here it is, Jo. Here's my beginning." He took a deep breath. "I guess the most important aspect of a relationship, is that moment. That moment when you realise you're in love. Maybe you liked them before, maybe they had a cute ass, but it didn't mean as much. Then there's this moment, when suddenly everything clicks, things fall into place.
"Maybe you're even allowed to use the cliché "earthquakes," because at times it feels a little like that. You realise that whoever this person is, whatever's in your way, you can't live without them. Or at least, you're going to have to do your damndest not to lose them, because it means, in the end, winding up alone.
"It can happen in the strangest of places, but it only happens once or twice in your entire life, if that. Or at least…" He smiled wryly. "That's what it feels like at sixteen.
"The first time…well, I think it was the first time this girl and I kissed. I was holding her tight, and it made sense, in a way things don't have a habit of making sense. And then I lost her." Pacey shrugged, his eyes not leaving the camera screen. "I lost her to somebody else, or maybe I never really had her.
"The second time round, the last time, I can't remember when I realised. And I'm still not sure, because every time I look at her it feels like it's happening all over again. And…" Pacey took a deep breath, his eyes bright. "And maybe, one of these days, she'll realise. She'll realise that yeah, it's about sex, but it's not just about sex. It's about all the important things, and all the not-so-important things. It's about being together."
Pacey stopped, and Joey watched, feeling a tear roll down her cheek, pooling at the side of her mouth. He seemed to take a deep breath, and he smiled nervously at the screen.
"Well…I guess that's it, Joey. That's my beginning. And who knows?" He grinned. "Maybe you'll even make the wise decision of finishing it for me. I'd like to see the way it ends."
There was silence, and Pacey reached forward. The image blurred, and then went black, and Joey's eyes widened, still staring, completely motionless, at the screen. She shook her head, feeling her heart thudding inside her chest.
She couldn't believe it. Well, this was Pacey, she could believe it. Now he was around she'd started believing in the unbelievable. He had that affect on her. She shook her head, wondering at his nerve, his gut, how much he cared.
Almost in a daze, Joey reached over, turning off the television, staring again at the blank screen.
She needed to see him. She wanted to see his face again.
Joey got the feeling she had something to say.
But first she had a film to make.
