Hunter
By Leia
Part 1
Oh yes I’m
guilty
For
leasing myself out
Not ready
to go up for sale
Can’t seem
to give it up
Stubborn,
so selfish
I’m
showing off the worst in me
The return
of Saturn
Assessing
my life
Second
guessing...
I’m full
of artificial sweetener
My heart’s
been deceitful
I’m faking
I love you’s
You’re
forcing me to
You really
deserve love
I want to
love you
But I
can’t seem to find myself
My wilting
effort
Our
progress report
I’m only
sure that I’m not sure
I shudder
to be honest
Who’s
behind it all now?
Who’s the
author?
I’m full
of artificial sweetener
My heart’s
been deceitful
It’s all
artificial sweetener
I’m faking
I love you’s
You’re
forcing me to
Re-read,
re-write, redo, undo
I’m stuck
on this page
I was born
two weeks late
Is that
why I hesitate?
I’m on the
fence
Push me
off it
I want to
be on your side now
And keep a
promise
I’m full
of artificial sweetener
My heart’s
been deceitful
It’s all
artificial sweetener
My heart’s
been deceitful
I’m faking
I love you’s
You’re
forcing me to
*~*Artificial
Sweetener by No Doubt*~*
Joey
Leery brushed a stray piece of brown hair out of her face as she chewed on her
pencil. She had once hated these long
nights, but now she cherished them. She
didn’t have to think of things to say to Dawson at dinner, or while they
blandly watched TV. Or try to work up
the desire to have sex with him. They
had once been exciting, sex-driven newly-weds, but now, after three years of
marriage, it felt dry.
Weren’t marriages supposed to get dry until at least ten years down the
road? Not at three... or even one or
two years. It was about a year and a
half when the spark had official worn out, if Joey remembered correctly. She had stayed in it because she figured
they were just hitting a rough spot.
Because they were soulmates and they were just testing the waters of life.
She
looked at the clock. It was 10:30. She couldn’t go over to Sara’s, her best
friend who she had met while working as receptionists at a psychiatrist’s
office. Now, Sara was still working
there while still studying to be a psychiatrist. It was Friday, Sara’s night to have her boyfriend over.
She
had to go home. She sighed. It was time to get it over with,
anyhow. She knew that this had to
happen eventually, and she hoped Dawson had been anticipating this, too. How could he not see that this marriage was
headed for ruin?
The
whole drive to her house, she contemplated just turning around and driving away
from their quaint suburb in outside of Boston.
To go somewhere... anywhere that wasn’t there. But she knew she had to face him.
She
drove an SUV... it was black, and very stylish. She turned on her radio, flipping through the channels. She stopped on to a station that played
older songs... mostly from about five to ten years ago.
Oh yes I’m
guilty
For
leasing myself out
Not ready to
go up for sale
Can’t seem
to give it up
Stubborn,
so selfish
I’m
showing off the worse in me
Suddenly, her cell phone rang, making her jump in surprise. She took in a deep breath and answered it.
“Jo
Leery,” she said in a business-like fashion.
What
struck her odd is that she would have to change her name back to Potter... she
would be Answering her phone saying “Joey Potter”... or “Jo Potter”...
The return
of Saturn
Assessing
my life
Second
guessing...
“Hey, its Sara.”
Joey
let out a deep breath.
“Hey... I was afraid you were Dawson.”
“So
you’re not going to tell him?”
“Yes... yes, I’m going to tell him tonight... I just don’t want to have
any contact with him whatsoever beforehand.”
I’m full
of artificial sweetener
My heart’s
been deceitful
It’s all
artificial sweetener
I’m faking
I love you’s
You’re
forcing me to
“Don’t chicken out, Joey. You’ve
got to do this.”
Joey
sighed.
“I
know... its just hard.”
“You’ve had those papers in your purse for a week! You need to do this.”
“Yes, I know, I’m just picking the right moment...”
“Joey, there is no right moment for this kind of stuff... listen, I’ve
got to go. If you need anything, don’t
hesitate to give me a buzz.”
“Okay.”
Joey
sighed as she sat her phone down next to her.
As soon as she set it down, it rang again. Sara always had a way with forgetting things.
“Okay, Sara, what now?” she said, laughing.
“Um,
Jo?” Dawson asked.
Joey
felt her throat go dry.
You really
deserve love
I want to
love you
But I
can’t seem to find myself
My wilting
effort
Our
progress report
I’m only
sure that I’m not sure
“Oh,
um, hi Dawson. I thought you were
Sara.”
He
laughed.
“Well, obviously...”
Joey
laughed uneasily.
I shudder
to be honest
Who’s
behind it all now?
Who’s the
author?
“Are
you coming home?” he asked... she could almost detect a bit of suspicion in his
voice.
“Uh-huh, I’m on my way,” Joey said, trying to sound as normal as
possible.
“That’s great! I feel like I
haven’t seen my own wife in ages!” he said excitedly.
She
swallowed.
“Uh-huh.”
“I’ll see you in a little bit! I
love you!”
I’m full
of artificial sweetener
My heart’s
been deceitful
It’s all
artificial sweetener
I’m faking
I love you’s
“Okay,” she said weakly as she hung up the phone.
You’re
forcing me to
This
was going to be incredibly difficult.
As
she walked up her own front steps, she felt as if she was headed for enemy
territory. Even her own house seemed
foreign now. Their house was fairly
big, in a nice, suburban upper-class neighborhood. The reason they could even afford it was Joey’s job in
advertising. Dawson worked as a film
teacher at a private performing arts school in Boston, but it didn’t pay nearly
what Joey made. Her artistic talent
helped a lot in her job, and she had quickly became a favorite with the
executives. The house was nice and had
a modern touch to it, which made Joey feel slightly alienated. Dawson had picked out most of the
furniture. Not that it mattered, since
she was hardly home, anyway.
She
slowly opened the unlocked door and peered in.
Dawson was nowhere to be found.
She let out a huge sigh of relief as she took off her shoes and her suit
jacket.
And
then she saw him come down the stairs.
“Well, look who it is!” Dawson said.
“You look so familiar... do I know you?”
Joey
knew that he was joking, but she could detect the bitterness in his voice.
“Joey Potter, the one and only,” she said weakly.
Dawson tried not to look at her oddly when he realized that she had just
referred to herself as “Joey Potter”... he hadn’t heard her use that name in a
long time.
“I
feel the need to get reacquainted,” he said slyly, ignoring that weird feeling
that he had gotten.
“Oh?” Joey nearly squeaked out.
“Do
you have any suggestions, Mrs. Leery?” Dawson asked, playing with the collar of
her blouse.
“We,
um... we could... watch TV...”
Dawson looked slightly disappointed.
“Okay,” he said, trying to muster up some enthusiasm.
It
had been months since they had sex.
Joey was either too busy or too tired.
A good majority of the time, she wasn’t even home. When she was home, she usually slept in a
guest room... and when she did sleep in their room, there was definitely
no sex there.
She
watched him as he idly flipped through the channels as he sat in the arm chair
next to the loveseat that she sat on.
This is what her life had become.
She nervously tapped her fingers on her purse.
“Its
over,” she blurted out.
He
dropped the remote and looked at her.
“What?” he asked, disbelieving.
“The
marriage... its over, Dawson,” she said gently.
“What are you talking about?”
“How
can you be so disbelieving? Its been
over for a long time, you and I both know that!”
“No!” he said, not wanting to believe what was happening. “No, it hasn’t!”
“The
spark was gone ages ago...”
“Joey, we were just testing the waters-”
“Dawson, I’m tired of testing the waters! I want to dive in head first!
I want to plunge into life!” she cried.
He grabbed
her wrists, looking deep into her eyes.
“Then we’ll plunge in together.”
Joey
took a deep breath. This was going to
be so hard.
“I
want to plunge in head first... by myself,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”
He
dropped her hands, his eyes filling with tears.
“Joey, we’re soulmates!”
She
sighed and closed her eyes.
“No... no, we’re not. I wanted
to believe it for so long, Dawson, but we’re not.”
“But
what about all our plans? To have
children? To see the world?”
“Dawson, I haven’t even lived... I’m not ready for children... and I
want to see the world, but not with you.
I want to see the world alone.”
“Joey! You can’t do this to me!”
“Dawson, I didn’t want to do this, but I have to. Its not fair to me or to you if I stay. We’d only be denying and delaying the
inevitable.”
Dawson took her hands again, looking into her eyes desperately.
“Remember, Joey? We were going
to have two boys and a girl... one of the boys would be rambunctious and
trouble-making, while the other one would be calm and an angel... and I would
spoil the only girl rotten, and call her ‘Princess’... Remember Joey?” he
sobbed.
Joey
bit her lip. She knew that this would
happen.
“I’ve already talked to my lawyers... you just need to sign the divorce
papers,” she said, trying to be gentle as she opened her purse and handed the
papers to him.
He
looked at them for a moment, but wouldn’t take them from her hands. He just turned around and walked up the
stairs. Joey sighed as she stuck the
papers back in her purse. She didn’t
want to fight, but if she needed to, she would. She had good lawyers. She had been prepared for this for
months. She hadn’t, however, been
prepared to break Dawson’s heart. She
sighed as she lay down on the couch.
She would pack her bags after Dawson went golfing in the morning.
Re-read,
re-write, redo, undo
I’m stuck
on this page
I was born
two weeks late
Is that
why I hesitate?
I’m on a
fence
Push me
off it
I want to
be on your side now
And keep a
promise
I’m full
of artificial sweetener
My heart’s
been deceitful
It’s all
artificial sweetener
My heart’s
been deceitful
I’m faking
I love you’s
You’re
forcing me too