Hunter

By Leia

Part 3

I just want to feel safe in my own skin

I just want to be happy again

I just want to feel deep in my own world

But I’m so lonely I don’t even want to be with myself anymore

On a different day

If I was safe in my own skin

Then I wouldn’t feel so lost and frightened

But this is today and I’m lost in my own skin

And I’m so lonely I don’t even want to be with myself anymore

I just want to feel safe in my own skin

I just want to be happy again

*~*Honestly OK by Dido*~*

“Oh my God, Jo!” he said, still shocked. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m having some hotel problems... and well, you’re really the only person I know in New York besides Jack and Jen, and I don’t know where their apartments are at...” Joey bumbled nervously.

“Oh God, never mind, Potter, just come in!” he exclaimed, opening the door wider for her.

She smiled on the inside just hearing him say “Potter”. She had missed him calling her that...

Pacey noticed the unusually large amount of baggage she had.

“Planning on staying in New York for a while?” he asked with a laugh as he brought in her luggage for her.

“Something like that,” she said somewhat distantly.

“So... where’s Mr. Leery, Mrs. Leery?”

Joey internally cringed.

“Boston.”

Pacey’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“Is he meeting you here?” he asked.

“No.”

“Is this some sort of business trip for you?”

“Yes, you could say that...”

Pacey wondered how Dawson could part with Joey for such a long time.

If I had Joey for my wife... Pacey began, but decided not to go there.

“Joey, what’s going on?”

Joey sighed as she finally met Pacey’s eyes. She hadn’t really spoken to him, or anyone, for that matter, since three months before her and Dawson’s wedding. Dawson had kept in touch with everyone minimally. Even with Pacey, he barely kept in touch.

“Dawson and I are getting a divorce,” she blurted out.

Pacey’s jaw dropped, and he eyed her with complete shock. Joey’s eyes dropped at the sight of his look. She bit her lip in the all-too-familiar way Pacey remembered.

“Whoa...” he finally managed to say. “I was definitely not expecting that.”

“Apparently neither was Dawson,” Joey said quietly.

Pacey motioned to the couch.

“Let’s sit down,” he said as he put his arm around her shoulder.

She smiled at him. She knew Pacey wouldn’t judge her, even if Dawson was his best friend.

“I’m not going to pretend I’m not shocked,” Pacey said after a moment.

“Yeah, well that’s quite obvious from your previous gawking expression that you greeted me with,” Joey said with a smirk.

After all these years, Pacey thought. She still has that trademark Potter wit.

“Well, it was actually quite a bomb to drop, don’t you think?” he asked.

Joey positioned herself so she was cross-legged, facing Pacey. She shrugged slightly as she thought about it.

“I guess... I mean, here I am, I haven’t talked to you since before the wedding... I suppose its just natural for you to assume that Dawson and I are just as happy as we were on our wedding day,” she said, laughing lightly. “I just had hoped Dawson had said something about us having trouble.”

“Well, knowing Dawson, he just blocked it out,” Pacey said, with a near bitterness in the tone of his voice.

“Tell me about it...”

“Why are you here, Joey?” he asked.

The question caught her off guard. She hadn’t expected Pacey to ask her that. She hated to admit it, but part of her had expected him to be a shoulder to cry on, just like he had always been. During Joey and Dawson’s off and on relationship throughout their Junior and Senior years in high school, Joey found a boyfriend and companion in Dawson, but she also lost sight of the best friend she had once found in Dawson. Pacey filled that void. Whenever Dawson and Joey were on an “off” period, Pacey would be there to distract and comfort Joey until the next “on” period. They remained sparring partners throughout everything, and grew closer in college, when Dawson went to study film in California.

Much closer.

“I... I have a job here, now,” she finally answered. “I just got the news a couple days ago... and I needed to get away.”

Pacey nodded.

He had never thought that Joey and Dawson would divorce... that they would need space. That Joey would ever stray from Dawson’s side. All throughout high school, it was “Dawson and Joey: Soulmates Extraordinare” with a side dish of “Pacey Witter: Shoulder To Cry On”. In college, things changed, or so Pacey had thought. Dawson moved to California, severing his and Joey’s on-again-off-again relationship. Joey and Pacey went to college in Boston together... and they grew closer. They had grown a lot closer in high school, but now they were each other’s other half. Joey had forgotten Dawson, or so Pacey had thought. Then, right when Junior year had started, Dawson transferred to Boston. He had decided to change his major to Education and his minor was now film. He was ready to settle down with Joey. To take Joey away from Pacey.

Pacey knew it really wasn’t like that. He knew that Dawson wasn’t intentionally trying to take Joey away from Pacey, but that’s how it was... that’s how it felt. Pacey’s relationship with Joey was sacred, in the way that it was separated from anything else in the world. In the past, Pacey felt that his friendship always came second to both Dawson and Joey, because they always had each other.

I should’ve known better... Second best, always.

He looked at Joey. She was as beautiful as ever. Her dark brown hair swept haphazardly from her face. She wore a dark green sweater that was way too big for her. He recognized it instantly.

“Jo, isn’t that the sweater-”

She grinned.

“Yeah... the one I used to wear all the time in college.”

“My sweater...”

She rolled her eyes.

“Oh come on, Witter. You haven’t worn it in years. You can’t honestly say, that after all these years, you think that its still yours.”

“I just can’t believe that thing isn’t in tatters!”

“I took good care of it,” she said softly.

That’s more than she can say for our friendship, Pacey thought.

But he knew that he wasn’t being fair. He hadn’t exactly been eager to keep in contact with her after the wedding. Hell, even after Dawson and Joey got back together their Junior year in college, he had already began to distance himself. And when they got engaged Senior year, he slowly began to remove himself from the situation.

He would tell himself that it would be easier that way. Joey and Dawson didn’t need a third wheel. They were going to be married soon. All they needed was each other. He didn’t want to be bachelor “Uncle Pacey” that would come over for dinner every Sunday because he had no family to go home to.

After graduation, Pacey decided to move to New York. He knew Dawson and Joey were planning on settling down in Boston. He had found himself an extremely nice apartment... during college, Pacey had befriended Bobby, a rich “trust-fund baby” as he called him. Bobby invited Pacey to be his roommate in New York. One night, about six months before the wedding, Dawson and Joey had come to visit Pacey while Bobby was out of town. On that night, Dawson had asked Pacey to be his best man. Pacey had agreed somewhat reluctantly.

That same night, Pacey had woken up to use the bathroom. When he went to go lie down again, he was kept up with the sounds of Dawson and Joey making love in Bobby’s room. It drove him insane, and he didn’t know why. He just wanted to put his fist through the wall or scream... anything to get them to stop. They didn’t go on for a long time, but the sounds echoed through Pacey’s mind. All he could hear was Joey calling out Dawson’s name... Joey’s voice crying out... Joey moaning...

For nights after they had left, it was all he could hear. Three months before the wedding, he was offered an business internship by the company he was working... in London. It would be over a month after the wedding. Pacey accepted it, offering his apologies for not being able to make it.

He came back, and Dawson begged him repeatedly to go visit their apartment... then their condo... then their house. Pacey declined everytime. He was busy with work. He was visiting his parents. He was getting work done on the apartment. Anything.

Joey never once asked him herself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Joey watched Pacey as he remained deep in thought. She saw the pain in his eyes. She instantly felt guilt seep into her every pore. She had meant to call him so many times. Everytime she went to pick up the phone, she would just get so angry. Angry at him for being so distant and angry at him for missing the wedding.

Now she just felt sorry.

“I’m sorry, Pacey,” she said quietly.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

She looked at him, sighing.

“Never mind. I’m going to bed, is that okay?” she said, getting up from the couch.

“Um, sure. You’re probably exhausted.”

She smiled half-heartedly.

“You have no idea.”

She began walking towards the hallway, but Pacey got up and surprised her by wrapping her up in a hug.

“I’m here for you, Jo,” he whispered. “No matter what you need, I’m here.”

“Thank you,” she whispered back, pulling him closer to her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Pacey grudgingly stepped into the shower. All those bad memories had come and hit him like a semi. Everything seemed as fresh as it had years ago. He could hear Joey’s cries ringing in his ears again. He leaned his forehead against the glass door of the shower. He was never going to sleep tonight.

Joey quietly opened the door to the guest room. The room was filled with so many memories, although it had changed entirely. She was glad it wasn’t the same. She had shared that bed with Dawson, and they had made love in that bed. She could barely stand the thought anymore. She changed into her pajamas and looked through the bag she had brought in with her for her book, but it wasn’t there.

Damn it, she thought. I left it in my other bag.

She stepped out of her room at the same time Pacey stepped out of the bathroom right across the hall from her, clad in only a towel.

“God, Pacey,” she gasped. “You scared me!”

“Sorry,” he said. “Do you need the bathroom?”

Joey was mesmerized by the way the hall light glistened on the beads of water that lay on his bare chest.

“Huh? Oh, um, no,” Joey stammered. “I just needed to get my book.”

He smiled at her with his trademark grin.

“Sweet dreams, Jo,” he said before walking into his room.

She cleared her throat.

“You, too, Pace,” she said with a smile.

He closed the door behind him and she let out a huge breath. She went into the living room to look for her book, mentally cursing herself for making such a fool of herself. It was just Pacey, after all. It had been a long time since she had seen a man so scantily clothed, and she had always known that Pacey had a superior body to Dawson’s. That was all it was, she had concluded. Joey hadn’t gotten any in a long time.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Pacey dragged himself out of bed. He tried to remember if he had to go to work that day or not. He looked at his watch on his bedside table. It was Saturday... he sighed with relief. He walked out of his room, clad only in boxers. He walked towards the kitchen towards the sound of a crackling frying pan. He walked in to see Joey bustling about his kitchen dressed in a robe and pajamas.

“Jo?” he asked sleepily.

“Good morning,” she said happily.

“Since when are you a morning person?” he asked as he sat down at the kitchen table.

She shrugged.

“Since when do you walk around in your underwear?” she asked slyly.

Pacey involuntarily blushed, but he quickly recovered.

“Its a house rule around here.”

“In your dreams, pig.”

They both laughed.

“Where’s Bobby, anyhow?” she asked as she went to the fridge.

“You think he’d still be living with me all this time? He moved out two years ago.”

“How do you still afford this place?”

“Joey, I’m Junior Vice President of my company,” he said.

She turned around, her eyes wide.

“Wow, um, I... I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, there’s a lot you don’t know about me anymore,” he said softly.

Joey felt that familiar guilt again. She felt terrible... all this time, Pacey had done so many wonderful things that she didn’t even know about. She had lived her own separate life... separate from her. It just never occurred to her that he had done the same.

Must’ve let too much of Dawson rub off on me, she thought bitterly as she watched Pacey read the paper. He was still in incredible shape, better than in college, in fact. When he had walked into the kitchen in his boxers, she was definitely caught off guard, but she hid it well. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen him that way before.

“Well,” she recovered. “I still know how you like your eggs... unless that’s changed. Scrambled with a bit of Cheddar, right?”

He smiled.

“Right.”