Hunter

By Leia

Part 10

I have no confidence
And I can't see why I should
But I could do most anything for you
And you know I would

I try too hard and
Then I give up way too easily
I'm the runner-up inside of you
And you're the winner inside of me

Lose your way
And I will follow
Here today
And here tomorrow
Like my freedom I know
I’ll never let you go

I still wish on the evening star
And I s’pose I always will
Every child loses something
A whole life can’t fulfill
And when you cry I feel the sky
Burst open in my veins
If loving you makes a slave of me
Then I'll spend my whole life in chains

Lose your way
And I will follow
Here today
And here tomorrow
Like my freedom I know
I’ll never let you go.

Walk the line
I’ll walk inside you
Change your mind
Let your love decide you
It’s the reason I know
You’ll never let me go

Never let me go.
Lose your way
And I will follow
Here today
And here tomorrow
Like my freedom I know
I’ll never let you go.
*~*Lose Your Way by Sophie B. Hawkins*~*

It was already a bad morning. Pacey and Cici had apparently decided to stay over at Cici’s. Joey had stayed up, waiting for him, wanting to talk about Sandra. She knew that Pacey would have some sort of insight. Of course, he didn’t come home, nor did he call. Sara never called. Joey knew that this day was already headed straight towards Shitsvile.

But she didn’t really have any idea how deep she was in. No, no clue.

She poured herself a cup of coffee and tied her robe a little tighter as she opened the apartment door to get the newspaper. Only, on the other side was a newly arrived Sandra, fuming.

“Good morning, Joey,” Sandra said coldly before charging.

“Good morning, Sandra,” Joey said with a sigh. “I know you’re upset, but-”

“You know? You don’t even know the beginning of it! I don’t have a problem! I don’t know what your fucking problem is, but I sure as hell don’t have a problem!”

“I was just concerned.”

“Joey, I have a fucking 3.8 GPA. I have a healthy social life. I get along with people. Its not your God damn right to judge whether my lifestyle is healthy or not! I enjoy a good time, but not at the expense of the rest of my life! I’m not Pacey, okay?”

“I... I had no idea. I’m sorry.”

“You better be sorry! You know why? This is the only college that didn’t offer me a scholarship. I came here because I love New York. My parents are paying for this... and my sister has threatened to tell them. She has threatened to have my parents stop sending tuition in. Meaning, I would have to transfer to another school... in Boston, where my parents or Sara would be more than willing to pay my tuition... convenient, huh? Where my parents can keep an eye on me. So I can pick up my life as I know it, and start over. My life is here, not in Boston. I’m an adult, and I can take care of myself.”

“I’m sorry,” Joey repeated. “I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know what to say to make this better!”

“Exactly, Joey! There’s nothing you can say to make this better! My life could very well be ruined because of you! I hope you’re fucking happy!”

And with that, Sandra slammed the door behind her.

“Dammit!” Joey exclaimed, running her fingers through her hair.

She wandered back into her room and plopped down on her bed, trying to think. She was so tired. Work and the divorce had worn her out, and now she was having issues with her friends. And what made it worse was that Pacey was going to come home happy as can be because he got lucky.

At least one of us is...

*~*~*~*~*

When Joey opened her eyes, the room was significantly darker. She must’ve overslept. She dragged herself from bed. Pacey was sitting in the living room watching the five o’clock news.

“Nice of you to come home last night,” she mumbled.

“Jeez, Jo. You sound like some bitter housewife,” Pacey joked.

“Har, har,” she deadpanned. She glanced at the answering machine. The little light was blinking. “Did you check the messages when you got home? Whenever that was...”

“For your information, I got home a couple hours ago, Sleeping Beauty,” Pacey informed. “And, no. I didn’t check them.”

Joey sighed as she pressed the button and their answering message played.

“This is Joey-” Joey’s voice began.

“And Pacey!” Pacey cut in.

“We’re-”

“Out knocking over a liquor store!”

“Pacey! Cut it out!”

That was when the allotted time had ended, and Pacey had declared, “You go with the first time. We’ll change it next month.”

Joey smirked.

“You have two new messages,” the machine informed her.

“Joey, this is your Jill Banks,” the voice of Joey’s attorney filled the room. “Your husband seems to have managed to further postpone the divorce proceedings. I’m sorry. Please call me back as soon as possible. Thank you.”

Pacey rushed over the Joey and took her hand.

“End of message,” the mechanical voice responded.

Joey froze as her attorney’s words sunk in. Pacey pulled her in and hugged her, leaning his forehead against her’s.

“Its okay, Joey,” he reassured her. “We’ll get through this.”

“I’m not surprised,” Joey’s choked voice explained. “But, I just want it over, you know?”

“I know, I know,” was Pacey’s soothing words.

Joey couldn’t help but realize how close his face was to hers. She closed her eyes. She could feel his breath on her lips. He looked at her. Why did she have to do that? God, if she only knew what she was doing to him. Almost as if it were magnetic, they found themselves being drawn closer and closer together.

“Pacey?” Cici’s voice filled the room. “Pick up the phone. I know you’re there, pick up the damn phone!”

“What?” Pacey’s voice also filled the room.

Joey and Pacey drew apart, both slightly disoriented.

“What the hell is going on? You get up without saying goodbye?”

“Cici, I had an emergency.”

“Pacey, I’m not just a ‘wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am’ type of girl, okay? You could have at least told me that you were leaving, or God forbid, actually kiss me goodbye and reassure me that you love me before going home to the woman living at your house!”

“Cici, I told you, I had an emergency!”

“What? Did Joey have another emotional breakdown?”

Pacey quickly reached to turn off the machine, but Joey blocked him. She turned her back to him and listened to the conversation in tears.

“Leave her out of this!”

“I can’t leave her out of this, Pace. I like her and everything, but we can never leave her out of this because she will always be a factor in our relationship. You’ve ignored me for the past few days, because she had an emotional breakdown. I can understand that... but when we finally get a night together, you leave to go to her! I feel like she has priority over me!”

“She doesn’t, Cici-”

Pacey’s hand hit the pause button.

“That’s enough, Jo,” he said.

She turned around, her eyes filled with tears.

“Turn it back on, Pacey,” she demanded.

“No,” he replied firmly.

“Dammit, Pacey! You were talking about me, and I have the right to know!”

“Joey, it was a private conversation-”

“About me!”

Pacey hit the erase button.

“Message deleted,” the mechanical voice informed them.

“Pacey, if it was about me, then I want to know!” Joey screamed.

“You don’t need to know about it, Jo! That’s all there is to it!”

“That’s it,” she said before storming into her room.

She emerged from her room ten minutes later with a bag and she had changed out of her pajamas.

“Jo, what are you doing?” Pacey asked.

“Leaving,” she said shortly, and she slipped on her shoes.

“Don’t get carried away, Joey! Its not a big deal!”

“Pacey... if we can’t have an honest relationship, then it is a big deal,” she replied.

She put on her coat and headed out the door, closing it behind her.

*~*~*~*~*

Jen put on her robe as she heard her intercom buzzing. She hurriedly pressed the button.

“Who is it?” she asked.

“Miss Potter, Miss Lindley,” George replied.

“Oh, um, send her up,” Jen said, a little confused.

Why would Joey be visiting her?

There was a knock on her door in a matter of minutes, and Jen opened it. She was shocked to find Joey looking rather tired and worn out. Her eyes were red and puffy and her hair was messed up and looked like she had just rolled out of bed. She held an overnight bag in her hand.

“Is something wrong, Joey?” Jen asked, concerned as she put an arm around Joey.

“Everything,” Joey replied, her voice breaking.

Jen pulled Joey into a hug.

“Oh, Jo,” Jen said. “What is it? Is it Dawson?”

“Everything... Dawson, Sara, Sandra, work... Pacey,” Joey sobbed, her voice breaking the mention of Pacey’s name.

“What happened with Pacey?” Jen asked, leading her into the apartment.

“We got in a fight,” Joey replied in a soft, fragile voice.

Jen nodded. She understood perfectly.
Interlude Three: Jen

Joey sits on my couch, watching Saturday Night Live, and is pretending that nothing is wrong. She’s actually acting interested, even though I recall her saying that the current cast was talentless as ever just last week. I may not know her like I know Jack, but some things are obvious.

I know the divorce has upset her tremendously. She just wants to get further and further from Dawson, and Dawson just tries to tighten his grip. Neither one is getting very far.

And she told me about her big blow-out with Sara and Sandra. Funny how the whole thing can be rooted back to Pacey.

Joey denies it, and I didn’t feel the need to pick a fight with her about it, but the whole reason she blew up at Sara was because of Pacey. It was more than obvious. And she’s pushing advice and “guidance” on Sandra not only because Sandra is Sara’s sister and her own friend, but also because Sandra is reminiscent of a self-destructive, teenage Pacey... Pacey, who Joey is so desperately in love with that she can’t even see straight. So, technically, the divorce could even be rooted back to Pacey... Joey never being able to love Dawson like she loves Pacey...

Man, I should’ve been a Psyche Major.

Its funny how even though all of us are past the point of adolescence, we must all over-complicate such simple things.

Dawson should just let Joey go. She doesn’t love him anymore.

Joey should stop taking out her Pacey frustrations on to other people and situations. She’s in love with him and needs to leave her denial-induced state.

Pacey should just dump Cici. I mean, she’s a great girl, but who’s he kidding? He’s been in love with Joey Potter for the majority of his adult and teen life. And she’s in love with him.

And I... I need to get a life. I find my friend’s lives much too interesting.

I try to think of simpler times with our friends... when friends were just friends and that was that, but I cannot seem to recall any. It was only when things got complicated when we pulled through and helped each other. And bonded to each other. Why did things get so complicated? Because then we would all be lifeless, dull people moving through our simple lives without any real connection to any other human lives.

See, I’m even making this more complicated by going on random tangents. I really do need to get a life.