“Never Is A Promise”

by Rachel

Joey smiled playfully as Pacey toyed with a strand of her hair.

“I love you, ya know…” He said.

“I love you too.”

He stretched out beside her on the quilt, shoving their picnic basket aside and spilling their thermos of lemonade. He started kissing her, and she kissed him back, slipping her tongue in his mouth and reaching her hand down the inside of his pants. He paused, and reared back.

“Does this mean…?”

“Not yet, Pacey,” Joey smiled.

“Okay…just making sure.” He looked around as if to ensure they were alone. “But we can still make out, right?”

“Definitely.”

“Good…just so I don’t go away empty handed…”

“Who says I can’t satisfy you without sex?”

Pacey raised his brow at her whimsically, and she laughed.

They spent the better part of the afternoon necking in the woods.

“Joey…You know you meant everything to me when we were together,” Dawson grabbed her arm as she turned to walk away. Joey averted her eyes. “Please Jo…hear me out.”

“What—what do you want me to say?”

“I want you to just listen…hear me out.”

“Fine…”

She took a seat on the edge of his bed, and he paced the floor, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

It was Friday, movie night, but tonight had turned into something much different, much more…Dawson had tried to kiss her, and when she tried to leave, he started spilling his guts.

“I—I know you’re seeing someone else right now, and that’s fine…”

Joey looked up at him, alarmed. He knew?

“I don’t know who he is, but I know there’s someone…there has to be! I can tell by the way you act…and the way you disappear everyday after school! Except for tonight that is… But I have to be honest with you. I have to wonder if he could ever love you the way I do…” He stopped and knelt down on the floor before her, looking up at her, smiling. “Joey…I want you to reconsider me…consider breaking it off with this guy, whoever he may be, for whatever you think you may have…and consider resurrecting something real. We are meant to be together Jo…we are real.”

Joey blushed and looked away. What was happening here?

She couldn’t look at him…she couldn’t look into those endearing blue eyes that she had known for so many years, not to refuse him…No, she couldn’t hurt him like that…never.

“Dawson…we were a long time ago,” She said, finally able to speak.

“Not so long ago that I know you don’t have feelings for me anymore.” He lifted her chin to meet his gaze. “You do have feelings for me still, don’t you?”

“Of course, Dawson.” Joey smiled sheepishly as he seemed to peer into her soul. It felt good when he looked at her that way…it felt familiar. “Of course, how could I not? You’ve been such a big part of me for so long…”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“It’s just—it’s just that…” Joey looked away again. “I can’t just choose… I can’t be sure,”

“I can make you sure,” He said, leaning in and touching her face. “I can make you completely sure,”

Dawson kissed her. He held her chin in his hands, and he kissed her.

Years of memories came flooding back…years of history…years of growing, and friendship…and love.

Slowly she started kissing him back.

“I don’t want anyone else to know…” She said as he laid her back across his bed. “I don’t want anyone else to get in our way…”

“I wont tell anyone…I swear I wont tell anyone.”

Four weeks had passed and Joey had never felt dizzier.

She met Pacey in the woods, again in their spot.

He was waiting for her, their quilt spread out across the ground, with a full picnic basket, and this time, a bottle of wine.

“I thought we’d celebrate…” He said as she sat down beside him. Se was surprised.

“Celebrate what?” She asked as he poured her a glass. It was red, deep red, and it smelled so rich as she raised it to her lips and took a sip.”

“Us, of course.” He said, sipping his own. “It’s been two months, and we’ve managed to keep ‘us’ a secret.”

“Oh,” Joey said looking guiltily into her glass. She swallowed hard, thinking about Dawson.

“I was kinda wondering…” He smiled mischievously, raising a brow at her. “I was wondering how you’d… feel…spending the night with me out here, under the stars…” He looked at her hopefully. “Making love.”

“Pacey,” Joey smiled, shaking her head. She hesitated. She was speechless…and confused. Trouble played at her lips, and a scowl crept up on her forehead.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his face darkening. He rose up from the quilt and took her hand. “If it’s too soon, I understand…there’s no pressure.”
”No…” She said, smiling awkwardly. “It’s just that…that…”

“Jo, if it’s not the right time, just say ‘it’s not the right time’ and I’ll understand…Really, it’s okay. Think of it as you’re ‘get out of jail free’ card…”

Joey felt her walls going up. She knew she should tell him about the way she’d been carrying on with Dawson but she was afraid…and she didn’t want to loose him. However, she wasn’t ready for this.

She looked into his eyes, his trusting eyes, and unable to leave his gaze, she smiled reluctantly.

“It’s not the right time…”

Pacey leaned back and took a deep breath. She could see the disappointment on his face, but he smiled anyway.

“Well…alright then,” He said. “Let’s get started on this meal here,” He opened the picnic basket. “We’ve got a lot of food to eat and a whole afternoon to do it in, and I don’t want to waste any time.”

Joey smiled despite herself, momentarily forgetting Dawson.

“Okay,”

She spent the next few hours just enjoying Pacey’s company, and they spent the rest of the day together, just relaxing in the shade of the tall trees.

Friday came and Joey rowed her boat up the creek towards Dawson’s. Tonight was their ‘movie night’, and of course that meant they would be together…Joey blushed as she thought about the things they did, late at night when they were supposed to be having ‘movie night’…late at night, in his room…alone…in his bed.

As she neared his house, she saw a familiar vehicle in the driveway. She paused, almost dropping the oars into the creek as she realized Pacey was there.

She stared for a moment before realizing her jaw was hanging open. She rowed the rest of the way to the dock taking a moment to compose herself before climbing out of the boat.

She walked slowly up the lawn, feeling nervous and apprehensive, to where the ladder stood waiting for her outside Dawson’s bedroom window.

She climbed the ladder, one rung at a time, feeling clumsy as she finally reached the roof and heard Pacey’s voice and laughter from inside. As she reached the window, she saw Pacey kicked back in one of Dawson’s chairs and Dawson lying across his bed…their bed, giddily telling eachother stories. When Pacey looked up and saw Joey standing there watching them, he mouthed her a kiss before Dawson could see it, and then got up to help her through the window.

“Hey, Potter!” He jived. “How’s it hanging?”

“Fine,” She said quietly, staring at him unintentionally.

“Hey Jo!” Dawson said, sitting up on his bed, and watching her eagerly. “Pacey stopped by to have a movie night with us!”
”Oh, that’s nice.” Joey said as she sat down heavily on the edge of the bed.

She watched them carry on, talking to eachother as if nothing was going on…without any qualms whatsoever. ‘If they only knew…’ She thought, feeling tense all over. She was scared to death that one of them would pick up on it.

But they didn’t.

Dawson put the movie in and laid back on his bed, still beaming; Pacey sat back in the chair, smiling as usual and cracking jokes; and Joey sat there between them, silently, awkwardly, and inconspicuously as they watched the movie.

“Want a ride home, Jo?” Pacey asked, a flicker in his eye at the question’s hidden meaning.

“Um…” Joey bit her lip as she looked from Pacey to Dawson. It was late, almost midnight, and she didn’t know what to do.

“Um, thanks, Pace…” Dawson said getting to his feet. “But Jo’s going to spend the night again.”

“Again?” Pacey asked, suddenly troubled. He glanced at Joey skeptically.

Joey couldn’t speak. Her lips froze, and then she felt Dawson’s arm slipping around her neck.

“I’m sure Jo’s a little tired, and wants to stay here…”

“Is this true, Jo?” Pacey asked as he eyed her. She sensed the tautness in his voice…like a noose being tied around her neck.

“Yeah, it’s fine!” Dawson answered for her. “You want me to walk you out, man?”

“No,” Pacey said, glaring at them. “I know the way, thanks.” He yanked open the door and stepped out into the hall way.

“Well, I know you know the way,” Dawson laughed.

“Whatever, I’ll see you later, man…” Pacey disappeared down the steps, and Dawson shut the door behind him.

“That was kinda abrupt, wasn’t it?” He flung himself back down on the bed next to Joey.

“Yeah…” She mumbled. “I guess…”
”Well, I’m glad he’s gone,” Dawson started rubbing her back. “Now we can spend our ‘quality time’ together…” He rose up behind her, and started kissing her neck. Joey could hear the engine of the Jeep start up outside, and then she heard as it sped off.

“Dawson,” She said, pushing him away. “Can we just sleep tonight?”

“Sure, Jo.” He said, a little disappointedly, oblivious to her troubles.

“Good,” She mumbled. “Good.”

~O~

Over the next week, Joey avoided Pacey and Dawson both. Pacey seemed to be avoiding her as well, but Dawson was a problem. He always seemed to find her at the most inopportune times…always wanting to kiss, or fool around, or make plans to do so at another time.

Joey was getting tired of it, being torn in two different directions. She thought constantly about telling each about the other one, but when she saw one of them walking down the hallway in her direction, or crossing the courtyard on their way to class, she just couldn’t. She’d always find an excuse to go the other way.

“Joey,” Pacey said, catching up to her on her way to sixth period the following Friday.

“Oh…hi, Pacey,”

“What’s going on?” His voice wasn’t angry, or condemning, and the way he looked at her…He was only in search of understanding, but Joey couldn’t help but feel defensive.

“What do you mean, ‘what’s going on’?” She snapped.

“I feel like there’s something going on with you…inside your head, that you’re not telling me about…”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Joey,” He said, holding her gently by the arm as she started to turn to leave. “Jo…please…you can talk to me about anything. If something’s wrong, I want you to trust me…what’s going on?”

Joey bit her lip and tried to avoid his gaze, but couldn’t. The powerful tenderness in his gray eyes was just too overwhelming, and she found herself looking right into them. “Is it Dawson?” He asked. She didn’t hear him. “Joey…is it Dawson?”

“What?” She mumbled, pulling herself back.

“Are you…are you—seeing Dawson?”

Her silence confirmed his question.

“Oh,” He said, dropping his gaze to the floor and letting go of her arm. “I—I understand…I guess…I wish you would’ve told me…”

“Oh, Pacey!” Joey whispered, tears springing up into her eyes. “I never meant—“

“It—it’s okay,” He said, taking a step back. “It’s fine Jo…really, I’m—I’m fine…”

“I never meant…” Joey tried, but she lost her voice.

She lost her nerve, and she let him walk away.

“Dawson, I want to talk to you about something…”
”Sure, Jo.” Dawson said, leaning back from her. He wiped her lip gloss from his mouth with the back of his hand, and watched her as she slumped back against the headboard. “What is it?”

She’d been acting aloof ever since she had gotten there. She had come over straight after school…after the whole episode with Pacey in the hallway, and she wished she hadn’t of come at all.

Then she wouldn’t have to say this…

“This is really hard…” She glanced up at him, but looked away again when she met his eyes.

“What, Jo?” He asked, smiling nervously. “What?”

“Dawson…you’re not going to like this.”

“Oh,” Dawson said.

She could see the hurt in his eyes and his voice cracked a little so whatever disappointment he was trying to hide had already betrayed him.

“I’m—I’m so sorry,” Was all she could say.

“I—I…whew!” Dawson exhaled heavily, running a hand through his hair. “Just give me a minute…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “So you were with him?”

“No…I mean, yes, but we never…slept together. You’re—you were it…And although I was with him, I didn’t sleep with him…not exactly.”

“Oh…” Dawson rubbed his eyes as if he were suddenly tired. Joey realized it was because he was trying not to cry.

“I’m sorry, Dawson…”

“Does he know?”

Before Joey could answer, there was a knock at his bedroom door. Dawson stood abruptly. No one else was home, so he knew it wasn’t his parents. He went to the door and opened it.

Joey looked away as Pacey entered the room, his eyes red and sullen, and angst written all over his face.

“Can I talk to you guys?” He asked. His voice was soft but gruff.

“Yeah,” Dawson answered him with the same tone. “Please…come in.”
Joey stiffened as he entered and took a seat in his usual chair. Dawson sat back down on the edge of the bed next to her, and she closed her eyes.

“I just wanted you to understand what this has been doing to me,” Pacey said, his voice frighteningly calm. His face was still weighed down with grief, but he held himself together. “I am in love with you Joey.”

She didn’t respond.

“Well, I’m in love with you, too,” Dawson said, almost defensively, eyeing the both of them. Pacey looked at the floor.

Joey couldn’t look at either of them. She tried but she couldn’t find the courage. Tears slid down her cheeks as she cried silently to herself.

“Looks like we have a problem then,” Pacey said, his voice more grave.

“A big problem,” Dawson retorted. He looked at her, angrily at first, but just at the sight of her, he softened. “Joey…What’s happening here? What are you going to do?” He whispered. “Who are you going to choose?”

“There can only be one, Jo…” Pacey said.

“You have to make a choice…” Dawson said. “Which is it?”

She looked at him and felt such a fear...her head began to ache.

His questioned unnerved her and she started to bawl.

“Oh, Jo…” Pacey sighed, his eyes welling up too.

“Don’t cry,” Dawson whispered. “There’s no reason to cry…it’s a simple question. Who are you going to choose?”

“But—but I love both of you.” She whispered. “I love both of you…”

“Oh, Jo…” Dawson hugged her, crying too. “It’ll be okay…it’ll be fine…”

Pacey watched them, his own tears welling again.

“I—I just can’t choose!” Joey sobbed. “I can’t hurt either of you! I don’t want to…I don’t want to…”

“Shh…” Dawson hushed her. She closed her eyes again as he kissed her cheek tenderly.

Pacey got up and went to the bed, sliding down on it next to her, watching them.

Dawson kissed her again, this time on the side of her lips. She shuddered a deep breath, and felt the room start to spin.

Pacey touched her throat. His fingers were warm as they lingered there for a moment. Then she felt Pacey’s lips press against her neck, gently sucking…tasting her skin, and suddenly they were both kissing her.

She felt Dawson’s lip brush hotly against her ear, and then he was kissing her cheek and the side of her mouth again. His hand ran up the inside of her thigh and sent a chill throughout her body. She moaned a little before she could stop herself. He started kissing her neck.

Pacey slid his lips across her chin and along her jaw, biting gently at the area below her ear. He paused there, sucking on her ear lobe, before deeply kissing her mouth

She trembled all over as she felt their hands on her, in different parts of her body, touching her, petting her. She felt a hand exploring under her blouse and she shuddered as it found her bra, and started to caress her there. She squeezed her eyes shut, and as the moments passed, she found herself being laid back, down on the mattress; lips tasting her bare skin, one body on either side of her, each unmindful of the other. She felt fingers on the buttons of her blouse, working to expose her flesh. She felt warm lips against her stomach as others pressed against her own lips.

She sighed as the pounding in her head started to dissipate, and she felt a rush as one of them began to toy with the button on her pants. She felt like she was drifting off into a deep, deep sleep…a dream…

“NO!” She screamed, suddenly sitting up.

Wide eyed, she looked around the room; her heart pounding in her chest, breathless and flustered. She clutched at her shirt, frantically trying to button it, and then started to her feet. She spun around, finding both of the boys sprawled out across the bed, staring back at her in confusion. The torment on her face made them painfully aware, and they suddenly started up.

Their cheeks flushed as they glanced at one another; reality sinking in.

“Oh my god!” Joey said. “Oh my god!” She went to the window, flinging it open, and started to climb out.

“Joey?” Pacey called, rising off the bed to follow her.

“Leave me alone!” She screamed. He watched her from the windowsill as she descended the ladder hastily.

“Joey! Wait!” Dawson called coming to the window. They stared down at her; uneasy looks playing on their faces, and just the site of them made her panic that much more.

She started to cry again as she reached the bottom, and then she took off across the lawn to the dock where she fled in her boat.

“God! What the hell were we doing?” Dawson slumped down on his bed, his head in his hands. “What were we doing…”

“We seriously fucked up,” Pacey whispered, staring blankly out the window.

***Part 3***

“Leave me alone!” Joey screamed as she turned back the other direction. Pacey and Dawson followed her down the hallway that Monday after school, finally cornering her. “Stop it! Leave me alone!” She cried.

“Joey! Joey!” Dawson said, taking her by the shoulders. “Please, give us a chance!”

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” She screamed.

“We are so sorry, Jo,” Pacey said helplessly, shoving Dawson out of the way. “Please don’t hate us! Please!”

She looked around between her tears, but there was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. She closed her eyes as Pacey peered down at her with his gaze.

“Joey, please…” His voice came out a low, comforting hum. “Please Jo…”

“Please,” Dawson whispered.

Reluctantly, Joey opened her eyes, and wiped away her tears with the back of her hand.

“Joey…we are so sorry…” Dawson said helplessly. He glanced over at Pacey powerlessly.

“Joey, we didn’t mean to freak you out…we—we just wanted to take care of you,” Pacey cautiously wiped the hair away from her face. She didn’t resist, so he smoothed the rest of her hair back. Joey choked back tears, trying her best to calm herself, but she was still so embarrassed.

“God,” She managed to whisper.

“Talk to us, Jo…” Dawson pleaded. “Tell us what you’re thinking…”

“I’m—I’m so embarrassed!” She said, hiding her face in her hands.

“Don’t be embarrassed, Jo,” Pacey said, lowering his head. “We are the ones who should be embarrassed…we were the ones who—who started…doing it…”

“But you can’t understand!” She wailed. “You can’t understand these feelings I have! I’ve betrayed you, both, and I always promised I never would! I’ve hurt the both of you…and god! What you did! You—You just made me feel so—so…Oh! I’m just so confused!”

“Joey, we would never hurt you,” Dawson said, putting his hand on her shoulder.

“Never,” Pacey reiterated.

Joey looked to both of them, staring helpless and vulnerable.

“I know…” She whispered and started to cry again. “I’m so sorry!” She went into Pacey’s arms as the flood of tears unleashed itself down her cheeks and soaked into his shirt.

“Oh, Joey…” Pacey sighed as he held her.

Dawson stood by helplessly…watching as Joey allowed Pacey to console her. He knew what it meant…he knew deep down… Joey and Pacey… He stood there helplessly.

“Dawson…” Joey said, suddenly pulling back from Pacey. She sniffled then opened her arms to him. “Come here…”

And he went to her.

The three of them held eachother until the despair was gone.

Tomorrow they would define their relationships, but for now, they would just be there for eachother; unconditional support…just like when they were kids, before they ever understood jealousy or loyalty, before they ever worried about losing eachother to one another.

Tomorrow they would define their relationships…tomorrow.

The End