I’m Sorry

by A Witness

DISCLAIMER: "Angel" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and all relations and contents of both series belong exclusively to Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, Mutant Enemy Inc, Greenwolf Co, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Television, 20th Century Fox Television, and the WB. NO INFRINGEMENT INTENDED BY THE AUTHOR!
TIMEFRAME: Present
RATED: PG (for boozing, but please let me know if I should change the rating)
SUMMARY: Angel is writing a letter to Buffy after Spike pays him a visit. Please R&R.

I'M SORRY

by A Witness

Angel slammed the hotel door in Spike's face.

"Hey, mate! Let me in! For old times' sake!!" He gazed up at the high sun threatening to invade the shadows. "I feel like I'm gonna fry out here!" He slammed his fists against the glass and turned around. Angel continued walking up his steps, unfazed.

"I have news about BUFFY!" Spike called in a final attempt. Angel paused. It had worked. Within moments, the two ancient vampires were sitting in the lobby of the hotel, staring across the room at one another. Spike, having sunk into the seat, glanced around the marble-floored room. "Nice place you got here." His eyes flicked towards the counter. "No staff?" He laughed. "Where's that little highschool girl - Cordelia - and the mixbreed?" Angel gave no reply. "C'mon, mate! Relax a little; I have this little chip thingy in my head, see, so I can't exactly bite either one. Though I have to say I never tried with a half-demon...."

"We have a new office. Doyle's dead."

"Dead, huh?" Spike sighed. "So, who're the replacement players?"

"Did you come here to tell me something?" Angel demanded, losing patience and shifting his weight to lean forward in his perch on the steps by the door.

"Just trying to make some friendly chitchat, nothing more. I bet you didn't know about the bloody chip in me head, did you? Yeah, it's something the Iniative - you know, Buffy's former boyfriend? - put in there to bother me. Because of it, I can't harm humans." He paused. "But I guess I could harm YOU."

"What happens if you try?"

"It hurts." He sighed again. "Well, do you want to know about Buffy?"

Angel contemplated. And then, he nodded.

--- HOURS LATER....---

Spike waved goodbye to Angel as he stepped out of the Hyperion near midnight. They had spent most of the day talking - of which Spike did most of - and they caught up on old times. Which was the last thing that Angel expected to do with Spike. It was almost fun...okay, it was fun. Probably because they had brought out the alcohol, and Angel had teased Spike for falling in love with Buffy. He couldn't find it in himself to be jealous: in fact, he gave him a few tips on how to handle love with a Slayer. And now, the hotel was quiet again, and Angel, past the drunken haze that had resulted from boozing for nine hours, felt quite alone.

And regretful.

He hadn't been there to comfort Buffy. Spike had made him realize how much he had missed. How much he knew he would miss as he walked away from her two years ago. But he was sorry. So he picked up a pen, some fine-grained, expensive paper and wrote a letter that he promised himself to send.

Dear Buffy,

I'm writing to say I'm sorry. I have just been visited by William and it's now that I realize how much I've missed, and how sorry I am that I missed it. I'm sorry for not being there to comfort you when Joyce died. I'm sorry I wasn't the first one to come over when you found her dead on the couch. I'm sorry I won't be there to attend her funeral and give you the support I know you need. I'm sorry I didn't give you a shoulder to lean on when Riley left you. I'm sorry I couldn't help you with Drusilla. I'm sorry I didn't protect you from anything that has left you hurt and wounded these last few weeks. I'm sorry I can't help you out with your sister, Dawn, and sorry I couldn't help you explain to her that she was still, and always would be, your sister. I'm sorry about your mother's tumor and her operation. I'm sorry I haven't held you in my arms for the last few weeks. I'm sorry I didn't watch Dawn for you. I'm sorry I can't be by your side as you fight Glory. I'm sorry I haven't been there to say "Hello" and sorry that I will not be. I'm sorry that I've been self-absorbed, and sorry for every time I've hurt you or broken your heart. I'm sorry I couldn't watch you tell off the Watcher's Council and sorry that I will never get another chance.

I'm sorry, obviously, for everything I've done and everything I haven't. But mostly, I'm sorry that I walked away from you two years ago without a good-bye.

I wish I had been there, and I wish I had tried, but I did neither, and all I can say now is sorry.

Angel


He studied the print of black ink against white paper. He promised himself he would send it. And he was sorry that he wouldn't.


Fin.

Webhostess’ note: There is no email for this author, but you can find A Witness at fanfiction.net