Second Chances

By superninja

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Mr. Whedon and Mutant Enemy. This story is not intended for profit.

Continuity: Takes place after Trials

Rating: PG

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Angel opened the door slowly then closed it behind him softly, a strange energy hanging in the air.

He would’ve attributed it to Dennis, but the ghost was nowhere to be found. A pensive knot formed on his brow as he stared at the floor, adrift in thought.

Angel jumped when a shirt came flying out of the bedroom and landed at his feet. He bent to pick it up, lazily running his hand over the aqua blue silk. He glanced towards the bedroom warily. She was going to be angry with him that was for sure. He’d lied to both her and Wesley. But they didn’t understand…they couldn’t understand. Darla wasn’t just an obsession, she was a quest – an avatar of hope that someday Angel could be redeemed for the horrors he had inflicted.

After all, if Darla could be saved, then couldn’t he?

Cordelia threw another pair of socks into the suitcase, and then briskly walked to the dresser, yanking open another drawer. This one was filled with hosiery. Pulling on a pair of black tights, she yanked only to find they were caught on something inside. Growling in frustration she yanked even harder, forgetting that her momentum would send her spilling backward when it finally came loose.

And it did. Right into Angel.

"What do you want?" she asked jerking out of his grip, and tossing the emancipated tights into the suitcase.

He didn’t answer, but merely glanced towards the bed, seeing the open suitcase on it. She smirked, then shrugged her shoulders, turning away from him back towards the open drawer.

"Never know the right thing to say, do you brood-boy?" He decided to keep quiet and let her vent. Cordelia usually had a way of working all her feelings out in the end, whether you actively participated in the conversation or not. "At least before you were broody and honest. Now you’re just a broody liar."

"Cordelia…" he began.

"Shut up, Angel. I’ve had it with you!" she spun on him suddenly, her eyes blazing. "I’ve had it with your creepy Darla fixation, your ‘I’m such a loner’ vibe, and your dark and depressing wardrobe." He jerked backwards for a moment, surprised by her hostility. "It’s never going to end," she said with finality. "I’ve wasted so much time here…"

Angel swallowed hard. "Where are you going?"

"I’m going back to Sunnydale," she answered, slamming the suitcase shut.

"Cordelia. Please don’t go. I need you…" he reached out for her again, but she jerked away like his hand was fire.

"I thought we were family, Angel," she glared back at him with watery eyes. "It’s all I have now. Maybe back there I can start over again and they’ll accept me…"

"I messed up, Cor. That’s all. I’ll make it up to you and Wes, I promise."

"And how long will we have to wait? Before or after Darla’s got you jumping through hoops? Before or after Wolfram & Hart have you so blinded you’re doing their dirty work for them?"

"That’s not fair. You don’t understand what it is between me and Darla!" he was angry now. Angry with himself, angry with her…Mostly angry with himself, but he couldn’t think of any other way to express it.

She put her face into her hands and refused to look at him, shaking her head. "Just get out. Get out of my life."

"No."

She looked up at this and saw him seething, staring down at her defiantly. Without a word she reached for the suitcase and pulled it off the bed. It was heavy, dragging her down. Resolutely she grabbed it with both hands and jerked up.

"Then all I ask is you get out of my way," she replied coldly, wobbling past him.

His jaw hardened, desperately trying to control his anger. A thought flashed through his mind. He’d walked out on people his whole life. Coward. He’d walked out on Buffy. Maybe this was just karma kicking him in the ass. No…He wouldn’t let her leave. He couldn’t lose again. He needed her.

"I don’t love her, Cordy."

Her lithe frame limped awkwardly out the bedroom and towards the front door.

"Big deal," she answered over her shoulder.

Angel sighed in frustration and followed her into the front room.

"Can I at least *try* to explain?" he paused letting the request sink in. "Can you at least give me that?"

Cordy pouted and sat on the edge of the couch. "Sure, dying man…I’ll throw you a rope. But it’s a *really* short one, so I’d be careful."

He smiled over at her uneasily and sat down next to her on the couch, careful not to invade her personal space too quickly. Leaning forward with his knees on his elbows, he began.

"When I left Buffy…" he started.

"Rope getting shorter!" Cordelia chimed in.

"C’mon. Be fair."

"Fine."

"When I left… ‘you-know-who’, all I could think about was how I had come so close to having everything I’d ever wanted. Just to be human again. To be able to love someone without fear of hurting them."

"Uh, real people can hurt too. Hello!" she rolled her eyes. "I guess what Xander did was just a detour on the game of Life."

"You’re right," he corrected himself.

"It was like I could see the career, and the husband, and the 2.5 kids, and the big fat salary, and then I just got screwed!"

"We were talking about me, right?"

"Huh?"

"Cause I thought we were talking about me."

"Oh, sorry."

"So when Darla came back, it was like looking in a mirror."

"Only actually seeing a reflection."

"Riiiighhttt," He answered with a hint of annoyance. She noticed his expression and quickly buttoned up with a curt smile. "Darla was given something that I never had, Cordy. Sure, she worked that weird little love-spell on me at first. And then she tried to let Angelus out…"

He realized how silly it all sounded in hindsight. Cordelia was giving him the "I told you so look", but he pressed on.

"My obsession with her never had to do with love. It was about a second chance."

"Your second chance," she said, trying to understand. "She could’ve lived your dream, I guess…"

"And my second chance died tonight," he said softly, burying his head in his hands.

Cordelia’s features softened at this and she touched his shoulder.

"What happened?"

"Darla's a vampire."

Cordelia’s eyes widened as she rose and slowly looked away. "That’s terrible…" she said, her thoughts drifting off.

Angel felt her standing and looked up, puzzled by her quick change of expression. Their eyes met and locked as he stared her down. She was hiding something, he was sure of it. He didn’t break the gaze and her face betrayed the unmistakable look of guilt. Hot ire rushed through his veins as it dawned on him.

"Damn you…" he said, getting to his feet and moving towards her in a rush.

She squeaked in fear and backed her way into the bedroom, looking for a way around him as he followed after her, catching her and grabbing both of her arms tightly.

"You KNEW!" he yelled at her. "You knew and you didn’t tell me!"

"Angel," she sobbed, trying to fight him off. "I…."

He threw her down onto the bed and stepped to the wall, slamming his fists against it, over and over again.

"Why? Why!? WHY?!!"

Wiping away tears, she sat up as he finally exhausted his efforts and slid down to the floor. His shoulders hunched over, shaking.

He was crying.

Cordelia delicately got to her feet and walked towards him, kneeling. She placed a hand on his shoulder, but he pulled away.

"How could I tell you, Angel?" she said quietly. "Everything that’s happened over the last few weeks…that I knew how the story would end?"

Sucking in a deep breath, he turned to her and she gasped. He had his game face on. Backing up slightly she tried to move away from him, but he reached out and grabbed a wrist. Pulling her into him, he fed on the terror in her eyes. The darkness was beginning to swallow him and he wanted to embrace it, to give up. Forcing his eyes shut, his face changed and he pushed her away.

"I’d better leave. Before I hurt you."

He rose and headed for the door, as she scrambled to her feet and chased after him. He opened it, but she pushed her weight against it causing it to close.

"I know you won’t hurt me."

"You don’t know me at all."

Reaching out, she grabbed one of his hands in hers and held it.

"Angel, there’s something else I have to tell you."

"I don’t want to hear it…"

She grabbed his chin forcefully and turned his face to hers.

"You didn’t fail, Angel."

"Darla is a vampire Cordelia. That's failure with a capital F…"

"Darla isn’t Darla anymore, though. You realize that, don’t you?"

He blinked once, contemplating this new suggestion.

"Her soul is gone," she said.

His mouth turned down at the memory of the woman who had been given a second lease on life. The woman he had so desperately wanted to save, to show her that she had something so valuable, so precious, he was even willing to die for it. Just to glimpse one moment of her truly happy…A living, breathing woman who would fall in love and marry, and one day die and be buried leaving behind this body to be joined as one. Souls that would live on together, forever unburdened by curses and demons.

"You never knew Darla, Angel. You only knew the shell that was left of a woman that died over 400 years ago."

Emotion began shadow his face, and Cordelia squeezed his hand comfortingly.

"My vision showed me everything. I saw your pain through her. Your sacrifice."

Angel thought back to the trials just mere days ago. He had suffered and finally had been willing to die, just to give Darla one chance. He remembered her last conversation with him as a human. She had accepted her fate. Had he reached her in those last moments?

"You gave her a gift and it's with her right now."

Reaching up lightly, he touched her face as a tear ran down the outer corner of one eye, catching it on his cold fingers.

"Please, believe me."

Angel pulled her tightly into a hug, feeling her warm arms wrap around his chest as his chin came to rest on the crown of her head.

"I believe you," he hushed. "Now stay."

"I could never leave you, broody BF," she said with a smile, and kissed him soundly on the cheek.

"Broody BF?" he asked, smiling at the feel of her lips on his cheek.

She realized the double meaning.

"Best friend," she answered, smiling. "Best friend."

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The End