By Old English Dave
The old man tucked the
little boy up in bed and sat down in the rocking chair.
“Tell me a bedtime story, Grandpa.”
“OK, what’s it to be.... Brer Rabbit.... Jack and the Beanstalk....”
“No, tell me the one you made up, Grandpa.... you know the one.... the one
about ‘The Vampire Who Cared’.”
“I’ve told you that one many times.”
“Yes, but it’s my favourite.... please Grandpa.”
“Oh., all right. The vampire who cared was very, very old. His name was...”
“No, Grandpa.... do it properly,” the little boy interrupted.
“Right.... fine. Are you sitting comfortably?....”
“Yes.”
“.... Then I’ll begin. Once upon a time, there was a vampire who cared. He was
very, very old and his name was Dan. He hadn’t always cared though.... when he
first became a vampire, he was evil, mean, and nasty.... and didn’t give a fig
about anything or anyone.”
“Damn!”
“Pardon!”
“You usually say he didn’t give a damn about anyone, Grandpa.”
“Ssshhh.... your Grandma wouldn’t like to hear you talk like that. Anyhow,
let’s get back to the story.... he didn’t care at all about anything.”
“Hurry up to the blood-sucking bit, Grandpa.”
The old man sighed.
“He killed lots of people by biting their necks and sucking out the blood until
the bodies were nothing more than empty husks. But then, he made the mistake of
killing a young gypsy girl. The gypsy clan took revenge on the vampire by
putting a curse on him.... a curse that made him care about everything he’d
done. After that, Dan was determined to make amends and vowed to fight evil.”
“Can you miss out the boring bit where he helps Huffy the Vampire Slayer,
Grandpa.”
“Who’s telling this story!.... All right, eventually he moved to Los Angeles
where he made two good friends.... Della - a beautiful, intelligent and
talented actress.... and Hoyle - a lovable rogue who was half-Irish, half-demon
and could see into the future....”
“He died a hero’s death protecting Dan and Della, didn’t he Grandpa. That’s the
sad bit, isn’t it.”
“Yes, he did but Dan and Della never ever forgot him.... and before he died, he
passed on his gift of seeing the future to Della. After that, Dan, the vampire
who cared, and Della carried on the good fight against evil monsters, demons,
and lawyers.”
“Which are the baddest, Grandpa - monsters, demons, or lawyers?”
“Well, that’s a tough one but in my experience, I’d have to say lawyers every
time.... Anyway, eventually they met two new friends.... Des - a stoic, good-natured
Englishman..... and Dunn - a brave, young, homeless street-fighter. An ancient
scroll foretold that Dan would eventually become human if he could survive the
End of Days.”
“Then the scroll got stolen by the evil lawyers and Dan had to chop off the
hand of one of them, Langley, to get it back. Dan didn’t like Langley, did he?”
“No, not really.”
“So did he enjoy chopping his hand off?”
“No.... well.... possibly....”
“Didn’t you once say that Langley was a terrible singer?”
“Absolutely hopeless.”
“I’m getting tired now, Grandpa, can we skip to the end?”
“All right..... Dan, the vampire who cared, Della, Des, and Dunn had lots of
adventures together.... until, finally Della had a vision foretelling the
arrival of an evil demon-God who would bring about the End of Days. Des
translated the vital part of the ancient scroll in the nick of time - the only
way to kill the demon-God was by chopping off it’s head with an enchanted
sword. With Langley’s help - he’d changed sides by then - Dan was able to
obtain the enchanted sword from the evil lawyers.... a monumental battle ensued
in which Dunn was badly injured saving Des from certain death, and Della was
able to distract the demon-God long enough for Dan to cut off it’s head with
one desperate swing of the enchanted sword. The End of Days was averted and the
prophecy came true.... Dan, the vampire who cared, became human. Dan and Della
married, had lots of children, and they all lived happily ever after.”
“What happened to Des?”
“He became an interior designer.”
“What’s that, Grandpa?”
“Someone who charges you a great deal of money for doing something you could
have done yourself.”
“And Dunn?”
“Social worker.... and before you ask, it’s someone who helps people who don’t
want to be helped.... right, quiet now.... time to go to sleep.”
“Good-night, Grandpa.”
“Good-night, sleep tight.”
The old man sat and watched for a few minutes until he was sure the little boy
was asleep. He loved having any of his many grandchildren over to stay and
always insisted on being the one to get them to bed.
Quietly, but with some effort, the old man lifted himself out of the chair,
walked out of the bedroom, and slowly made his way downstairs. He caught sight of
his own reflection in the vestibule mirror and stopped to look properly - it
still gave him a kick after all these years.
He wandered into the living room and sat down on the couch next to an elderly
lady - his wife, the mother of
his children. She smiled.
“Is he asleep?”
“Sound asleep,” he replied, smiling back and putting his arm lovingly round her
shoulder.
He looked into her eyes - eyes that had seen so much pain and suffering and yet
showed no sign. She’d been
a beautiful woman and whilst age might have taken it’s toll on her body, he
thought, whilst her face was wrinkled and her eyes framed by crow’s-feet....
the eyes themselves were just as beautiful as they’d always been - clear and
flawless with a light and intelligence that still shone brightly through and always
would.
She looked back at him, curiously.
“What is it?”
“I’m a very lucky man,” he whispered.
THE END