Beside Her

By Python Chick

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the WB.

Finished: February 16, 2001

~~ Beside Her ~~

Beneath her? I, Spike, the killer of two Slayers, am beneath Miss Goodie-Two-Shoes? We'll see about that. Stupid chit won't know what hit her...especially since the bullet will be in her brain before she can blink. Who cares if her friends come after me, they won't find me. I'll skip town for a little while. Maybe go to LA and finish Peaches off before he kills me. He'll be torn in two when he learns that I've killed his slutty soulmate. When it's all over she'll be beneath me...six feet beneath me.

I exit the cemetery and make my way to the Slayer's house with vengeance on my mind. Oh yes, her death will be one for the Watcher Journals. The strongest Slayer ever, taken down by a chipped vampire. I think I'll have to steal the journal for my trophy after the Watcher's done writing in it.

I round the corner of her street and adrenaline courses through my veins, making me giddy and at the same time nervous. I grip my rifle and pick up my pace. Maybe I'll just wound her badly enough so that I can drain her dry. I promised myself I'd drink her; that I'd cause her death or at the least witness it.

I arrive at her house, watching her sit down on the porch steps. With long strides full of anger I walk toward her, thinking of what my last words to her will be. She raises her head and asks dully, "What do you want now?"

I see her face, wet with tears and my rage and hate instantly evaporate, leaving concern and empathy behind to weigh me down. "What's wrong?" I ask. It's all I can say without her getting overly suspicious about my curiosity of her pain.

"I don't want to talk about it." she responds. She's closing herself off from me. Well what did I expect? For her to open up and spill her guts to me? Someone who told her that she has a constant death wish? Definitely not. I was expecting maybe a little verbal abuse telling me how pathetic I am, but not the easy escape that she was giving me. Something is definitely wrong and something tells me it's not about a fight with Nibblet.

"Is there something I can do?" I say before I can bite my tongue. Sure, Spike; why don't you just tell the bird that you're obsessed with her. You constantly dream about her, you help her fight any demons that come along, you tried to kiss her in the alley, and now you're telling her you'll do her a favour? Maybe Dru was right; maybe I have gone soft. The Slayer doesn't answer this time. No smart remark. No angry glare. No nothing. Suddenly I'm worried for her safety as well as her sanity.

I sit down beside her and pat her back uneasily, it's the only comfort I can give her aside from taking her into my arms and hugging her so tightly she can't breathe. She gets a strange look on her face, realizing that I'm patting her back and probably scaring her just a little bit. I pull my hand off of her back and sit in silence beside her. She'll tell me when she's ready. I hope.

She sits beside me, scared and vulnerable and I wonder what's going on inside her pretty little head. What happened between the scene in the alley and now? What reduced my obsession to tears? Whatever it is I'd like to beat it to a pulp until it begs for death. Hopefully it's Peaches since I can't touch Captain Cardboard without my brain getting zapped. It would mean that I could go to LA and stake the poncy bugger once and for all.

I look over at her and she's in a daze. Lost in her thoughts; carrying the weight of her depression on her shoulders. As the tears come to her eyes once more, I speak gently. "Tell me what's on your mind."

She stares up into space, much like Dru used to do, and sighs sadly. "For almost five years I've saved people from demons and I've felt like I was somebody important," she says.

I take a deep unneeded breath and reply, "You are." Why do I keep doing this to myself?

She pauses and looks over at me, no, looks through me. She hasn't registered what I've said, thankfully. She's still lost in her little shell. "Tonight my mom told me she's going to the hospital for tests because she could be sick. I've never felt this useless in my whole existence as a Slayer."

I stare back at her. God, her eyes are beautiful. And her hair, it smells wonderful...like strawberries. "Your mum will be fine," I say sincerely, trying to give her the slightest amount of hope. "You Summers women are all strong."

Feeling out of place and nervous as she studies my face, I grab my cigarettes and lighter out of my pocket. After fumbling with the lighter, I finally manage to light one. She watches me as I inhale the toxic fumes. "You should really quit smoking. It causes..." she trails off and tears burn her eyes.

Cancer. That's what she's thinking about. Her mum's got a tumor maybe. Maybe not. Maybe she's only thinking the worst so that the negative test results will make her feel that much better. If they are negative results. I crush the cigarette under my boot and sit beside her. She sobs for a couple minutes and I slip my right arm around her shoulders for comfort. It's the closest I'll ever get to comforting her any time soon.

As usual, she proves me wrong as she accepts the comfort and leans on my shoulder, still sobbing. Now I really don't know what to do. Her right hand reaches across and grabs my jacket collar turning me to face her so she can cry against my chest.

The sudden closeness overloads my senses and I'm frozen for a few seconds. When feeling returns to my arms, I wrap them around her and hold her close, giving her the support she needs. I never thought the day would come when she'd feel secure in my embrace, a vampire nonetheless.

Dammit, maybe she's thinking that I'm Peaches. It would make sense why she's so close and so in need of my/his comfort. Her crying slowly ceases and she looks at my rifle, then up at me with questioning eyes. "Why are you here, Spike?"

I look around nervously at her yard, searching for an answer. Right, Spike, like a tree is going to tell you what to say. "Because of how we left things in the alley."

"So you were going to shoot me?" she asks accusingly.

"No I wasn't," I say. I hate lying to her, but I've got to do what I've got to do to stay undead. "I was just going to scare an apology out of you."

"Why do you need an apology from me?" she asks. "You always brush off my insults, why not the 'beneath me' one?"

"Because that one hit too close to home," I sigh. "I told you that in utter confidence and respect as part of my tale of becoming a vampire. I adored Cecily and when she said that to me I just--"

"I'm sorry, Spike," she interrupts me. Thank God that she did because I was getting closer to indirectly confessing my love for her. This girl is too much for me. In all of my years, and I've had a lot, I've never felt so flustered around somebody...not even Dru.

"It's alright pet. Just the heat of the argument...it plays with your mind," I say trying to excuse her insult as well as my attempted kiss. She rests her head against my chest again and lets out a huge sigh. That's when I realize that in all this talking, she hasn't once tried to remove herself from my arms. At least she realizes that I'm not beneath her. I'm definitely not above her, but I am beside her; we're equals on the same level.

I look down at her petite form clinging to me, seeking comfort from me. Oh yeah, she'll regret this tomorrow.

The End