The Tao of D/s
The feminine side of Tao is called Yin. It is
depicted as white in the Tao symbol. White, it
should be remembered, is not a color in itself:
rather, it is that which reflects nearly all the
rays of sunlight. Black, or yang, absorbs light. The
Western world views white as representing
good, versus the evil black; yet this value
judgment is not seen in Eastern cultures. Rather,
white and black in the yin/yang symbol represent
two parts of a whole.
The natural dominance of a
man to a woman is accepted as well. This is not
to say other expressions of dominance do not
exist. The way of nature, however, reflects the
relationship of man and woman. One is not
complete without the other -- black and white, or
male and female -- just as a Dom is not complete
without a sub.
Yin is sometimes described as a
calm pool of water reflecting what looks into it,
just as white reflects light's rays. When
something enters the pool of water, ripples
spread out and influence everything that is seen
in the water, while the pool accepts and
nourishes that which entered it. She is that from
which life comes: a giver. She is the Mother.
As the yin of a D/s whole, a woman assumes these
characteristics. In all things, childless or as a
mother of dozens of children, she exhibits the
endurance, tolerance and patience of the
feminine.
A sub reflects her Dom and represents
him. She allows herself to be entered, accepting
her Dom's discipline and guidance, and nourishing
her Dom in return. This is her strength, and why
she is part of the whole, never less.
Submission
is far from a passive state. Submissive does not
mean weak. Often a mother subordinates herself
for her children. This is the nurturing aspect of
femininity. It is a matter of nature that allows
her to subordinate while finding joy and
strength. The fullness of a mother is her
sacrifice, and her love. The fullness in other
aspects of submission lies in the times when her
will comes second and is part of what makes the
Dom more. The fullness of her life can be seen in
its richness: in the successes of children and/or
Master; in the care they felt when they fell; in
the full swell of a woman's body; in the womb of
her experience which has spread and accepted
life; and in the inner depths which are explored
in D/s. It is a gift that she gives as a giver of
life. In the same way, a sub must learn to
nurture herself, for her being is valuable as
well. This nurturing includes physical self-care
and grooming, as well as emotionally caring for
herself. It can also include reaching her highest
potential in her career. Through being honest
with herself and her Dom, she teaches herself her
own strengths and gifts and admits the areas
where she needs guidance. Her Dom may help her
better define her weaknesses as well as her
strengths, offering his guidance to help her
enhance her own being. This is how the inner
depths are explored in D/s.
Then there is the
other side of mommy: the wanton woman, unseen by
most, and reserved for a special man. She is the
woman of your fantasy, and will be the
realization of mine.
In D/s, Dom and sub find
each other, and perhaps each a little of
themselves. The expression of the Dom as the sun
works well in describing the relationship of Dom
and sub. While the Dominant is the sun and the
wind, the sub is earth and water. The earth
revolves around the sun. The wind exists, as does
the sun, above the earth and her water. In this
relationship the earth mother gives life, and the
warmth of the sun causes her fruit to grow. What
she is and has is offered to the sun. She submits
to his will: the warm glow that causes growth
and, on occasion, causes the fire that cleanses
and starts her anew. A sub nurtures her growth
and the influence of her Dom with the water of
life. In nature, water evaporates, seemingly
disappearing, and rises toward the sun. Yet
nothing is ever wasted, and the substance of life
returns to the earth after being transformed by
the sky and sun, to nurture what they have
produced together. Water also is controlled by
the movement of the earth around the sun, and
those tides themselves are the most primeval
source of life, and the origin of mankind. This
is how far back this relationship goes.
On the
surface calmness of the water, the wind causes
the ripple that sets everything in motion, just
as a Dom affects a sub when he first takes her.
The interconnected oneness of wind and water
spreads out and influences the universe, and at
the height of their passion wind and water create
a fury, the power and elegance of storm. This is
the potency of D/s, and can be a powerful force.
This is power exchange.
In Power Exchange the
Dom accepts responsibility for the whole, and seeks
to rule wisely. The character and integrity of
the Dom as leader particularly in areas of
reasonability and trust create the character of a
D/s relationship, as does the subs acceptance to
accept her Dom's leadership. As he leads he
maintains and nourishes his sub, gaining trust
and compliance, or fails and this action will
cause disharmony. However, when leadership is
positive the relationship becomes potent, and
each grows and contributes more to the
relationship.
A wise leader rules with the least interference,
and thus allows creativity. People learn when
they want to please the leader, and are allowed
to find the fullness of themselves and the
knowledge they have gained on the path the leader
sets for them. However, the wise leader knows
they must walk the path on their own legs to gain
enlightenment.