I went to Border's today to pick up either Stephen King's new book From a Buick 8, or Mina, the "sequel" to Bram Stoker's Dracula that came out a few years ago. I actual have the sequel to Mina, but I gotta read them in order, so I was going to get one or the other.
The damage:
The 2003 'Buffy, the Vampire Slayer' calendar - $12.99
Bite Me, revised and updated version, about 'Buffy' - 19.95
KO magazine - 3.99
Fortean Times magazine - 6.99
Skeptical Inquirer magazine - 4.95
Official 'Buffy' 2002 Yearbook magazine - 9.99

Total spent, not counting another small item: $58.86.
Notice I got neither of the books I intended to get. I need help.

10/31/2002 10:56 Thursday AM
Halloween. I shan't be home for most of it, I fear. And yet I'm about to go forth and buy candy - Hershey's miniatures, mind you, and maybe some Reese's cups or something. I'll solicit further requests later.
I think the last time I went tricking-or-treating, I went with a guy named Matt, a friend of my brother, and thus a couple years older. I had already mostly outgrown it and had no plans to go. But then out of the blue, this guy Matt calls and asks if I want to go. Not my brother, me. Or at least, that's the way I remember it, although it's just as likely that I inherited the invitation after my brother declined it. And as I recall, this was late afternoon. I don't remember what I did for a costume; I probably scrounged in the closet and brought forth a mask and an outfit that didn't match. A skelelon costume and a werewolf mask, or something.Who cares, right? Chocolate.

I've just realized there is (apparently) no special, Halloween-y episde of 'Buffy' this year. This week's was a repeat of the season premier, and the preview of next week didn't appear to have any particular connection. Too bad; Season Two's 'Halloween' and especially Season Four's 'Fear, Itself' are both wonderful ("Feeear me!!"). 'All the Way' from Season 6 wasn't quite as effective, but still. I want my Halloween 'Buffy'!

I'm not quite sure what to say about last night. I enjoy doing this, but I have my priorities, and the Hellmouth isn't tops.

Sh added something to her top 100 list of things to do. Great, always changing the rules. I jokingly mention ten things I'd like to do, she pushes it to 80-something. I match 80-something on my site, she adds another to her list. Well, fine, missy, but I'm not getting any more ambitious than I already am. Not yet.

10/30/2002 11:13 Wednesday PM
Well, the sacrificial gourd has been bought from the Christians and, ah, sacrificed. Not a bad effort, but not the best I've ever done. Here are the basic steps.

So I get this automatic e-mail from the university newspaper, giving me headlines, etc. One of the articles is about the Health Center. The details and links aren't important; the gist of it is to claim that a lot of students are complaining about the Health Center, how they got lousy service, misdiagnoses, and so on. One girl had a broken foot. Here's her story, exactly as written:
'{The student}, who still hobbles on crutches, said a health-care provider suggested that she could walk on her broken foot, even after the physician showed her an X-ray revealing fractures.
"They said I could put light walking weight on it," {she} said. "So I went ahead and marched in marching band all season."'
I just shook my head. I mean, really, what else can you do?

Rest in peace, Jam Master Jay. Without you, Run-DMC is just a coupla guys with microphones.
By really creepy coincidence, I listened to Raising Hell this morning on the way to campus. It's still one of my favourite albums.

I got a virus e-mailed to me today. No big deal, no harm done, the software snagged it. But the subject line got my attention: "HO/ AND SIRMS." I'm not too sure what a SIRM is, but I'm all too familiar with hoes. The last line of the e-mail is "LOOK FORWARD TO RECEIVING THE HO SYSTEM ON WEDNSDAY."
Yeah, man, we all do.

10/29/2002 10:32 Tuesday AM
You know, Rob, if you wouldn't assign so many damn papers, you wouldn't have so many to grade.

I must get a pumpkin today, and I must dismember it tonight. (Or possibly today. I'm really flexible about my use of a large, sharp weapon.) I usually get my pumpkin from the Christians at the Methodist church I used to go to; they sell them every year as a fund-raiser. Buying my pumpkin from them is, like, my peace offering for having abandoned them years ago and eventually finding something better. It's my remaining bit of loyalty to them. The fact that my peace-offering comes in the form of a waving 10-dollar bill, that I'll offer only in exchange for a large sacrificial gourd, is an irony that doesn't need to be pointed out. But nevertheless, they are my exclusive suppliers. I want to hug the old women who work there and say, aww, c'mon, you know y'all will always be my favourite pumpkin people! Besides, they're still sending me mailings and making recorded-message phonecalls inviting me to services and mens' fellowship stuff. They're either really persistent, or really trusting, or they think we're extremely lazy, so lazy that we haven't bothered to attend anything for years and years and years. Maybe it's like that Seinfeld episode where George avoids his girlfriend, knowing she's trying to break up with him. Maybe they figure that as long as I haven't drafted a formal Proclamation of Heresy, or sent them a Letter of Intent to Become a Heathen, they can still claim me. But really, guys, it's been years. Take a hint.
Oddly, they always have great pumpkins.

10/28/2002 11:30 Monday PM
Well, what are you doing on your next day off??
Here's what I'll be doing....or at least, what I'll do someday:

1. Go skydiving.
2. Run with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain, at the San Fermin festival.
3. Throw a football on the Sand Lake Road lawn of Lockheed Martin.
4. Climb a radio tower ladder.
5. See the northern lights.
6. Spend a few weeks (or an entire summer) chasing tornadoes across Tornado Alley in the Midwest.
7. Catch a really big (1000-lb.+) gamefish on a deep-sea fishing expedition.
8. Learn to scuba-dive.
9. Scuba-dive an old, old shipwreck.
10. Successfully ride a major roller coaster.
11. Build a database to catalogue all the books in my house and all future acquisitions.
12. Present a paper on 'Buffy' at a standard academic conference.
13. Track down my paternal grandfather's heritage.
14. Complete a substantial culinary course.
15. Go to the Super Bowl.
16. Attend a major championship boxing match.
17. Dye my hair any obnoxiously unnatural colour.
18. Own a cottage directly on a Florida beach that I only stay at a few weekends a year.
19. Buy the Petris home.
20. Shake Muhammad Ali's hand.
21. Own a really powerful home telescope.
22. Build a substantial treehouse on a property I own.
23. Eat a funnel cake.
24. Learn Latin.
25. Learn Arabic.
26. Go on hajj.
27. Adopt a racing greyhound.
28. Compile an oral history of my family.
29. Have a snowball fight with the girl I love.
30. Get my picture taken at midfield of Texas Stadium, standing on the Big Blue Star.
31. Get into a real bar fight.
32. Have a son named Edward Clive.
33. Terrify my daughter's boyfriend(s).
34. Completely restore my 1980 Trans-Am.
35. Complete a collection of Buffy comics.
36. Visit Castle Dracula in Transylvania.
37. Get Mariana to buy me the Easton Press books.
38. Cross a picket line.
39. Somehow obtain a complete, full collection of Peanuts comics.
40. Make a New Year's resolution that requires a daily commitment, and keep it for an entire year (at least).
41. Jump into a fountain in a major city.
42. Publish a book.
43. Discover an ancient artifact (coin, arrowhead, etc.) buried in my yard or on some public property.
44. Catch a foul ball or homerun in the stands of a major league baseball game.
45. Swim with the Polar Bear Club.
46. Visit all seven continents.
47. Celebrate a New Year's Eve in Times Square.
48. Slam dunk a basketball.
49. Sponsor the total rehab and recovery of a drug-addicted teen.
50. Try to escape the police in a car chase.
51. Watch whales in the wild.
52. Play in a poker tournament.
53. Learn to oil paint.
54. See the Rolling Stones in concert.
55. Break a bone (one of my own, of course).
56. Pierce my nose.
57. Play Santa Claus with gifts for poor children.
58. Kick a 40-yard field goal.
59. Learn to serve powerfully in tennis.
60. Ride a bull.
61. Climb a 15,000-ft.+ mountain.
62. Go white-water rafting.
63. Join MENSA.
64. Haggle for prices with a vendor in a Moroccan street bazaar.
65. Play bongos.
66. Dig for fossils in the Great Rift Valley.
67. Wear my big black leather cowboy hat without shame or embarrassment.
68. Duck under a crime-scene tape and ask somebody, "Ok, whaddya got? GET THOSE PEOPLE BACK!"
69. Fly-fish for trout alone.
70. Paint my face for a major sporting event.
71. Sit shirtless in sub-freezing temperatures at a major sporting event.
72. Allow myself to dance like nobody's watching.
73. See the Shroud of Turin.
74. See a space shuttle launch at night from as close as possible.
75. See a total solar eclipse.
76. Live on a houseboat for awhile.
77. Wake up someplace I don't recognize and not remember how I got there.
78. Tour Jerusalem.
79. Visit the Giza complex in Egypt.
80. Go to the Louvre.
81. Hike in Alaska.
82. Row the Amazon.
83. Visit England.
84. Visit China.
85. Visit India.
86-100. (Hey, I'm young; while doing all of the above, I'll find more.)

10/28/2002 6:54 Monday AM
Emmitt By God Smith. What, you think it's a coincidence that two of the greatest running backs in NFL history are Cowboys??

This whole Daylight Savings Time screws me up every year. I'm a pretty bright guy, yet I never can remember what it all means. It's 7:09 as I type this, yet I still find myself laboring through the concept like it's wet cement: let's see, if it's 7:09, that means, a coupla days ago, it was...we moved the clock back an hour..so we moved it back to 7:09 from 8:09..so....a coupla days ago this was 8:09...right? And if it gets dark at, say, 6:30pm now, that means it used to get dark at..let's see, we moved the clock back, so 6:30 used to be 7:30, so, whatever dark it used to be at 7:30 is now at 6:30, so...
...And that's how my brain muddles through this whole time-change phenomenon for the first coupla weeks. Why is all this so hard for me to remember?

And (insert your best cursing here, and I'll bet it's not nearly as good as what I managed last night) but TWICE LAST NIGHT, I left the VCR on 'pause' after commercial breaks during 'Angel.' So I missed recording two segments or so. I feel so...vulnerable now. What if, for some reason, I need to watch that particular episode before it comes out on repeat and I can record it again? And what if that videotape gets damaged before this season comes out on DVD, which will be several years? I won't have an emergency backup now. This gets worse and worse the more I think about it. So...I won't.
And, oh yeah, Angel won't be happy about Cordelia and Connor. You saw it coming, didn't you?

It's here. And she is so not going to be happy about it. More later. I want to be (probably) the first to tell her, not some cold, unfeeling blog, and I want her to be the first person I tell (and not some cold, unfeeling blog!).

10/27/2002 10:41 Sunday AM
Well, I have guests now, so I have a guestbook now. Sign it. Or don't.

10/26/2002 8:26 Saturday PM

There's nothing quite like seeing a Homecoming game surrounded by 19,000 mildy interested fans.
$2 - tolls
$5 - parking (and the thrill of seeing the lot attendant NOT understand the half-dozen or so jokes Joel attempted)
$20 - ticket to game so I could sit with friends, ignoring the opportunity to watch for free from the student section
$20 - visor-style hat that looks suspiciously like a school hat, after all my other hats earned scorn
$3 - large cup of ice and a promise that there was Coke in it also, despite evidence to the contrary
__________________________
Total: $50
Seeing a sorority girl on her hands and knees puking in the grass parking lot while her frat-boy friends ignored her and threw a football not five feet away from her: Priceless.

Oh, the score? We won, 28-17. The local newspaper had an ad in it for the game, inviting fans to come see us play the "Akron Zippers."
The team is actually called the Akron Zips. (I wonder what the mascot of a team called the Zippers would be. And what kind of smack-talk could we have in the stands? "The Zippers are going DOWN!"? And what would THEIR fans yell? "We're behind the Zippers!"?)
I'm starting to understand why we can't draw any fans to the games. Our own promotional people can't even get the names of our opponents right.

At least the National Anthem was pretty cool - even if they did run faster than half the football players...

10/26/2002 10:09 Saturday AM
Today is Homecoming, something I'm supposed to really, really care about. Why don't I? Is it because I'm still there?

10/25/2002 11:09 Friday PM
This is what I was prepared to write: "Don't tell ME there's no God. I had a great day, a good night at the Other Job, she's exactly where she wants to be, and it started raining on my way home on a Friday night where I can sleep late in the morning."
This is what I'm actually writing:
IT'S NOT FAIR.

10/25/2002 5:09 Friday PM
Gosh, what a wonderful day it's been. Too bad it has to include the next five hours or so.

10/25/2002 4:21 Friday PM
Have fun, and be careful. Don't have so much fun that you're not careful, though, and don't be so careful that you don't have fun.

10/25/2002 7:47 Friday AM
All you need to know about today (besides something or other about Ben Folds) is this: "I got a rock."
And if you don't know what that means...My God, why??

10/25/2002 1:20 Friday AM
Oh, geez, YES, I meant the Bela Lugosi Dracula. Sorry, I had Lon Chaney on the brain because the questions reminded me that some quasi-"restored" version of Lon Chaney's lost London After Midnight is coming on TV on Halloween night.
I lost the sparring, but I get a cheap thrill out of doing this AFTER losing the sparring. So there.

10/25/2002 12:05 Friday AM
How ironic and scary is this? I'm number 13 to post my "it's up" message for the AmazinglyOnTimeFF this week.
1. What is your favorite scary movie?
Dracula, Lon Chaney version - moody, atmospheric, wonderful use of sound, non-sound, and lighting, and why the hell am I bothering to defend how good this movie is?
2. What is your favorite Halloween treat?
Hershey's miniatures, especially the dark chocolate ones
3. Do you dress up for Halloween? If so, describe your best Halloween costume.
Sorry, no.
4. Do you enjoy going to haunted houses or other spooky events?
Sure, if I'm with the right person or people. (Does that need to be said?) But I don't startle, I don't scare, I delight in pointing out the historical or factual inaccuracies of whatever scene they're portraying (from movies or whatever) and I don't want the employees/guides/characters to push and prod and pull me through the place.
5. Will you dress up for Halloween this year?
Nothing to dress up for.

10/24/2002 11:52 Thursday PM
Look, the paper's late - what do you want me to do about it? I know you're sick, and I know you've been home and/or in the hospital for a lot of the past couple of weeks, and I'm sorry about all of that. And I try to help out if I can. But the semester keeps going, even if you don't, even if you can't. At some point, it's just plain late, and that's that.

10/24/2002 11:28 Thursday PM
Bill Maher is a terrifically intelligent man, and when I'm feeling non-partisan I could think he's a terrifically funny man...if only his jokes didn't pander to the uninformed and underinformed so much. I wonder what he would be like without his subscription to Time magazine?
I'm sure I'll have more to say after some digestion - literally and figuratively. I'm hungry.

10/24/2002 3:26 Thursday PM
Two signs I saw today:
"New York Style Chinese Food"
and
"Do It Yourself Home Delivery"
No, these weren't advertising the same business.
And why is it that "Chinese Food" is all you ever see on the building's sign outside? Does that tell us all we need to know? Or do they assume it does?
And how come you hardly ever see signs that just say "American Food?"

I bought something at the 5th store I looked in today - it turned into quite a marathon. Started in a Super WalMart. Then to Lowe's. A woman at Lowe's referred me to a Pep Boys. They referred me to a Discount Auto. Before I went there, I tried a Home Depot. Still nothing. From there, on the way to Discount Auto (and K-Mart, Ace Hardware, and a couple other places if necessary), I stopped on a spur-of-the-moment decision to try a Sports Authority. And that's where I found it. It felt so good I bought two.

10/24/2002 12:41 Thursday AM
Nothing eventful. Move on.

10/22/2002 11:35 Tuesday AM
This is the second Tuesday I've had today. It's like the movie Groundhog's Day. The first Tuesday today began with me peacefully waking up and ended with a phonecall telling me my truck would cost about $225, and more if the battery needs replacing too. (As I suspected, it was the alternator.) It ended with me drifting back to sleep a few hours later. The second Tuesday began with me peacefully waking up again. Hey, maybe...?
Nope, my truck is gone, so this is definitely a different Tuesday. I wonder how it will end.

Something odd happened sometime this weekend. Some sort of evil departmental Santa Claus came 'round and left a letter in everybody's mailbox, addressed to "Friends and Colleagues." It was actually left by (or at least arranged to be left by) a former instructor whom I knew only casually, and mostly only on a name/face basis. He pretty much took the whole English Department to task in the letter, yet without naming specific individuals or specific policies and procedures that he disagreed with. I'd reproduce the letter here, but he managed to do this over three and three-quarters single-spaced pages. Apparently he is feeling some rather "profound shock and embarrassment" after hearing about some teaching and/or grading practices going on in the Department these days. Again, he didn't name names in this little (nearly four-page!) manifesto except to mention instructors of upper-level undergraduate courses (and thus apparently excluding us virtuous comp instructors). But he thinks that certain instructors are guilty of teaching only one method of writing, and are grading (or "assessing") with that one method in mind and penalizing any deviation from that point of view. It's a valid concern, but so vaguely worded, and yet excessively worded, that I'm a bit at a loss to figure out exactly what he's complaining about or exactly what he'd like us/them to do about it. As a call to action, it fails; as a manifesto, though, it's brilliantly successful: rambling, non-cohesive, vague, arrogant, a bit paranoid, and bloated to several times its necessary length.
At least as interesting, though, has been the Departmental reaction to the letter. There's a lot of worry and wonder about how he, as a former student and former instructor with no current ties to the Department or University, managed to get inside the Department over the weekend to distribute his little four-page lump of coal to our mailboxes. And people are wondering if he used any Departmental photocopies to print them. Speculation is ranging from him still having a key that he never returned, to having made a copy of his key before returning it, to having been given entry this weekend by a current Departmental member or employee, to some current member having distributed them on his behalf. It's quite a saga and is the most exciting thing to happen around here since the near-riot about office space.
Here's an e-mail sent out yesterday on behalf of the Chair of the English Department:
"We need to know whether anyone here let Felix Albuerne into the department over the weekend. You absolutely must inform me if you did so."
That was it; two sentences with boldface and underlining. If anyone did, I hope they don't confess, and if they don't confess, I hope they aren't caught. I don't have enough free megabytes of space left to describe what will happen if they do or are.

10/21/2002 7:19 Monday AM
I might not make it to 12pm.

10/21/2002 6:41 Monday AM
Oh, God. What a night. I went to bed feeling crappy, I slept crappily, I had crappy dreams, and now I'm waking up feeling crappy. That's gotta be, like, the Grand Slam of Crap.
I'm still wondering if I'm coming down with something. I just want to crawl back into bed.

I was remarking last night that I hadn't felt very insightful yesterday and thus didn't have much to say here. So of course that's what I dreamt about. (See Journal for extended details.) But in one of the dreams, I was kinda regretting making only one entry yesterday. So it was, basically, a real-time dream: I was dreaming it was Sunday night/Monday morning (today). In the dream I kept finding these sites that I wanted to mention, and it bothered me that they were so elaborate and well done when I had only managed a couple of lines yesterday, and those were technically late Saturday night anyway. She pointed out that one of the sites I was reading was by a Muslim, and I was copying/pasting it to put on my site to show what other people were doing on a day when I hadn't done anything.

I might not make it to 3pm.

10/20/2002 12:18 Sunday AM
The movie description: "A man blackmails the mutant leader of a coldblooded family into killing his lover's husband."
The mutant's name is Myron. The first line of dialogue I heard was, "Otis not hurt..pretty girl.."
Well, alright, if you think you can do better, why haven't you?

10/19/2002 9:14 Saturday AM
Would you believe ten hours of sleep last night??

Yesterday I stopped to get some copies made at a copier in the music floor of our building (the building that we, the English Department, generously let the nice music/chorus people use, 'cuz we like them a lot). I've long since exhausted my copy allotment from the Department, although I don't think Luke's were ever transferred over to me for the class I took over from him. No matter. Anyway, I found a nickel in that machine. And with this discovery, after the Coke machine escapades over the past couple of weeks, I finally figured it out: if I keep spending money, eventually I'll get rich.

Something really cool is going to happen in a few hours.

10/18/2002 10:21 Friday PM
Tired.

10/18/2002 7:02 Friday AM
Oh, one more thing I wanted to mention that I gleaned from the same source I mentioned previously, about the Petris home. The source is a sort of walking tour of Oakland, and one of the stops on the tour is the site of the old town jail. It says: "The jail located here housed an occasional drunk, often George Bowen. He lived in a small cottage near Tildenville, and sometimes received a bottle of a potent beverage from callous youths just so they could see him put on a roaring drunk."
I had a "girlfriend" in kindergarten named Bowen. I wonder if there's a connection? In retrospect, this might explain a few things.

10/18/2002 12:22 Friday AM
The FridayMorningAtAround6:30OrSoFive:
1. How many TVs do you have in your home?
Four (five, if you count the TV-tuner capability in one computer)
2. On average, how much TV do you watch in a week?
Difficult to say, the TV is quite frequently on as 'white noise' or background filler even when I'm bustling around not paying attention. I probably watch 10-15 hours a week, and during most of them, I'm watching while doing other things like eating, light chores, etc. There are only perhaps five hours a week when I'll watch with 100% attention.
3. Do you feel that television is bad for young children?
Television in general? No way. Bad TV is bad. Good TV is good. Thinking in absolutes is almost always bad.
4. What TV shows do you absolutely HAVE to watch, and if you miss them, you're heartbroken?
Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, and Angel
5. If you had the power to create your own television network, what would your line-up include?
Of pre-existing, real-life shows? Buffy, Angel, Married With Children, Seinfeld, Friends, Forever Knight, Monday Night Football (or all NFL and college football games?), Cheers, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Twilight Zone

10/17/2002 7:36 Thursday PM
Look! Look! I found it! This is the "ancestral family home!"
This is the Petris home. According to one source I've found, Edmund Petris (1848-1931) moved to Oakland, Florida, from New York City via several stops in between. I'm not sure when this house was built, but he probably moved into this house some years after 1874. I also don't (yet) know how many generations of Petrises lived in the house, but the fact that the house is referrred to in local literature as "the Petris home" suggests that it was several generations. I'm also not quite sure of the exact geneology, but I think Edmund Petris was the grandfather of my maternal grandfather, Willis Edward Petris, who was father of Kay Petris, who was bio-mother of me.
The house is currently occupied, but (to my knowledge) not by a Petris or by any descendant or relative of the Petris family.
Someday, it will be.

10/17/2002 11:26 Thursday AM
So I go to play the EmoGame (sorry, guys, no link, and here's why). It took me about 3 minutes before I saw a Flash animation of a guy in a red t-shirt getting rudely violated in a prison. If I'm looking at porn, it better not be animated, and it better not be guys. I fled.

10/16/2002 11:09 Wedsday AM
Cherry Coke is good. Cheap Cherry Coke is better. Free Cherry Coke? That would make me want to spike the bottle like a football when I'm done.
A few days ago I went to a little lounge area to get something to drink. When I got there, I immediately saw a dollar bill hanging out of a machine. Of course, I swiveled my head to see if anyone was there to claim the dollar. Nobody was, nobody could. So I snatched the bill out, grinning smugly that some boob had just bought me a Cherry Coke. It happened that the machine that the dollar was hanging out of was the one I wanted to use - Cherry Coke, please, to go. So I put the dollar into the machine....and nothing happened. Nothing. Some system code on the LED indicator, telling me that there was a malfunction. Oh, how I raged against the machine. I pressed drink buttons, I pressed the change dispenser button, I tried to grasp the tiny sliver of dollar bill that was still visible in the slot, I practically crawled inside the machine from the bottom. I think I was more outraged about losing that free dollar than I would have been about losing one of my own. I was prepared to spend a dollar, you see, but NOT prepared to lose the free one. That was much, much worse.
This incident was salvaged, though, because in that same machine, I saw two dimes that had been left in it. So while I didn't get my Cherry Coke free with some profit to spare, I did get it at a discount. But it's just not the same.
So today I go to a machine to get my Cherry Coke. I immediately saw that there had already been 25 cents deposited in the machine. Again I swiveled my head and again saw nobody who could claim that quarter. So even while I was reaching into my pocket to pull out the rest of what I needed, and talking to her about whether or not this was a valid 25 cents in the machine, a woman walked out of the doorway right next to the machine and said something about whether or not the machine works.
Yeah. It was her quarter in the machine. She proceeded to put more money into the machine (which, yeah, works perfectly) and got her drink. Once again, I had a freebie snatched away from me. And she didn't even have the courtesy to leave any change in the dispenser. So I had to pay full price for my Cherry Coke. Of all the nerve.

10/16/2002 7:07 Wednesday AM
Okay, this is the new(est), revised version of the Hellmouth, newly spaced, newly configured. Still a work in progress, mind you, but I'm (we're) working on it. I have mostly recovered from my fit of anger and despair. (Well, the site-related anger and despair, at least.) Forgive me my excesses, I have not yet perfected my own perfection.
When I gave up last night, the spacing still was not what I wanted, but it was close. But then, I was looking at it on an ancient laptop with an 800x600 resolution. This morning I look at it on the Big Boy, the real computer (1280x1024), and it looks mostly like I want it to. So today's chore will be to try to reconcile the difference, to try to figure out why it looks fine on one screen but not on another, despite the code which to my understanding should make moot the difference in screen resolution.

10/15/2002 10:27 Tuesday PM
Overheard at work tonight: "I ain't never ate at one of those real fancy food places."
Yeah, hearing someone talk like that put me in a much better mood.

10/15/2002 1:09 Tuesday PM
I have no idea how to make this fucking page look any different. I've spent the last two hours fooling with tables, trying to learn how to do them, trying to figure out how to make this text only take up about 75% of the screen and not go all the way over (without manually putting in 'break' tags). I've read through this Complete Idiot's Guide, I've looked at the CD that came with it, I've gone through the WebMonkey site, I've looked at the source code of pages that look the way I want mine to look, I've used the Netscape Composer feature to try to do it and I just can't figure it out. Nothing looks the way I want it to, I get all kinds of bizarre results from things I think should work, nothing works and I hate not knowing how to do something so fucking simple and I am completely discouraged. Screw it. I give up.
This is what it is. Hope you like it.

10/15/2002 10:15 Tuesday AM
I got an e-mail from Dr. MM this morning saying she wouldn't be able to make it to my class tomorrow. I'm relieved, of course, but at the same time disappointed, because I had something useful planned. Now I'll have to scrape and scrounge to find another day and another useful plan.

I finally did it.
What, you may ask?
I'm accessing this through Netscape 7.0 - NOT Netscape Communicator. I've finally give up on Communicator and made the switch full-time. I even re-arranged the icons in my fast-launch menu. I still think the Communicator line kicked the electrons out of IE for most of its existence, but there are just increasingly too many sites that don't load up on Communicator, or don't load completely, or look screwy. I'm tired of having to copy a URL and paste it into IE or 7.0 just to see what it's supposed to look like. Now I have to set up my complicated system of files and killfiles and routing filters in my 7.0 in-box. And I still have about 250 e-mails in my Communicator in-box to sort through and file once and for all, and then I have to burn those files onto CD (unless I can import them into 7.0, not sure about that). So I'll still keep Communicator on my system, and probably will do so indefinitely, just in case. Heck, I think I still have that embarrassingly crappy Netscape 6.x on my system somewhere! Besides, I'm almost afraid to uninstall any older version for fear of damaging 7.0.

10/14/2002 9:27 Monday PM
I have this little clipping tacked on my bedroom wall, something I got from a advertisement in a fashion magazine. It says, "I never mind creating a false impression, as long as it's a fabulous impression."
Well, first of all, I think it's a really cool saying. But more important to our purposes here, I was reminded of it when I saw a newspaper article yesterday that exactly paralleled the little talk I had with the Comp II class (10-9-02) about online writing, instant-message service writing styles, all that stuff. The headline and subtitle: "KEWL OR 2 MUCH? Teachers fret when students fill their written assignments with the slangy style of instant messaging. Others say, what's the big deal?"
This article appeared three days after the class and I talked about this. It makes me look really cutting-edge and a heckuva lot more intuitive than I really am.
...as long as it's a fabulous impression, right?

I really overuse "etc.". I'll have to work on that.

10/13/2002 5:16 Sunday PM
I got a spam e-mail (presumably luring me to a pornsite) written in German. I Babelfished it: "Thank you for your dear email. Property me very been pleased about it. Clearly I have also photos of me. You can regard you to you on my homepage. Will me much if we make happy times more near would become acquainted with ourselves. Announce you simply times over my homepage!"
I'm kinda excited. Nobody ever invites me to make happy times these days.

I always have such high hopes for Sundays. I mean, for today, I envisioned:
Ok, I'll read the newspaper around 10 or so. Then I'll go out and run a few errands and be back in time for a decently-timed lunch while I watch a little bit of the early football games. Then I really need to get some gardening done, maybe get some more of those pepper plants into the ground, or if I buy something else while I'm out, I'll get those in the ground. Then in mid-afternoon I'll do some housework, maybe wash some dishes or something. Then I'll catch a little nap in mid/late afternoon, and wake up again between maybe 5-6 or so. Then I'll start on a couple loads of laundry, whatever needs doing. While those are laundring, I'll straighten up my room a bit, put the piles of stuff back into more organized piles. By early evening, I can be doing some reading for school, maybe write some. By mid-evening, I can mostly be done with Sunday chores, and can spend the rest of the night relaxing, hanging out, whatever.
This is what I actually did: Laid in bed until 10 or so...did some minor computer work...went out to BestBuy and to get a pizza, finally got home around 2..ate, watched football, read parts of newspaper. Slept for about 45 minutes or so from 3-4 or so. Got up, got online.
And here I sit.

10/13/2002 1:24 Sun AM
I am watching an old movie on Sci-Fi starring William Shatner and which was filmed entirely in Esperanto. No, not just dubbed, but filmed. William Shatner is speaking Esperanto.
See my very first blog entry.

10/12/2002 10:07 Sat PM
I am now networked.
I can now annoy you in this room...
or this room...
or this room...
or this room...

10/11/2002 6:24 Fri AM
The FridayMorningAtAround6:30OrSoFive:
1. If you could only choose 1 cd to ever listen to again, what would it be?
'Physical Graffiti,' by Led Zeppelin - the most diverse, most complete, most mature, and most eclectic album by the best band ever; has something to satisfy my every musical craving
2. If you could only choose 2 movies to watch ever again, what would they be?
'Sixteen Candles' and 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade' - I make no apologies whatsoever for their genres; two supremely well crafted and entertaining movies
3. If you could only choose 3 books to read ever again, what would they be?
al-Qur'an - no explanation necessary
Skeleton Crew, Stephen King - well, it's a collection, which seems kinda like cheating under the circumstances, but it's certainly his best collection...there are stories that make me shiver, stories that make me think, stories that make me laugh, and stories that make me cry. What more could I want?
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Mark Twain - with a nod to Huck Finn and Moby Dick, I still think this might be the great(est) American novel, by certainly my favourite if not the greatest American writer ever
4. If you could only choose 4 things to eat or drink ever again, what would they be?
a well made lasagna; some good, hot, garlicky Buffalo wings; ripe oranges; cold milk
5. If you could only choose 5 people to ever be/talk/associate/whatever with ever again, who would they be?
How much trouble do you want me to be in?? Yeah, what the hell, I've only been awake for half an hour, I haven't alienated anybody yet today.
In order only of length of time I've known them - Ed, Tom, Joel, Aisha, Mariana. Between the five of 'em, they feed all parts of my soul. And I'm going to hell for not naming those couple other people. Thanks, eternal damnation in the pit of fire is just the way to start the morning.

10/10/2002 9:00 Thurs PM
What should I think about the chat I just finished having?

So I go to pay my respects at BlogTree.
Now, I'm a Netscape user by nature. Go ahead, sue me. I'm going through the registration process, and it e-mails me my password. Maybe they did, maybe they didn't. What I got, though, was a thin, yellow, vertical line. Hmm...Got to be a mistake. So I go to the site and request a new password, and it e-mails me the new one. Maybe they did, maybe they didn't. What I got, though, was an e-mail with a big yellow box with small black type that says "A new password has been generated: ". And you're right, no password is visible. Three times, three yellow boxes. I forward the whole lot of them to her, since she's one of those IE/Hotmail types. (I'm willing to overlook that.) She, of course, can read all the messages just fine using her fancy schmancy Hotmail, and promptly copy/pastes it to me so I can see my own freakin' password. For that I was tempted to deny my parentage, and go through cyberlife as an orphan....but no. Recognition is due, and my neighbors' mailbox wouldn't be famous without her. So I thank her.

10/10/2002 6:27 Thurs PM
I've finally figured out relativity.
From this past Monday morning to tomorrow morning will be approximately 94 hours. From any particular Friday afternoon to the following Monday morning is approximately 70 hours. Those additional 24 hours will be far, FAR longer than the first 24 were, and each hour will be longer than the previous one. Funny how that works.

10/10/2002 11:37 Thurs AM
Wonderful news!
The neighbors' mailbox has been restored to its former glory. It once again stands (four feet) tall and proud, a monument and testament to the sheer grit and determination of people who value cheap, ugly, city-mandated mailboxes.
I shall provide more details soon.

Yesterday I once again had no idea what to do in the Comp II class.
I was thinking about it even as I scrambled across campus (a few minutes late) and decided on a particular topic to see where it headed. I was returning some Cores and knew I only had to fill up about 30, 35 minutes. So thinking about the rib biting frogs and some similar ideas gave me my topic.
I started out by showing them the two characters in the normal smiley-face icon, the colon (pronounced cole-uhn) and the parenthesis :) I did this with pen and paper, which was fortunate. Of course they knew what it symbolized, and they knew what the smiley-face itself symbolizes. So that got us into the whole idea of 'writing online,' and how we tend to write differently when using an instant-chat service, or a modern word processor, or on a web page. Besides the smiley, we talked about the frown :( and the winky ;) and some others. Not everybody knew all of the emoticons, of course. But enough. So that got us into the idea of abbreviations ("ROTFL," "ROTFLMAO," etc.) and why we use them online but not in other written communication. Well, one of the abbreviations we came up with was 'BYOB,' meaning, 'Bring Your Own Bottle' (or 'beer'). This abbreviation predates the internet, in fact, and people knew what it means. So we moved into some similar topics about writing online, and I eventually got to the idea of blogging (not that I was headed there from the outset, but it was a natural evolution). I wrote the word 'blog' on the screen for them, asked them if they knew what it meant. One adorable young lady, thinking about the 'BYOB' acronym, offered...'Bring Lots Of Girls?'
I could NOT stop laughing. The irony was just too much. I have a feeling this will manifest itself somehow, sooner or later.

10/09/2002 8:56 Wed PM
Mailbox: A Haiku

Lying on your side
Skeletal, nothing in you
See, your mouth is closed.

10/09/2002 7:12 Wed AM
The neighbors' mailbox is still down.

10/08/2002 9:53 Tues PM


Even if I'm being specific, I REALLY have to stop asking that question.

10/08/2002 9:21 Tues PM


I guess it wasn't. But I want to watch anyway.
Oh, come on. You know what I'm talking about. Get your mind out of the gutter.

10/08/2002 4:07 Tues PM

Doesn't this bother anyone else?

10/08/2002 10:35 Tues AM
The neighbors' mailbox is still down.

10/08/2002 12:35 Tues AM
A large, drunk women plucked at my shirt sleeve tonight in a restaurant, and told me that my shirt (a flagrantly red/black/white monstrosity) reminded her of the seat-covers in her truck. I REALLY didn't know how to react. Was I:
A) being flirted with
B) being insulted
C) being warned of an 'incoming'
or D) being told that I have really bad taste in shirts?

10/07/2002 6:27 Mon AM
How do they get their mail?
This IS important.

10/07/2002 6:27 Mon AM
The neighbor's mailbox is still down.

10/07/2002 12:45 Mon AM
I've passed my quiz for the day! Uvula! Uvula!

10/06/2002 10:35 Sun AM
The neighbors' mailbox is still down.

Nearly ten hours of sleep and some pretty active dreaming that I actually remember (for the first time in days). I'm not sure which one better accounts for how good I feel right now. Maybe both, maybe one or the other, maybe neither.

10/05/2002 10:30 Sat PM
Thirteen hours on the clock, 200 miles, and I'm actually smiling.

The mailbox belonging to the folks across the street is lying down in their front yard, down by the street. It doesn't appear to be damaged, it's just lying there, and has been for several days now. Or possibly laying there, I never remember that rule. (But I'm hell on wheels when it comes to Commentary, and please, just ASK me about tattooes. I dare you.) My brother pointed it out, that wouldn't you think somebody in that house, sooner or later, would walk down to the street and stand the mailbox back up? or at least remove its carcass from public view? And he's right, I hadn't thought about it. But they haven't picked it up, it's just been left there. I wonder if it's some subversive political statement they're making.

Here's part of an academic CFP I got today:

"UNDERGROUNDS

Call for Papers
From the literal subterranean spaces of mine, burrow and cellar, to more metaphorical conceptions of the unconscious or the subtext, the underground constitutes a rich thematic vein running through the varied strata of cultural production....
Proposals for twenty-minute papers on topics involving comparative and interdisciplinary approaches are invited. Contributors may wish to be guided by, but not limited to, the following list of suggested areas:

? The geography/architecture of the underground
? The nature of subterranean inhabitants
? Theoretical undergrounds (the Freudian unconscious, the Marxist base etc.)
? Textual undergrounds (subtexts, lacunae etc.)
? Descents into the underground
? Dissent in the underground
? Holes, burrows, wells, caves, cellars, dungeons, mines
? Underclasses, subalternity
? Concealment, burial
? The underground and gender"

How can we keep the Underground underground if they keep digging it up?

10/05/2002 8:36 Sat AM
Is there anything worse than having to set your alarm clock on a Saturday morning?? Gee, I'm glad SOME people get to sleep late this morning. I'll be thinking about you while I'm at work sweating. Will you be thinking about me?

10/04/2002 5:03 Fri PM
If you have anything kind to say about anybody, if you have good prayers to offer to any god or goddess about anybody or anything, say them all for Dr. MM, the Chair at my uni. If there's a kinder, more decent, gentler, more inspiring person on this planet, I'll need proof. While I was rushing through the Department this afternoon to fetch my check, beset with anxieties of various kinds, she stopped me for a quick chat. Those quick five minutes renewed my spirit and sent me forth ten feet off the ground. She is more than my boss, she is my role model, my inspiration, my mentor, and my friend, and I am never more appreciative of her than right now.
She didn't absolve me of my responsibilities, and in fact hastened and reinforced them, but because of those five minutes, I once again know that I can meet them. Because she deserves no less from me. The rest of this long day will be a pleasure.

10/04/2002 6:14 Fri AM
I am so disillusioned. I was going to be doing my FIRST FRIDAYFIVE! I'd been in training, I had done my special stretching exercises, I was wearing some white athletic tape around my wrists, I had eyeblack on...I was READY.
No FridayFive. I waited and waited.
I didn't want to do a FridayMorningAtAround6:30amFive; I wanted to do a REAL FridayFive. You know, putting it up at 12:06am or something and then making my first post to say "mines' up."
They must have known that New Guy was going to be joining the reindeer games. Maybe that's why they never appeared and why I lost out on an hour of sleep sitting here waiting for them. Sorry, folks, it must be my fault.
So as it turns out, my big debut in FridayFiveness did indeed turn into a FridayMorningAtAround6:30amFiveness debut. And I get to write about shoes. Life is good.

1. What size shoe do you wear?
9 1/2
2. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
I think...8 or so.
3. What type of shoe do you prefer (boots, sneakers, pumps, etc.)?
Depends on what I'm doing (of course): walking, gardening, running, hiking, mountain-biking, rock-climbing, etc. Of course I don't really do any of those X-Gamey, young-hip-and-urban, put-me-in-an-SUV-commercial activities, but if I did, I'd make sure to have the right shoes for the moment. Feet are THE ugliest part of a human body, but they deserve no less.
4. Describe your favorite pair of shoes. Why are they your favorite?
Probably a pair of leather sandles. Perfect to slip into, not too grungy looking, not too formal looking (I mean, they're sandals!). Of course, I never ever wear them anyplace where I'd be concerned that people are seeing the ugliest part of this human body (limp, shapeless hair notwithstanding) but when I just want my feet covered when I leave the house, they're what I reach for.
5. What's the most you've spent on one pair of shoes?
About 20 minutes shopping. I can be very surgical when I go shopping - get in, get out. Oh, in terms of dollars? About $75 or so. But they're VERY nice flip-flops. Rhinestones, and all that.
Actually, no, they were standard leather dress shoes. I don't know what brand.

So, like, that's it. Do I get a free T-shirt or something to commemorate my first FridayFive?

10/03/2002 4:51 Thurs PM
Ok, you've GOT to see this:

Still, it's a valid question, isn't it?

10/03/2002 3:53 Thurs PM
I don't get it, I really don't. I just don't understand people who take the time and effort to participate in an online poll - and then cop out by answering with "I don't know" or "I don't care." Is there a more vivid display of spinelessness? And I'm not even talking about using that to answer one or two questions in a long, multi-question poll. I'm talking about a ONE-QUESTION poll! What's the point?? C'mon, take a stand! Answer the damn question or don't bother! Are they so concerned that other people get a completely reliable understanding of the range of other peoples' opinions, that they feel compelled to indicate that at least one person out there honesty doesn't know or care? These are fun, meaningless little things on websites; they're not intended to generate reliable statistical samples to guide vital social policy. They think that leaving out their own "I don't know" vote will yield incomplete data and invalidate the results? or that forcing themselves to vote one way or the other will yield faulty data and invalidate the results??

10/02/2002 7:55 Wed PM
I really, REALLY have a sudden craving for warm, gooey Rice Krispie treats.

10/02/2002 11:04 Wed AM
I didn't even get a chance to sit down!
He started waving some papers in front of my face while I was still staggering down the aisle with briefcase and two bags while the bus was still in motion. He blurted out some unintelligible sequence of syllables, all run together as one long word. Looked at him blankly and continued on to my seat. Then and only then did I resume eye contact. (Making eye contact on the bus is, usually, a bad idea.)
Would I care to sign a petition to save this bus route?
I looked at the petition. It read like a downloaded promotional brochure. I was fairly certain that he hadn't written it and was only partially convinced that he had even read it. Still, there were a half dozen or so signatures on it, and he seemed earnest about it. And that bus does save me about 8-10 dollars a day, so of course I signed it.
"Who gets custody of this?" I asked afterwards. He took it back. A woman a few seats over repeated my question, chuckling to herself about how funny that was and earning herself in my Hall of Fame in the process. I listened as other riders told each other how much they depended on that bus. One girl said that since she just *refuses* to take any bus that goes to downtown Orlando, she is forced to piece together some incredibly intricate sequence of buses and transfers, and this particular route was a crucial component, and how DARE they cancel this bus route and throw her whole schedule off.
I almost piped up and said, well, it's not *their* fault that you refuse to go downtown and choose instead to construct that schedule. (I mean, I can't really blame her for that decision, but it *is* her decision, and she must live with it.) But I didn't say anything. I was outnumbered. I was wearing a tie.

10/01/2002 11:18 Tues PM
I thought using the word "blog" was difficult. Now I'm freely referring to "men's flavored pocky sticks." My world is spinning out of control. Darn her.

10/01/2002 11:01 Tues PM
Wise Woman say: One step at a time.

10/01/2002 11:25 Tues AM
So the phone rings this morning. Tom. Says into the answering machine that we needn't bother answering the phone (so I didn't, it's good to have permission to be a curmudgeon), says he has "information that might be useful" that he had hidden next to our front door. Now, we have both long since retired from the CIA, so I had no idea what he might have hidden there, or how valuable it would be. So I peered through the blinds, scanned the neighbors' houses, and checked for listening devices, and found none. Fetched what turned out to be some rolled-up printouts shoved behind a piece of wood.
We had mentioned that we needed to clean this leather loveseat; it's gotten some normal wear-and-tear dirtiness on it. Well, Tom had magically conjured some information about how to clean various furniture and household goods. I was very impressed and grateful. Was very considerate of him. Of course, now the neighbors are suspicious of why I was walking around in front of my house in a HazMat suit poking around with a golf club, but then, they're suspicious of us anyway.