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02/26/07
The future remains the same until you change the present. (courtesy of Dustin Black)
Nature is God's wisdom in silence. (courtesy of Luis Suarez)

02/26/07
Two clowns together are really great.

08/08/06
Never be the first one to stick your hand into a viscous material.

06/17/06
You cannot get to Vegas if you cannot get past the women.

05/29/06
You can't act tough when you are sitting a foot and a half away from a snake.

05/22/06
You'd be a much happier person if you cared a lot less. (courtesy of EM)

11/22/05
There are very few dilemnas that a barrage of arrows won't help solve.

11/22/05
There's nary an animal that can outrun a greased-up Scotsman.

10/31/05
Father chickens wear ties.

06/25/05
A cute fella next door, a salesman in a leather collar, and a sexy robot boy -- what more could you ask for?

05/09/05
Vegetarians are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit. (courtesy of Anthony Bourdain)

05/06/05
Wet touches dry.

03/26/05
Sometimes spaghetti wants to be alone.
Bite your teeth into the ass of life, and bring it to you!

03/14/05
You simply haven't lived until you've seen a homophobic bitch chased down by a naked 7-foot lesbian covered with chicken fat.

02/02/05
You came here alone, and you will leave here alone.

01/01/05
There can never be overwhelming corn.

12/31/04
You know you're in trouble when you run into a woman with a hyphenated last name.

7/21/04
Who or what did Jose Marti liberate Cuba from?
Spain. Of course.

6/29/04
It's rarely the material's fault.

5/28/04
Jesus lives in the south.

2/16/04
Any book that uses "allegations," "surrogate," and "capitalist tendencies" in the same sentence isn't worth reading.

1/17/04
It's easy to be happy if you're a starfish.

12/25/03
Shit can spontaneously combust.

12/19/03
Pubic hairstyling can make the difference for a girl when she's competing with another girl whose looks are about the same as hers.
The words for 'luck' and 'poo' are very similar in Japanese.

8/10/03
If you marry a hippo, get a pre-nup.

8/10/03
Do not question the window swing bobble.

5/11/03
Nothing worse than warm Yoohoo. (courtesy of Mariana)

3/13/03
All teenagers smell, to a certain extent.
People need clothes.

3/04/03
You know you're screwed when your middle initial shows up in a newspaper account.

2/06/03
do·cent

Pronunciation Key (dsnt, d-snt)
n.

1. A teacher or lecturer at some universities who is not a regular faculty member.
2. A lecturer or tour guide in a museum or cathedral.

12/24/02
Never play the "Worst Case Scenario" game with a registered nurse or an athletic trainer.

12/19/02
Dogs are the whores of the animal kingdom.

12/05/02
You're born, you go to school, you go to work, you die. That's it, that's all!

11/22/02
Women don't like chewing on red nuts.

11/17/02
Nomenclature goes out the window when hack is afoot.

11/14/02
Never discuss hemorrhoids with the female employee of a little, little dwarf.

11/13/02
Nice girls don't leave you in the woods.

11/12/02
People from Mexico speak Mexicoan.

11/11/02
People who play board games are family people.

11/09/02
It's good to be nice to people we have been mean to.

11/03/02
We are all Spaceman Spiff.
Only use one-half of the egg packet. (courtesy of Mariana)

11/01/02
There is an Asian settlement in New York, located specifically in Chinatown.

10/30/02
Blind chicks are attracted to everybody.

10/28/02
What is blog?
I am blog.
You are blog.
We are all blog.

10/26/02
Muffin is a sweet little boy hamster. He is also Pom Pom Purin's best friend.

10/23/02
Jesus wears tennis shoes.

10/22/02
Guarana is NOT an exotic Latin fruit.
Michelle Kwan is God.

10/16/02
Nothing beats the pixel.
You have to have fast hands.

10/14/02
We're in college now, we ALL need BandAids.

10/12/02
Humor is one of the things Christianity 'saves' you from.

10/11/02
Main Entry: 1ca·po
Pronunciation: 'kA-(")pO
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural capos
Etymology: short for capotasto, from Italian, literally, head of fingerboard
Date: 1926
: a movable bar attached to the fingerboard of a fretted instrument to uniformly raise the pitch of all the strings

10/09/02
There are rib biting frogs in the Amazon basin.

10/08/02
Strawberry reigns over all the fruits.

10/07/02
Crazy people make the world just so much more fun.
The reptile people inside the earth are waiting for us.
'Various' just sounds so...various.
Walls shouldn't be around corners.
Body wash doesn't leave rings.

10/06/02
Fun should rarely be painful.

10/05/02
Subconsciouses are good.
If you have an alias, you are guilty of something. (courtesy of Ed Phillips)

10/03/02
Following instructions, and learning, are NOT the same thing.
PrintScreen is NOT omnipotent.

10/02/2002
God was busy on Oct. 17th. 1987.

10/01/2002
Not everything that can make you cry should be avoided. Some should be treasured.
My friends are even sneakier than I thought.

09/30/2002
When eating raw onions, it's best to either eat them by layers, or cut them into wedges.
Everybody in classical Greek society was either gay, incestuous, a cross-dresser, or a child-molester, or some combination of them.