1. Honesty. This is very important to me. Without honesty, there can
be no trust. Without trust D/s is nothing. On a safety note, be
truthful in your desires, experience, fears and limits. I have seen
many submissives tell "little" lies thinking it will make them more
desirable. It usually ends up getting them hurt. If you have
questions about what your Dom/me desires or expects, be honest and
speak up. There is nothing wrong with asking questions respectfully,
and is much preferable to looking ignorant. Remember, all Dom/mes are
different. Don't assume because one wants you to wear stockings that
another will enjoy them. Ask what he expects you to wear, how he
expects you to act, what he prefers to be called, etc.
2. Submissiveness. While I enjoy the occasional SAM, I prefer my subs
to submit. I want them to surrender their will to me. I like them to
be polite, compliant, and to show me the respect I have earned. There
is nothing that turns me off faster than a submissive trying to top
from the bottom, or manipulate the scene. A polite,
respectful "Mistress, if it pleases you, I would enjoy being
spanked." is going to make that happen much sooner than intentional
misbehavior.
3. Intelligence. Make intelligent choices about who you submit to,
and how deep your submission goes. If it is a relationship situation,
get to know the person as a friend before you consider submitting. If
it is scene-play, get references and follow safety rules, watch them
Top others, or play in the presence of people who can watch out for
you. Out of role, intelligence goes a long way. Think, and share
those thoughts with your Dom/me. Take time to find out what he is
interested in, and get to know more on the subject. Keep up on
current events and trends and be able to discuss them. Perhaps take
up some of the same hobbies as your Dom/me. These are good
relationship skills...be it vanilla or D/s.
4. Service. Find out what makes your Dom/me happy, and do your best
to provide. It is your job to make your Dominant happy. If you will
be serving him food, find out what he likes to eat, and how he likes
it served. Find out what his turn-on and turn-offs are. If it is your
responsibility to set things up for the scene, find out what he
requires, and have everything handy. Don't be sloppy in your service,
and don't make your Top have to tell you a preference more than once.
If I have to tell a sub two times that I like my coffee with cream
and sugar, it gives me the impression that she is not thinking, or
just doesn't care. This is not at all pleasing. Put some thought and
creativity into your service. Listen when he tells you his fantasies
and dreams, and try to fulfill his desires. Be observant. If you have
the chance, study his surroundings for clues on the type of things he
enjoys. Does he have candles sitting out? Make sure you have some at
your place, too. What kind of toiletries does he use? Buy them and
have them ready for him when he visits. What does he like to drink?
Make sure you keep it on hand.
5. Communication. Contrary to what some believe, Dominants are not
psychics. It is frustrating to have to try and figure out everything
that pushes your sub's buttons. I would much rather have my sub tell
me her fantasies so I can store the info to use when I choose, than
have to guess. I don't like to play with subs that constantly
say "Whatever pleases you, Mistress". If she is not enjoying it,
chances are I won't be enjoying it, either. Admittedly, I am
occasionally selfish, and enjoy only what I want, but not 100% of the
time.
6. Self Respect. Value yourself. There is no thrill in dominating a
doormat, or someone that thinks so little of themselves they will
submit to anyone at anytime.
7. Patience. I have often been told that patience is the mark of a
good submissive. I have also been told that this is something I need
to work on. I guess I will have to get back to you on this one. I do
know that the best things are worth waiting for, and pushy, demanding
submissives are really not submissives at all. So, patience is
something I am slowly learning. Perhaps someone could help me out
with this?