1. Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
2. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
3. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
4. If buttered toast always lands buttered side down,and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat?
5. If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year, why do they have locks on the doors?
6. Why do they put Braille dots on the dey pads of the drive-up ATM machine?
7. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
8. Why are there floatation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
9. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
10. How does the guy who drives the snow plow get to work?
11. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
12. If you're driving at the speed of light and you turn on you headlights, what happens?
13. You know hwo most packages say "open here"? What should you do if the package says "opn somewhere else"?
14. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
15. Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you trasport something by ship it's called cargo?
16. You know that little indestructible black box that's used on airplanes? Why can't they make the whoe plane out of the same substance?
17. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for and address,you turn the radio down?
18. Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
19. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
20. What does Geronimo scream when he jumps out of a plane?
21. If fire fighters fight fire, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
22. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
23 Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, 

"Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that`s them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We`re planning World War III".
And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde.
The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde!! Why kill a blonde?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!" 

Dictionary
Father: A banker provided by nature. 
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight. 
Rumour: News that travels at the speed of sound.
Dictionary: The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
College: A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Marriage: It is an agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree and woman gains her master's.
Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken off when dead.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Optimist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in the word OPPORTUNITY
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest of us .... except that he got caught.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and shakes your confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills

There were two Christians travelling on a plane. Sitting behind them was a Muslims. As they realized that a Muslims is travelling with them. They started talking loudly with each other.

James said to Tim.
Tim where r u going, hopefully to Dubai.
Tim said Nah
There are too many muslims, streets and roods are flooded with them.
James smiles and said then u must be going to Iran.
Tim said r u mad, Muslims in Iran are more fanatic and mad then Dubai.
Muslim who was listening to them could not bear it and said hey u both go to hell, for sure there would be no Muslim.

Customer : Bhai kab se wait ker raha hoon khana abhi tak tayyar nahi howa?
Hotel Wala : Sir kahana tu 3 din pehlay se tayyar hai bas gharam ho raha hai.