Part Five | Like It Or Not

JAG~*~*~*~*JAG~*~*~*~*JAG~*~*~*~*JAG~*~*~*~*JAG

01:36 Local Time
Room 101, Tokyo Prince Hotel
Tokyo

For a few more heartbeats, Harm remained physically and mentally paralysed. The sheer force of the panic and shame that hurtled through his veins propelled him into action. He stumbled backwards from the sudden rush of blood in his system and flung out his arms in thin air in an attempt to regain his balance. Scrubbing a rough hand agitatedly over his face and hair, he rushed to pick up his keys and ran out the door.

Less than a minute later he was back.

Damn it, where the hell is it?!

Spotting the crumbled up piece of paper, Harm snatched it up from where it lay next to his last unfinished bottle, knocking over the left over contents in the process.

01:48 Local Time
Room 405, Sakura Hotel
Tokyo

Mac raced blindly towards the bathroom; all the while tearing off the layers of her clothing and flinging them wherever, whenever she got them off. Yanking the shower taps, she turned on the water to just under the scolding hot level. Her tears were camouflaged within the steady stream of water, so that she might not have had to acknowledge her own pitiful crying if it wasn't for the deep ache that pervaded her entire being. The steam soon overtook the shower stall and then fogged up the rest of the bathroom, leaving her just as equally blinded in her misery.

So tell me then, Mac, what was it like stringing Webb into your bed? …

… Mac, what was it like stringing Webb into your bed? …

… stringing Webb into your bed? …

His accusation pounded repeatedly, over and over again in her mind contemptuously. Each and every time, the face behind the words turned more and more scornful. Mac wanted to deny herself the possibility that Harm would treat her in such a way. Reminiscent of so many of her past failed relationships where her integrity was tossed about freely like a frisbee in the wind.

But we don't even have that kind of a relationship! He's my best-friend! Her mind cried, continuing to reject the events that had just occurred.

However, denial was an old trick whose powers had long ago dwindled away and could no longer appease her soul.

Mac's initial stage of reaction was anger and resentment. How dare he accuse her of something so low?! He was the one who engaged in such worthless relationships with women who kept his bed warm for him. Mostly Blondes, whose looks she would sometimes secretly envy and long for, if only to gain his attention to her as more than the girl next door.

Next came disappointment and hurt. Mostly hurt. How could he think such a thing? That she would be … 'playing games' and 'go so easily from man to man,' as he'd so eloquently described, she thought bitterly. He must've lost so much faith in her to think so little of her and their friendship. Or did he even really trust her at all, at the levels which she'd believed and honoured?

Then, Mac merely felt numb, or perhaps it was still just denial after all. How did Harm come to have so much power over her? After the first devastating effects in life of a broken childhood, she'd learned to guard herself. Primarily from men, whose characteristics she would always relate to and be influenced by those of her abusive father. Harm had been different though. The first and most likely, only man she would expose her true self to. And so, unconsciously over the years, he'd gradually worked his way through the maze that led to her heart. She cursed him and herself, for allowing him in so close to reach this final stage.

This time, Mac knew her heart had possibly just been cracked beyond mending.

02:04 Local Time
Room 405, Shakura Hotel
Tokyo

Caught lost and bewildered, franticly searching amidst the jumble of foreign streets, it seemed like an endless stretch of time before Harm found her hotel room.

"Mac?" He knocked, tentatively at first.

They became louder and more persistent. "MAC, I need to talk to you." His voice came out distressed and hushed even to his own ears.

There was no answer and not a sound to be heard from within.

Oh god, she wouldn't … go for a drink would she?

"MAC!" the pounding was desperate; his fist thudded rentlessly, uncaring of the disturbance he was causing.

02:06 Local Time

Mac emerged from the steamy cocoon of her hideout, her skin a deep pink/red. Her shoulders were faintly hunched at the sides, contradictory to the stiff straightness of her back of which she normally held herself with marine pride. She looked how she physically felt; raw, wounded and burnt out.

The sudden banging and shout out of her name rocked her already on edged nerves. She jumped a foot, her body jerking back startled. Fastening the sash of her robe even tighter around her waist, she crept to the door nervously, her heart rate hammered wildly like a constant drill.

On the other side, Harm was alerted to the sound of movement. His breath halted.

"Mac? It's me … Let me in, I need to talk to you."

Pressing his ear against the door, he strained to hear her strangled sob and his chest constricted painfully.

"Mac please" he pleaded, both hands spread out flat on the wooden surface.

"Go away Harm," Mac whispered sadly.

Her soft plea pierced his own armour with the strength of a thousand arrows. Resting his forehead against the door, he closed his eyes, trying in vain to morph this situation into a nightmare which he could wake up from. Unfortunately, the frightening immediate footsteps of Mac retreating were only too real.

And then there was only silence.

In the deathly stillness that followed, the irony of their predicament threatened to consume Harm whole. What stood between them was just a god damn materialistic door. All that had to be done was simply to unlock and open. He could probably break his way in by force if he was willing to try. But like Mac, he could only get to her so far before his journey came to an abrupt halt if she chose to withdraw. Harm realised with rising fear, the damage he'd caused with his irrevocable actions meant their friendship was teetering dangerously on the edge of a high cliff. And if he didn't take quick action soon, it would stay balancing precariously for a while, before smashing to the rocks below. Their friendship would lie in broken pieces and it would remain there for an extensive amount time before a long and excruciating rescue, if not indefinitely.

If it had been the Great Wall of China rather than a mere door separating Harm and Mac, the vast distance between them couldn't be any greater, nor any less solid and impenetrable.

So close and yet so far.

"Maaac?" He gave one last feeble rap and turned in defeat.

I've been broken, shut down and useless
Feet above me
Hands in the air
You got me falling over and over
You got me twisted tied up and tangled
I'd do it all for you
You know I've been a fool for you
I thought I tripped on a shoelace
I look down and it's only you
12:40 Local Time
Narita International Airport
Tokyo

Harm felt like he was sitting at an empty movie theatre, watching himself on the big screen. He could picture the scene vividly in his mind, because the reality he was confronting couldn't really be his own. The portrayal of a lone man, standing motionless by the large glass windows of the airport's observation lounge, was a depressing image. Whilst the rest of the world revolved around him in a whirlwind of activity, everything and everyone else but himself was a blur. He gazed out into the diffusing brightness of the world beyond. It was a dreary day, like his mood, menacing dark clouds hovered low overhead. Inch by inch, a mass of grey cloud gradually made it's way over the complex, darkening the surroundings, and like his world dimmed, fading into monochrome.

Someone out there was turning his life into a sad, satirical play. Only a few days ago, he had at long last, truly acknowledged the depth of his feelings and decided to act on them. He'd even started planning his - their future. Spend more time with Mac out of the office like he'd always desired, even simply as platonic friends. At least a day every weekend together if possible, would've sufficed - for now. Dinners, outings, gifts. All the little things men usually did for a woman in love. The type of things he'd never really bothered with in past relationships, but was more than willing to try for Mac. If it would prove to her bit by bit, the profound significance of her role in his life. The three little words, 'I love you' couldn't represent a single one of the millions of stars that she lit up in his world.

Pity fantasies came no where near reality. Just as he didn't have the ability to rewrite his actions, Harm couldn't predict what the next week, weeks or upcoming months would hold in store for them. Now that he'd probably just blown the last chance he was ever going to get. He sincerely doubted she would give him another pass to go, to start 'back at the beginning'. He should have known his life was just the same as flying an F-14. Totally in command one minute, one minuscule mistake and the next, he was spinning out of control. But the repercussions after this latest round that his plane had spun out of control could be unrecoverable.

Her slap across his cheek had stung physically for no more than a few seconds, but the wounded expression on her face was etched into his memory like concrete. Harm hadn't felt this lost and hopeless since his first crash that'd killed his RIO. He wanted to apologise, explain, but pride and his own self doubt brought him here to the airport instead, waiting to take the next flight out. He had tried calling, even the secure hotel number from Webb, but no doubt Mac had ignored every ring. He knew in the distant recesses of his mind, that he was running. But he justified his cowardice with the explanation that he would be more of a liability than of any help by staying.

However, if he left … Harm contemplated, this time Mac wouldn't chase after him, like he had followed her to the Gaudal. With this, he realised, no matter how much he wanted to believe that their friendship would survive this latest ordeal, it would never be the same again. He had in the end, unintentionally crossed the fine line between friendship and partners. And it hadn't been in any way close to what he'd imagined or hoped for, for that transitional moment. It was this understanding that strengthened his resolve and brought back the tenacity in Harmon Rabb Jr. He had never given up on a mission and in this task that mattered more than any assignment he'd ever faced, it would be all or nothing. He had to take the plunge, there was not much more to lose.

No. Harm decided resolutely, he wasn't going to walk away again. Loosing Diane had been tragic enough, but tragic would come nowhere near describing the impact if he was to loose Mac. In essence, he had created what he'd been protecting himself from. Allowing her into every aspect of his life and risking the possibility of having that other half of himself to be ripped out, if she was to leave. Leaving no traces, just an unrecoverable emptiness. But falling in love with Mac had been inevitable and now it was too late to re-erect the walls. There would never be another Mac. The absolute certainty that settled in Harm's guts, affirmed the reservations that had long existed there. That there would never be anyone, but Sarah MacKenzie for him.

Now I'm standing at a terminal waiting
To connect to another plane
and if I told you I just cancelled my flight to America
Would you call me insane?
Everything I am has been neatly contained into
the contents of a Samsonite bag
Me, a laptop, two suitcases
And I'm coming to see you
Whether you like it or not
Whether you like it or not

14:08 Local Time
Room 405, Shakura Hotel
Tokyo

His hands were sweaty and his stomach was churning cycles like a washing machine. This would finally be their moment of truth. This time he wasn't leaving until he knew for sure that there was not one more flicker hope, that she didn't want him.

Squaring his shoulders and stiffening his back, Harm rapped twice, rather softly.

Mac rose from her lying down position on the couch, bleary eyed from literally no more than a few winks of sleep. It could only be one of two people. Neither of whom she wanted a visit from. She peeked out to broad shoulders and further up to see Harm's distorted face. Closing her eyes briefly to give herself strength, she opened the door a few centimetres. "Harm --"

"Mac please, just hear me out." She wouldn't look at him.

"Not now Harm" Mac replied and then she did something she'd never thought she'd do, she shut the door in his face.

Harm stood unwavering for a few seconds longer, before sinking down onto the carpet, leaning his head back against China's Great Wall.

A cute little black haired boy ran past, halted and walked back up to Harm, step by step like a miniature soldier. He offered Harm an innocent smile, followed by a deep bow of his head, like he'd been taught for good manners. Harm returned a half-hearted grin of his own and ruffled the kid's hair. If only things could be as easy and naοve as the simplicity of being a child.

A couple rounded the corner of the hallway, obviously the boy's parents. The woman took the boy's hand and the man ushered them along, casting Harm a suspicious frown. A foreigner on the floor leaning against someone's door in a high class hotel, it wasn't normal. There was sure to be trouble eventually.

Harm dismissed the man's, and the ensuing curious eyes to follow.

To hell with his ego.

16:45 Local Time

She had to get out. Needed to clear her mind and focus back on the case. Yanking the door open, Mac was stunned to find Harm still there, falling back into the open space of her doorway. He jolted upright and got to his feet slowly turning around. The immediate intensity connecting them was hard to break away from.

Mac pulled the door wider resignedly, leaving it open without a word. She returned to the couch, sitting rigidly on the edge. Harm walked over determinedly and took a seat on the adjacent one-seater. She gave a swift scrutiny of his face, silently grateful there were no lingering indications of her hasty hand. But he looked just as bad and she knew, he was feeling just as emotional as she was. Averting her gaze, she set her face devoid of any emotion.

A long stretch of uncomfortable silence began. For some strange reason her mind flashed back to their very first meeting.

Harm had been an enigma, right from her very first impression. She'd offered her hand for the obligatory greeting with a light smile and he had simply stared. His mystifying gaze had locked onto hers, taking the two of them to another dimension. The Admiral, Bud and everyone in that Rose Garden had disappeared. She couldn't figure him out; it was like they'd encountered each other before somewhere, sometime in the past. The tinge in her outstretched arm had brought her back to the present. And in an instant that would reoccur in similar situations later, just as she was about to withdraw, he'd swiftly reached out for her hand into a firm and warm grasp. Offering a lifeline only he could provide, when she'd given up hope.

But on this occasion, Mac wasn't about to offer her hand again willingly. She'd reached out one time too many. It was Harm's turn to initiate the first step into the unknown.

I've been put down, picked up and put off
I've been held up, pushed and shoved around
You got me falling over and over
I've been drifting this side and upside down
I'd do it all for you
You know I'll be a fool for you
I keep thinking I've lost something
I look down and it's only you

Resting a hand on each thigh, Harm unconsciously chewed on his lower lip while struggling to summon up the courage for some place to start. He tried to quieten his seemingly loud breathing. In the hushed stillness of the room, he sounded like a wheezing asthmatic. Wheeze in. Whoosh out. Wheeze in. Whoosh out. He focused on what he could see of Mac's features. The golden-brown locks of her fringe brushed to one side, obscuring part of her bowed face. The delicate slant of her nose. In comparison to the natural beauty of her profile, her hands were clasped tightly together on her lap. He could see the knuckles drawn white with tension. Swallowing dryly past the lump in his throat, Harm launched into the realm of their unknown.

"Mac …" he began softly.

She refused to meet his eyes.

"Mac, look at me." He took in a quick intake of breath as he watched her face lift defiantly. Her eyes were puffy and swollen red. They stared at him, large and wide open with accusation, sadness and hurt all swirling within their brown depths.

"I'm so sorry Mac," his voice choked up with guilt and sorrow. "I was way out of line." He endeavoured to explain, helplessly waving a hand about.

She rejected his apology, her nostrils flaring in indignation.

"I didn't mean what I said," Harm offered apprehensively, in another attempt to express his chaotic jumble of emotions.

Mac saw red. She lashed out, turning all the years of concealed pain into anger.

"Bullshit Harm! We both know you don't say things you don't mean. Don't you think I know you well enough by now?!" she stopped unexpectedly, reconsidering her last words. "Well at least your courtroom tactics well enough," Mac amended bitterly. "So don't you dare add insult to injury and humiliate my intelligence as well by trying to tell me you didn't mean it," she finished in a hiss of resentment, glaring furiously at him.

"I didn't mean it the way you think." Harm insisted, his untameable defensive on the rise.

"Oh, so what did you mean?" she retorted with heavy sarcasm.

"I'm - I'm not quite sure," he stammered. Liar! You know exactly what you meant, his conscience yelled. You don't want any other man near her but yourself. You couldn't stand the thought of her with Webb. Or Brumby. Or Dalton and every single other man that came too close into 'your' territory.

"You're not quite sure," Mac mimicked scornfully.

"I saw you kissing him Mac!" Harm blurted out the basis of his suspicions and envy.

"So what," she countered bluntly.

"SO WHAT?!" he exclaimed, raising his voice in disbelief.

"Yes, SO WHAT. You took things out of context and then totally blew them out of proportions!" Mac yelled.

"Are you going to tell me there's nothing going on between you and Webb?" Harm challenged, inadvertently taking a detour from his set course of reconciliation.

It was the unequivocally wrong path to take.

"FINE. I admit. Recently I've been having … conflicting feelings about Webb."

Expecting a dismissal or denial, Harm was abruptly taken aback at her confession and it hit him as hard as it was intended. Accusations were one thing, but confronted with the ugly truth was another matter entirely. He felt … shell shocked.

"Maybe …" Mac hesitated, seeing the pain she was inflicting consuming the expressions on his face. But her own was greater; way past it's ignoring limits. "Maybe like you said, I can't wait for you any longer Harm."

The cycles in his stomach came to a dead wrenching stop. Harm tried to speak, contradict, tell her he couldn't be more wrong in anything he'd ever said to her. She couldn't give up! But his lungs were deprived of air and his mouth opened and closed with unheard feelings.

"It's been almost a year and a half since Mic left …" she trailed off, there was no need to verbalise the significance of the rest of her thoughts. There was plainly no more hiding room left in the stalemate of their circumstances.

"Clay's a good friend and --"

"Why are you doing this Mac?" Harm asked brokenly, cutting her off and turning his head away.

The strongest wave of fatigue and grief swept over Mac, submerging her deep down. "Just go Harm," she replied tiredly. "If you can't sort out your feelings, stop messing with mine."

His head whipped back around, crying out adamantly. "I have sorted out my feelings!"

Pause.

Mac took a deep breath. "Then tell me what you want Harm," she implored quietly. Praying he would finally, finally give her something, anything to hold on to. To pull her out of the drowning waves that had her securely within their clutches. She was met with the same hesitance on the Admiral's porch, the same pause on the Gandal.

Shit why can't I just tell her?! But there's so much to say. How can I know where to start when I don't even know where we begin and where it's going to end? She should have a good idea about how I feel about her!

Ultimately, his pause costed Harm even more dearly than the previous times. Mac wanted to scream in strangled frustration. He wasn't going to open up any more than the previous 'talks' in their six years of friendship. "We can't do this now," she answered for him flatly.
The tone of her voice instantly set off the shrill of alarms in his head into overdrive. "Mac --" Harm breathed out with dread.

"I need to get to work," she stated, remaining motionless, impassive.

"We need to work through this now" he emphasised, leaning as forward towards her as his upper body would permit.

She didn't flinch or draw away, meeting his gaze with deceptively calm and dispassion. "Some other time."

Their faces were in so close proximity. Harm wished like hell he could just claim her lips and everything else about her for his own and give himself to her just as easily. "Will there ever be a time for us?" He questioned with a trace of sarcasm, his fear, jealousy and pain all rolling into that one fundamental question.

"It doesn't seem like it, does it?" Mac replied rhetorically in a whisper. With a heavy sigh, she stood, tearing herself away from his alluring presence that was suffocating her senses.
It took every single last restraint bodily and mentally, to stop himself from reaching out for her arm and pulling her back to him. "Mac we can't walk away from this now" Harm warned, staring up at her pleadingly.

"And I told you. I can't deal with this … this … whatever it is between us anymore!" Mac cried infuriated, jabbing her hand back and forth between Harm and herself. She felt trapped; they were forever going round and round and the light never appeared at the end of the tunnel. Unable to let go and unable to move on, they were stuck in this trench behind enemy lines, but far past safe ground.

"Mac please, you can't leave now" Harm insisted with a sense of urgency that left Mac floundering with bewilderment. He's never been this unrelenting before. Why is he pushing so hard this time? But what would it accomplish? Nothing, if he's not willing to give me more! God why does this hurt so much and he hasn't even outright rejected me yet! She stood indecisively arguing the frustrating points in her head. Uncertainty and confusion added to her already full platter of emotional overload driving the urge to escape to full extremes. She broke away from the hypnotizing hold of his misty-blue eyes. His eyes were the most powerful tool into her soul. They seemed to draw her in mercilessly propelling her in a never ceasing current towards him.

Mac pivoted with effort, losing the battle to her will to getaway and re-establish herself at a much needed distance.

"Sarah …" This time she faltered. The softly spoken call of her name from his lips was so persuasive, so promising. Now who's playing games?! Her mind shouted. He doesn't want me and yet he won't let me go! Her hands unknowingly clenched into fists. Mac took another deep breath that did nothing to calm her blazing nerves. It was her hotel room for crying out loud! But if he wasn't going to leave then she would have to do it.

She isn't going to listen, Harm realised with overwhelming dismay as she started towards the door, apparently undaunted by his pleas. In her one simple act of turning away, all that was left of his hopes and dreams vanished, evaporating into the depressive air that enclosed about them in this room.

Out of the corner of her eye, Mac noticed Harm's head drop low down to his chest; otherwise there was no further sound or movement from him. Resolutely, she steeled her aching heart. She had never felt so heavily weighed down physically or spiritually. The few steps to the door simulated a mile long drudge through quicksand under intense heat. Gripping the handle tightly, she twisted and pulled open the door. A gentle welcoming breeze cooled her overheated skin.

But she couldn't move. Couldn't make her feet lift up to take that last step out the door. Out of their friendship … Out of any possibilities of a future with this man she'd fallen so deeply for.

Damn, damn, damn it all to hell!

She couldn't do it. As much as he'd hurt her, Harm had also given her so much more. A friendship like no other that she'd ever encountered, which she treasured and depended upon every minute that ticked by. The last six years of Harm's companionship had filled so much in her afore empty life; stability, strength, happiness, inspiration. The good and the bad led their own dance until the two opposing forces nearly cancelled each other out. As much as she wanted to hate him, she cherished him to a greater, unsurpassed extent. Wether her love would dim back to friendship or remain a longing lover's touch, she couldn't stop loving him even if she tried.

She couldn't do it.

Closing her eyes, the tears fell silently, surrendering to the unbreakable force that bonded her to him. Mac re-shut the door softly and gave up in defeat.

How many forms can indecision take?
And when does the warning light appear before a man breaks
Mine is a restless heart don't try to fix it
You know sometimes, sometimes I want it to ache

Harm heard the soft click of the door. It signalled with absolute deafening finality that his life had irreversibly changed for the worse. Unawares, he crumbled; both hands gripping his head as if he was in physical pain, cradling it in his lap. "She left … she left me," he murmured in utter disbelief.

"Oh god, I love you Sarah, I love you" Harm whispered hoarsely with anguish, as the long suppressed tears then began to fall uninhabited.

It's probably better this way. You're not good enough for her. She deserves better than someone like yourself. The self-depreciating judgments swirled along with the torrent of excruciating heartache that was immersing him into their bottomless dark depths of despair.

Mac froze. Her forehead still pressed against the door, her hand tightening around the metal handle, cutting sharply into her hand. She couldn't have heard right. She couldn't have. It was at least a long agonising minute before she had the courage to turn around slowly.

Never before in her life had a sight such as the one she faced now, shaken Mac to her very core. The fact that the words she'd yearned so long to hear had just been articulated instantly flew out into oblivion as she stared at the scene before her in morbid horror.

Harm, the strongest man she knew and looked up to, whose very essence was honour and pride and someone whom she'd only ever seen with tears after the culmination of a three year search for his MIA father, was presently hunched over with his head in his hands crying in great big silent heaves that shuddered across his entire body.

At that very moment, the truth dawned on her bit by bit with blinding clarity. As much as Harm had power over her, she too had the same power of him. And now … now she'd just involuntarily caused something beyond the inconceivable. Harm's crying in pain … And it's all because of me. I've caused him to breakdown … Oh my god! At length, Mac's mind fully comprehended the situation, jolting her out of her stunned stupor.

"Oh Harm, I'm so sorry!" she ran, tears streaming down her cheeks to fling her arms forcefully around his broad back.

Harm tensed in shock at the unexpected presence. Moments later he rose hastily to his feet, not daring to look for fear it was a dream. Instead he reached out blindingly to pull her into an even more fierce embrace that would've hurt, if Mac had the ability left to feel after the tumultuous events that were taking place.

It felt like her, smelt like her. "Maccc," Harm cried out in guttural relief. They clung to each other, trembling uncontrollably with an indescribable urgency. Each desperate for reassurance that they were still together, here and now.

It was ten minutes or maybe an hour later Mac wasn't sure, when the ringing of a cell phone broke into the separate world that they'd created and been locked within. She vaguely recognised the tune as hers, but didn't raise her face from Harm's chest where it was buried. Neither did his head move from where it pressed securely into the juncture between her neck and shoulder. Their tears had subsided to light tremors that passed from one to the other through their closely pressed bodies.

The ringing persisted and so did reality. Their gazes finally met again. Both red and wild. For the few seconds before Mac had to break away to answer her phone, their eyes searched each others frantically looking for the answers to more raised questions.

"H-hello?" Mac hiccuped a distracted answer, her eyes still connected to Harm's. Despite her state of mind, Webb's urgent hiss permeated Mac's fogged brain, throwing her into high alert.

"Mac, get down here. They're exchanging as I speak. Second alleyway behind the Club, keep a lookout." He didn't give her time to formulate a reply; no sooner than the last word was out he'd hung up.

Shit by the time we get there the deal might be over. "Let's go!" she yelled at Harm, swiping at her eyes, she was already rushing towards the door.

For a split second, Harm was immobilized in a daze at the sudden twist of events. Then years of military training automatically kicked in and he grabbed his handgun before flying out the door into the hallway after Mac's departing back.

17:37 Local Time

Nearing the main street, Mac slowed down to a casual, fast-paced walk. Likewise beside her Harm followed suit. She could hear their somewhat heavy breathing from the hasty dash over. She led the way, turning into the darkened lane that diverted off behind the Vuenos. A few metres down, she turned into yet another little path leading to the second alleyway that ran parallel to the back of the night club. Slowing down further to an alerted prowl, she reached for her gun and then realised in her rush, she'd forgotten to bring it. A colourful expletive escaped her mouth.

Hearing Mac's soft curse, Harm turned to give her a startled glance. She motioned her dilemma and allowed him to step in front to lead into the alleyway, his semi-automatic raised and at the ready. There didn't seem to be a single soul in sight, not that they could see much of the street in the fading daylight. Without warning, Webb suddenly slipped out from the shadows to their left. He gave an upward jerk of his head, beckoning for them to follow.

Harm and Mac exchanged a glance of surprise as Webb wedged in behind a large dumpster. There was barely sufficient space for Harm's six foot four inches.

"Glad you could make it Rabb." Even in his hushed whisper, they could hear the sarcasm dripping heavier than usual.

Webb didn't bother asking how Mac had been able to get a hold of Harm so quickly. Although he was silently relieved Harm had shown up. They were going to need all the help they could get. Without giving them a chance to speak, he started to brief them in a fast, clipped tone. "We're too late for the two truckloads that have already left along with three men. I couldn't tell what type of weaponry they're exchanging, but I got some shots taken."

"Where are they and what can we do now?" Mac interjected.

Webb gestured his thumb at the side door that was situated next to the dumpster. Moving aside to allow room for Harm and Mac to press in close, they peered in through the small opening.

"There are four men remaining. See the guy in the truck, that's the Jap Cabinet Minister and the one in the black suit is one of their high ranking MPs."

At this, Harm and Mac shared another wide eyed look. "So the suspicions are true," Harm said.

Webb continued without preamble. "We probably won't be able to overpower them, they've all got at least one firearm each. But if we can get close enough to tape the rest of the deal, it might be sufficient. Harm, station yourself at eleven-hundred. Mac, you're gonna need to get up as close as you can within a metre range. Here, wear this" he instructed, handing her a tiny recorder type gadget and an earphone.

Harm bit back his immediate objection to Mac's role, but he knew there was no time to argue. As much as he would've liked to prioritise her safety first, he'd long learnt these situations didn't work that way at such liberties.

Webb watched as Mac promptly set the listening device into her ear and then gave her a questioning look at her empty hands.

"Forgot," Mac hissed simply, pissed off she'd done such a thing.

"We'll cover you." Webb replied without a pause. He pointed Harm to the left and signalled at himself to the right. "There's another side entrance further up. You two move in from there." He waited a beat for their acquiescing nods and crept in through the door.

Mac followed Harm, running across like a theft on tiptoes to ease cautiously into the building from the other side. It was a large warehouse of sorts. Faintly illuminated by a few light bulbs scattered across it's high rooftop. It was relatively crowded, filled with many highly stacked columns of large boxes and drum barrels. There were rows of packed shelves lining the sides and back. Stationed near the middle of the large concrete grounds, a large truck was parked. The aforementioned Minister was sitting inside at the wheels smoking. The other three men stood in a loose circle next to the open truck door talking animatedly, hands waving and fingers pointing.

Harm gave Mac a reassuring thumbs up and a quick smile before moving on to his position further north. It really wasn't necessary, Mac thought briefly in passing. With the knowledge that Harm was watching her back, she gave no seconds thoughts for what she had to do. Stealthily circling around the truck on it's left, she continued crouching low and pressing close to its sides. Arriving at the front of the bumpers, she knelt down on her knees and noiselessly clicked on the recorder.

Their conversations and use of slang was too fast for her to pick out no more than an odd word here and there. Through the large gaps between the truck's tires, Mac kept her eyes trained vigilantly on the men's legs.

Mac noted four minutes and fifteen seconds later when all three pairs of feet started to shift restlessly. Another forty-seven seconds and Webb's tiny voice came over the earpiece.

"They're finishing up now. Retreat." Deftly slipping the recorder into her pant pocket, Mac backed around the side of the truck. Just as she reached the rear, she heard the truck doors slamming shut and the loud engine roar to life. Her whole body tensed and her eyes hurriedly scanned the area looking for a place to hide. As she darted behind the closest stack of boxes, the massive metal doors that guarded the building began to roll up.

The truck slowly backed its way out and the metal door started rolling once again in it's decent. It stopped, one third of its way down. Her breath caught when she saw two men remaining.

The crackle in her ear alerted her to Webb's incoming message. "Mac, you stay put. I'm going to try and get Harm's attention and move in." She wanted to do more than stay put, but knew it would be foolish without a weapon in hand. "Got it, be careful." Mac whispered into the speaker attached.

Nevertheless, no more than thirty seconds and her mind began to consider other options. She couldn't just crouch there and do nothing. She was only about a metre and a half away from the door. She did still have her cell phone in her pocket … Mac peeped around the boxes. The two men seemed to be preoccupied, studying a piece of paper clutched in one of their hands.

Harm meanwhile, had also assessed the situation and started edging his way towards the middle of the room, inching his way slowly behind the shelves for cover. His heart leaped at a flash of movement from the opposite side, and then settled, recognising Webb's form. The silent message was passed between the two with a simple tilt of his head towards the two men.

Damn it. The MP in the suit started walking towards the entrance. Harm hung back, waiting to see where he would go. Luckily, he stopped at a row of boxes, apparently checking them off with the piece of paper in his hand.

Everything seemed to be going well according to their impromptu plan, when out of the blue, a loud shout of warning came from a man's voice outside. The cry of alarm caused every single head to snap towards the southward direction out across the alleyway.

Subsequently, the ubiquity of the events that was about to take place in the next few minutes, appeared to do so in slow motion. Harm would later recall most accurately when all hell broke loose, it was like a scene from The Matrix combined with Mac's theory of a rift in the time-space continuum.

Immediately lining up his gun at the MP he'd been following, Harm paused long enough to take a shot before turning back in search for Mac. He vaguely acknowledged the howl of pain, indicating his achieved target.

Hearing the cry from outside, Webb whipped around and saw to his horror, the outline of a man's arms rising and aiming straight for Mac.

"MAC!"

"MAC!"

Instantly, hearing the simultaneous hollers of her name, Mac knew she was in trouble, but was hopeless to do anything.

As Webb flung his body in front of Mac's, his arms outstretched to take a fatal shot at the man outside, their shocked gazes locked for less than a miniscule of a second before a torturing ache took over his consciousness and Webb knew no more.

Even as he turned to run towards Mac, Harm had a feeling it was too late. All that ran through his mind was, Mac doesn't have a gun, got to cover her. But a tiny missing detail was nagging at the back of his brains. He caught sight of Webb going down and then just four steps away, realised his critical mistake. The third man! He watched as Mac's horrified gaze connected with his own, her back arched instantaneously as her face contorted in pain, and then she too fell.

With a roar of blinding rage, Harm twisted his upper body mid-run and fired off four consecutive shots at the remaining suspect.

"MAC! Maaac." The tears resurfaced as Harm pulled her gently into his arms. He pressed a hand in an attempt to stanch the flow of blood that was rapidly soaking her shirt. There was no way to tell where the bullet was lodged or how much damage was being done.

"Harm …" Mac gasped, her eyes dilating in a shroud of pain. "I-I'm fine. Check on Webb," she rasped.

Shit! "Mac, hold on for me ok?" Harm choked out past his constricted throat, trying to keep the desperation from his voice as he stared at her drooping eyelids.

It took all of her energy to return a wane smile. Mac tried to summon up the strength to brush a comforting hand across his cheek, but the tormenting throbbing that was invading her body was too intense and she succumbed to the darkness that called.

"MAC? Mac stay with me!" For the umpteenth time that day and perhaps last, Harm begged for Sarah MacKenzie not to leave.

04:40 EST
Admiral Chegwidden's Residence
Mclean, VA

Meredith Cavanaugh gave a loud groan of annoyance as the shrill ringing yanked her out of her much needed sleep. Receiving calls in the middle of the night was one of the down sides of dating a JAG Corps officer and with the JAG, her sleep interruptions were tripled beyond unacceptable.

"Chegwidden's Residence." She tried adding as much of her standard chirpiness as was possible at that time of the day.

"Admiral?" Hmm … the voice sounded awfully familiar and extremely upset.

"I'm sorry, but Admiral Chegwidden's away at the moment. Can I be of any assistance?"

"Please, this is Commander Rabb. I need to get in touch with the Admiral. It's urgent."

Oh no, something must be terribly wrong. The usual quiet confidence she'd come to associate with the Commander was sorely missing. "Harm? It's Meredith. What's the matter? AJ's in Korea."

"Meredith, please I need to speak to him ASAP."

"Have you got a pen ready? I'll give you his cell phone." Meredith read him the emergency number AJ had left.

"Thanks."

"Is there--" she was met with the dial tone.

18:45 Local Time
Soeul
South Korea

AJ Chegwidden was on his way back to his hotel room after a long and tedious all-day conference. He'd been called to accompany the SECNAV and a group of other pompous US officials to sit in on diplomatic negotiations with the Koreans. Three days so far of lengthy unproductive arguments and with no end in sight, he wished he was back at the office to blow off some pent-up steam. The vibration of his cell in his pocket made him jump, skipping a stride. Damn stupid things, he thought cursing darkly.

"Chegwidden," he snapped.

"Admiral"

AJ instantly recognised the speaker and the tone of Harm's voice started gnawing an uneasy hole in his stomach. "Rabb what's --" He was aberrantly cut off.

"Sir, Mac and Webb were shot. I'm at the hospital but I don't know what the hell's going on!" came Harm's breathlessly frenzied voice over the line. It was so loud he had to hold the phone away from his ear.

"What --" AJ started to ask.

"I don't know where they've taken her Sir and there's not a single goddamn person that I can speak a word of English to!" Harm continued his frantic venting without giving his Commanding Officer a second thought.

"Commander calm down! They need you to stay focused and clear minded, not a raving lunatic" AJ ordered, injecting all the authority he could muster. It was the only thing that could work with an emotionally distraught Rabb. He heard a shaken breath being inhaled and the hole in his stomach widened to an endless pit. Things must've taken the worst possible, drastically wrong turn for Harm to be worked up in such a state. He couldn't think of any other time when Rabb had sounded this distressed. It even sounded worse than Robert's landmine accident. Reigning in his own escalating fear and anxiety, he reassured in a softer tone. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Yes Sir"

"Now tell me where you are."

After hanging up from his stilted conversation with Harm, AJ dialled another number on the whim. "Mr Jung, by any chance is Japanese one of your language services?"

19:00 Local Time
The University of Tokyo Hospital
Bunkyo-ku, Tokyo

Harm stared blankly at his bloody hands. His mind was still reeling from the images of blood. It didn't occur to him to get cleaned up, that he was a disturbing sight to behold. He looked like a day's work at the butchers, except it wasn't some innocent, dead animal's blood. Even if he washed it off, his hands would forever remain stained, stained with ... Webb's blood ... Mac's blood. Oh god. Harm squeezed his eyes shut tight willing the memories to stop plaguing him. Distantly, he recognised the signs of impending shock. All in the space of a few hours, his life had been built like a house of cards that'd been knocked down, resurrected and then cruelly torn down yet again. The fear and frustration was a continual build up in his chest, threatening to detonate at any time.

After the ambulance had rushed them into hospital, Mac and Webb had been swiftly wheeled away. He'd tried desperately to follow along, but lost when they denied him into the elevator. He'd also tried pleading, ranting, to any staff nearby. They'd listened, but he wasn't heard. They don't even understand a word I'm saying! Harm clenched and unclenched his hands in aggravation. Now he was left in the emptying hospital, left to his tormenting thoughts. He wanted to pound a few rounds into the wall, anything to keep him from this insane silence, from this waiting of uncertainty and the unknown. Maybe she's … "NO!" the fervent protest was spoken out aloud. He wouldn't think such thoughts. They were still alive. They had to be.

Almost two and a half hours later, Admiral Chegwidden strode through the hospital walkway just a step away from running.

Lee Jung, a short stout man, one of the Korean translators who'd been in attendance with the Americans, was outright jogging; his legs struggling to keep up with AJ's fast-paced, longer strides. He almost barrelled into the Admiral's back when the older man came to an abrupt stop.

AJ sucked in a deep breath of air at the sight of Harm's dishevelled form. He was sitting hunched over and erringly still. And his hands … they were mostly covered in a deep crimson redness that could only be blood. "Rabb." AJ called quietly. The pair of eyes that rose to meet his was frighteningly unfocused and glazed over. "Jung, go and find out about MacKenzie and Webb" he instructed rapidly.

Harm looked at the Asian man Chegwidden had addressed with a spark of hope. He got up to follow, after attempting a disheartened millimetre lift of his mouth in greeting at his CO.

Lee bowed his head politely at the petit Japanese woman manning the front desk. He spoke a few soft words and translated. "She says she does not remember any persons brought in with same names."

Harm's fist thudded down onto the counter, making everyone jump. "They wouldn't have had any IDs on them," he said dismally, looking meaningfully at the Admiral.

That's right, they wouldn't have had a single piece of information to identify who they really are. Curse Webb and his stupid undercover missions. Look where it's gotten him now. Well, wherever he is ... AJ thought quickly, "Tell her we're looking for two brunette Americans. Brought in around --"

Harm racked his brains trying to gauge the approximate time. "About six thirty, both with chest wounds," he filled in, after looking at his watch and doing a quick calculation.

Jung relayed the details back to the nurse. Both AJ and Harm's heart dropped concurrently when they saw her head shake.

"She says we must wait until morning to speak to a doctor." Lee Jung interpreted.

Lee suddenly found himself a few too-close centimetres away from the ex-SEAL's steely face. "I want to know what's happened to my people and where they are RIGHT NOW. Do. You. Understand. Me." AJ stressed each word of his demand with the effectiveness that only a two star Admiral could achieve. He turned back to smile encouragingly at the wide eyed nurse.

Jung returned to his discussion, this time speaking rapidly in Japanese. "She says she will go down to the main reception and ask."

AJ nodded for Jung to go and seeing Harm start to follow them down the corridor ordered, "Rabb, STAY." Harm turned back reluctantly. "You won't be of any help to them so sit down and …" He ran his gaze over Harm's shocking appearance. "Actually go and get yourself cleaned up. You look like the --" he hastily omitted his next word dead, "mouse that the cat dragged in."

Harm opened his mouth to argue.

"That is an order Commander!" AJ bellowed, his own temper reaching the exploding point.

"Yes Sir," Harm replied in a subdued tone. He raised a weary hand to scrub over his face and stopped abruptly at the sight of blood. He stared once again as if seeing it for the first time. The unusually sympathetic and gentleness of the Admiral's voice pulled him out of his daze.

"Son, you really will feel a lot better if you go and get yourself cleaned up." AJ gripped a firm hand on his shoulder and propelled him in the right direction.

22:05 Local Time

It took at least another unbearable half an hour before Jung came running back. "Follow me. They say Ms MacKenzie is in room 326 on the above level."

Harm launched himself out of the seat that the Admiral had managed to restrain him to for the last fifteen minutes. "Let's go!"

"What about Clayton Webb?" AJ asked, a step behind Harm.

"They did not find out what has happened to him."

Neither man voiced their mounting concern. Getting into the elevator, AJ watched as Harm's finger jabbed repeatedly at the button. Normally he would've snapped with irritation at such behaviour, if he hadn't felt like doing the same thing himself.

Before the doors could fully slide open, Harm had already wedged himself through. 326 326 326 … Arriving under the corresponding number, he paused, momentarily afraid of what he would see, before bracing himself to open the door.

"Mac? … Mac!" When her eyes fluttered open, the tension that released him was so immense it almost made Harm stagger back. Vaguely he took note of the large bandages wrapped around her right shoulder and chest area. Unable to pull her into his arms, Harm made do with engulfing her face in both his hands and pressing his face to hers. "Ma-Mac" He placed a shaky kiss to her cold lips as a tear made its way down his cheek. "Thank god. Are you ok? … Mac?!" he shook her slightly panicking when she didn't respond.

"Harm, she's just fallen back asleep. Let her rest" the Admiral said calmly, placing a restraining hand on Harm's forearm. He stored away the scene of an all too intimate greeting by the Commander for future assessment.

Sunday

11:15 Local Time

"Harm?"

Hearing the softly spoken call of his name, the biggest smile lit up his face.

"Hey" Mac responded weakly to his smile, her eyes beginning to slide close once more.

"I think you've had enough sleep for now Colonel" AJ said with a hint of amusement in his normally gruff voice. He stepped up beside Harm at her bedside.

"Admiral? What are you doing here?" Mac questioned groggily.

AJ smiled, the taunt furrows of worry on his face visibly disappearing. "You gave us quite a scare going MIA for a while there Mac."

MIA? The memories came rushing back. "Oh my god Clay! Harm, where's Webb?!" Mac struggled to sit upright, wincing at the pain that shot through her upper body.

"Mac, careful there. You've got a dislocated shoulder and a gun shot wound that needs to heal" Harm admonished, as he gently pushed her back down.

"Just for this once Colonel, I'd have to say, listen to the Commander" AJ said lightly.

Mac smiled faintly at his joke. "Yes Sir." She looked back to Harm with trepidation. "But Harm, what about Webb?" In the following silence, she glanced between the two men. She could sense their hesitation, no doubt contemplating how to tell her the news. "Is he … dead?"

16:10 Local Time

"We are sorry, but we can not do major operation with no patient files and no permission" the Japanese Doctor insisted again despite their protests.

Lee and the Admiral had located Webb early that morning when the hospital had resumed running. From what they could understand, his condition had been stabilised, but he'd fallen into a coma. Not only that, the bullet had yet to be removed. Now they were loosing little critical time that could not be spared. After harried calls back and forth between the hospital and the US embassy in Tokyo, a helo was finally arranged to airlift Webb back to the US.

Mac sighed in angry frustration. She wanted to ask the Doctor for more details, but the extent of her language skills didn't reach into the medical field. By now, she'd talked her way out of bed. Even though the Doc would've been glad to know, she was in no way at any risk with Harm hovering by all the time, no more than an inch away.

Monday

21:37 EST
Bethesda Naval Hospital
Bethesda, Maryland

Thankfully, they were back on home soil. Although, Harm thought ruefully, Bethesda's layout is a blueprint that we all know much too well. He watched Mac walk off tiredly, as the Admiral sent her to the cafeteria. The three of them were worn out in all ways possible. The prognosis had been grave and even now after the surgery, Webb still showed no signs of waking up. The bullet had been lodged dangerously close to his heart, whilst Mac had been mercifully lucky with only a shoulder wound.

"Harm, I think it's about time you took the Colonel home and get yourselves some rest" the Admiral advised. "There's not much more we can do now by running ourselves ragged."

"Aye Sir" Harm agreed, he needed to convince Mac to get some sleep. The entire time on the long flight home, there'd been an uneasy and apprehensive silence. Mac had closed her eyes, but with her fidgeting, he knew she hadn't gotten any rest. Rotating first his neck and then his shoulders, he tried to loosen the stiff muscles. I need to get some rest myself.

Mac came back with a sandwich in her free, left hand. She wouldn't have any use of her right hand or shoulder for at least two weeks. Instead of eating it herself, she handed it to Harm. "Here you have it. I just didn't feel like anything" she shrugged at the two men's reproving looks.

"Mac, you haven't had anything to eat or drink since early this morning. Now take at least one bite." Harm said persuadingly. He unwrap the plastic and held it up to her mouth.

Mac rolled her eyes and chose to endure a small mouthful in order to appease their concern.

Harm smiled and without giving any thought, wiped the dab of mayo from the corner of her mouth. The pad of his thumb lingered on her bottom lip before hastily being removed when the shifting of the Admiral's feet caught his attention. He didn't dare look to his CO, continuing to talk to Mac instead. "Let's get you home for some decent food."

"No I want to stay" she objected.

"Mac come on, it's late. We'll come back in the morning," Harm cajoled, laying a hand on her elbow.

"NO, I'm staying" the vehemence of her protest surprised even Harm and especially the Admiral. In her shroud of remorse as she removed his hand, Mac failed to see the extent of hurt that flashed across Harm's face.

It didn't escape the Admiral's eagle-eye lookout.

In the end, Harm had been sent home much to his annoyance. The hospital had been adamant, even more so than himself. Frequently, they'd had to deal with a stubborn wife or girlfriend who insisted on staying overnight with their loved one despite hospital policy. Or vice versa with the husband, but it was pretty much a first for a third party to insist on staying with the loving partner and the patient.

21:45 EST

Mac took another sip of water. Her throat was parched and she felt lethargic. She'd talked for the last hour, either to herself or if Webb could hear her, she didn't know. He sure hadn't shown any indications of understanding her random ramblings. The Spy whom they all loved to dislike was just lying there. His usually lively eyes and brooding face was now simply blank and devoid of all expressions. The upper half of his chest was bounded in thick bandages similar to her own, with one leg in a cast propped up in the air on cord and hooked to a metal rod extension from the bed.

The only thing Mac acknowledged within the turmoil that was taking place inside her was the guilt. He'd taken a bullet for her. Without thought and without hesitation, Clayton Webb had thrown himself in the line of fire to save her and here he lay, unconscious and fighting for his life because of her. This man whom she considered a close friend, she found she actually knew nothing about. Nobody other than Harm, the Admiral and herself knew of his condition. Maybe he had close friends, relatives. Maybe he even has a wife and kid who are worrying about him right at this very moment. She had no idea. His mother! What kind of person am I? The only person she knew of and she hadn't even remembered to call. Mac made a mental note to contact his mom first thing in the morning.

She wanted to cry out her frustrations, her fears, but no tears came. She'd run out of tears to cry. Please wake up Clay, Mac begged yet again. She clutched his left hand in her own, ignoring the pain in her shoulder and laid her head down on the bed.

22:55 EST
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
Washington, DC

He'd failed to protect her. Rather, he was deeply indebted to Webb for saving her life. Harm would've thought he'd be greatly relieved once his love for her was revealed and out in the open, but they hadn't resolved anything. Mac must've heard his words, yet there had been no triumph or fanfare. Maybe he was too late. She hadn't said anything, hadn't reciprocated the same feelings. Now there was just a pervading hollow emptiness that replaced everything else in him. Empty and haunted.

Monday

O2:02 EST

He was exhausted, but sleep as he'd predicted proved futile. After jerking awake for the third time, Harm bounded out of bed frustrated and irritated. He got dressed and headed back to the hospital.

I'm coming to see you
whether you're ready or not
I'm coming to feel you baby, whether you like it or not
Get ready cause I'm coming to see
Whether you like it or not
I'm coming to see you
Whether you like it or not
02:45 EST
Bethesda Naval Hospital
Bethesda, Maryland

At three am in the morning, the hospital grounds were zombiesque. Luck was with him when Harm was able to slip by the unattended front desk of the infirmary level. He let himself in quietly through the door. His gaze first seeking out Mac's form, to find her fallen asleep with her head on top of the bed. His heart clinched with a flicker of jealousy at the sight of her hand loosely entwined with Webb's, but it was promptly doused with self-disgust. For crying out loud Rabb, the man's in a coma for saving Mac's life, which you failed to do.

Someone had obviously provided an extra cot for Mac, but its white blankets were still neatly folded at the base. He couldn't let her stay that way.

Cautiously, Harm slid one arm around Mac's back and the other under her knees. Pulling her securely against his chest, he lifted her up slowly. She stirred only slightly, proving the extent of her exhaustion. He treaded softly up to the bed, but didn't put her down straight away. Holding her like this, she was so tantalizingly close it almost made him groan out loud at the intimacy of her body pressed against his own. Reluctantly Harm gently laid her down, straightening out her legs and covering her loosely with the blanket.

Unable to break away, he knelt down and caressed the familiar features of her face with his eyes. His hand moved of its own violation and trailed a light path down her fine cheekbones. Powerless to resist the temptation, the temptation of Mac that grew ever stronger, his face inched closer. He stopped a hair's breadth away from her lips, his eyes closed. He could feel her soft breathing against his own mouth. Why does this have to feel so forbidden?! I'm in love with her, Harm agonised. He yanked himself away, taking a deep calming breath and dropped into the chair at her side. Finally close to where he always wanted to be, his mind switched off and allowed him a few hours of troubled sleep.

A few hours later, Mac awoke to the instant assault of unfamiliar surroundings. She looked around disorientated for a few seconds before spotting Webb and remembering where she was. But how did I get onto the bed? Getting up quietly, she gasped inaudibly when she nearly tripped over a pair of long legs. How'd Harm get here? She shook her head and smiled. Should've known he would get his way no matter what. She took the extra blanket and draped it over Harm's chest. Mac sat staring at him for a while, taking the rare moment to do so. His mouth had fallen slightly open, his arms slipping loosely folded on his chest and his legs stretched out, crossed at the ankles. With his head lolled uncomfortably to one side onto his left shoulder, he was going to have one hec of a cramp in a few hours. A tender current of warmth stole over her, easing a touch of the raging war within. He really was the best-friend she'd ever have … and he lov-no, she couldn't think about that right now.

07:35 EST

This was the scene Admiral Chegwidden found when he walked in the next morning. His two senior officers sound asleep and the still form of Webb, just as he'd been yesterday. Rabb was sprawled out awkwardly on a chair that barely contained him and Mac was lying on the bed on her right side facing Harm. AJ stood there contemplating the room's three occupants, the third addition who was an extreme perplexity. The potential romantic relationship between Harm and Mac he had long accepted, but Webb ... he didn't know what to think of Webb. He could tell without a doubt that something had transpired between the three, or at least between the Colonel and Webb. Mac's actions now, were similar to the time of Harm's crash during her engagement. When she'd sat vigilant watch at Rabb's bedside, her worry had been akin to those of a woman in love. But that would mean her feelings for Webb ran as deep as it did for Harm. How is that possible?! I'm not sure I really want to know. He'd never suspected a thing between Mac and Webb.

"Colonel," AJ called, touching a light hand on her shoulder. She didn't wake.

Suddenly, the shrill beep of the heart monitor pierced through the peaceful morning air. Harm and Mac instantly shot up with a start. The previously prone form of Clayton Webb lying on the bed started seizing spasmodically.

"Clay!" Mac yelled rushing over.

"Rabb get the Doctor!" AJ shouted as he ran over to help Mac restrain Webb's body.

Harm shot out of the room and was back a minute later with a Doctor and two nurses.

"Everyone out!" the Doctor barked as he rushed past the three officers.

Harm ushered Mac out the door in front of him, trying to block her from straining around him to see what was happening.

14:50 EST

He was drifting through the clouds, blissfully light and inconsequential. It only lasted for a short while … until it all came to a screeching halt. Webb felt like he'd plummeted to the ground. There was a constant dull ache everywhere he could feel. Bit by bit, he opened his eyes to take in the glistening white room and-

"Mac?" he croaked with bewilderment. What's she doing here? What am I doing here? Where the hell is here anyway?

"Yea, how're you feeling?" she asked in a soft endearing tone.

He felt her brush a gentle hand across his cheek. Christ, I must be dreaming if Mac's treating me this way, Webb thought blinking rapidly. Suddenly, Harm's face came into view.

"Rabb? What you doing here?" Webb asked, complete confusion written all over his face.

"Keeping your boring self company," Harm answered with a loud chuckle.

"Agent Webb, got a little too much taste of your own medicine" came the curt voice of-

"AJ!"

"Good to see you alive and well Webb," AJ said with a rare smile for the CIA agent.

Jesus, I really must've died and gone to heaven. Mac's treating me like a doting wife, Rabb wants my company and the old man smiled at me?! How could I possibly have made it above with the things I've done? With that last question in mind, Clayton Webb conked out again into the ignorance of sweet oblivion.

17:35 EST

The next time Webb awoke, he was once again graced with the vision of Sarah MacKenzie at his side. "You still here?" Clay asked in astonishment. The musical sound of her laughter reached his ears.

"I'm still here" Mac replied, tremendously relieved he was finally awake and coherent. A few hours ago when he'd awaken for the first time, Webb had been too drugged up and fallen back asleep almost immediately, mumbling incomprehensibly.

"Wha's going on? Where'm I?" His speech was still slightly slurred.

"You don't remember?" Her worried frown returned.

"Member what?" He tried sitting up and immediately his vision started spinning. "Ahhh" he groaned as the feeling of a thousand needles jolted throughout his body.

He fell back with a soft thump, before Mac could reach him. "Don't move Clay, the nurse should be back soon with medication." She rearranged his pillow and swept tussled hair across his forehead. He didn't answer, seeming to fall back into a doze.

As she expected, the nurse was back shortly after to check on Webb's drip and leave more mediation. Mac reported Webb's brief wake up. The orderly smiled kindly at Mac as she had during her last two visits. "He'll be fine dear. Just give him time to wear off the medication and then you'll be able to talk to him properly."

True to her words, three hours later Webb regained consciousness. Mac brought him the cup of water blended with his apparently bitter medication. He spluttered on the first gulp, screwing up his face in disgust. "What the- Mac are you trying to poison me?"

She smiled taking the cup from his hands. "How're you feeling?"

"Like shit" was the prompt reply.

Mac grinned, the sarcastic spy was back in business.

"Hey, what happened to you? Are you ok?" Webb asked worriedly, noticing her condition for the first time. She had dark rings under her eyes that were prominently visible even against her tanned skin.

"I'm fine. Just a dislocated shoulder, but I think you should be worrying about yourself." Mac pointed at his leg in midair and the rest of his injuries.

He groaned loudly, shoving a hand through his hair. "What've I done to myself now?"

"You've got a broken leg and … they removed the bullet from your chest." Mac reminded him tentatively.

Webb was silent, piecing together the blurred memories. "The Japanese MPs! Did we get the evidence? What happened to the men and the tapes?"

"I'm not quite sure" Mac admitted. "Harm didn't mention it and I didn't think to ask."

Webb's closed his eyes with another groan. "The Agency's gonna hang me for this one if we lost it." His eyes snapped open at one more recollection. "Mac, are you sure you're ok? There was a gun aimed at you?"

"Clay, that's why you're here now, you were already in a coma when they took the bullet out. You've only just woken up after two days." Mac paused looking away, the tears returning with the guilt. "I'm sorry …"

"Mac," Webb grabbed her hand and squeezed soothingly. He waited until she met his gaze. "As long as you're not hurt, I don't regret what I did and I would do it again. You're one of the few friends I have Mac, I hope you know that."

Mac was shocked and deeply touched by Webb's earnestness. It took her a while to respond. "Thank you" she said with all sincerity. He smiled with embarrassment and she saw his cheeks tinged red. Webb's blushing! Mac laughed gaily, breaking the profound moment.

Grinning at each other, they assumed a companionable discussion.

21: 20 EST

Webb was starting to get tired again, but talking to Mac like this was a taste of her that he was easily getting addicted to. The subject had turned back to his 'heroic rescue' as Mac had termed light-heartedly.

"I'm glad to be the hero for once instead of Harm" he quipped.

Mac stared. There was more to his words than just the on surface joke. Was it … bitterness or … jealousy that she heard?

Webb glanced nervously around the room under her scrutiny. No wonder she's a Marine. Mac's getting way too sharp for me. Damn, I must be loosing my touch. To his relief, she didn't pursue the matter. Rather, she asked a just as alarming a question.

"Clay … you're not um … married with a kid, are you?"

"What?!" Webb exclaimed. "I certainly hope I didn't get myself married with a kid on some mission without my knowledge."

Mac grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, didn't think you were that lucky" she teased and then said in all seriousness. "I just didn't know if there was anyone that we should've contacted."

"Naw, only Mother" he turned away, but not quick enough for her to miss the fleeting flash of sadness.

"I called, but they said she couldn't be reached" Mac told him softly.

"Doesn't matter, I can give her a call later."

"Are you sure? I can call her again if you want" Mac offered with concern.

Webb shook his head silently with a small smile. "Which reminds me, Mac, you should go home and get some rest yourself."

"I'm fine Clay" Mac replied firmly. She was determined to stay until he got out of hospital.

"You may be fine, but the shadows under your eyes don't really suit your looks Mac" Webb said, returning to a joking mood again.

Thursday

17:23 EST
Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment
Number 201, The Washington
Georgetown

Mac was washing the usual two plates from her solitary dinner single-handedly, when the dreaded knock on the door sounded his arrival. She'd been expecting Harm any day now. Actually, she was surprised he'd stayed away this long. Tuesday morning Webb had been picked up by a chauffeur and left for home. Harm had tried taking her to his place as she'd expected, knowing he'd want to take care of her. Mac had prayed he'd understand when she told him she wanted some time alone, but he'd closed up as usual and she hadn't heard from him since. The Admiral had ordered her not to resume duties until next Monday morning. Generally she'd argue against unnecessary leave, but for this occasion she was grateful for the time away. She couldn't quite comprehend it herself, but basically she felt like shutting down. She hadn't thought about anything or done anything. Too much had happened and she just didn't feel like facing the music as yet.

Wiping her hand on the dishtowel, Mac made her way slowly towards her door. She pulled it open without bothering to check through the peephole.

"Har-Clay! What're you doing here?"

"Just dropping by" he commented casually, as if he 'just dropped by' at her door on a regular basis.

Mac bit back a smirk. Back in his renowned three-piece suit and even with the nonchalant attitude, the spy on crutches just didn't have the same effect. "Come in" she invited. "Shouldn't you still be resting your leg and body, Clay?" Mac worried.

"I should ask the same of you" Webb replied with equal concern.

They shared an understanding grin. Webb passed his custom-made crutches to Mac and lowered himself onto the couch. He watched as she sat down gracefully beside him, waiting expectantly to hear the purpose for his visit. He wiped his somewhat sweaty hand discreetly along his thigh, before reaching into the inner pocket of his jacket. "Here, just a token of my appreciation for … staying with me at the hospital." He handed her a flat, square box.

"Webb!" Mac exclaimed, "I should be giving you something for saving my life, not the other way round."

"Mac, we've been through that. Anyway, it's not much. Open it, please."

She gave him another long look before turning her attention to the box in her hands. Pulling open the heavily hinged lid, she gaped at the content. "This … isn't much?" she breathed in disbelief at the sparkling bracelet, the very expensive, sparkling diamond bracelet. "It's gorgeous … Clay, I really don't know how to thank you." She didn't have anything worthwhile to give in return. She hoped he recognized that her inadequate appreciation wasn't for the gift, but for the bullet he'd taken in her place.

Webb thought quickly to quell her obvious discomfort. "Hey, a kiss would be nice." It came out as an offhand joke and ended up landing in the electrically charged air that it had created.

Two tentative pairs of brown eyes met and locked.

Mac broke the hold first, tugging self-consciously at the hem of her top. She rarely saw this side of Clayton Webb, but in the few times she'd encountered, she couldn't tell what he was thinking. It tossed her into the deep end of confusion.

"Sarah."

Her breath caught at the tone of his voice. His face was edging closer. Instinctively, her eyes glided shut and before she could consider their actions, she felt his firm lips descend upon her own.

Reaching an unspoken mutual agreement at the same time, they both drew back gradually. Clay's mouth lingering for a second longer. This time there was no need for words in the understanding look of acceptance that passed between them. They had just closed the door on a briefly ventured path that would never be reopened nor mentioned of again.

Mac helped Webb to stand up and silently handed him his crutches. She followed him to the door. Sharing with him one last solicitous smile, Mac showed him out.

Webb hopped leisurely to the elevator, lost in thought. He stood waiting, without pressing for the button as yet. He turned around at the sound of her door re-opening, to see Mac sticking her head out.

"Hey, Webb. Don't think you're gonna get it easy the next time you come round to JAG begging for assistance on another crazy case of yours," Mac called out, grinning widely before ducking back inside.

Clayton Webb laughed with a sense of freedom that he'd rarely experienced in life. It was shaded with a touch of melancholy that there would never be more between them, but above all, with contentment that he had even stood a chance with such an amazing woman. It was an equally valuable consolation, knowing that he would always hold a good share of Mac's unique friendship.

Meanwhile …

His feet pounded on consistently, the leaves scattered on the trail beneath crackled and crushed under each heavy thud of his foot. Harm knew he was pushing himself over his limits. It was his sole intent. She said she wanted to be alone, in other words, away from him. She hadn't called. For the past three days without her presence at JAG, he could bury himself under the backlog of paperwork; loose himself in front of the judge and jury. However, as soon as he returned to the vast forlorn cavern of his apartment, he couldn't hide from himself anymore. The echoing silence was insufferable.

Daylight was fast fading, the shadows emerging to dominate the night, but he didn't mind. It allowed him to loose himself in the darkness before it could capture him instead. He continued to run methodically, running as far away as he could go. But no matter what, whether he liked it or not, unconsciously he was still running towards her. To her.

I know, I know, I know you're gone
Can I see you baby
Is it too late baby
I know, I know, I know you're gone
Is it too late baby
It's all gone…


To Be Continued >>