++

Incense floated up into the air, dancing above hide’s hair, twisting as it disappeared. The apartment was dark and seemingly empty except for hide, who knelt before a small altar.

It was quiet except for a few sniffles and sobs. hide looked at the picture of Kaoru in his Myaku costume before a concert, smoking a cigarette and smiling. hide sniffed again. “Gomenasai, Kaoru-chan…this is all my fault. You were so young…it shouldn’t have ended this way.” hide wiped a tear hastily away. “Toshiya is so upset—he won’t eat and he cries himself to sleep each night. And he stays in bed and stares at the spot where you once lay next to him. Kyo won’t sing. Die doesn’t smile anymore and Shinya is crying, like you’ve never seen him do before. They don’t know what to do without you. They don’t want to hire another guitarist because there is only one of you. I’d help them but…but I can’t. I’m dead. I suppose you and I will meet again. They should be zapping me back now to punish me for letting you die.”

The picture-Kaoru continued to smile.

“Gomen ne, Kaoru….”

Five days earlier~

It was supposed to be an easy task.

It had started out like every other week. Well, almost.

“The world is just five minutes to the finish—OH MY GOD!!!” hide sang from the kitchen, searching among the pots and pans for something.

Kaoru groaned and burrowed into the pillows deeper, “That better not be some kind of early warning system.”

Toshiya groaned, grabbed his pillow and placed it over his head. Kaoru grabbed the blanket and pulled it over his head. It didn’t block out anything.

“Hi-Ho!”

Nevertheless, Kaoru found himself singing along.

Toshiya gave another groan and whacked Kaoru with his pillow. “Urusai! It’s too early in the morning!” He fluffed his pillow and stubbornly rolled over and squeezed his eyes shut.

Kaoru chuckled, the blanket still over his head. “Well, you’re the one who said that if he wanted to wear the apron he had to cook. Is it my fault he wants to cook in the morning? Besides, you have to get up early anyway, we’re recording today, remember?”

In response, Toshiya gave a snore.

“Hi-Ho!”

Kaoru giggled. He had to admit there were worse ways to wake up. He reached over hugged Toshiya close and said in his ear, “C’mon. Okite.”

“Mm…”

“Okite kudasai,” Kaoru drawled.

Toshiya tried to pout but was failing miserably. A smile was starting to peek through.

“Nemui desu ka?” Kaoru asked.

“Hai~!” Toshiya said, in his sleepy voice.

“Ja nete kudasai. Oyasuminasai.” Kaoru kissed Toshiya’s ear then he kissed him on the mouth. He moved out of the bed.

“Kaoru?”

“Eh?”

“Brush your teeth,” Toshiya said. Kaoru scowled and threw a pillow at Toshiya, who giggled.

“I thought you were sleeping?”

Toshiya snored again in response. Kaoru shook his head fondly and headed out to the kitchen to survey the damage. hide was still singing Hi-Ho but with less volume this time. He was staring into the refrigerator like it held all the secrets of the universe. “You’re out of eggs,” the angel said, without looking at Kaoru.

Kaoru made a mental note of that and stared around the kitchen. hide hadn’t cooked anything. Odd. It had sounded like he had.

“You don’t have any pancake mix either. No milk. Barely any butter. No juice. Baking cookies is out of the question because Toshiya says there’s something wrong with the oven. And I’m sure you don’t want to eat rice alone. No home cooked breakfast today, I’m afraid.” hide straightened with a frown.

“That’s okay.” Kaoru said and yawned, “We can pick something up along the way.”

“Where you going?”

“Recording.” Kaoru replied.

“Oh,” hide and Kaoru looked toward the door. hide closed the door and followed Kaoru to the door. Kaoru picked it up and opened it then read it out loud.

“By Friday, Kaoru must fight with hide or he will die at 11:00 am.” He stared at the taller man, who shrugged and smiled back. “Quick, say something that pisses me off.”

hide’s smile widened, “That shouldn’t be too hard.”

“Alright…well?”

hide thought and then said, “You have terrible wit.”

“And your hair’s too pink for your own good. That’s not pissing me off, keep going.” Kaoru said with a smirk.

“You dress like a male prostitute.” hide offered.

“I’m sure you would know.”

hide scratched his head. This was harder than he thought. Toshiya passed the both of them in the hall, heading toward the kitchen and hide got an idea, “Toshiya says you’re terrible in bed.”

“Nani?” Toshiya asked, turning around. Kaoru had a very confused expression on his face. Toshiya frowned and wrapped his arms around Kaoru, resting his head on his shoulder. “That’s not true…”

“I know it’s not true.” Kaoru said with a smile for his koi. “I just told hide to say something that pisses me off.”

“What for?” Toshiya asked and Kaoru handed him the message. “Oh. Well, you two always fight so it shouldn’t be a problem, right? Besides, you’ve got until Friday. C’mon, let’s go. Or we’ll be late.” Kaoru nodded as they gathered their things and left.

***********

“Oh, you’re no fun.” hide pouted. “You’re not supposed to sit there and take it or toss half felt insults back at me. You’re supposed to get angry.” He surreptitiously glared at the younger man, who was flipping through a magazine ignoring him. Kaoru glanced up, hide looked away and Toshiya chuckled, “Kaoru-kun.”

They sat on the studio couches, waiting for the others to arrive. Toshiya idly plucked out a tune on his bass as he waited every now and again, looking up at his koi and hide. “Hai, hide-sama?” Kaoru said, blankly, his eyes scanning across the page.

“Don’t call me hide-sama,” hide replied, hoping that this would lead to a fight but it didn’t.

“Gomen, hide.” Kaoru flipped another page to the magazine.

hide tried not to scream. What was wrong with him? Usually, it just takes a tiny push—not even really a nudge—and it sends him over the edge but now? “Kaoru-kun!”

“Hai?”

hide slipped from his chair and onto Kaoru’s lap. He straddled Kaoru and places his arms on Kaoru’s shoulders. “You’re supposed to be angry! Please! C’mon get fucking pissed, would ya?” hide half whined at him.

Kaoru looked up from his magazine. “How can I be angry with you sitting in my lap? Of course, I can’t say the same for Totchi.” He glanced over at Toshiya and hide did the same. Toshiya turned around and stuck his tongue out that.

“It’ll take a lot more than that to piss me off.”

hide turned around to stare back at Kaoru. He smirked. Kaoru frowned. hide batted his eyelashes at Kaoru, “Kaoru-chan!”

“That’s it. Remove yourself from my lap, immediately,” Kaoru said in a commanding tone.

hide threw his head back and laughed. “Yes, angry!! Give me more of that! Fury! Passion!” hide cheered. Kaoru gave him a look that told him he was insane and burst out laughing. hide frowned. That wasn’t supposed to happen. “Kaoru!”

“Gomen!” The young guitarist managed as he tried to gain his breath back between laughs while Toshiya smirked. “Gomen, hide. I just can’t get angry today. I’m in a good mood.”

hide removed himself from Kaoru’s lap with a sigh. “Considering what you and Toshiya were doing last night, I don’t blame you.” Kaoru’s eyes widened in shock and Toshiya blinked. He smirked and muttered, “I’m dead, not deaf.” The door opened and Shinya and Die walked in, dragging a half asleep Kyo behind them. “Ohayou, Shinya-kun, Die-kun and Kyo-kun.”

“Ohayou, hide-san,” Shinya and Die replied. Kyo murmured something that sounded like the same. Kaoru continued reading for a couple more minutes then placed the magazine aside and looked up at his band mates. Shinya waited patiently for whatever Kaoru was going to say and Die poked Kyo every now and again to keep him awake. Kaoru nodded and Shinya went to his drumset, Die dragged Kyo to his microphone on the way to setting up his own equipment and Kaoru grabbed his guitar.

“hide?”

“Hai?”

“Can you go to the control room and listen to us there?” Kaoru asked, sounding a little shy. He even fidgeted with the pick he held in his hand. hide nodded as he wondered what was wrong with Kaoru.

Kaoru gulped and sighed with relief when the angel left the room. Toshiya saw this and reached out to massage his koi’s shoulder. Kaoru let himself slump with relaxation as he felt Toshiya’s touch. “Daijyoubu ne, Kaoru….”

“Hounto?”

“Un. Daijyoubu. Because I said so.” Toshiya said firmly. “I know hide is your role model and how nervous you are about letting him hear our music but it’ll be okay.”

Shinya twirled a drumstick and glared at it when it dropped from his hand. “I’m sure hide will like our music, Kaoru, and if he doesn’t—“ Kaoru felt his eyes widen at the younger man. Shinya shrugged, as he retrieved his drumstick and tried to twirl it again only to have it drop once more. “If he doesn’t, well—then no one told him to listen.”

Before Kaoru could protest, Die spoke up, “What Shin-chan’s trying to say is that if hide doesn’t like it, it isn’t the end of the world. And if he complains about it, tell him that you didn’t expect him to like it.”

“He’s still relatively human, pink smoke or no pink smoke,” Kyo said, sleepily.

Kaoru blinked. Is this really my band? “A-arigato, minna! Uh…let’s begin.” He took a set of headphones off his amp and put them on. He looked up at his producer, who nodded and they began.

*********

“And that’s it! Last cut of the day! I’ll see you guys tomorrow! Good work!” The producer told them and Dir en Grey smiled at each other tiredly. They began to clean up and put their things away as hide made an appearance once more, this time smoking a cigarette. Shinya looked up at him but said nothing. “I remember days like this except Yoshiki was much more tyrannical than you. Control freak…” He muttered, then remembered Shinya. “Gomen, Shinya-kun…just telling it as I saw it.”

Shinya nodded.

Kaoru smiled, even though he had no idea what hide thought of the music. He tried to tell himself that it didn’t matter but a little niggling thought kept running through his brain screaming, “Oh, God!!! What is he thinking? What is he thinking!? Did he like it? Did he like it?!” Kaoru hoped to whoever was up there or wherever that hide’s powers weren’t working today. I’ll promise to be good just don’t let his powers be working! I’ll be very very good. I’ll even cut my hair and dye it back to black again. He winced at that. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Well, that wasn’t true. Giving up Toshiya would be the last thing he did. As if hearing that though, Toshiya slid up behind him and pinched his ass. Kaoru squeaked and jumped. Toshiya giggled and whispered, “You look a little tense there…want me to help you with that?”

“Later,” Kaoru said. (Mat: 0.o…where the hell is this going?)

“Promise?”

“Of course…however—“

“Nani?”

“Can I be seme this time?” (Mat: *gives up as her Raphael clones take over*)

Toshiya purred, slipping his arms around Kaoru from behind. Kaoru was glad hide was talking to the other three for awhile and closes his eyes, relaxing in Toshiya’s embrace. The bassist nipped his ear and huskily replied, “No.”

“Mou…Toshiya!!” Kaoru whined, “You’ve been seme for the past week!”

“You don’t complain about it when it matters…” Toshiya replied.

That was true, he didn’t. Toshiya smirked as he noticed Kaoru’s sudden silence and took that moment to kiss him. “I’ll be really gentle this time…I promise,” he said between kisses. (Mat: *wrestles control away from Raphael clones*)

“Oi! You two!” Die interrupted. Totchi growled as Kaoru pulled away to give Die his attention. Die smirked then went on, “We’re going to go to a bar and have a few drinks—“

“Or more,” hide added.

“—to relax. You coming?”

Kaoru nodded. “Hai. Totchi, are you coming?”

Toshiya nodded. He looked over at Kyo, “Are you coming?”

The vocalist shook his head. “You know I don’t like alcohol. I’m going home. I’ve actually got dinner waiting for me on the table!” Kyo smiled.

Toshiya frowned, “If you don’t like alcohol, the why did she tell us that you got drunk all the time with her?”

Kyo winked. “An old trick I use. I pretend to be drunk to see how the girl would react. It was fun having her carry me home or your home, Shinya,” he amended, when he noticed the drummer glaring at him. “It was nice having her take care of me, letting me fall asleep on her lap. . .”

Shinya still glared at him as Die said, “You didn’t do anything to her, did you?”

“Of course not!!”

“Kyo,” Shinya said, slowly, “I think I speak for everyone when I say this—“

“Nani?”

“That’s pathetic!!” The drummer exploded. hide, Toshiya, Die and Kaoru began laughing. “What kind of man are you?” he demanded.

“I-I-“ Kyo stammered, then glared back at Shinya. “You’re not really her cousin, you know! She’s a grown—“ he seemed at a loss for words as Shinya crossed his arms and continued to glare at him, “Angel.” He finished, “She can date whoever she likes!”

Shinya nodded then pretended to look up innocently. He tapped thoughtful finger against his lips as he said, “Hm. I wonder what she would say if she found out about this?” Kaoru suppressed a laugh at the frightened expression on Kyo’s face.

“Shin-chan!! Don’t!” The vocalist yelled. Everyone winced at the volume of his voice except Shinya, who refused to be intimidated. Then again, Kaoru thought, He’s faced Death eight times in a row.

“Oh, I won’t say anything.” Shinya said, slipping his bag strap over his shoulder. “But you will before she finds out some other way. And something tells me that if she doesn’t get it from you first, you’ll be missing a girlfriend, an angel and a few other body parts.” Kyo turned pale at that and ran out of the room with a rushed, “Ja ne!!”

Die frowned, “Shinya….why’d you do that? He’s scared now.”

“It’s the truth.” Shinya shrugged. “I have a feeling she already knows but now he knows not to lie to people he cares about, ne?”

“True.” The others agreed.

hide smiled, “To the bar!!”

*********

Fifth round of beer and Kaoru knew he was on his way to being totally drunk. Not that it was too bad--hide was very fun to be with while being this way, but tonight everyone’s guard was down as their alcohol intake went up.

Like for instance, hide was no longer being referred to as Hikaru. After the third round of beer, he magically transformed back into hide-in-an-apron. Every now and again, he would claim he was a cosplayer (or rather a “cosh-prayer”) while someone on the table would mutter something like, “Yeah, and Sugizo is the patron saint of virgins.”

But, personally, Kaoru felt that wasn’t true. So he had voiced it out loud. hide smirked. “Well, he used to be. Who is it now?”

“I thought it was me,” Shinya said, holding his drink with his eyes a little unfocused.

Toshiya shook his head, “No way. Not with the subtle way Die’s been fondling you all night.” The table burst into laughter again as Die scowled at Totchi and Shinya removed Die’s hand from his lap.

“Hell, I’m it.” hide said, drinking the last drop of beer and ordered another one.

“You just want to be near the virgins, so you don’t count,” Kaoru told him.

hide winked as he stood on his chair and posed, “What? You never heard of a virgin sacrifice?” He fluffed the back of his hair and winked at Kaoru and Toshiya. Kaoru started laughing again at the sight. He wished he had a camera. hide licked his lips, seductively, but stopped when something caught his attention at the door. His eyes narrowed as he gazed off then he said, “Hey, that looks like Sugi. And he’s with Ryu…and J…and Takuro…and—“ hide jumped down from the chair and put his head down on his arms. “Hayaku—Kaoru—get sober!!”

“Sober?” Kaoru said the word as if he never heard of it before. He reached over and patted hide’s pink head to get his attention. “Naze?”

hide glared at him, “So you can remember my other name, baka.” He quickly hid his face again when he noticed Hisashi notice the Dir en Grey table (minus Kyo, plus hide—I mean, Hikaru).

Kaoru frowned then shook Toshiya, who was currently arguing with Die about that diet he was on. “It’s a stupid idea. You keep this up and you’ll be skinnier than Shinya! We don’t need another stick in this band! Itai! Kaoru—“

“Totchi, I can’t remember hide’s other name, what was it?” He asked, speaking in the bassist’s ear.

“Hikaru!!” Toshiya yelled out.

“Hikki!!” Die cheered.

“Utada Hikaru?” Shinya asked, “Where?” He stood up and looked around as Die pulled him back down.

“Not that Hikaru!! You know she’s underage!” Totchi snapped at the same time hide yelled, “Do you want them to come over here or what?!”

“Want who to come—“ Toshiya, Die and Shinya’s heads turned as one in the direction of the door and saw the beginning of the end for Kaoru and hide. “Oh, shit.”

“Don’t tell me they’re coming over here!!” hide said, his voice muffled.

“Eto…”

“They’re coming!” Die said.

“Hikki, pretend you’re asleep!” Toshiya yelled down at hide.

“Totchi, he’s drunk not deaf!” Shinya scolded. hide patted Shinya’s hand in agreement and stopped moving. The whole table quieted down. Hisashi ran up with Takuro and the rest in tow.

“Konbanwa, Kaoru-san! Toshiya-san! Shinya-san! Die-san!” Kaoru remained silent and stoic, staring straight in front of him, Toshiya smiled, Shinya nodded and Die also nodded at him.

Toshiya poked at Kaoru, while saying, “He’d acknowledge your presence but he’s pretending not to be drunk and stupid.”

“Isn’t he always stupid?” Takuro asked. Kaoru clenched his jaw. Things were still not okay between him and the Glay god. Kaoru chose not to respond to that. Besides, Takuro’s friends outnumbered his and hide would probably take Takuro’s side. Kaoru sat on his jealousy. hide was his angel, true—but friendship was stronger. I wonder if we’re friends? Manami was friends with Shinya and Die.

Toshiya hugged Kaoru possessively to his chest and glared daggers at Takuro. “My Kaoru is not stupid,” he hissed. Well, if hide wouldn’t be there for him, he would always have Toshiya.

Hisashi cleared his throat, trying to bring peace between the two of if not, change the subject so the tension wouldn’t be so thick, “What’s up with Hikaru? Uh…that is Hikaru, right?” Toshiya, Kaoru, Die and Shinya turned to stare at hide, who looked asleep to those who didn’t know better.

“Hikki isn’t feeling well,” Die said.

“He’s pretty drunk,” Toshiya affirmed, still hugging Kaoru.

Hisashi nodded, in sympathy. “Ano…do you guys mind if we sit here and drink with you?”

“We were just about to leave,” Toshiya said. “Take Hikki home.”

Kaoru nodded, “Un. It’s been a long day for us as well. Recording—you understand how it is.”

Hisashi frowned. “Oh. But Sugi wanted to see how good Hikaru-san was at cosplaying hide.” At those words, every single Dir en Grey member plus hide turned pale. “C’mon, please say you’ll stay…”

Die took a look at Kaoru’s face and slowly replied, “Eto…I don’t know…Hikaru’s not really in the greatest of cosplay modes right now. He’s very picky about that sort of stuff.”

“Nonsense,” Sugi said, stepping forward. “If he’s as good as Hisa-chan says than let’s see his drunk hide cosplay.”

Shinya shot a panicked look to Die, who instantly shot it to Kaoru. The same look was mirrored in Toshiya’s eyes although he couldn’t see it, but he felt it in Toshiya’s embrace. He looked back at hide, who sat unmoving at the table. “Hi-hikaru..” He had to think fast, Sugizo was stepping around to hide’s side of the table and was shaking hide to wake him up—Oh, God, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!!!!!!!!!!! Toshiya held him tight as if he could keep death away by this simple act.

“He’s not waking up.” Sugizo said, worriedly, stole a seat and sat next to hide. He ordered some whiskey and tried to peek at hide. “Does he always do this?”

They all nodded frantically. “We just leave him there and only wake him up when it’s time to go. He’ll be okay with a little sleep.” Toshiya said.

The others did the same as Sugizo and sat at their table. They began to talk and have a good time and it would seemed like everything was back to normal except that Kaoru, Die, Toshiya and Shinya said nothing unless they were being spoken too. They all were all speaking to each other by shooting each other looks and their silent conversation sort of went like this:

We need to get out of here! Die’s look said.

And tell me exactly how we should accomplish this without getting these two killed? Toshiya’s look replied.

I don’t know—grab both of them and run out the door like a bat out of hell? Die’s eyes snapped.

Don’t talk to him like that, Kaoru glared and took a sip of alcohol.

Die, your idea won’t work. They’ll know something is wrong and run after us. And Sugizo and the others don’t look like they’re gonna give up on trying to peek at hide’s face. Shinya glanced at his lover and Die ran a hand through his hair, looking depressed.

Maybe if we send hide to the bathroom and encourage him to use his powers to zap him back home? Toshiya’s eyes were hopeful and all four of them shrugged although no one else noticed it. All four eyes slid to hide.

I don’t know if his powers are working, Kaoru’s worried look told them. He hasn’t scolded me silently all day. And he hasn’t said anything about what I’m thinking and stuff like that.

Die looked at hide thoughtfully, Somebody poke him. We have to get him up and out of here.

The others will figure it out. Toshiya warned.

I’ll do it. Kaoru stood, moved around the others and bent down over hide. He patted his shoulder and moved close to say, “Can you somehow stumble over to the bathroom and use your powers to get the hell out of here?”

“Can’t.” He heard. “They haven’t been working properly all weekend.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No.”

“Well, just go to the bathroom and then slip out or something…hide (ßhide as in the English word that means “to conceal, to cover up”, not hide’s name)…I don’t know!!” Kaoru told him and straightened up.

“Is he alive?” Ryu asked and Kaoru shook his head.

“No.” He said, without thinking then winced when he did realize what he had said.

********

hide groaned. This was not going well at all. One part of him wanted to throw an arm around Sugizo and laugh and drink and have fun with him and the others while the other knew perfectly well what would happen if he did that and it did not want to even imagine the trouble he’d be in.

He had to get out of here or he and Kaoru would be dead before they knew it. Kaoru’s idea sounded great. Get up, hide his face and run to the bathroom as if he wanted to puke but still….when Sugizo was determined, he was ruthless and he would follow him to the bathroom just to see him. hide wa baka baka baka!!!! He scolded himself. And to make matters worse, his powers weren’t working at all!!! There was no choice though. It was either go now or go later and hide wanted to get out of there as fast as he could. He clenched his fist. Aw, hell with it.

He took a deep breath.

He stood up as quick as he could, turned before Sugizo or anyone else for that matter could see his face and booked it for the bathroom. He knew this bar, he knew there was a window there that he could escape from and he and that window had a date right now. “Hikaru-san?” he heard Hisashi ask out, but he ignored him. His heart pounded in his chest as he knocked over empty chairs on the way to bathroom. He heard laughter and someone said something to the effect of, “He’s a cosplayer, right? Maybe he won’t respond to his real name…”

“hide-chan!! Matte o!!”

He knew he shouldn’t do it but he instinctively turned and met Sugizo’s eyes. Oh, shit. Sugizo’s eyes widened in shock and a few other emotions that hide couldn’t readily identify. The others at the table were watching too and had that very same expression. The only emotion hide felt now was fear and Kaoru was staring at him with probably the same look he had on his own face. It was only five seconds but it felt like an eternity as hide turned around and ran for the bathroom, Sugi hot on his trail.

Fuck!!! hide slid into the bathroom, banging against the tile wall as he heard Sugizo yell something at him. He couldn’t hear it due to the pounding of his heart in his ears and leapt at the half open window. He heard Sugizo come in, just as he was wiggling out of the window, his long legs dangling on the bathroom side of the window, the other half of him reaching out to land as painlessly as he could out the other side. Something grabbed at his legs, telling him that he would hurt himself if he was drunk and fell out of it (sounded like J). hide grunted, braced himself against the window and pulled himself through it, kicking and fighting whoever the hell was on the other side. With a final rip, a sliding noise and a few swear words from the other side, hide got free and fell with a rather painful thump onto the wet ground of the alley. He picked himself up and leaned against the wall with a sigh of relief. Then he remembered that he had been seen (although briefly) and he swore. He frowned as he remembered that there had been a ripping noise when he had slid out of that window and looked down at his clothes. He gently picked a corner of his pink apron up and observed the ten inch rip, that stretched from his right pectoral all the way to the bottom of the apron. He was a quiet for a second, his lip trembled and then—

“FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

This is starting to be a very crappy week. hide reflected. I don’t think it can get any worse.

Little did hide know how wrong he was and just how terrible a week could get…




++

To Part 3b

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