My primitive conscience was born of both stern corporal reprimands and consistent witness to a truly alternative lifestyle (by modern standards). Although my upbringing was certainly privileged (living in a beautiful house, attending private schools, traveling the globe) my parents always emphasized simplicity. They bought a new Ford station-wagon the year I was born 1972, and I drove it throughout high school and college. Both my parent's donated a great deal of time and money to community service organizations, charities, and needy friends among other things without losing focus on the family. As an avid outdoorsman, my father kept us in touch with raw nature through the Boy Scouts and trips into the backcountry not only as a way of making men out of his three boys, but also inculcating a sense of appreciation for God's creation. My mother was a stay-home mom, which was becoming less common in the seventies and eighties and it is a vocation we need as much today as any priest or religious. The grace of these and other virtues conferred by my folks instilled in me values judged contradictory by today's political establishment: "Love and protect our defenseless living environment and human rights wherever they are threatened by greed, except for an unborn child." You might also hear, "the government is not to be trusted so keep it small, they're prone to make unjust laws. Just make sure it maintains the power to execute criminals." Defending the dignity of all human life is truly countercultural!
With a little encouragement from my mom, I didn't mind constantly volunteering my free time to charity, but throughout my youth and into high school that's where my witness to the gospel stopped. Despite my participation in the church as an altar boy, choir boy, even as a student in a Catholic school, I didn't discuss my faith outside of the context of this and my family. I now recognize this as the early symptoms of a disease many Christians suffer in our society, secular political correctness. At times, it was so bad that I actually feared revealing my Catholic connection out of some sense of shame. On the other hand, this probably amounts to the fact that I was an average kid, more concerned with conforming to my friends than to any sort of eternal salvation. Ironically, my faith never wavered nor my attitude toward being a moral person. While the rest of my high school classmates were plotting parties and other activities to demonstrate the liberty they had achieved from their parents, I was busy wondering why I didn't have any reason to rebel.
It wasn't until college when I began reanalyzing my faith. Being in a public school for the first time, I encountered a variety of new people and ideas. Many of these challenged my beliefs on several fronts. Putting aside the secular and sometimes immoral material fed to me in and out of the classroom, the most difficult threats were the direct assaults on my beliefs from my own church and fundamentalists. The nun and priest at the Newman Center were the typical well-intentioned but misguided religious of the 60's and 70's. They challenged most of the immutable moral stands of the church as well as liturgical form. It wasn't uncommon to see the nun participating in feminist rallies and trying to concelebrate the Eucharist, but suspiciously absent from pro-life rallies since she was hosting a homosexual awareness forum at the center. Consequently, my moral values began bending to accommodate the secular campus life and my faith in Catholic doctrine (shallow as it was), began to wane as well.
On the other hand, the fundamentalist were relatively harmless, concerning themselves with praise, fellowship and spreading the gospel to everyone - anytime. Nevertheless, there were those bent on "saving" Catholics in particular. And quite frankly, if they knew the Catholics at the Newman Center, they knew we needed saving. On countless occasions, even during my first week of school in the dormitory, these individuals would hit me up with the same rote phrases: "Are you saved? What will you say to God when he asks you, 'why should I let you into heaven?' Oh you're Catholic. I have some Catholic friends. They attend my church (not Catholic). Would you like to come this weekend?" Then there is of course my personal favorite: "Why do Catholics have all those traditions and why don't they use our Bible?" I never had an adequate response to their challenges, although I had a sense it was not entirely orthodox. Nevertheless, I couldn?t help but admire their enthusiasm for the faith we did share and I found myself participating in many of the events sponsored by these evangelical groups.
My exposure to these groups was my impetus to study authentic Catholic doctrine. Reading Karl Keating's book Catholicism and Fundamentalism brought about a renaissance in my faith. Not only did I learn why my Protestant friends were off base, but it empowered me as a lay Catholic to learn more and to spread the Good News - all of it. It was truly revolutionary. For many Protestants including many former Catholics who leave the church for Fundamentalism, my experience would be considered being "born again." Unfortunately, that's all too often used by ex-Catholics to discredit the church, which the Spirit used to instill faith in them from the very beginning. Having my faith stirred like this, changed everything. Toward the end of my college career, I actually felt like I could sincerely declare a major for my life. To my father's deep disappointment and my anguish of letting him down, I had to turn down taking over the family business in dentistry and pick up the plow of my heavenly Father without looking back.
After graduating, I ended up in Mexico volunteering with a group of Franciscans for a year and a half. I met holy people in the Franciscans, men and women that inspired me to completely dedicate my whole life to God and his people. Living in this impoverished region, I saw an indescribably bleak side of life with few material resources all the while mixed with glimpses of intense beams of family and community virtue. Whole neighborhoods of Mexicans knew each other. They worked, danced, sang and ate together. I ended up marrying one of them a year after volunteering.
I decided after teaching kids in Mexico that I loved the experience and wanted to teach religion in the States. Furthermore, my understanding of the Catholic Church (thanks in part to the new Catechism) had deepened to the point of seeing the depth of meaning behind the rituals, her faithfulness in guarding and expounding the deposit of faith in contrast to most other churches (ie-contraception), and the authenticity of her leadership especially in the vicar of Christ Pope John Paul II. I completely embraced her as the spotless bride of Christ and honored her appropriately. After moving back home to California, getting a job and supporting a family, I realized that life in my ivory tower wasn't so real. Although I desired to teach, being a religion teacher almost requires a celibate lifestyle. For as much as the church encourages living wages and family values, many married Catholic school teachers face the challenge of subsistent wages. Hence, the dilemma I found myself in college: an ill-equipped Catholic, who had twelve years of so-called "Catholic" education in the archdiocese of Los Angeles at the mercy of the wolves and wolves in sheep?s clothing, unable to defend himself not to mention articulate and evangelize the gospel. It's a catch 22 situation, the fewer solid Catholics we have to inspire and teach others, the fewer Catholics we'll have to repeat the cycle.
Just like the persecuted early church of the Roman Empire, we can never factor out the hope found in the Holy Spirit. In recent years, I've seen a rebirth of the general priesthood in the church coming from a grassroots level. This is the true spirit of the Vatican II council! Organizations like Catholic Answers, the Catholic Resource Center, EWTN, Orthodox Catholic home schools as well as new and renewed Catholic Universities (Steubenville & Ave Maria), and many evangelical Protestants discovering their Catholic heritage are spreading the depth and beauty of God's Word. And as a vehicle for global evangelization and education, the internet has become the most accessible and indispensable tool for a new generation of laity and religious alike. It's my prayer and hope that the Catholic Church, filled with the Spirit, will boldly proclaim our Lord who is the way the truth and the life to all the world and that unity will be restored among His believers. And without even realizing it, we will be a light to the rest of the world of God's greatest gift - a redeemed eternal life with God through the sacrificial death and resurrection of His Son our Lord Jesus Christ.
