AAAAAHHHHHHH, AHHHHHHHHHH,AAAAAAHHHHHHH, HEEEELLLPPP HEEEELLLLPPPP MEEEE, LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT

I sit here now, strung out on coffee and sugar, tired and delusional, and I look back on the
ordeal I have finished. A weekend like any other, on the surface, and yet, when it comes
down to the details, a completely individual event. An event with such a simple beginning.
Friday night, seven o’clock. I’d finished a rather un-fascinating dinner, so much so that I
am at a loss to remember what it consisted off, though you can rest assured that it was
unhealthy, undercooked, and late. I had great plans for the evening, but like too many of
my great plans, this one was limited by the fact that I was pretty bloody tired,
unexplicably, I’d gotten a fair amount of sleep the night before. Regardless, I wasn’t going
to be doing anything in such condition, so I hit the hay, hoping to wake up around nine or
so and then get my game on. Cut to eleven.

Knock Knock Knock Knock. Twould seem that I had overslept, but was roused from
mine drowsy slumber by my good friend Dustin, for he and Nicholas had come visiting in
search of a game of cards. I, the ever gracious host, was all too willing to oblige them, and
so we played for many a hour. Twas close to the hour of two fore they left, and when they
did, I found myself at a crucial junction. My choices were simply, I could retire once more
to bed, and rest easily till the morrow. Or I could seek out another amusement, one which
could entertain me far into the morn. A difficult decision, indeed.

And to make it worse, things were a bit more complicated. My shift here at the hall is
Wednesday and Saturday morning dishes, which have to be done between 9 and 11, and
coincidentally, suck big time. My options were as previously said, sleep now and try to
wake up for my shift, or stay awake till nine. I was leaning more towards the later,
because by the time the guys had left I’d drank two cans of pop and eaten a can of peach
pie filling, also known as pure sugar. I was wired enough, sleep wouldn’t be an option, so
entertainment it was. And this is where the weekend got odd. Maybe it was all the
stimulants, who knows, but I saw myself as having another two options, this time for
entertainment. The first was rather predictable, break out a video game, not a fancy new
one, but an old school NES one. The other idea was....not so conventional. Maybe the idea
came about cause I saw some mold in a different can of pie filling, of maybe it was just
the caffeine, who knows. But suddenly, it seemed like a VERY GOOD IDEA for me to
try to give myself food poisoning. Now, don’t look at me like that. It wasn’t out of some
sort of suicidal masochistic desire to cause myself harm. No, I was just genuinely curious.
I’ve never had food poisoning, but I’ve heard all kind of horror stories. Could it honestly
be that bad? I bet people exaggerate it quite a bit. Plus, I’m a pretty tough guy, I’ve
handled a lot, once I even conquered Mono without medication, what’s a little bad meat.
Right? Right? And so it went in my head for a good half hour, weighing the dangers and
benefits (of which there were surprisingly few...), until I finally decide, “What the hell,
let’s do it.” That’s when I realized I was sitting there playing Legend of Zelda on original
Nintendo. I don’t have the slightest idea when I started or why, and couldn’t for the life of
me remember what had happened. But I was already half way through the first dungeon,
so I just shrugged my shoulders and went with it. Popped in some Impossibles, cranked
them up, opened a can of cream soda, and proceeded to make Hyrule my bitch.

Actually, it was incredibly surreal. I was just flowing through the game, not even requiring
much thought. Brian got home at some point and went to bed, so I put in my headphones,
and then I just sort of zoned out and played. I’d find myself just walking around, and just
suddenly KNOW that I should burn that specific bush, or bomb that rock. It was incredibly
odd, as if it was subliminally programmed. Which I suppose it was. Anecdote time: When
I was in grade school, instead of going to a typical big daycare, my mom would send me
to this lady from our church, who ran a really small home day care where some of my
friends from school went. About the only entertainment there was a beat up Nintendo, and
then only really good games were Contra and Zelda. As much fun as it was up up down
down left right left right B A select start our way through Contra, it got old some times,
and we required the depth of Zelda. And here was the trick. There was something wrong
with their cartridge, so that the game worked fine, but couldn’t use the save feature. You
were fine as long as the Nintendo was on, but if it restarted, you were back to square one,
not even a wooden sword. So the deal was, on those days without school when our parents
worked and we got dropped off from 8 till 4, we had eight hours to beat Ganon. Everyone
took shifts, and we’d all watch and remind where the stuff was at. One person would play
while the rest of us at lunch, and then we’d take over for him. It was crazy, but we did this
for years, and I don’t think we ever beat it, but this does mean that at least the first 5 levels
or so are permanently burned into my brain. And that’s the only explanation I have for the
way I was able to manipulate the game like I was Neo in the Matrix. I started at fourish,
and when nine came around, I had aced the first eight dungeons, with only the big 9 left to
go.

Did the dishes, grabbed something to eat, and I was finally tired so I went to bed. I woke
up around 5 and went back at it. By the time dinner buzzed at 6, I had cleared most of the
dungeon. Snagged some power food, and I was back at it. It took almost another hour just
to find and beat Ganon, but there I had it. Legend of Zelda, completed in under 7 hours.
I’m so proud of myself. The only things I was missing at the end were one heart piece and
the Red Ring. Pretty good, for a guy who used no walkthroughs and hasn’t played in
years, eh?

After that the night passed in a stupor. I kicked back and watched a LOT of dvd’s. A few
episodes of Trigun, Sense And Sensibility, and finally Raging Bull, which was a very odd
movie. I’ve heard so much about it being a classic that I just had to get it from the library,
but although it was good technically, I actually hated most of the characters with a
passion, like really despised them. That was weird. But then I was pretty tired, and I took
my legendary hero-ing butt to bed.

Sunday was rather uneventful. Woke up late. Went to the library. Got some books, dvd’s.
Came back, watched The Princess Bride and laughed my ass off, that movie is amazing.
Watched another set of Trigun episodes. And then the procrastination started. The big
thing on my mind all weekend was that I had a ton of Japanese late homework to turn in
Monday. I’d gotten an extended deadline through some form of miraculous sweet talking,
but had yet to start on it. So I played some video games. Drank some Code Red. More
video games, read for a while. At about 2 I made the first cup of coffee. Read an entire
webcomic series. More video games. And then I finally got started, at about 5. Oh man, it
was sooo DULL. I had problems keeping my head up, but I trudged through it, and
finished around 7. At this point I decided there was no point in going to sleep before my
11:30 Japanese class, and thus I started up the Diablo II. I don’t know why, I hadn’t
played the game in months, but suddenly I was engrossed by it. Made another cup of
coffee at 8. More Diablo. Took a shower at 10. More Diablo. Another cup of coffee at 11.
And then it was off to class, wired with caffeine and walking through the freezing rain, but
I was stoked because I had my homework done for my Japanese class.

Which I proceeded to sleep through. I woke up at the end, and I could tell from her look
that the professor had most DEFINITELY noticed. I sheepishly turned in my late work
and stumbled back home.

Which is where I am left now. Exhausted, wired, tired, and firmly awake. I tried to sleep,
but to no avail. And so ends my momentous weekend, not with a bang, but a sleepy
whimper.

I wonder if there’s any bad pork in the kitchen....

And there’s still that second quest....