Add this to the reading list:
Round Ireland With a Fridge, by Tony Hawks.
He's a braver man than you or I, that's for sure...
2.05, 03-04-2002:
Dole tomorrow. More of the same.
Except.
Now I have things to apply for, moo-hoo-ha-ha-hah. And I also have something to show them.
Yes, Hondle is going on my resume.
Stop laughing at the back.
My next comic is percolating. Here are two previews: (1) (2). And yes, there is a reason for that tagline...
I'll be doing some more short strips (at the WaterCooler Comix site) to begin with, though. The first one, I hope, will scare you shitless. It'll be my first attempt at a photocomic, or "fumetti" (mwoh mwoh mwoh).
Tomorrow (er, today) is Creation Day. I'll write that MOIR chapter. I'll write that sample review. I may even write that scary comic.
But first: kip.
Do me a favour: if you liked Hondle, even just a little bit, please let me know. Also, if the site is ballsed-up in any way, please tell me, so I can fix it.
I'm proud of this thing, as you can probably tell. Feel free to pass on the URL to anyone you think might like it.
2.40, 01-04-2002:
I think I may have to bluff my way through some of these jobs that I'm applying for.
I'm not very good at video games, I've never done any presenting, and you don't even wnat to know what I might have to lie about for the job with Diva.
April Fool.
2.36, 01-04-2002:
I have had some positive responses to Hondle.
I no longer hate humainty.
Nut I'm still a virgin. So it's not all good news.
12.48, 31-03-2002:
Barry Took is dead, and nobody has read my comic past the fucking index page.
And I'm still a virgin.
I hate humanity.
5.18, 30-03-2002:
I have invented a new swearword:
KNUCKLEFUCKER.
Use it in a conversation today!
5.15, 30-03-2002:
I'm not best pleased. Nobody has read my comic, yet.
I think I chose the wrong day to publish the thing.
I bumped into a girl I haven't seen for eight years, today. Man, had she changed. When I last saw her, she was eighteen and skinny.
My first thought, when I clapped eyes on her in the supermarket was, "Fucking Hell! What the hell happened to her tits?" They were a LOT bigger.
It's the time of year.
I need a girlfriend more than any other man alive. I'm Horny as Hell, and I'm not going to take it, anymore!
8.39, 30-03-2002:
Go and see Blade II.
Videogames have started to influence film more than ever.
Sam Raimi: you have some serious competition, here.
8.33am, 30-03-2002 (ooh, a double palindrome):
It's Done.
At Bloody Last.
HONDLE: A Webcomic.
Go see: It's Special.
Bed, for me.
9.18pm, 27-03-2002:
Hahahahahaha.
New Spider-Man trailer: superb.
Completed Hondle comic: fantastic.
Burgeoning head-cold: inconvienient.
I have made more comics than I have read, today.
And you're going to love me, come Friday.
Hahahahahaha.
11.31, 26-03-2002:
Alone in the house, I sit, tiredness clouding my thoughts.
I can't get no sleep, as the song goes.
Amazon have used my K-PAX review. I have single-handedly brought the average reader rating down, from five stars to four-and-a-half stars.
Take that, Kevin Spacey!
Note: the Docket Archive is up and running. Re-read this grey box of "delights" amongst other things.
I'm like a sweaty magpie, I am.
And back to bed it is.
4.46, 26-03-2002:
Have to go to bed.
Have to have a dump.
No time to slouch,
No time to slump,
I'm tired,
I'm late,
For the Mountainous Mound
of Dumps.
Goodnight, friends. Goodnight.
4.08, 26-03-2002:
I shouldn't have stayed up so long. I've been finishing something off in a mad fit. I have a bit more to do, then it's publish, publish, publish.
It's been stopping me from getting other things done. Secret, special things.
Still. Nearly there, now.
Nearly there
Fuck me, look at Gwynneth Paltrow's Paps.
Nice of the Shrek boys to thank the writer of the original book. Oh, they didn't? Quelle Surprise.
The idiot who wrote the screenplay for "Batman and Robin" just won an Oscar.
There's no justice.
3.58, 25-03-2002:
I'm such a sad bastard.
I'm sat here, watching the Oscars, and all I can do is play "Spot the Comicbook Character."
Ooh! Wolverine!
There's Spidey!
Magneto! Whupa!
An Observation: Harry Potter is going to win cock all, tonight. hahahahahahahahaha
Fuckin' 'ell. Is that Enya?
I feel doubly bad about my review, because not only did I get the book for free, I think I might be getting the sequels gratis, too...
But you can't put a price on Journalistic Integrity. Apart from when you can.
Bed for me, I think.
Does this format make sense to everybody? Let me know.
I reviewed the book K-PAX for a book-n-movie website. My first freebie...or, at least, the first one I managed to take advantage of. I felt a bit bad, because I had to slate it a bit. I said it was "Enthralling, but ultimately familiar" (one line review: they weren't paying me, after all!), because, well, it was.
I've written a longer review for Amazon.co.uk. I'll post it here, in case they decide to trash it - I went off on a bit of a tangent.
3.16, 22-03-2002:
I saw a cow being slaughtered last night. It didn't stop me wanting a beefburger this afternoon, but I think I understand, now, why my sister gave up meat years ago.
She used to work the meat counter at a Famous Supermarket, you see.
That sort of logic doesn't carry over particularly well into other jobs, does it? I mean, I used to work in a car park, and yet I'm not a bikeatarian.
I suppose the difference is, I hardly ate any of the cars...
3.07, 22-03-2002:
I have found a couple of jobs that actually interest me enough to want to apply for them.
I went out today to prepare some research for one job.
I hope I get it. People will be green with envy...
The other job...well, jobS, actually, I have to work a bit harder at. Quite quickly, too: there is a Deadline.
Notice how I say nothing about what these jobs might entail. There's a good reason for this.
There are no jobs. I am going to be on the Dole forever - or until they institute a military Draft. In those circumstances, I would have to Disappear.
In a moment of desperation, I clicked on my old Work's website.
My old job appears to have readvertised. Fortunately, it's already come and gone: I've burnt me bridges, by God. If I go back, take the Science Shilling, it'd be like admitting defeat.
Still. A bit o' cash would juuuust hit the spot, about now.
I might go back to the gym, tomorrow. I'm mildy frightened.
Keep reading. Things have Changed, and you should probably know about it...
4.07, 18-03-2002:
My digital camera makes me look like a GIANT. Click here.
3.53, 18-03-2002:
Look down and to the right, and you'll see the evidence.
I had my first haircut since before the General Election last week.
It's funny. I've stopped playing with my hair so much, now that it's all gone. I almost miss being able to tie it into a pony tail.
It had to go. People were starting to call me "Missus." Even with the beard. These Manboobs are next to go, I think.
I should really be in bed. I've only had four hours sleep since Saturday. But I had to rewrite some of the prologue to MOIR. Then I had to take the picture at the bottom of the strip-> there.
I had an allergic reaction to Waterstones, today. That can't be good for someone who likes books as much as I do...
Keep reading for all you need to know about the revamped site...
10am, 17-03-2002:
Aaaand...we're back.
Again.
Right. I'm back. Ready to go.
I'm going for a slow burn, this time around. Fewer late nights, more quality (ahem) product.
A few changes. I'm stripping most of the content off the main site over the next couple of weeks, and reloading it over at the UK Mirrorsite. Once this is done, this site should be more or less All-New, baby!
A revamped site needs some new content. This can be found in the new column, imaginitively titled, The New Column. Some heavy-going stuff in the first essay, I'm afraid.
Not to worry, however. I've made up for this by posting the first part in an ongoing novella:
Moir.
Yes, the Moir that I advertised months and months ago. It's more or less percolated through my subconscious now, and this is the result.
I warn you now: it's not for the faint-hearted. Neither is it always going to be like this.
Well, I hope you enjoy what you find today. There'll be more new stuff as(and less and less old stuff as) the week progressess.
Thanks for coming back.
I'm going to try to update The Docket at least once a day. I'll actually date and archive these little bits of tat, for those who are interested.
Weblogging, or "blogging," appears to be all the rage with the Young People these days. Never let it be said that I don't have a finger on the pulse...
You can take a pulse from up your own ass, right...?
10.17, 17-03-2002:
I wrote in to Milkshake, Channel 5's kids programme, and told the presenter that I thought she was very pretty.
She never read out my letter.
I may never recover...
10.25, 17-03-2002:
I've had my hair cut, you know.
I no longer look like Russell Crowe.
I feel smarter, yet curiously less pretty...
Photos to follow...
