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The Espresso Page

Dedicated to the eternal elixer, the bountiful beverage, the juiciest juice...
Hi, my name's Matt and I'm a coffee addict. It started when I was about 5, sniffing grounds in coffee cans. I couldn't stand the taste yet, but I knew that it was something I wanted. At 13, in highschool, I started getting some every morning from the snack bar as a pick-me-up. I tried it with cream and sugar, but found the black bitter taste more to my liking. As I progressed through my years, I required more and more coffee to keep me became my beverage of choice. One pot was no longer enough, two pots or more became the norm.

Soon, I discovered that I couldn't get coffee strong enough for my liking. I lived with my friends, Keith and Harry, at that time. We would have the coffee basket loaded so full that some of the grounds wouldn't get wet. We would have to pour the coffee into the basket again and into our cups. That's when I discovered espresso. The thick, black, oily substance was pure heaven! The only problem was that it disappeared too quickly. One gulp and it was gone, ordering 4 or 5 cups was too expensive--there were no "bottomless" espresso cups.

Then suddenly, Americano's came on the scene. Perfect! That bitter taste extended through a full cup. Smiling, I would walk up to the counter, "Another Grande Americano, please!" (3 shots with super hot water.) My fiancee got me an espresso machine one Xmas. Not one of those cheapo steam ones, but a pump-driven one. The kind that gives you that nice frothy head. Life could not be better. Still problems began to arise. I compiled a list; see if you can relate.

10 Questions to ask yourself...
  1. When you wake up in the morning, is coffee the first thing on your mind?
  2. Do you avoid ordering coffee in restaurants because you know it will be brown water?
  3. Has coffee paraphenalia started overtaking your cupboards?
  4. Have you ever become panicked because you just used your last bit of coffee?
  5. Do you find yourself bringing your own thermos of coffee to work?
  6. Do people complain when you make the coffee at home? at work?
  7. Do people think you are trying to kill them when you serve them your coffee?
  8. Have you started alienating your cream-and-sugar using friends, calling them names like "wimp" and "nancy-boy"?
  9. Do you call any flavored coffee, "tutti-fruitty" coffee?
  10. Do you think that any time is an appropriate time for lots of fully-caffienated coffee?

If you answered "yes" to 3 of these questions, you may have a coffee problem.
If you answered "yes" to 5 of these questions, you definately have a problem but are too wired to care.
If you answered "yes" to 8 or more of these questions, you are a coffee-god and should be enshrined.
If you answered "yes" to 0 of these questions, go to another page you *wimp*!

5 Reasons why Starbucks is the antichrist...
  1. Bright lights
  2. Sterile environment
  3. No smoking
  4. Cute little coffee paraphenalia for sale
  5. Good coffee at cheap prices (would the devil offer bad coffee at expensive prices? No! He wants to suck you in, to make you dependent, to make you one of his own little Starbuck minions!)

Coffee Drinkers Hall of Fame

If you think you should be added to this list, e-mail me.

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