Testimony
Justin Taylor
I'd like to briefly share with you a little of who I am and some
of the steps upon my spiritual journey, taking me to where I am
today.
I've been blessed to have grown up within a great Christian family. I
was taught upon an early age who God was, what Jesus did, and all the
other main points. However, as I've grown older, I've tended to refer to
myself as a "Christian Skeptic." What do I mean by that strange phrase?
Precisely this: I am a Christian, but I don't like to accept things just
upon "blind faith." Don't tell me there's a God: Show Me. Don't just
say that Jesus is the only way: Try proving it. Give me something that
my heart and my mind can sink into.
When I got to college, my dormant questions and doubts and uncertainties
began to surface. As I sat in Humanities classes and became a Religion
major, I began to question everything: Is the Bible really without
error--all of it? Is there really a God? Perhaps my prayers are just
psychological utterances in my head? Perhaps I'm just being arrogant or
naive in saying that Jesus is the only way? Where would I go? What
would I do?
There was one point in which I felt so entirely frustrated. I was trying
to pray, but the doubts would not relent. I'd try to seek answers, but
they never fully satisfied my mind and heart. On the way home from a
night class, I stopped by the Capanile. It was a very chilly, starry
night. I can still see myself, sitting beneath that great big tree, and
asking with a choking voice:
"God, are you up there? I want to believe! O' how I want to believe?
Are you real? O' Lord, help me with my unbelief."
It wasn't in one moment...and perhaps not even fully that night....but I
did really that God is a God who is there....and he is not silent. In
one sense, the immenseness of the starry universe looked so bare and
alone; in another, however, I began to see the great artwork and glory
that God had performed.
As I continued on in the school year, I continued to struggle. But in
this struggle, this wrestling like Jacob did with God, I began to
discover a number of things. First, that there really are great answers
out there! Answers that satisfied my soul and that gave my mind
something to chew on. I discovered that some of the most brilliant
philosophers working today are Christian philosophers; that there are
brilliant particle
physicists love the same God that we all worship; and that Christianity
has incredible answers--to my hardest questions! Secondly, I discovered
that it's OK to ask the questions. In fact, to my amazement, I saw that
God Himself is a Socratic God! David continually asks questions to and
of God, and Jesus primarily taught and interacted using the method of
questioning and answering. Thirdly, God showed me that while I may be
embarrassed by some biblical passages, He is not. I may be afraid
of a question, but He never has . God loves to answer my questions, and
he always seems to in His time. Not all of them are answered, but
He hasn't let me down yet.
Through it all, God has pulled me through some trying times, and has shown me
the joy of my salvation. I have also learned that God is the great
"all-satisfier." I am a Struggler. I'm a Skeptic. But I'm also a
Pleasure-seeker. I love to experience happiness and fulfillment and joy
and pleasure; I think that we all do! But, lately, God has also
impressed upon me a great discovery: That my pursuit of pleasure and joy,
and God's pursuit of His own glory are not at odds with each other, but
the very same goal. When I am SATISFIED in God, He is most glorified in
my life. When I sin, I'm telling God that he doesn't do it for me.
As I've learned this, and tried to increasingly desire Him, I've noticed
that a joy pervades my life like no other. No other avenue for happiness
could do it! He, and He alone, has given me a joy that is big
enough to satisfy my deepest longings. He, and He alone, has been
lasting enough to trust in. He, and He alone, has been real
enough for me to give my life to.
He is a glorious God. He has changed me from within. He's answered my
toughest questions, dealt with my greatest needs, and He--He alone--has
been the fountain of joy for a very thirsty man.
Go back to Contend for the Faith.
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