TUCO: One bastard goes in... and another comes out. TUCO: There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend. Those with a rope around their neck and the people who have the job of doing the cutting. Listen, the neck at the end of the rope is mine! I run the risks. So the next time, I want more than half.
BLONDIE: You may run the risks, my friend, but I do the cutting. If we cut down my percentage... cigar? Liable to interfere with my aim. BLONDIE: The way I figure... there's really not too much future with a sawed-off runt like you. BLONDIE: Such ingratitude after all the times I've saved your life. TUCO: I'm looking for the owner of that horse. He's tall, blonde, he smokes a cigar, and he's a pig! TUCO: There are two kinds of spurs, my friend. Those that come in by the door.... those that come in by the window. BLONDIE: I'll sleep better... knowing my good friend... is by my side.... to protect me. TUCO:(Seeing troops approaching) They're gray like us. Let's say hello to them and then get going. (Yelling to the troops) Hurrah! Hurrah for the Confederacy! Hurrah! Down with General Grant! Hurrah for General... (to Blondie) What's his name?
TUCO:(Yelling to the troops again) Lee! God is with us because he hates the Yanks too! Hurrah!
BLONDIE:(Watching closely as the troops approach) God is not on our side 'cause he hates idiots also.
(The troops approach them, and beat the gray dust off their Union uniforms) TUCO: I like big, fat men like you. When they fall, they make more noise. And sometimes they never get up. BLONDIE: I've never seen so many men wasted so badly. TUCO:(Reading note left behind by Angel Eyes) "See you soon, id - idi-"
BLONDIE:(Takes the note and reads it) "Idiots". (Hands the note back to Tuco) It's for you. TUCO: Whoever double crosses me and leaves me alive... he understands nothing about Tuco. TUCO: When you have to shoot.... shoot, don't talk. BLONDIE: Every gun makes its own tune. And it's perfect timing, large one. BLONDIE: Were you gonna die alone? BLONDIE: You see, in this world, there's two kinds of people, my friend. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig. ANGEL EYES: Two can dig a lot quicker than one. Dig. (To Blondie) You're not diggin'.
BLONDIE: (Lights his cigar. Angel Eyes cocks his gun.) If you shoot me, you won't see a cent of that money.
ANGEL EYES: Why?
BLONDIE: I'll tell you why... (kicks lid off coffin, revealing only Arch Stanton's skeleton) Cause there's nothing in there.
TUCO: (Raises shovel to strike Blondie) Why you son-of-a....!
BLONDIE: You thought I'd trust you? Two hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money. We're gonna have to earn it. (Tuco looks inside the mission, sees his brother and hesitates, not knowing if he'd be welcome. He gathers his courage and enters.)
TUCO: Hey, Pablo!
(Brother Ramirez turns slowly, seeing Tuco, and doesn't respond)
TUCO: (Laughing) Don't you recognize me? It's me! Tuco! (He approaches his brother, and goes to put his arms around him) Let me embrace you! (Tuco stops, seeing his unmoved brother, and looks down at his holy robes.) I don't know the right thing! (He kneels down and kisses the tasseled rope of the priest garments) I was passing by here, I said to myself "I wonder if my brother remembers his brother!" (He laughs, uncertain, asking quietly) Did I do wrong? (Under the steely glare of his brother, Tuco tries to ease the tension and continues jovially) It doesn't matter--I'm very happy!
BROTHER RAMIREZ: You've seen me, Tuco.
TUCO: Yeah, well, I'm very glad I came! (Sees his brother looking him over disapprovingly, he continues in a happy tone) Oh, my uniform! It's a long story! Let's talk about you, it's more important. You look very well! Mmmm a bit thin, perhaps, but (laughs) you were always thin, eh Pablito? (Still seeing no reaction from his brother, he continues quieter) What about our parents?
BROTHER RAMIREZ: Only now do you think of them, to begin after nine years.
TUCO: Nine years? So it's nine years! Nine years! (Laughs to cover his guilt)
BROTHER RAMIREZ: Our mother has been dead a long time now. Our father died only a few days ago. That's why I was away. He asked for you to be there, but there was only me.
(Tuco, obviously devastated, turns and walks away, hiding his face.)
BROTHER RAMIREZ: And you? Outside of evil, what else have you managed to do? It seems to me you once had a wife someplace.
TUCO: (Turns back around, hiding the fact that he had been crying, he answers angrily and defensively) Not one, lots of them! One here, one there, wherever I found them! Go on, preach me a sermon, Pablo.
BROTHER RAMIREZ: (Shakes head) What good would that be? Just keep on the way you're going. Go away... and the Lord have mercy on your soul.
TUCO: I'll go! I'll go! While I'm waiting for the Lord to remember me, I, Tuco Ramirez, brother of Brother Ramirez, will tell you something. You think you're better than I am? Where we came from, if one did not want to die of poverty, one became a priest or a bandit. You chose your way, I chose mine. Mine was harder! You talk of our mother and father! You remember when you left to become a priest I stayed behind! I must have been ten, twelve, I don't remember which, but I stayed! I tried, but it was no good! Now I am going to tell you something... you became a priest because you were too much of a coward to do what I do.
(Brother Ramirez slaps Tuco across the face. Tuco throws a punch and knocks his brother down. Tuco helps him back to his feet, and begins to leave.)
BROTHER RAMIREZ: Tuco! (Tuco stops, very upset, and then continues out.) Please forgive me, brother.
(Tuco mounts the wagon where Blondie, who had heard everything, is waiting. As the horses pull the wagon from the mission, Tuco thinks over what had happened.)
TUCO: Ehhh, my belly's full! Nice guy, my brother! I didn't tell you my brother was in charge here? Everything! Like the Pope almost! He's in charge in Rome. My brother say to me, "Stay brother, don't go home. We never see each other. Here there's plenty to eat and drink. Bring your friend too!" (Tuco laughs) Whenever we see each other, he never lets me go. It's always the same story. (Laughs again) My brother -- he's crazy about me! That's so. Even a tramp like me, no matter what happens, I know there's a brother somewhere who will never refuse me a bowl of soup.
BLONDIE: (Thoughtfully) Sure. Well after a meal, there's nothing like a good cigar.
(Blondie takes the cigar from his mouth and passes it to Tuco. Tuco looks at it a moment, still thinking over everything that had happened. He takes it, puffs on it, and then as the steady beat of the hooves pull them further from the mission, he puts it out of his mind, smiling now... as he returns to the life of a bandit.)