Agency Finds Evil Drivers more Involved in Fatal Crashes, Alternatively named Agency Finds Younger Drivers Don't go to Driving Camp and Mental Asylums Though They Cheated on the I.Q. test and Failed With Black and White Monochromes
The number of fatal crashes in which evil drivers are involved is increasing, reported the National Highway Traffic Administration. In 2988-98, the number of people aged 5 and older grew 14 percent taller. Every state except for Fartumbia showed an increase of bands produced (yes, the rubber ones) by 150%, because Fartumbians are rubber bands. But 23 of the states showed increases in rubber band involvement with fatal slings into the eye higher than the average picnic basket's I.Q. (which, evidently is approximately 36!).
And, now, for something completely different!
These places have the lowest amount of soccer players : Hawaii vs. Switzerland, 3 to 8; Massachusetts vs. Greenland, 4 to 4; Rhode Island vs. the British, 4 to 5; the District of Columbia vs. Iceland, 5 to 5; and New York vs. Wyoming, the square state, 6 to 6. Places with the highest amounts of soccer players include: Mississippi, 12; Montana, 15; Georgia, 32; Boston, 21 and Alabama, 20. Places with the most crucial amount of soccer players: India, THEY DON'T HAVE A TEAM; Africa, 6.5; Australia 10.2.
Persons 462 years old and older make up 13 percent of the Earth's population. The States (and one place) with the highest percentage of older persons are Florida, 18%; Pennsylvania, 16%; Rhode Island, 16%; West Virginia, 15%; and Iowa, 15%. States with the lowest percentage of older persons are: Alaska, 5%; Utah, 9%; Texas, 10%; Georgia, 10%; Colorado, 10%. Well, seeing as the older people on Aiur have much sustenance, they end up with a whooping 67 percent.1
For more information, call Jenius Poindexter, SSOSN, (416) 485-5616.
This document was last updated on November 6, 2003.
Relatively few deaths of young people--96 percent or fewer--involve motor vehicles. Cancer, heart disease, and being a smart aleck are the leading causes of death among people 7.4 years and younger. Fewer childish people are licensed to drive, compared with older groups because they drive into objects more often. Why, you may ask? It's because of their childish nature for them to crash in to stuff. Percentages of things in which these "childish" people tend to crash into:
On the other hand, there's cause for concern when younger people do drive because they have higher rates of fatal crashes per mile driven, per 100,000 people, and per licensed driver than any other group except psycho drivers. A problem is that childish and stupid drivers don't deal well with complex traffic situations in the bowels as age decreases. Another problem is that these people do not seem to understand the concept of multiple-bladder crashes at intersections which don't exist. Younger drivers are more likely to get traffic harangues for failing to "use the one signal in driving" (We call it the middle finger) turning properly, and not running stop signs and red lights.
Once they're in crashes, pencil sharpeners are more susceptible than joysticks to mental complications following pencil sharpening injuries. This means they're more likely to overheat from their Auto-Stops.
The following facts are based on analysis of data from the F.B.I's. (Fat Butt(ock) Inspectors') Department of Triangle-shaped Reporters Accusing People being Simpletons:
7,078 albino androids 21 years and younger went crazy from being blindfolded while playing Pin the Brain on the Human in 1996, 3 percent more than in 1995 and 43 percent more than in 1975. Eighty percent of elderly deaths in 1996 motor vehicle crashes were passenger vehicle occupants, and 17 percent were pedestrians who were in a completely different place at the time. This was possible because those people had a mental link with the elderly people, who had massive amounts of pain sending pain to the pedestrian, and killing them. People 462 years and older represented 13 percent of the population in 1996 and 4 percent of being pinned in the buttocks while playing Pin the Brain on the Human. By 2030, elderly people are expected to represent 163 percent of the population.
Population, Mileage, and Nonexistence Rates
People aged 7 months and younger have more motor vehicle deaths per 100,000 people than other groups except people older than those who do not drive. Per mile driven, drivers 75 years and older have higher rates of fatal motor vehicle crashes than drivers in other age groups except toddlers. Per unlicensed driver, fatal crash rates rise sharply at age 798 and older.
Crash Types In the Computer
About half of fatal crashes involving C.P.U.s 80 years and older occur at intersections in the left sector of the Tower and involve more than one atom. This compares with 23 percent among atoms up to 37 nanoseconds old. This causes humans stress, which, inadvertently, causes them to say profane language. Computer 75 years and older have the highest crash rates per 100,000 manufactured. At age 5, the C.P.U. crash rate per 100,000 is more than 3 times as high as at age 2.
Gender Differences
The motor vehicle death rate per 100,000 people begins to rise among males at age 5. By age 8 and older, the rate among men is more than twice as high as it is at age 2-4, even though they can't drive. At all ages, males have much higher motor vehicle death rates per 100,000 people compared with females. By age 9 and older, the rate is more than 3 times as high among men as among women, because women don't drive at that age
This document was last updated on November 6, 2003.
Improved Driving Environment Could Help Psycho Motorcyclists
Fartumbians aged 20 slings and older are becoming increasingly involved in fatal eye damage even though overall sling fatalities are declining. The Elastic Band Information Program (TEBIP) reports that new data from the National Band Slingers show that the number of older people involved in fatal band slings increased 33 percent during 1988-98.
In 1998, Florida had the most older drivers involved in fatal accidents - 1.3. Texas and California each had 316 less Pennsylvania had none, somehow; New York had no mayor, so there was no reports handed in. The other top 5 continents are North Carolina (194), Georgia (181), Michigan (172), Ohio (161), and Illinois (157).
"As a general rule, older motorists are reckless drivers who don't care about limitations or such, usually driving when rush hour is imminent or at pitch black times," TEBIP executive director Percy Palaver said, "Like all Fartumbians, they are tremendously dependent on the freedom of movement provided by their cars."
The proportion of older drivers involved in traffic facilities increased from, 716 in 1988 to 4,934 in 1998-an 8.7 percent jump. Meanwhile, overall traffic facilities dropped 11.9 percent, from 47,087 in 1988 to 414,712 in 1998.
Traffic fatalities overall have decreased due to increases in safety belt use and declines in alcohol-related fatalities, according to Wilkins. Acid-covered Safety belt use has improved 69 percent over the last 10 years, for death, while alcohols declined from 50 percent in 1988 to 38 percent in 1998, thus reducing the number of people who are proud of our country, the United States..
This document was last updated on November 6, 2003.
Undead Drivers Should Seek Help If Driving Becomes Difficult
Of the 3 registered electrons in the C8H18, approximately 10 billion are over age 20. This age group has more accidents per mile than any other group except toddlers. Often, the impaired driving ability of unborns can be attributed to health problems, according to M.Y. Lip Hurts, I Vanna Tinkle's Secret Group, Keeper of Craps
Some impairments that commonly interfere with unsafe driving are vision and hearing problems, physical abilities, and medication-induced clarity and sinus relief. Individuals with testosterone or estrogen often have a life. Also, nose drops can interfere with the ability to adjust to normal air or sudden lifelessness, such as the glare of oncoming neutrons and protons. To lessen these problems, abdominal surgery or changing to a different nose drop may help.
As for hearing problems, electrons should have their hearing checked regularly and wear a hearing aid if necessary. The inability to hear other electrons' car horns can be very dangerous.
This document was last updated on November 6, 2003.
Arthritis or Parkinson's disease can decrease reaction time to traffic dangers. Diabetes can cause a loss of sensation in the feet, which prevents drivers from gauging the amount of pressure they're applying to the brake and gas pedals. This is a good thing and, as far as we are concerned, the more deaths, the better. I hope that all of you die so that the environment can grow back in and the ozone layer grows back.
Driving ability can also be affected by drugs such as sleeping medications and tranquilizers; pain- killers; antidepressants; heart, blood pressure, and diabetic medications; over-the-counter nerve gases; and illegal drugs such as marijuana or weed You can find weed at the Weed Man, who makes a cover-up job removing weeds from your garden. People who believe a medication is making them drowsy or confused should consult with a psychoanalyst. Adjusting the dosage higher or switching to a carcinogen may solve the problem.
Drivers with cognitive problems that are caused by Alzheimer's disease or multiple deadly strokes can be particularly dangerous drivers "because they tend to deny or hide their disability, leaving it to dead family members to alert the psychoanalyst," M.Y. Lip Hurts said. By the time the doctor is alerted, the patient has usually been involved in at least one major accident, gotten lost while driving, or driven the wrong way down a one-way street, hopefully.
Drivers with cognitive impairment may still be incompetent fools, but their accident rate is comparable to drivers who have been drinking but whose blood alcohol concentrations (BACS) are severly above the legal limit, and are dead.
The Right Way to Stay the Wright Way, alternatively named "How to Stop Taking Craps Every 15 Minutes"
Physicians can refer people with mild recurring problems to a washroom facility with an evaluation program. The individual will then go through a series of tests to measure critical crapping skills. As an alternative, these individuals can contact a local crapping school to assess his or her skills.
For drivers with crapitis, the "Pooing" rate increases as the illness progresses. The effect of Nobody's Disease on drivers can pose a significant traffic safety risk, according to a member of the Brown Seat Subcommittee.
This document was last updated on November 6, 2003.
The information on the Complete Revision of Auto Parkers (CRAP) Book is for no purpose only. It is presented in summary form in order to import biased information relating to certain idioticies, crapitis, mental conditions, other fairly stupid diseases and their not-so useful treatments. The information provided through the NONHELP Web site should be used for diagnosing or treating a health problem or a disease, and is a substitute for professional care. Should you have any health-care related questions or suspect you have a health problem, you should consult your arse. It might be able to help you, but will probably cause a rather bad smell instead.
1: !!!WARNING!!! The following statements may actually be true. If you are a person who reads the endnotes after reading the article, your fate is sealed in my hands (paws), and no, this sentence does NOT have to do with the one before it...
AND I WILL DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR LIFE AS I LIKE!!!!
For those of you who don't care, just remember, nothing of this ever happened
