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Many thanks to Dakota for the picture x Rating: R Codes: J/M, J/C Disclaimer: All characters belonging to Paramount; plot idea mine! Setting: Earth, after Voyager’s return. Some time during late season 5 Kathryn rolled sleepily onto her back, one arm flung above her head, slim fingers twirling a strand of red hair. The morning light streamed through her apartment windows, falling onto the rumpled bed that oozed sex and smelt of him. She smiled. Last night had been good. He’d arrived earlier than she’d expected, finding her in the bath and dinner unprepared. They never ate. Instead, they had loved all night, eating each other, moaning into the dawn, sleeping little. She stretched, the sheet brushing against her stiffening, tender nipples. Just the thought of him aroused her. Always had. If only Voyager hadn’t been strewn across the galaxy, if only she’d married him. If only he’d waited. The letter had arrived a year before, in the Delta Quadrant. Told of his marriage, his new life, his lost hope. And she tried to let go. Pretended she had. A lie. Within forty-eight hours of Voyager’s arrival at Deep Space Nine, he’d come to her. Mark. No more empty nights longing for his touch, no more solitary pleasure and stolen alien kisses. He was back in her arms, in her bed and it felt wonderful and natural. His marriage was over, he’d told her that on their first night, as they’d lain entwined together. Been over before it started. Knowing Kathryn was alive finally ended a mistake that had slowly suffocated him. He was hers again. The past three months had been trying, de-briefings; questioning Admirals, court martial threats. But the same three months had also been exhilarating, glorious, messily sensual. She was home. Naked she padded to the bathroom, intending to activate a bath and wash him from her body. His scent clung to her, dried and flaky, coating her thighs and stomach, smeared along her sex, congealed around her anus. It was a feeling both uncomfortable and erotic. In the bathroom she was greeted by a love note, not on a PADD or paper, but scrawled over the mirror, in the same crimson lipstick he liked her to wear. I love you … Last night was amazing … See you later xx She smiled and momentarily forgot about the idea of a long soak. The door chime sounded and she walked briskly towards it, pulling her robe on and belting it tightly. “Couldn’t wait till later, darling?” she called out. Kathryn’s smiled faded as she regarded the small woman standing in the doorway. She was about Kathryn’s height, with mousey brown hair, and a pale complexion not helped by the dark circles under her eyes. She fidgeted with her loose clothing, tugging at the edge of her sweater. Self consciously, Kathryn pulled the silk robe tighter around her body. “May I help you?” “Captain Janeway?” the woman asked. “Kathryn Janeway?” Kathryn’s eyes betrayed her confusion, her brows knitting slightly. “Yes. Do I know you?” The woman blinked carefully. “No …” “Please, if you’re from the press, I don’t do interviews …” Kathryn explained, trying to close the door. “I’m not a journalist.” Again, Kathryn’s confusion was apparent. “I’m Mark’s wife.” Kathryn reeled. “You mean ex-wife,” she corrected. “No, I mean wife.” Kathryn’s mouth opened and her hand hung midway between it and the ‘v’ of the gown. “Perhaps I could come inside?” Mutely, Kathryn stood aside and allowed her ‘visitor’ entry. The woman walked purposefully towards the large comfortable couch. Kathryn’s stomach lurched, recalling the evenings spent curled in Mark’s arms, sipping wine, making plans, making love. A headache was forming, pounding shards of tension stabbing inside her head. The woman sat down, her eyes gazing around her. Kathryn shuffled numbly to the armchair and perched on the edge of it. Her throat was dry and thick, clogged by Mark’s saltiness. She swallowed hard, but the stubborn bitter taste remained. Her mind sought out a name. Grasping blindly, shaking her head slightly to clear her thoughts. “Lydia, isn’t it?” she asked hesitantly. “He told you about me then?” the woman answered, her eyes challenging. Kathryn stared back, “Yes … he told me …” “What?” Kathryn again tried to swallow the residue of her adultery. “You were divorced …” Lydia Johnson’s hollow laughter echoed. “And you believed him?” “I … I had no reason not to …” “Just where the hell do you think he was when he wasn’t here with you?” “At work,” Kathryn managed, wishing she could get a drink. “Work? Well let me tell you something, Captain, Mark hasn’t worked on a project since you and your damn ship came back!” “But he said …” “He said he was working … he obviously said a lot of bullshit … which you fell for!” Kathryn’s head jerked up, her eyes blazing. “How dare …” “Relax,” Lydia interrupted, softening slightly. “He obviously fooled us both. Last night he was supposed to be at a conference in South America; last weekend, a meeting on the eastern hemisphere of Mars. But I think we both know where he really was.” Kathryn remained silent. Seconds ticked by. “You’re nothing like I imagined,” Lydia spoke, regarding her rival. “Oh I’ve seen the news footage, Voyager’s heroic Captain Janeway … just I somehow thought you would be taller. Thought your hair would be longer too,” she mussed. “I cut it. It wasn’t practical.” “Mark always had a thing about your hair. Used to urge me to grow mine longer, never looked right though.” Kathryn watched the sadness settle over Lydia’s face. “It’s pretty … your hair … the style.” Lydia laughed again, the hollowness replaced by hysterics. “Here I am,” she stood, pacing, “In the same room as my husband’s slut, talking hairstyles!” Kathryn winced. “What’s the matter honey? Don’t want to be called Mark’s slut?” Kathryn remained silent, aware of Lydia moving behind her. “Just what exactly should I call you?” she screeched. “You absolutely reek of him! Does he whisper his love? Promise forever? Does he make you feel warm and protected? Does he cover you and fuck you till you can’t breathe, till you see stars, till you think you’ll die from the pleasure?!” Kathryn stiffened. “I thought so …” Lydia’s fire burnt out and she returned to her seat on the couch. The room was quiet. “I’m sorry,” Kathryn’s voice was little more than a whisper. “We were both betrayed I guess … Mark is a very persuasive and charming man.” Kathryn marvelled at the restraint of the woman before her. If the roles were reversed, would she be so calm? Their eyes met and Kathryn saw the pain and humiliation hidden beneath the angry surface. She looked away first. “I … I’m going to make a coffee …” it seemed ridiculous, but manners prevailed. “Would you like something?” “My husband back?” Although spoken lightly, the request had been serious. Kathryn looked away. “Tea. Tea would be nice. I can’t drink coffee.” Kathryn nodded and stood, pausing before heading for the small kitchen. Inside the stainless steel haven, Kathryn’s tears started to fall. She sobbed quietly, bent over with her head resting on a polished side, it’s surface a mirror to her misery. She felt sick and lonely. “Can I use the bathroom?” Kathryn briskly wiped her face, desperately trying to keep the emotion from her voice as she answered. “Third door on the left.” “Thanks.” Alone again, Kathryn made the hot drinks, sniffing furiously, wiping her nose on her soiled robe. It wasn’t until she stepped out from the kitchen and came face to face with an ashen Lydia, that she realised Mark’s message still covered the bathroom mirror. “Sorry … I forgot about that …” Kathryn gasped. “How very romantic!” Lydia hissed, grabbing her tea and turning back to the couch. They sipped from their mugs, both lost in thought. Kathryn drank her coffee, desperate to shift the lingering taste in her mouth. Her drink was hot and strong, and burnt her throat as she gulped it. “Why didn’t you marry him while you had the chance?” The question came from nowhere and Kathryn struggled to form an answer. “I was too busy I guess …” “Too busy?” Kathryn nodded. Why hadn’t she married Mark? Even to her own ears, her reason was superficial. “I had my career to think of … Mark wanted … Mark wanted …” “A family, right?” “Yes,” Kathryn whispered. “I wasn’t ready for that … couldn’t give him that …” “And now?” Lydia’s gaze penetrated her soul. “Would you give him a child now?” “I … we … it’s not that … we …” “There is no ‘we’ Janeway, you’re his mistress! And I want to know what plans you have for my husband!” Kathryn jumped up. “I never wanted to be his mistress! He told me you had divorced! Do you really think I came back from the Delta Quadrant to steal your husband?” “Didn’t you? Seems that’s exactly what you’re doing.” “For heaven’s sake!” They glared at each other. Finally Kathryn backed down, walking away to re-fill her cup. Coffee had helped her survive the Borg, the Hirogen, the Vidians; she hoped to God it was going to help her now. Back inside the living area Lydia was standing, staring out of the large windows. “You have a nice view from here,” she commented. “Yes.” “How much do you know about me? About my life with Mark?” Kathryn squirmed unseen. “Not much, he told me you met working together … married quickly …” “He tell you about Taylor?” The woman at the windows turned quickly, gauging Kathryn’s confused reaction. “Taylor?” “Our son.” “Oh God!” Kathryn’s hold of her cup slackened and droplets of black coffee seeped to the floor, staining the thick cream carpet. “He … never …” she shook her head. “Never … a son …” Lydia’s tears flowed silently. “That bastard denied his own child?” “How old?” “Just over two. I fell pregnant quickly, before we married.” Kathryn slumped into a chair. “No, he never mentioned him.” It was getting harder to remain calm and steady; the air in the apartment was tinged with anger, betrayal, hate, and pity, someone was going to lose. “I take it he never mentioned …” Lydia’s hand move to her stomach and Kathryn noticed for the first time the slight bump, hidden by the baggy jumper. “You’re pregnant.” “Yes.” “Bastard!” this time it was Kathryn cursing. “Yes.” “It probably means nothing, but I would never have become involved if I’d known …” Lydia paused to stare at her before answering. “I believe you.” Silence descended again. “Do you love him?” Mark’s wife probed. “Honestly?” Lydia nodded. “Yes, I love him.” “I see.” “And you?” Kathryn held her breath waiting, fighting her own tears. “With all my heart. I’m not here to fight with you, Captain …” “Why did you come?” “Two reasons, I had to see what you looked like, what he sees in you. Why he can’t let you go …” Kathryn felt uncomfortable, like she was being scrutinized unfavourably. She felt vulnerable; her mask of authority absent, her appearance messy and sluttish with ragged hair and smudged make-up. She crossed her arms and tilted her chin defiantly. Lydia continued. “Strange thing is, I always thought you would be prettier somehow. I’ve spent all this time jealous of you … but that’s changed now. You’re older than me …” Kathryn cringed. “And you’re too skinny, no figure. Mark’s always been a breast man, adored mine when I was pregnant with Taylor … yet …” “Enough!” Kathryn growled. “I get the picture. What was your other reason?” Lydia smirked at her rival’s embarrassment. “The other reason was to ask,” her smirk faded, “you to stay away from Mark. I need him. My children need him. You can find another …” Kathryn made a noise. “If only it were that simple.” “Please,” Lydia’s voice was pleading with her, all anger gone. “Does he know?” “About the baby? Yes.” “No, does he know you’re here?” “No.” Kathryn looked surprised. “You’ve never confronted him about … me?” “You seriously think he would have been truthful?” Kathryn looked into her coffee cup. “I need to use the bathroom again. A downside of being pregnant.” “Go ahead,” Kathryn gestured with her hand, too exhausted to bother anymore about the indiscreet tawdry message. Kathryn started hearing the door chime sound. It was too early for it to be Chakotay. She rose and headed for the door. “Mark!” she gasped. “Surprise, darling!” he said, bending to kiss her lips. Kathryn struggled from his embrace. “But … what …” “I left a report here. I was reading it last night …” Kathryn moved away from him, turning her back. He followed her, snaking an arm around her waist and cupping a breast. “Until you distracted me. Mmm, you smell of sex.” Her nipple hardened instantly and she groaned, trying to escape his pinching fingertips. “Mark … stop … no,” she croaked. “Maybe we have time to …” he kissed her neck. “And then again, maybe you don’t!” Lydia’s angry voice resonated through the apartment. Kathryn jerked away, folding her arms over her chest, trying to shield her traitorous body’s responses. Mark froze, with jaw dropped. “Surprise, darling!” Lydia snarled, quoting Mark’s recent greeting. “What the hell is she doing here?” his question was aimed at Kathryn. “Tracking down her husband’s slut,” she whispered, eyes full of hurt and love. He panicked. “Kath, please, whatever she’s said … I can explain … please!” Lydia stiffened. “Just go Mark,” Kathryn whispered, eyes to the floor. “Kath, please …” he grabbed her shoulders. “No! Its over Mark!” her tears fell unchecked. “You lied to me.” “No, Kath, no! I won’t lose you, not again … we can work …” “You fucking bastard!” Lydia lunged at him, hands clawing at his face, yelling at the top of her voice. A struggle broke out; Lydia was screeching and pounding at Mark. Kathryn watched horrified as Mark wrestled with his wife. “Mark! Stop it, she’s pregnant!” Mark grabbed Lydia by the hair. “Bitch! You come here, intending to wreck my life? I don’t love you! Don’t want you!” “You’re hurting me! Let me go!” “Mark! Stop! Please!” Kathryn tried to pull him away. “I want you out of my life!” he snarled at the whimpering figure at his feet. “Mark I swear I’ll call security!” Kathryn’s threat broke into his ranting and he stood up, fists and jaw clenched. “Damn you Lydia, what did you ever think you’d gain?” “You,” she sobbed, struggling to her feet. “Are you okay? Do you need a doctor?” Kathryn asked, reaching out to the other woman. “I think you’ve helped enough!” she spat, ignoring Kathryn’s offer of assistance and standing, smoothing her clothes down. Mark moved to the replicator and ordered a whiskey, slugging it back in one gulp. The room fell silent again. Kathryn had no idea what to do. Mark remained at the replicator, ordering another shot of alcohol, while his wife hovered behind him. “I never meant to hurt you, Lydia,” he whispered. “But I still love Kath, always have.” “No, you don’t mean that!” she clutched at his shirt. “What about Taylor? What about the child I’m carrying?” “Mistakes,” he muttered. Kathryn gasped at his cruelty and watched Lydia break contact with him. “How can you say that?” Mark turned, clutching at his glass, his eyes wild, his mouth curved in a sneer, spittle foaming at the edges. “Because I wanted children with Kathryn! Do you understand that? Do you really think I’d have married you if I’d known she was still alive? I thought she was fucking dead, you stupid bitch!” Lydia’s palm struck at him and the sound echoed. “Rot in hell, you lousy bastard!” she shrieked. Kathryn saw it coming, recognized the signs. Quickly she moved to stop Mark slapping Lydia back. “Mark! Don’t! Please!” She needed all her strength to restrain his raised arm. “Please Mark, don’t do this,” she begged breathlessly. His eyes shifted from Lydia to Kathryn and his arm lowered. “I need another drink,” he growled, turning to the replicator again. Kathryn stood, helplessly watching as Lydia wiped her face and tucked her shoulder-length hair around her ear. “And I need my husband,” she whispered. Mark made some kind of noise, deep in his throat, but passed no other comment. Lydia waited. Kathryn paced. “Mark, I think you should go. Go home. Talk this out …” Kathryn tried. “No.” “No?” “I’ve made my choice, Kath. You’re my life, you always have been.” Lydia wept openly. Kathryn was stunned. “You don’t seriously think we can continue? Not after this!” “Why not?” “Because you’re married! That’s why not!” she yelled, throwing her arm out, gesturing at his broken wife. “Was,” Lydia murmured, turning to leave. “Lydia, wait,” Kathryn pleaded. The coldness in the other woman’s stare froze the rest of her sentence. “You won, Janeway. Congratulations.” Without another word, Lydia Johnson left, closing the door quietly and with dignity. Kathryn grabbed for Mark’s shoulders, turning him around, causing him to spill the liquid in his full glass. “What the hell are you waiting for? Go after her!” she yelled hoarsely. “Its over, Kath, has been for a long time.” “No …” She moved away from him and he followed, putting his drink on the table and reaching for her. “I love you, Kath, I need you.” “No… Go home Mark,” she whispered. “But I love you!” frantically he grabbed her, clutching her to him. “Let me go!” “You love me!” Kathryn was wrestling with his bruising grip. “Yes I love you! But I can’t be with you, not now! I won’t be your mistress!” Mark’s face was etched with desperation. “Then be my wife,” he pleaded. Kathryn glared at him, her eyes full of unshed tears. “You already have a wife Mark.” “She means nothing to me … it’s you Kath, you I want.” “Mark!” she twisted in his controlling grasp. “Let me go!” “I know you Kath, I know what you want,” his lips dropped trying to capture hers. “Get off me!” “You can never resist me when I do this,” his tongue flicked over her neck, below her ear. “Stop it … don’t want to …” “Remember last night? You weren’t telling me to stop then were you?” “Different … Mark … Stop it!” “You were always the best Kath,” he grunted, his fingers pushing inside her robe, digging into her bare flesh. “Oh God Kath …” “No …” Kathryn struggled, fully aware of Mark’s intentions, as his mouth suckled and bit along her neck and chest. She cried out as his fingers pulled at her nipples, twisting them painfully while he grunted lewd suggestions. “Forget it!” she yelped, gaining just enough space between them to raise her knee and watch him drop to the floor wheezing and cupping his groin. Kathryn straightened her robe and glared at the crumpled heap cursing on the floor. “I won’t let you screw me again Mark and I sure as hell won’t let you rape me,” she hissed, eyes flashing. “Bitch!” he rasped. “You … hurt … Fuck! …” “I want you out of my apartment and out of my life.” “Kathryn, what’s going on?” Chakotay’s anxious question filtered across the room. “Mark is just leaving,” she replied coldly. Chakotay crossed to her side, his eyes taking in the scene. “Are you okay?” he asked her. Kathryn nodded. “I’m fine …” Chakotay practically heard the word ‘Commander’ at the end of her statement. Mark struggled to his feet, gripping the chair for support. “So this is how it is, is it, Kath?” he spat venomously. “Trying to get me out of here so you can fuck him! Sorry, Commander, I’m afraid she’s still dirty from my soiling!” Chakotay’s jaw clenched. “I don’t know how much of that,” he pointed at the glass of whiskey, “you’ve had Johnson, but you’re way out of line!” Mark laughed bitterly, his face still red from the agony of Kathryn’s knee. “Admit it Chakotay, you want what I’ve had. Let me tell you, she’s good, very good. A great cock sucker,” he jeered, “Swallows too.” “Chakotay get this trash out of my sight,” she barked. Chakotay grabbed Mark’s arm, propelling him towards the door. “I’d like a chance with you in the boxing ring. Two minutes, you son-of-a-bitch and I’d make you pay for hurting her.” Mark laughed again. “Hurting her? Didn’t you ever tell him how aroused you get from pain, darling?” “That’s enough!” Chakotay growled. “See you soon, Kath,” Mark threatened. “Go to hell,” she retorted, as Chakotay bundled him out of her life. “And just for the record, I never swallowed!” The door slammed shut and Kathryn wrapped her arms around herself, tears pricking her eyes, tears of shame, anger, hurt, and betrayal. Chakotay took a deep breath and looked at her. “Do you want to talk?” “I want a bath,” she shrugged. “Would it be best if I left?” “Up to you,” she replied, turning and heading for the bathroom and the long soak she desperately needed. Thirty minutes later, Kathryn reappeared; wearing a navy blue, cotton dressing gown, which covered the length of her body. She stilled, seeing Chakotay hovering in the lounge. “Have you been standing here all this time?” she queried, towel-drying her hair vigorously. “I wasn’t sure what to do …” “You could’ve made a pot of coffee,” she grumbled. “I’ll do that now,” he placated, leaving the room. Kathryn turned to re-cycle Mark’s whiskey glass. The smell of it made her retch, reminding her of his sour breath as he’d tried to force her into having sex with him. As the glass de-materialised, her famous control slipped and tears fell over her freshly scrubbed cheeks. She didn’t move or respond as Chakotay returned. “Maybe we can discuss bridge specs another time,” he offered, a reference to what they were actually supposed to be doing. “Would you hold me?” Her answer came in the form of two strong arms wrapping around her, turning her into his comforting embrace, holding her as she cried quietly into his chest. He soothed her, stroking her hair and back, listening to her ragged breathing as she fought to stem her tears. “Thank you. I’ll be okay now,” she whispered, pulling away from him and sitting on the sofa. Chakotay handed her a hot mug of coffee and settled beside her, keeping a respectable distance. “He’s married.” “I thought …” She laughed humourlessly. “So did I, until his wife turned up this morning.” “Kathryn, I’m sorry.” She gave him a sideward glance. “Are you? Come off it Chakotay, you’ve never liked Mark.” He wiped a hand over his face. “No, I don’t like him, but that doesn’t mean that I want to see you unhappy,” he admitted. “Why don’t you like him?” Her question surprised him and he fell silent. “Was it because I was involved with him? Because, like he said, you wanted what he had? Because I’d let him back into my bed after spending years denying you?” her eyes blazed. “Spirits Kathryn! You really think I’m that shallow?” “I think you’re a coward! All those years hiding behind ancient legends, behaving like a lovesick puppy! Never once were you ever honest with me!” “Hang on here! Suddenly this is MY fault? Mark cheats on you and it’s my fault?” “Yes!” she yelled. “You want honesty Kathryn?” he bellowed. “Okay, I was jealous of Mark! I hated watching him maul you, hated every time he touched you, hated knowing he was making love to you! I thought him an arrogant sleaze, but …” he calmed slightly, “ …you loved him and as your friend I only wanted you to be happy.” Her tears started again. “I’m sorry.” “That’s okay.” Her head fell onto the back of the couch. “Was it obvious, Chakotay? Was I the only one left in the dark?” “This isn’t your fault, Kathryn.” “She’s pregnant … Lydia … second child.” “Second?” Her eyes met his. “They have a son.” “He …?” “Never mentioned it? No. I feel such a fool. I really believed him … everything he said.” “You had no reason not to, Kathryn,” he reassured her. “She asked me … where did I think he was the nights he was away. Working I thought. He hasn’t worked on a project since our return Chakotay … More of his lies.” Chakotay remained silent, his gaze wavering between Kathryn and his cooling cup of coffee. “He … he still thinks that we are … a couple. Wants me to be his wife.” “Is that what you want Kathryn?” Kathryn looked at him incredulously, eyes reddened from crying. “Are you kidding? What I want now is to never see him again! It’s over. I just want to forget him, and before you say anything,” she raised a silencing palm, “it’s not going to be easy.” “I’ll be here to help you,” he offered. “Thank you.” Kathryn fell quiet. “Can I ask something?” Chakotay probed. She nodded. “When I came in … it looked as though …” “He attempted to try to force me …” her self composed mask was slipping again and her bottom lip started to tremble. “He kept saying he loved me … that I couldn’t refuse him … I struggled, told him no … he got nastier, saying horrible, threatening things … I really thought he was going to … I managed to … well, you saw what I managed to do.” Chakotay’s jaw clenched, his face full of anger. “If I’d seen him … I’d have killed him.” Kathryn was taken aback at the venom in her best friend’s voice. “I know,” she whispered, “but I would never want you to live with that. I’d blame myself, do you understand?” Her palm touched his cheek and he turned into it. “Yes, but the thought of anyone forcing …” “Don’t, please,” she pleaded. Chakotay reached for her hand and held it between his two larger ones, squeezing it. “I’m sorry.” She shivered. “Can I have another hug?” He tenderly smiled and opened his arms, letting her lean into his chest, holding her close. “Mmm, you make a great pillow,” she remarked, snuggling into him. He laughed, and the sound vibrated through his chest. “I’ve been called many things, Kathryn, but never a great pillow!” “Trust me, you are,” she muttered. They fell quiet. Kathryn’s comm. link disturbed the peace and made her jump. “Kath, please, talk to me,” It was Mark and Kathryn shuddered at his pleading whine. “I know you’re there … please darling. I’m sorry. We can get past this; you know we can. I love you so much.” The line went quiet and Kathryn was stiff in Chakotay’s embrace. “He just doesn’t get it, does he?” She stood up and crossed over to her desk, deleting his message before returning to the couch. “He thinks he can just apologise and everything will be forgiven! Ha!” she shook her head. “Not this time!” Chakotay was alert. “This time?” She managed a rueful smile. “A couple of years before I was given Voyager, Mark had a brief fling with an ensign under my command.” She shrugged and pulled a face. “Apparently, quite a lot of people knew about it … Mark wasn’t very discreet. Eventually Owen Paris took me aside and told me. He felt sorry for me, said he couldn’t stand by and watch me humiliated in front of my staff. Oh I felt such a fool Chakotay.” “But you forgave him?” “Yes.” “Why?” She laughed harshly. “Why? Because I loved him!” “You deserve better Kathryn.” “Do I?” she asked, eyebrow raised. “I have had very few lovers in my life Chakotay. I was never pretty like my sister, I never had men beating at my door. My first boyfriend screwed me for a bet. Can you imagine how that one felt?” she hissed. “And Justin? Well he rescued me from a Cardassian hellhole, beaten and bruised and on the verge of getting gang-raped. Of course I fell in love with him! Dashing white knight, right? Except he never touched me. I thought he would eventually …” she paused, “but the accident …” Kathryn was trembling. “Mark was the first man to love me … to accept me …” “And you were grateful?” he asked, incredulously. “Yes,” she eyed him squarely. “I guess I was.” He sighed heavily. “Kathryn, it hurts me to know you think like that.” She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now …” “It matters to me! Is this why you got involved with him again, because you didn’t think anyone else would want you?” “Drop it Chakotay!” she warned. “You really don’t see it, do you?” Kathryn looked confused. “See what?” He smiled tenderly. “You’re a beautiful, sexy woman Kathryn. Every man on Voyager had a crush on you.” She shot him a look of disbelief. “Whenever we went to one of Neelix’s parties, I felt so proud because I got to escort the most stunning woman on the ship. I knew the rest of them were jealous of the amount of time I spent alone with you. Did you ever realise that Tom and I brawled over you one night in Sandrine’s” Kathryn shook her head. “No,” she croaked. “He informed me in that arrogant way of his, that he intended to have you and I told him over my dead body,” he grinned sheepishly. “Sorry.” “For what?” “Ruining your chances with Paris!” he chuckled. “Don’t be, I’ve met his type before. Don’t get me wrong, I like Tom and I know he’s changed, but back then he’d have bedded me just to say he’d fucked the Captain.” Chakotay groaned. “You don’t think it would’ve been because he found you desirable?” She snorted derisively. “What about me Kathryn? Do you think my feelings were some elaborate rouse to ‘fuck the Captain’?” he tilted her chin and held her gaze. “Do you think I’d ever use you like that?” “No,” she whispered. “I look at you and I see a beautiful woman I want to protect and spend my life loving, if she’d let me,” he breathed, closing the gap between them. Kathryn watched mesmerized, as Chakotay’s lips drew nearer. Suddenly she pulled away. “Don’t! Please! You’re confusing me, this isn’t right!” He let out the breath he had been holding and looked at the floor. “I’m sorry, maybe …” A loud banging noise interrupted him. It was coming from downstairs. Kathryn tore her eyes away from Chakotay and strode over to the large windows. “Mark!” she gasped, looking below and seeing him hammering on the doors to her apartment block. “Let me inside!” he shouted to the attendant. “I have to see Captain Janeway! You know me for heaven’s sake! Let me in!” Kathryn cringed, embarrassed by his very pubic display. “Do you want me to go down and talk to him?” Chakotay’s soft voice blew over her shoulder. “No, I think it’s best we try to ignore him. Security will move him on.” “Kath! Please! Talk to me! I love you! Do you hear me? I love you! Please! Let me in! Kath! I’ll never hurt you again! Please! Forgive me!” Mark stepped away from the main doors and looked up. “Kath!” he yelled, seeing her form at the windows. “I love you, don’t throw us away! We can be together now! Please darling! Just talk to me!” Kathryn turned from the glass with tears rolling silently over her cheeks. “KATHRYN!” Mark screamed. “KATHRYN!” “Security’s arrived,” Chakotay announced, continuing to observe the scene. Kathryn made no effort to reply. “He’s pointing up here, I think they’re going to send someone up to speak to you.” Kathryn nodded. Ten minutes later the Starfleet Security Ensign left Kathryn’s apartment with instructions to deny Mark entrance. “I think I should leave now too,” Chakotay offered, standing in the middle of the room. Kathryn shrugged, “Okay.” Her posture was one of defeat and exhaustion, slumped on the couch, arms resting on knees. He hovered uncertainly, “I’m sorry Kathryn … for everything, especially …” “That’s okay Chakotay,” she gave a weak smile. “Another time and who’s to say?” He brightened a little. “I’ll call you later.” She nodded. “Thank you. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” “Goodnight Kathryn.” “Goodnight.” Kathryn walked over to the door and bolted it behind him. “Computer play Mahler selection Alpha 1.” The gentle music filtered through the apartment, like the rays of the setting sun. She looked out across the San Francisco bay, her face warming a little in the orange glow. She sighed and wrapped her arms about herself. The End? Would you like more? If so, lemme know! 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