"Heartbreak"

By Penumbren

Disclaimer: No one is mine, darn it. But I'd happily buy HBK if they were selling him.
Distribution: ask first
Rating: NC-17
Characters: Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho
Content: m/m relations, language, mild angst
Author's Notes: This is the original version of Heartbreaker, before Kevin and the angst made their appearances. This isn't actually quite finished, since I did a major rewrite after I changed my mind about how I wanted it to work, but... I've been convinced that it's worth posting on its own, so here y'go.

Milky Way bar

"This sucks, Shawn." Chris's petulant voice made Shawn grin as he turned away from it, pulling his tights off as he did so. Chris's eyes widened as he drank in the sight, and his voice was unsteady as he continued in a lower tone, "I mean, I'm supposed to hate your fucking guts, and beat the crap out of you practically every night... and all I want to do every time we're together is throw you down to the mat and fuck you senseless." His eyes tracked every movement of Shawn's naked form as he reached for a towel, wrapping it around himself before turning back to face his lover.

"Babe, I told you from the beginning this would be hard." His voice was teasing, although he tried to look serious. Chris rolled his eyes.

"You're telling me!" He pinned Shawn against the locker, rubbing his crotch against Shawn's hip as he leaned in for a kiss. Shawn sighed into him, whispering, "Y'know, if you don't stop this, we'll be putting on one of those shows you heard about."

"I don't think so." Chris looked around the room, finding the other occupants all suddenly occupied with lacing up their boots, rummaging through their bags, or studiously staring in every direction but at them. "C'mon, Shawn, you can take a shower at the hotel. Let's get out of here." His voice dropped. "Please." He rubbed against Shawn again, who laughed.

"Okay, okay. You win. If you can stand a car ride with me all hot and sweaty, anyway..."

"The thought of you all hot and sweaty is definitely not a turnoff," Chris muttered. Shawn gently pushed Chris away, smirking, and got dressed---although Chris noticed that it was nearly in record time. He grabbed their bags, impatient to be away from others, when he realised that he couldn't leave, due to a rather large, imposing figure in his way. He snarled, the lust he'd been bottling up for hours making him short-tempered at the thought of further delays.

"Hey, hey. It's just me, Chris." Hunter held his hands up in mock defense, smiling when Chris took a deep breath and lowered the bags back to the bench.

"Shawn, you've got a visitor," he said sarcastically, moving aside. He still wasn't comfortable around Hunter now that he and Shawn were together, knowing their past, and knowing how strongly they still felt about each other. Shawn kept assuring him that there was nothing to worry about, but... He stared sightlessly at the wall, trying to ignore the quiet conversation behind him. /I know they love each other. Hell, everybody knows it. They all think I'm a gimp for getting together with Shawn in the first place because of it./ Chris's troubled thoughts were interrupted as he glanced back just in time to see Hunter and Shawn kiss each other, smiling, before Hunter walked away. His eyes narrowed, he glared at his lover.

"What the hell was that?" he hissed, hoping no one else had noticed. A quick glance around the room showed that his hope was in vain. Everyone was staring at them, obviously waiting to see what his reaction would be. Shawn's smile disappeared at his words, and Chris's heart dropped. /Oh, my god. I'm not enough. He wants Hunter back. He wants Hunter instead of me./

"Chris... let's talk about this someplace else. Please." Shawn said softly, putting his hand on Chris's arm. Chris jerked back, and Shawn's eyes fluttered closed for a second before reopening, a sigh escaping him.

"Fine. Fine. Whatever you want, Shawn." Chris bit the words off, picked up his bag again, and left, not waiting to see whether or not Shawn was behind him. /The Heartbreak Kid. Good name. He's breaking my heart already, and we haven't even been together for a month./ Chris thought bitterly, ignoring the growing moistness at the corners of his eyes as he moved through the halls. /I should have known better than to ever trust either one of them./ Reaching the garage, he threw his bag into their car, got in, and waited.

~~~

"Shit." The whisper left his mouth before Shawn realised it, as he stared after the rapidly retreating back of his lover. He shut his eyes for a moment, leaning his head back against the locker, feeling the weight of stares. He drew in a deep, shuddering breath, opened his eyes, and followed Chris out of the room, refusing to look at anyone. /Dammit. Damn it. I know how insecure he is about this, about us, about even admitting that he's bi... I know he's scared to death that I'll dump him for Hunter any given second... so I kiss Hunt in front of him without even thinking about it./ As he reached the garage, he snorted at the thought. /Not that I've ever had to worry about it before. But Chris isn't part of the Clique. Hunt and I both need to remember that./

Approaching the car, he watched its occupant warily. Chris was staring at the car ceiling, apparently not paying attention to anything around him, but his head snapped around when Shawn got in the car.

"Nice of you to make it," he said bitingly. Shawn winced, and reached out to him, putting his hand on Chris's shoulder. Chris pulled away from the touch, staring pointedly at Shawn until he let his hand drop.

"Babe... Chris... it was just a kiss," he offered lamely, knowing that it wouldn't be enough. /But do I want to tell him what we were discussing? Twenty minutes ago, it sounded like a good idea... now... now he won't even let me touch him./ Shawn's gut clenched at the thought, and Chris's response didn't help.

"'Just a kiss'? That the best you can do? Why not, 'It doesn't matter, Hunt and I are just good friends...' Come on, Shawn. I know how you two feel about each other. You've never tried to hide it. Hell, we talked about the two of you after the first time we made love!" Anger and hurt laced Chris's voice, and Shawn found himself unable to answer as they stared at each other. "Hunter even told me, before he sent me up to you. Explained how you two were incapable of being monogamous, how you'd loved each other for years..." Chris's voice broke and he looked down, but Shawn didn't miss the sudden glitter in his eyes.

"Chris..." He tried again, but Chris cut him off.

"No, look, don't even bother. I don't want to talk anymore. Let's just get back to the hotel, okay?" He started the car, ignoring Shawn's protest, and they drove in silence to the hotel. They walked inside in silence, and they were silent until they got to their room. Then Shawn couldn't stand it anymore.

"God damn it, Chris Jericho, you will talk to me, and you will let me explain what happened!" he growled as he slammed the door shut behind them. /You idiot, you're just making it worse. We do not need a screaming match here. I just need to convince him that I love him... how the hell I do that, I have no idea,/ he thought grimly.

"I don't think..." Chris started, but Shawn interrupted him. He shoved him against the wall and pinned him there, glaring at him.

"That's the problem, boy. You aren't thinking. Why in the hell would you think I was leaving you? Because I just can't stand not sleeping with Hunter anymore?" he asked angrily, forcibly aware of the proximity of Chris's body. He could feel the heat radiating off it, could feel the tenseness in his body, could feel the erection poking him in the hip... /What the hell?? He's pissed off because he thinks I'm going to go fuck Hunter instead of him, and he's turned on?/

"Get off me, god damn it!" Chris pushed at him, trying to duck away, but Shawn refused to let him. "No, dammit, Chris, answer me!" he demanded, pushing back, suddenly aware of how aroused he was. Not waiting for an answer, he grabbed Chris's head, pulled it back, and kissed him with bruising force, pulling Chris against him, rubbing his erection against him as his hands roamed over his body.

Not realising how they got there, Shawn found himself naked, on the floor, on top of his equally naked and aroused lover. Without missing a beat, Shawn slid down Chris's body and swallowed his erection whole, gloating to himself at the resulting shriek. With rough swipes of his tongue and hard suction, he had Chris in orgasm in minutes, screaming himself hoarse as Shawn swallowed every drop. While Chris was still limp and breathless, Shawn coated himself with baby oil grabbed from his bag, and pushed inside him. Chris groaned raggedly as Shawn penetrated him and Shawn paused, as much to gain control of himself as anything else. His voice rusty-sounding, he said, "Now tell me---why would I leave you, when you do this to me?"

When Chris's eyes flew open to meet his, shock in his face, Shawn grinned and murmured, "Maybe we should fight more often," before his voice deserted him as he began to move. Thrusting into the tight heat beneath him, feeling Chris's cock harden again beneath him, he leaned down and kissed him roughly again, only to yank his head back as he felt himself reach the edge. Howling, he poured himself into his lover, thrusting until the last aftershocks faded, feeling sudden warmth between them as Chris convulsed beneath him, and collapsed onto him.

Shawn raised his head a few moments later, feeling Chris's eyes on him. He pulled out gingerly, flushing a little as he met Chris's gaze. "I'm sorry. I didn't..."

Chris cut him off. "I love you."

Shawn stared down at him, amazed at how much a simple sentence could twist his insides up. Chris smiled crookedly. "But could you let me up, please? I'd like to minimize the rug burn." Shawn quickly stood up and extended a hand, surprised in spite of himself when Chris took it, standing up, and didn't release it. Instead, he drew Shawn to him and put his arms around him, just standing like that. Shawn returned the embrace, almost afraid to breathe, for fear he should break the moment. He felt more than heard Chris's quiet laughter.

"Shawn, it's okay. Really." Chris looked at him. "I'm sorry. I know I overreacted, and I know I was an asshole. But I really do love you." Shawn's sight blurred for a moment at those words, and he was speechless.

~~~

As Chris pulled himself up with Shawn's help, he couldn't help but think. /My god. I accuse the man I love of wanting to cheat on me, and we end up having some of the most amazing sex I've ever experienced./ Looking into Shawn's eyes as he held him, he almost shivered with the intensity of the emotion that swept through him. "But I really do love you." When Shawn's eyes filled with tears at his words, he kissed them away, stroking his hair. After a moment, Shawn chuckled softly and said, "I'm not sure which of us is worse, you know." Chris raised an eyebrow as he reluctantly stepped away from his lover, reaching for a discarded piece of clothing to wipe himself off with.

"What do you mean? Our insatiable sexual appetites, or our enormous egos?" Chris asked with a smirk. Shawn smiled at him, then looked serious again as he sat on the bed.

"No, actually I'm talking about our incredible lack of self-confidence." Chris frowned, then sighed as he realised what Shawn meant. He sat next to him on the bed and wrapped an arm around his waist.

"I know. One tiny incident, and suddenly neither of us can talk to the other without yelling." He buried his face in Shawn's shoulder, inhaling the heady scent of sweat and sex, sighing again. "I'm such an idiot." He felt Shawn twist to look at him, a hand under his chin forcing him to meet his gaze.

"No, you're not. I am. I know that you're still not comfortable with Hunter---or Kev, I notice---and I should have known better than to throw my past into your face." Shawn paused, and Chris could feel himself reddening. "What's this? Something you're not telling me? You're not believing any rumours, are you?" he asked with sudden anxiety. Chris shook his head.

"No, no, nothing like that. It's just... well..." He squirmed under Shawn's curious gaze, wishing he could change the subject but knowing that Shawn would pursue it no matter what. "I... um... I keep... thinking." A sudden light in Shawn's eyes made him redden even more.

"Really. And about what, may I ask?" The smirk on Shawn's face made him regret ever admitting anything. /Dammit. I can't help what I think about, can I? But to have to tell him... argh./ Chris hesitated, then blurted out his thoughts. "I keep thinking about you and Hunter... and Kevin. What... what you must've been like... together." He glared at the floor, refusing to look at the man beside him, knowing how red his face was.

"'Together'? You mean, you've been imagining watching while we were having sex?" Shawn's voice contained more than a hint of laughter. Chris continued to stare at the floor, cursing his runaway thoughts... until Shawn's next comment caught his attention.

"So, boy. Would you like to see it for real sometime?" Shawn drawled as he leaned back on the bed, his hands clasped together behind his head.

Chris twisted around, not believing what he'd just heard. "Excuse me?"

Shawn's smirk widened into a full-fledged grin. He stretched slowly, arching his back, groaning softly, Chris's eyes glued to his body. Finally remembering to breathe, he brought his eyes back up to Shawn's face, glaring at the smirk he found there. "That's not funny, Shawn! I just... Look, I can't help what my mind thinks of, okay?" Shawn sat up, the smirk slipping from his face, and reached for Chris, pulling him up to sit beside him.

"Babe, I wasn't trying to be funny. I'm serious." Chris just stared at him, speechless in his own right.

~~~

"I'm serious." Shawn put as much sincerity into his words as he could, watching closely for Chris's reaction. /Well, well, well. This could be easier than I thought... if Chris is interested in the reality, not just in fantasy./ "You wanted to know what Hunter and I were talking about earlier tonight, right?" Chris nodded. "Well... we were talking about you." Shawn waited for his words to sink in, and wasn't disappointed. Chris's face paled, then went red as the full meaning of his words sank in.

"You... you... y'were... about me?" Chris stuttered. Shawn nodded.

"I think I mentioned to you once that Hunter would probably be interested in showing you what the Clique is all about..." Chris nodded as Shawn paused. "He wanted to know if you were interested in being shown." Shawn leaned over and gently kissed his lover, who looked stunned. "Hey, hey, is that any way for the King of the World to act? Have a little confidence," he whispered, kissing his way across Chris's face, relieved when he finally responded.

"I just... I never really thought about it. As reality, I mean. And... did you mention Kevin, too?" he suddenly asked. Shawn smiled.

"Well, you know he and Hunter hooked back up as soon he got back. " Chris nodded, and Shawn continued, "Hunter's been talking to him, and he's... open to the idea." A sudden grin flashed across his face. "Actually, I believe his exact words to me were, 'Are you fucking kidding? I'd have to be insane not to want that!' So, yes, both of them are interested. And I must admit, I certainly like the idea, so the only real question is... Do you like it?" Shawn idly rubbed his hand across Chris's back while he waited for the answer, nearly holding his breath. /My god. If he says no, I'll be disappointed. If he says yes... I have no idea what I'll do. The thought of him with me and Hunt and Kev.../ Heat flashed through his body as images formed in his head, his eyes drifting shut, and his cock twitched in reaction.

"Enjoying those images, Shawn?" Chris's voice got Shawn's immediate attention.

"I'd have to say yes. The thought of being with three people I love, all at once, is an incredible turn on." Opening his eyes again, he found Chris watching him, his face unreadable. "You realise, of course, that no matter what your decision is, I'll still love you. It would be wonderful to fulfil that fantasy, but whether we do or not, it won't change anything between us."

Chris nodded slowly. "But... you'll want to be with them, right? Whether I'm involved or not?"

Shawn wrapped his arms around Chris, trying to reassure him with the touch. "Babe, please understand. I'll probably always want to be with them. Whether I am or not, depends on you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Whether or not we have a four-way with Hunter and Kev or not, whether or not I get together with them---together or separately---will be up to you. Unless you're willing to let me, I won't touch them," Shawn said sincerely. Then he checked himself. "Well, I can't promise not touching---but I can promise nothing besides kissing and groping," he finished, smiling. Chris smiled back, but his attention was obviously elsewhere. Shawn fell silent and turned off the light, content to hold his lover until he drifted into sleep.

~~~

/What do I do now? If I say no, I'll break Shawn's heart, whether or not he ever admits it. Cutting him off from people he's spent years with... in the most unique relationship I've ever seen. I want more than anything to say yes... but what if he ends up wanting them more than me? No, no, I can't start that again. That's what caused our fight today. Dammit. I've fantasized about the Clique almost as long as I've been in love with Shawn, and they're being handed to me on a silver platter---and all I can do is worry. Shawn's told me time and time again that he wants to be with me, not them. I just need to believe him. My god, I'm worrying because I don't trust him!/ Chris's eyes snapped open in the darkened room at the thought, and he was suddenly disgusted with himself. /I don't trust him? I love the man! How wrong is it for me to love him but not trust him? He's had a relationship with Hunter and Kevin for years... but he hasn't been with either of them lately. He's with me. He wants to be with me---he loves me./

His eyes widened and spoke with realising it. "He loves me!"

Beside him, Shawn stirred, returning to consciousness. "Mmmm? What was that?" Chris turned his head and looked at him, smiling widely, "I said, 'He loves me.' That is, you love me." Shawn blinked, obviously confused. "I've just realised what an idiot I've been, that's all. I've been so worried that might leave me for Hunter---and Kevin---because you love them, because you've been with them for so long." Shawn's brow remained furrowed in confusion and Chris laughed out loud. "I'm an idiot. If you loved them enough to want to be with them, you would be with them---you wouldn't have wasted the last three weeks trying to convince me how much you loved me!" Shawn's expression cleared into one of relief, but Chris didn't give him a chance to speak.

"Shawn, if you're serious... that is, if Hunter and Kevin are interested in... in a four-way, and if you're for it, then... let's do it!" he said softly but intently. Shawn's eyes widened and his face lit up.

"Really? You want to? You dn't have to, you know," he hastened to say.

"I know I don't. But I want to," Chris assured him, smiling. "I've... I've fantasized about the Clique... for years. I've never seen a sexier group of men in one place, and the chance to spend a night with some of them... well, I'd be a bigger idiot to turn down the chance. Especially when the man I love is involved."

~ finis ~

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