"Nocturnal Admissions"

By Penumbren

Disclaimer: No one is mine, darn it. But I'd happily buy HBK if they were selling him.
Distribution: ask first
Rating: PG
Characters: Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho
Content: Some angst, some mushiness, some bad language.

Milky Way bar


Shawn opened his eyes abruptly, glancing around the darkened room. Something was wrong, but he couldn't figure out what had woken him up. Then he heard it: A soft whimper... from Chris. /God... I didn't really hurt him earlier, did I? He said he was okay.../ Sudden panic hit him as Chris whimpered again, tossing restlessly as he whispered, "No, please..." Shawn's heart almost stopped.

"Chris?" he whispered, placing a hand carefully on his lover's shoulder. Chris shuddered but didn't wake up, his face creased in a frown. Shawn shook him a little, saying his name louder. Chris woke up with a cry, bolting upright and looking around wildly. Shawn quickly curled a hand around his lover's shoulder, trying to calm him.

"Chris, it's okay. It's just me, Shawn. Are you all right?" he asked softly, worried. In the month they'd been together, he'd never seen Chris have a nightmare like this. Slowly, Chris relaxed against him.

"Shawn...?" His voice was still muzzy from sleep, but Shawn could hear an undertone of fear. /Please, don't let him be afraid of me.../

"Yeah, babe, it's me. You're okay." Shawn pulled him into his arms, murmuring to him. After a few minutes, Chris chuckled, sounding more resigned than anything else.

"Doesn't this just figure,"he said hoarsely. Shawn frowned, not understanding. With a sigh, Chris reached over and flicked on the bedside light, twisting so that he could look at Shawn.

"I'm sorry, Shawn." Chris ran his hands through his hair, looking down at the bed. "I guess Kevin and Hunter didn't really get into what happened in the bar, did they?" Shawn shook his head.

"No, they didn't. We kinda got... distracted... before we got into that. Why..." Shawn stopped, his mind working. "Wait. Does this have something to do with Goldberg?" Chris's flinch was slight, but noticeable.

"Yeah." Chris heaved a sigh. "It has everything to do with him. You're... you're not the only person with bad memories, Shawn."

"What? What do you mean? You weren't..." Shawn's worried question was cut off by Chris.

"No, not like that. Just... well..." Chris trailed off. He turned slightly, to burrow deeper into Shawn's arms.

"Let me start in the bar, I guess, since you're probably the only person in the company who didn't hear it. I went down to the bar after I left our room to sit and think about things. I don't know how long I'd been there, but it was long enough for the bar to fill. I'd just finished my first beer and Bill walked in. I didn't realise he was there until he started talking---started insulting both of us, actually. He basically called me a crybaby, and said that I was just a fling and that I must be down in the bar because you were busy fucking the rest of the Clique and I didn't want to play those games." Chris's voice cracked slightly, and Shawn tightened his embrace.

"I'd never do that to you, babe. Never," he said intently. Chris nodded.

"I know, Shawn. I knew it when he said it. That's why I didn't really respond---he was just trying to get a rise out of me. But... then he said... he said that just like he'd told me, I'd never find anybody who could measure up to him." Chris paused and sighed again. "That's when I decked him... and then realised that I'd just as much as admitted that not only had I fucked Goldberg in the past, but that I'd been fucked over by him. Kevin and Hunter heard it, and heard what I said... I think that's part of the reason that they talked to me instead of kicking my ass."

"So... what did you say to him?" Shawn asked hesitantly. They hadn't hidden their relationship, but they hadn't made any public proclamations, either. He found himself almost holding his breath as he waited for Chris to answer.

"I told him the truth---that we loved each other and whatever problems we had, we'd work out." Chris chuckled. "I think most of the company heard it, too. You could've heard a pin drop after I hit him."

"Really? You... you don't mind that?" Shawn felt like an idiot as soon as he asked, but couldn't stop himself. /God, just sound like an insecure fifteen-year-old, why dontcha./

"Mind? Why should I? I mean, I know we haven't gone out of our way to announce it, but we've been pretty obvious... You aren't upset, are you?" Chris sounded anxious as he twisted around to look at Shawn. Shawn smiled, happy and relieved.

"No, I'm not upset. I'm glad. I know we haven't been together long, but... I would like nothing better than to spend the rest of my life with you, Chris. I mean, I'm not exactly a prize, given the baggage I'm carrying, but..." A lingering kiss interrupted him. When Chris pulled back, his eyes were bright even though he was frowning a little.

"Don't go there, Michaels," he admonished, waving a finger in Shawn's surprised face. "Yeah, you have your share of issues---but you're trying to deal with them, and I have my issues, too." He paused, losing the teasing edge to his voice when he spoke again. "In fact, as much as I'd like not to, I'd better finish telling you what happened, so you can judge for youself."


/Damn, I hate going through this again... but Shawn went through worse, and told me. Not the details, maybe, but I don't know if I ever want to hear them. I can see why Kev and Hunter are so protective of him, though. Okay. Courage, now. Quit avoiding the subject./

"So. Bill and I got to be buddies after he was brought into WCW. He didn't really know his way around, didn't know too many people... he seemed like a pretty nice guy, real sincere. After a while, we started hanging out together a lot, going to clubs together, that kind of thing.

"At that point, I knew I was bisexual, and I'd been with guys before, but I'd never been serious about any of them. When I met Bill, I'd just come out of a bad ending with an ex-girlfriend---one of the Nitro girls. So I was kinda lonely."

/Horny, more like./ He yawned a little, then glanced up at Shawn. "Sorry. Anyway, Bill and I got pretty close. Finally, one night after Nitro, he got me alone in a locker room and told me that he was developing feelings for me. He was all embarrassed---pretty cute, really. I'd started to get pretty fond of him, too, and I told him that. My mistake." He sighed, remembering that night.

"To make a long story short, we started dating. After a couple of weeks, he got me into bed. I wasn't too sure about it, but he convinced me that he really cared about me... and we had sex. At the time, I thought he really did care for me, but events proved me wrong. The next day, he wouldn't talk to me, would barely even look at me. I was hurt... until I walked in on a conversation I wasn't meant to hear." Chris closed his eyes, wincing at the remembered pain. Shawn made a noise, low in his throat, and hugged him tighter, running a hand through his hair.

"In short, Bill had mentioned to someone how hot I was and got told about my previous relationship. He thought it would be funny if he set me up for something... Didn't care about anything but getting laid, since I was so "untouchable" inside the locker room. I didn't fuck anybody I worked with, since I didn't think it was a smart thing to do there, and that made him want to be the one to get me. His friend fucking bet him that he couldn't get me inside a month. He took him up on it. And as soon as he did, he dropped me. He'd never meant for me to know, of course, but I found out that night. I confronted him, but he just laughed me off."

There was a silence.

"He really hurt you," Shawn finally said softly.

"Yeah. After that, I couldn't get into a real relationship. Every time I thought things were getting serious, I'd flip out... kinda like today. He made it really hard for me to trust anybody," he admitted.

"Well... seems like we have similar problems," Shawn finally said. Chris threw him a startled look. "You had to learn to trust other people again... and I have to learn how to trust myself." Chris blinked, considering.

"That's... one way of looking at it, I guess," he said slowly.

"Well, hopefully we'll help each other---if we each believe in each other, maybe we'll start to believe in ourselves again, too." Shawn's voice was soft, and Chris nodded in agreement.

"I think you're right, Shawn." He yawned again, and Shawn grinned.

"Too many confessions for one night, huh?"

"Yeah. Time for sleep."

"No dreams this time, okay? Unless they're about me, of course." Shawn flipped his hair, drawing a laugh from Chris.

"Agreed... if you'll promise the same thing. You only get to dream about me tonight."

"You got it." Shawn kissed Chris breathless before letting him go. They cuddled up together and Shawn turned the light off.

"G'nite, Shawn."

"'Nite, Chris. Love you," Shawn murmured.

"Love ya too."


Milky Way bar

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