God, I can’t believe I’m doing this.  Haitus is supposed to be my break.

In the pre-credit tease we see Darla.  We all know it’s Darla right away because we recognize her from all those flashbacks in season five of Buffy and episodes of season two Angel.  We know she’s evil because 20-something women who dress in Catholic school girl uniforms are either evil or read too much Anne Rice writing-as Anne Rampling.  There’s also a boy but only for a minute because he dies and we go to credits.

Being no previous Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes there is no “previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  I mean, there is that movie but we’re kinda ignoring the details of it.  Therefore, for all intents and purposes our clean slate opens on Buffy, in bed in the throes of a nightmare.  She is haunted with superimposed images (of books and demons and vampires and other scary stuff we can expect to see in the first season) until her mom finally wakes her up.  “Don’t want to be late for your first day of school,” Joyce says.

(It was at this point that I realized that they were not going to show School Hard as previously advertised but rather the pilot.  The inner fanboy (yes, it is a non-gender specific term) broke free but I squashed it back.)

Buffy goes to school.  Xander sees Buffy.  Xander falls down, go boom.  Willow sees Xander and Xander picks himself up and asks Willow for help in math.  In one scene we’ve established that Xander is a slacker, skateboard looser and Willow is a geeky, brain.  Stereotypes afixed we follow Buffy to the principal’s office where he symbolically tears up her transcripts to signify that moving to Sunnydale is like a fresh start.  Then he reads the torn transcripts and has a change of heart.  Apparently a fresh start is a bit more difficult when you’ve been expelled for burning down the gym.

First class is history where Buffy meets Cordelia who clearly wants to be Buffy’s friend as Buffy is from LA and therefore cool.  Buffy gets invited into Cordelia’s group, invited to the Bronze to hang with them and is given a tip on simplifying her social life: avoid the losers.  Cordelia very early on shows her colours by being extremely cruel to Willow, so cruel that Buffy isn’t sure if it’s a big joke or something.  But something about that redhead just makes Buffy watch until Willow is out of sight.  (And thus, the fanfic was born.)

Buffy mets the librarian, Mr. Giles.  However, he comes on all Watcher-ish and Buffy flees.  Determined to do well in school she seeks out the person best suited to helping her; the ever-popular-but-only-as-a-study-buddy Willow.  While chatting with Willow Buffy remeets Xander and meets Jesse who, although he’s not wearing a red shirt, we all know is going to die because he’s not in the later shows.

Buffy’s determination on avoiding her Slayer responsibilities is quickly undermined by a breathing challenged boy from the pre-credit tease.  Pretty ticked off that he’s been killed by vampires Buffy has a bonding moment with Giles where she basically tells him she quits.  Giles tries to tell her that Sunnydale is a pretty freaky and evil place but she’s not in a listening mood.  Xander, on the other hand, is and overhears the entire conversation.  Doesn’t understand it but does hear it.

That night Buffy goes to the Bronze.  On the way she meets Angel.  They hit it off right away.  Actually, Buffy hits Angel right away and Angel establishes himself as being cryptic and having poor taste in jackets (crushed velvet - again with the Anne Rice).  He gives Buffy some vague warnings and a silver cross.  Buffy arrives at the Bronze where she meets Willow and then sees Giles.  While bonding with him she spots a vampire chatting up Willow.  Buffy gives chase but looses them after nearly staking Cordelia.  Buffy gives chase again, picking up tag-a-long Xander on the way.  They finally find Willow and her vamp date along with Jesse and his vamp date, Darla, at the crypt which (I am fairly sure) Spike will take possession of in season four.  Fight ensues with the good guys temporarily winning until it’s time for the cliffhanger.

Fade to black.

Random Thoughts:
Quotes are going to out number thoughts.

The main purpose of the pilot was to introduce the main characters and tell us their schtick.  Giles is the stuffy British Watcher.  Willow is the shy nerd.  Xander is the slacker clown.  Cordelia is the snotty rich kid.  Angel is the cryptic dark man.  Joyce is the supportive but scared mom.  Jesse is the cannon fodder.  The show spent a season solidifying these stereotypes before blowing them out of the water in seasons two and three.

Joss once said that Buffy was “bring your own subtext”.  The W/B subtext starts off fast with a lingering first glance and continued right up until Hush when it became W/T maintext.

I spent the entire scene of Buffy skulking in the back halls of the Bronze playing “spot the Cheese String Incident poster”.    Couldn’t see any.

In a “six degree” kinda way watching Joyce was sort of like watching repeats of Chico and the Man.
 

Random Quotes:
Rather a lot of quotes.  Sorry but it was like popcorn, I just couldn’t stop.

Xander Willow! You’re so very much the person that I wanted to see!
Willow Oh, really?
Xander Yeah. You know, I kinda had a problem with the math.
Willow Uh, which part?
Xander The math. Can you help me out tonight, pleeeease, be my study buddy?
Willow Well, what’s in it for me?
Xander A shiny nickel!

Jesse New Girl!
Xander That’s right, I saw her. Pretty much a hottie!
Willow I heard someone was transferring. . .
Xander So tell!
Jesse Tell what?
Xander What’s the sitch, what do ya know about her?
Jesse New girl!
Xander Well, you’re certainly a font of nothing!

Xander (helping Buffy pick up her spilled school stuff) Can I have you?  Duh. . . Can I help you?
Buffy Thanks.
Xander I don’t know you, do I?
Buffy I’m Buffy. I’m new.
Xander Xander. Is, is me. Hi.
Buffy Um, thanks.
Xander Well, uh, maybe I’ll see you around. maybe at
school. . . since we. . . both. . . go there.
Buffy Great!  It was nice to meet you.
Xander We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic. Oh, hey!  Hey, you forgot
your. . . stake!

Buffy Uh, Hi! Willow, right?
Willow Why? I-I mean, hi! Uh, did you want me to move?
Buffy Why don’t we start with ’Hi, I’m Buffy,’ and, uh, then let’s segue directly into me asking you for a favor. It doesn’t involve moving, but it does involve hanging out with me for a while.
Willow But aren’t you hanging out with Cordelia?
Buffy I can’t do both?
Willow Not legally.

Giles You really have no idea what’s going on, do you?  You think it’s coincidence, your being here? That boy was just the beginning.
Buffy Oh, why can’t you people just leave me alone?
Giles Because you are the Slayer. “Into each generation a Slayer is born, one girl in all the
world, a Chosen One, one born with the strength and skill to hunt the vampires. . .”
Buffy “with the strength and skill to hunt the vampires, to stop the spread of their evil blah, blah, blah. . . I’ve heard it, okay?

Giles A, a Slayer slays, a Watcher. . .
Buffy . . . watches?
Giles Yes. No! He, he trains her, he, he, he prepares her. . .
Buffy Prepares me for what? For getting kicked out of school? For losing all of myfriends? For  having to spend all of my time fighting for my life and never getting to tell anyone because I  might endanger them? Go ahead!  Prepare me.

Buffy (trying to decide between two dresses) Hi! I’m an enormous slut!  Hello! Would you like a copy of ’The Watchtower’? I used to be so good at this.
Joyce (enters) Hi, hon.
Buffy Hey!
Joyce Are you, uh, going out tonight?
Buffy Yeah, I’m going to a club.
Joyce Oh. Will there be boys there?
Buffy No, Mom. It’s a nun club.

Angel Truth is, I thought you’d be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You’re pretty spry, though.

Buffy Who are you?
Angel Let’s just say. . . I’m a friend.
Buffy Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want a friend.
Angel I didn’t say I was yours.

Willow No, I’m just here. I thought Xander was gonna show up.
Buffy Oh, are you guys going out?
Willow No, we’re just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up.
Buffy How come?
Willow He stole my Barbie.  Oh, we were five.
Buffy Oh.
Willow I-I-I don’t actually date a whole lot. . . lately.
Buffy Why not?
Willow Well, when I’m with a boy I like, it’s hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty, or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Buffy It’s not that bad!
Willow No, i-it is. I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.

Buffy Well, my philosophy, do you wanna hear my philosophy?
Willow Yeah, I do!
Buffy Life is short.
Willow Life is short!
Buffy Not original, I’ll grant you, but it’s true. You know?  Why waste time being all shy and worrying about some guy, and if he’s gonna laugh at you. Seize the moment, ’cause tomorrow you might be dead.
Willow Oh, that’s nice!

Buffy So, you like to party with the students.  Isn’t that kinda skanky?
Giles Oh, right, this is me having fun. Watching. . . clown hair prance about is hardly my idea of a party. I’d much rather be at home with a cup of Bovril and a good book.
Buffy You need a personality, stat!

Buffy Now, we can do this the hard way, or. . . well, actually there’s just the hard way.
Darla That’s fine with me!
Buffy Are you sure? Now, this in not gonna be pretty.  We’re talking violence, strong language, adult content.  (stakes male vampire)  See what happens when you roughhouse?

Luke You think you can stop me? Stop us?  You have no idea what you’re dealing with.  ’And like a plague of boils, the race of man covered the Earth.  But on the third day of the newest light would come the Harvest. And the blood of men will flow as wine.  When the Master will walk among them once more!  The Earth will belong to the old ones.  And Hell itself will come to town.’ (moving in to bite Buffy) Amen!