REAL ME
Show opens reminding us of at least three of this season's themes: 1) Buffy is being tempted by the dark side of the Slay, 2) Xander no longer wants to be anyone's butt-monkey and 3) Buffy has a kid sister. And now, on with the real show.
Giles and Buffy are training. They're in the meditation part of it (as opposed to the Buffy kicking Giles on his padded butt part) with Buffy (in theory) improving her emotional and spiritual balance by first mastering physical balance.
Well, it's pretty obvious where Giles learned his Slayer training techniques. Yoda.
Anyway. Buffy's making like an inverted Karate Kid when Dawn enters the room, knocks over some crystals thereby causing Buffy go-boom. Dawn gives Buffy the "I am so bored" expression and Buffy gives Dawn the "You are so dead" expression.
Cut to credits...
Which have changed *again*! To summarize they have inserted a Dawn montage into the mix placing her between Spike and Giles. This leaves only Joyce and Tara as non-montaged recurring characters. (As a note, apparently the actress who plays Tara has been signed for 16 (out of 22) episodes this season. Before you get your hopes up remember that Ted Raimi was signed for all 22 shows in the fourth season and appeared in about four. End of digression.)
The writer (David Fury, who brought us The I in Team and Primeval) uses the audience accessible diary to give us a bit of an in on what is going on in Dawn's head. And we quickly find out that there is a bit of sibling tension between the Slayer and her kid sister. Joyce bamboozles Buffy into taking her sister with her on errands (even though it means canceling on Riley who is quiet okay with being dumped. The boy is corn bread and family comes first). At the first stop, the magic store, they find the owner dead, drained and I've run out of D words. Dawn gets chased outside while Giles, Buffy, Willow and Tara do some investigating. They find out that A) mainly books were stolen, B) a tacky ceramic unicorn is also missing and C) that the magic shop makes a lot of money, a fact that perks Giles right up.
Dawn, waiting outside, is accosted by a disheveled man who
shouts at Dawn for a bit before ending with "I know you. Curds and whey. I know what you are. You don't belong here."
This naturally upsets her yet, when Tara comes out to keep her company she
doesn't mention it.
Okay, has anyone else missed Harmony? Does anyone else remember Harmony? Harmony was in the first few seasons as Cordelia's right hand
sheep who took over the Cool Chicks Club when Cordelia became an outcast for
dating Xander. She then was turned into a vampire, became Spikes main
squeeze and the best fight of the whole fourth season was the one between her
and Xander. Okay, best is not the correct word but close. Anyway, if
you did miss her, rejoice for she has returned. With a plan to kill the
Slayer.
Joyce pulls a mom on Buffy for taking Dawn to a murder scene regardless of how inadvertent it was. She wants Buffy to babysit Dawn, a fact that Dawn strenuously opposes until Xander is proposed for the job. Guess who has a crush on Xander? The fact that Anya also shows up is a bit of a downer but the three have a whale of a time playing playing Ooooh The Game of Life.
Meanwhile, Tara and Willow are unpacking. Tara mentions that she emphasizes with Dawn as both are sort of tag-alongs to the Scooby Gang. Willow feels bad that Tara still feels like an outsider and reassures her that she "...one of the good guys." To which Tara doesn't reply verbally but gives a plot hook expression and pulls out of a perfectly nice cuddle.
Riley and Buffy are patrolling, looking for the vampires that
trashed the magic shop as well as bitchin' about Dawn. Okay, Riley isn't
bitchin' but Buffy is more than making up for it. It is her opinion that
Dawn had better wake up and smell the coffee and begin appreciating the wonders
of a normal childhood. Although, I don't think playing Life with an
ex-vengeance demon is normal. Fortunately the game is interrupted by a
brick through the window.
Harmony and her gang of minions have the house surrounded but it is a bit of an
impasse as they can't get in and Xander won't go out. They are therefore
reduced to trading childish insults through the open door. Dawn, getting
into the act, dares Harmony to "Come inside and say that!". A
non-verbal fight ensues but the Scoobies prevail and the vamps take off, their
momentum broken. Buffy is amused at the thought of Harmony trying to kill
her, Harmony having minions and just Harmony in general until Anya and Xander
tell her about Dawn's invite.
A chance meeting with Spike gives Harmony and the Minions their new How To Kill The Slayer play when Spike says that he expects Harmony to do something really stupid like kidnap one of the Scoobies to force her into the open.
Back at the Summer residence (doesn't it sound like the cottage?) Buffy is ranting about how useless Dawn is to the point where Dawn runs out the back door. (Thereby missing Buffy's reason for being so angry as she can't protect her 24 hours a day and is worried.) Although Anya tries to stop her Dawn is captured and Anya knocked out by the Minions, regaining consciousness in time to tell Buffy what has happened.
Harmony, with her new bait, is terribly pleased with herself but all the Minions want to do is eat Dawn. Buffy, meanwhile, is beating Harmony's location out of Spike (and enjoying herself way much) and arrives just in time to rescue Dawn from the Minions who have mutinied against Harmony. Harmony escapes and Buffy gets Dawn home before Joyce gets home. And, despite copious threats to the contrary, Buffy doesn't tattle on Dawn.
The closing scene is of Giles, Dawn and Buffy in the magic shop which Giles has decided to buy. Giles thinks that it'll be a snap because, really it's like being a librarian anyway "except people pay for the things they don't return". When Buffy and Giles go check out the back room to see if it's suitable for training Dawn takes the opportunity to update her diary. And, despite Buffy returning several times to tell Dawn not to break anything, touch anything, or even move, manages to jot down that Buffy thinks she's just a dumb kid, and boy is she in for a surprise.
Handy-Dandy Relations Cross Reference Chart
| Dawn thinks... | But they think Dawn... |
| Buffy-sucks having a big sister that you can't possibly live up to. | doesn't appreciate a "normal" life. |
| Willow-super cool for liking school so much and being into witchcraft. | is Buffy's kid sister and therefore loveable. |
| Xander-major crush. | is Buffy's kid sister and therefore loveable. |
| Riley-patronizing jerk and if he calls her kid again she'll knee cap him | is Buffy's kid sister and therefore his little sister and on the patronizing list |
| Anya-an idiot and not worthy of Xander. | is to be tolerated because Xander and Buffy would be upset if she killed the little brat. |
| Tara-just like she is, not quiet a full member of the Scoobs and is cool for being into witchcraft. | is just like she is, not quiet a full member of the Scoobs. |
| Giles-probably was around for T-Rex (and not the rock group). | is another unfathomable American teenaged girl to try to figure out (and he has such a good track record so far). |
Random Quotes
Dawn: (to Joyce and Buffy about buying back to school stuff at the magic shop) Yeah, Mom, it's not like I'm going to Hogwarts. Hehe, get it? (to Buffy) Genius, crack a book sometime.
Dawn: (to her diary about Willow and Tara doing witchcraft) I told mom one time I wished they'd teach me some of the stuff they do together. And she got real quiet. And made me go upstairs. I guess her generation isn't cool with witchcraft.
Giles: Bet the death rate keeps the rent down.
Brad the Minion: I had to get her something, she sired me.
Other Minion: Sirewhipped.
Buffy: (to Riley) Thank you logic boy. Did I mention this is a rant? Sense really has no place in it.
Anya: Crap. Now I'm burdened with a husband, several pink
children, more money than I can reasonably manage.
Xander: That means you're winning.
Anya: Really!?
Xander: Yes, cash equals good.
Anya: I'm so pleased. Can I trade in the children for more money?
Buffy: Well, aside from the fact that magic shop owners have the life expectancy of a Spinal Trap drummer?
Buffy: How bored where you last year?
Giles: I watched Passions with Spike. Let us never speak of
it.
Random Notes:
Bonus Buffy Bits: The Theory of Cheese Part II (aka There's a Thesis in
Here Somewhere)
To recap. Processed American Cheddar cheese slices represent society's
rules and conventions, particularly mainstream America's as this is who the show
is geared for. Willow sees the "cheese" as orderly and patterned
but sees herself as more and more outside of the "cheese".
Xander sees the "cheese" as always having failed him even when he
tried to follow it. Giles sees the "cheese" as something he was
followed blindly but is now willing to use it to accomplish the greater good. And Buffy acknowledges the
"cheese" but, as Slayer, she really has no time for it if she's to do
her job. With me here?
So, what about the rest? We'll keep the cheese analogy but we'll broaden it a bit. As the Scoobies are so linked they, of course, used the same cheese. However,
Riley: Unlike the Scoobies Riley is sliced Cheddar cheese rather than Cheddar cheese slices. Although he and the Scoobs have much the same agenda for Riley the "cheese" is sharper and tangier, more real and immediate to him. And although his "cheese" doesn't melt as easily it does crumble under pressure.
Anya: Like Swiss cheese Anya's "cheese" is always suspect (well to me anyway). The holes suggest a lack of content while the sharp flavour isn't to everyone's taste.
Tara: Tara is processed Mozzarella cheese slices. Her "cheese" looks like the Scoobs, even tastes a bit like the Scoobs and has a similar texture, but it is still subtly different.
Dawn: As noted above, curds. The thing about curds is that they're really nothing yet (except when added to fries with gravy but that's another story). And, depending on which process is used, almost any kind of "cheese" can come from them.
Jonathan: (Didn't think I'd forget him, eh?) CheeseWhiz. End of theory.