by maven

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: ER belongs to NBC and their lackeys.  Grease belongs to some big movie studio.  It's a parody so I can't really say no disrespect.  But please believe that any disrespect was inspired by a sincere respect for ER and Grease, right up until the point where Danny took off the letter sweater.

SUBTEXT and VIOLENCE DISCLAIMER: Yes, maintext.  No.

CONTINUITY DISCLAIMER: For ER up until Witch Hunt.  For Grease the whole thing.

EXPLANATION AND FURTHER DISCLAIMERS:  S. Bowers for being such a good writer that she got me hooked on characters to the point where I actually watch the show.  Again.  Also, I always knew, with that scary sense of predestination, that there would be a Grease parody in my future.  I just thought it would be Xena or Buffy.  On the bright side its short, only butchers three songs and doesn’t start with Kerry being dragged by a horse.  Lesbian Uniform #16 copyright Hilliard from Where To Next? part 3.
 

FEEDBACK, COMMENT AND FLAMES: Email at maven369@sympatico.ca

The scene opens in the Emergency Department of Chicago's County Hospital.  A group of women are clustered around Kerry at the admit desk while a group of men are around Kim in the lounge.  They're chatting and the volume rises until individual words become clear with both groups are asking for the latest romantic scoop.  Being a fanfic parody, song breaks out with the editor madly splicing film to jump from one group to the other.

Kim:  Summer loving had me a blast
Kerry: Summer loving happened so fast
Kim:  I met a girl crazy for me
Kerry: Met a gr-BOY cute as can be
Both:  Chaotic days drifting away to oh oh the summer nights

Boys:  Tell me more, tell me more
Dave:  Was there hot monkey sex?
Girls: Tell me more, tell me more
Abby:  D'ya haveta worry about an ex?

Kim:  She kept calling me down to her floor
Kerry: Sh-HE kept coming to my office door
Kim:  I thought she was attracted to me
Kerry: I didn't think sh-HE was flirting with me
Both:  Chicago sun something's begun but oh oh the Chi-town nights

Girls: Tell me more, tell me more
Abby:  Like why your pronouns mix?
Boys:  Tell me more, tell me more
Dave:  Can we get back to the sex?

Kim:  Thanksgiving night took her to a nice place
Kerry: We laughed so much it hurt my face
Kim:  That's when she told me that she was straight
Kerry: I found out sh-HE thought it was a date
Both:  Autumn fling don't mean a thing but oh oh the autumn nights

Boys:  Tell me more, tell me more
John:  She sounds like a closet case
Girls: Tell me more, tell me more
Abby:  ‘cause something about it is outa place

Kerry: At Magoos I grabbed her-HIS hand
Kim:  And she told she wanted more than a friend
Kerry: And so we talked into the night
Kim:  Just talking until morning light
Both:  With heat two doctors meet but oh oh the winter nights

Girls: Tell me more, tell me more
Randi:  'cause sh-HE sounds like a catch
Boys:  Tell me more, tell me more
Dave:  And maybe I could watch?

Kerry: Then Romano freaked and it all went to hell
Kim:  So much for being Xena to her Gabrielle
Kerry: And off she stormed after a huge fight
Both:  Wonder what she's doing tonight
Both:  Summer dreams ripped at the seams but oh those summer nights
All:  Tell me more, tell me more

The two groups meet in the corridor, equidistant from the lounge and the admit desk.  There is a pregnant pause.

Kerry: Kim.
Kim:  Kerry.
All:  Ohhhhhhh!

SFX:   ambulance siren and everyone's pager going off.

Kerry:  Okay, people, multiple GSW, BKW, SJW, BLTW.  Move, move, move and Malucci, stop goofing around.

Malucci:  But Chief, I wasn't!

Kerry:  Then save it until next time you are and I'm not around.  Let's go!

Later, after multiple shots of gory gunshot wounds, big knife wounds, small jack-knife wounds and one bacon-lettuce and tomato sandwich lunch…

Elizabeth: (pushing a gurney toward the surgery elevators)  Abby, I need some help here.

Abby: Not me, I’ve dropped out of school.  You need a real doctor.

Elizabeth: God, Abby, I really don’t have the time, energy, patience or temperment for this.  (breaks into song)

Elizabeth: Med school drop out, afraid to committ
Elizabeth: Med school drop out, success - scared of it?
Elizabeth: Can’t even decide between Luka and John
Elizabeth: So terrified of becoming your mom.

Elizabeth: Med school drop out, now just a nurse
Elizabeth: Med school drop out, can it get any worse?
Elizabeth: Won't take Luka’s money 'cause it makes you a whore
Elizabeth: Med school drop out, listen there's more

Elizabeth: Med school drop out, with a dead beat ex
Elizabeth: At least with Luka there's hot monkey sex
Elizabeth: But your feelings for Carter, you cannot deny
Elizabeth: Maybe you should dump them both and give Randi a try

Elizabeth: Now count your blessings and not your fears
Elizabeth: You’re not juggling kid, mad husband and career
Elizabeth: All things considered, it’s my life that’s shit
Elizabeth: Med school drop out, get over it!

Elevator doors close on Elizabeth leaving Abby staring thoughtfully.  She turns and heads to the crowd at admit.

Meanwhile, in the lounge, Kerry stares into her open locker.

Kerry: Damnit, what the hell am I so uptight about?  Its nothing really groundbreaking.  Its almost chic.  So what if I have to learn some jargon and jokes?  Kim’s worth it.

Meanwhile, Kim exits from another elevator.

Kim: Damnit, what the hell am I so mad about?  So she needs more time.  I can do the closet.  All I need is some sexually non-threatening guy to act as a buffer to deflect attention.  (raises voice)  Anyone seen Doctor Carter?
All:  Trauma Two.

Kerry exits the lounge dressed in Lesbian Uniform #16 with Optional Flannel Shirt (as nothing says lesbian like flannel).  She marches up to Abby, grabs her by the ears and pulls her down into a passionate kiss.  Kim and John turn the corner to see Kerry kissing Abby.

SFX:  jaws hitting floor

John:  (whining) I’m not going to get any, am I?
Kim:  No, John.  Yet again you’re totally unnecessary.
Abby:  Luka.  Hotel.  Now.  And bring your chequebook.
Luka:  Bu…
Abby:  And don’t talk.

Kim tosses her blazer and clipboard behind the admit desk and pulls on Kerry’s flannel shirt.

Kim:   You’re sure?
Kerry: (kisses Kim)
Kim:  I’ll just take that as a yes.
Kerry: Yes.  Last song?
Kim:  (grins)

Kim:   I got fears they're multiplying
Kim:  And I lost all sense o' control
Kim:   'Cause the love you've been denying
Kim:   It's been terrifying!

Kerry: You better listen up 'cause I don't need a man
Kerry: And my heart is set on you
Kerry: You better listen up, you better understand
Kerry: That my heart belongs to you

Both:  You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
Both:  You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
Both:  You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
Both:  The one that I need oh yes indeed

Kim:  If you're afraid and there's hesitation
Kim:  You're too scared to come out
Kim:  Just reach in my direction
Kim:  And I'll calm your doubt

Kerry: I better shape up, cause you need someone (I need someone)
Kerry: That's open and can walk by your side
Kerry: I better shape up, if I'm gonna prove (you better prove)
Kerry: That your trust is justified
Kim:  Are you sure?
Kerry: Yes I'm sure deep down inside

Both:  You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
Both:  You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
Both:  You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
Both:  The one that I need oh yes indeed
repeat ad nauseum

the end
thank god.  Now, may the voices be silent please?

URL: www.oocities.org/maven369/in/gr1.html
Main Page: www.oocities.org/maven369
Email at maven369@sympatico.ca