by maven

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: The Jenna Krayg stories utilize characters which are copyright © by Universal / Renaissance. No infringement is intended.  They take place in a setting designed by the FGN for online role game playing.

SUBTEXT and VIOLENCE DISCLAIMER: Subtext only.  Very sub.  Very text.

EXPLANATION AND FURTHER DISCLAIMERS:  I like my roleplaying characters to have a past, not be born full grown from Zeus' forehead.  This is post was written when then Counselor Krayg was offered the First Officer's position.  The title, by the way, sucks and I'll try to come up with a better one.

FEEDBACK, COMMENT AND FLAMES: Email at maven369@sympatico.ca

Jenna, with more annoyance than force, flipped the PADD into the couch across from her chair and sighed. She had been looking over the report of the Tactical Head of Gamma shift for the past 15 minutes and could not recall their name, let alone gender or species. It was time for a break.

~The kicker is, if I take this job I'm going to end up the Counselor and Tactical Department reviews again with the FO hat on.~

"Computer, locate Chief Karn. And his status?"

<<Chief Karn is currently in his quarters. He is alone and awake.<<

"Chief Karn, my compliments and could I trouble you to baby-sit Bol for me? Take him for his evening walk and all?"

=/\=Yes. I will retrieve him immediately.=/\=

"Soon is good enough. You have a key," Jenna said.

=/\=I have a key? Oh, I understand. Thank you, sir. You honour me with your trust.=/\=

"Nonsense. Just practical. Krayg out," Jenna said, pausing to let the computer comply before making her second request.

"Computer, is there a holosuite or deck available from this time until 0800 tomorrow?"

<<There are three holosuites and no holodecks available meeting that criteria.<<

"Fine," Jenna said, scooping up her personal PADD and heading for the door. "Reserve the nearest and give me the location."

(SB968 - Holosuite 59 - COUNS Lt.(jg) Jenna Krayg - Stardate 2404.01.16 1920 hours)

Jenna paused at the arch, resting her PADD against the interface so that the computer access it.

"Computer. Download Krayg-Alpha-Two. Remove all standard protocols and implement program protocols. Authorisation Krayg-Alpha-Alpha-Blue-Gamma."

<<Acknowledged. Program downloaded. Safety protocols modified. Exit protocols modified. Warning. Serious injury could result from holosuite use under current configuration.<<

Jenna nodded to herself.

"I acknowledge the warning, computer.  Run program."

Caleb Five was a pristine planet - a jewel that the Federation had found, protected and cherished. It was a class M planet where the necessary coincidences of nature hadn't occurred and sentient life, indeed most invertebrate life, just hadn't happened. When found in the early 2300s it had been a lush planet of jungles and forests with the occasional smallish desert. Politicians had earmarked it for colonisation, activists had ensured that the chosen colonists were low tech oriented and Starfleet had requested, and received, the southern forest covered continent for survival and science team training.

It was, Jenna thought, a beautiful, starry night. The holodeck program had picked a moonless night and even the smallest of magnitude stars now were visible to the naked eye. The clearing was about 10 meters across, a neatly set up camp with a handy log to sit on so that the fire could be studied in relative comfort. All that was missing was a few marshmallows and-

"Nice night."

"Thanks, made it myself," Jenna said. She didn't bother to look up, waiting patiently until she felt the other settle onto the ground beside her, using the log as a backrest.

"This is kinda sick, Jen."

"Maybe."

"And illegal. Using a real person's medical and psychological profiles to create a holographic replica is a big Feddie no-no."

"You're dead. Doesn't count."

"Not very communicative, are we, Jen?" Rachel asked.

Jenna smiled as she felt the other's shoulder bump her knee. "Nope," she drawled.

"I sense a smile there, Krayg." The silence stretched. Finally Rachel broke it. "Wanna talk about it?"

"What?"

"About why you ran this program today. You've run it fifteen times immediately after creating it in your second year at Medical. You ran it once when you lost that suicidal patient. You ran it once when your cousin Louis was killed. And you ran it today."

The holographic Rachel leaned back, pulling a marshmallow from a bag beside her and spearing it with a stick.

"We got all night," she said, handing the stick to Jenna.

Jenna nodded, holding the stick lightly and turning it slowly in the flames.

"Captain Itano," Jenna said, pausing until Rachel nodded to indicate she knew who Itano was, "has asked me to be his exec."

Rachel whistled, twisting to look up at Jenna. Who was staring at the flames of the fire.

"Thrax?" Rachel asked.

"Getting his own command. Guess someone liked how he handled himself during the invasion. Or the Fearless at Wolf."

Rachel gingerly pulled the toasted marshmallow from the skewer, handing it up to Jenna.

"And we are here... why?" Rachel prompted as the silence stretched.

"Because I don't know what to tell him."

Rachel started another marshmallow. "Your choices are pretty limited to either 'yes' or 'yes, but'."

"You are such a help," Jenna said. "And what about no?"

"Listen, I know you. You were born and raised Starfleet. You want to say yes. Gods, you are genetically programmed to say yes. What you can't decide is if you want to say 'yes but that's it; I don't want my own command' and be like your mom's exec Singh or..."

"Or what?"

"Or if you want to say 'yes, this is good experience for my own command'."

Silence stretched as Jenna twirled the marshmallow stick around in her fingers.

"Yeah, I guess that sums it up," Jenna said finally.

"Or, to put it another way, do you want to continue as a subordinate versus being the one calling the shots?"

Suspiciously Jenna stared at Rachel, not noticing the small whoosh as the marshmallow ignited.

"Or, to put it yet another way, do you want to continue to hide or do you once again want to have the power of life and death over your friends? I mean, that's what it boils down to. You always gotta kick out of being in charge. The command rush. And face it, your ordering me back there was the apex of that. If you can do that you can do anything. So what's the big problem?"

Jenna jumped to her feet, turning her back on the fire and her friend. "End program!"

"Doesn't work. Remember? Although you have tried it five times now."

Jenna bowed her head, waiting for her breathing and heart to settle. The other stood slowly, moving closer to put a hand onto Jenna's shoulder. Jenna sighed, still refusing to meet her eyes but not shrugging the hand away.

"You never pulled any punches, did you?" Jenna mumbled to the ground.

"I am exactly how you remember me. Which is not the same as being exactly as I was, mind you."

"It wasn't like that. You know that."

"You did what you had to do to protect the civilians and complete the mission. If we'd all finished our training, if there'd been an officer there, if a hundred different things had happened you still wouldn't be beating yourself seven years later."

"Do you forgive... I mean... do you think...?"

Rachel put her hand under Jenna's chin, lifting so that Jenna was forced to look at her fully.

"I can't do that. She can't either. Only you."

"I don't remember you being this wise," Jenna said, a ghost of a smile tweaking one corner of her mouth.

"Well, I am about, oh, 17 hours older and wiser."

The smile grew and Rachel pulled her into a hug that lasted a peaceful timeless moment.

"Listen, Jen, you gonna do this?"

Jenna pulled away slightly, "Yeah, I think I am."

"Then do it right. Don't dwell on the past; just accept it and learn from it."

"Yes, ma'am. Anything else?"

"Yeah, have another marshmallow. We got a full bag, all night and you still haven't told me about what really happened in that Academy Engineering simulation."

"'Kay," Jenna agreed, sitting back down with Rachel sprawled out, back propped up against Jenna's knees and the log.

"But, honestly, it wasn't my fault."

The End

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