This week I wish to talk about the disease that is eating away at the music industry. Record companies can only see dollar signs, music fans with no taste somehow see good music, and I see a load of crap. I'm talking about the plague of manufactured bands. Now first of all, not all manufactured bands are crap. I make an exception for Destiny's Child because they actually have talent and S Club 7 because they like Oasis and they aren't taking away sales from good bands. Let's start this little topic off with the queen of no talent herself: Britney Spears. Why nobody has discovered that she sucks yet is beyond me. The girl has no voice, it is digitally enhanced in the studio. This is why she doesn't sing live, because she can't sing period. I will give credit where credit is due and that is to the marketers. Without them she would just be another waitress in a Southern diner who the regualrs try to get a cleavage peak of. To go with her lack of a voice Britney not only can't write her own songs or play an instrument but the song writers she has write the same songs over again. Yes, every song is about the same thing. Listen to the words. The fact that she covered the Rolling Stones song Satisfaction is an absolute disgrace. I can see in the future, or even the present, parents asking their kids "do you know who wrote the song Satisfaction?" and their ignorant kids replying "Britney Spears." If anybody said that to me I would shove a Britney Spears cd up their ass and see if they are getting any satisfaction from that. Britney Spears can't write her own name, nevermind a song. And let's not kid ourselves here, cause the people buying these records aren't little kids, they are middle aged pathetic men who order them from the internet to get some of the juicy booklet pics. Buy a damn porno for christ sakes and stop supportting this. With each passing month Britney sheds more clothes to draw attention to herself and sell her albums cause darn, somebody that is that hot must be able to sing pretty good songs. Please! I wish this pattern would speed up a little so Britney can reach her final destination: overstaying her welcome in the porn industry. You all know we're gonna see those titties within the next year or so.That will be a future poll by the way, I may even start a pool on it.
Moving on to what a friend of mine calls "the Backdoor boys." These guys in my opinion have to be gay. C'mon you don't see them rumoured to be going out with Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson and there is too much dancing around half naked with each other in their videos. Don't they know that shitty band's videos have to have hot ladies in them in order to generate any kind of interest outside 10 year old girls. These guys have had four albums in four years, not including christmas albums. They are obviously milking their fame while they've got it. Haven't we gone this root before with New Kid's On the Block, we know how this story is going to end. Obviously they know it too.
Finally, and I'm talking finally cause I could go on for too long, not because these are the last culprits, we come to my absolutely most hated group in the world: N Sync. Besides for the obvious shitty qualities that they possess and Justin's pre-puberty voice that hasn't cracked yet, these guys jjust really eat away at me. Why can't they learn to play an instrument? Even a harmonica, just give me a damn harmonica. Some maracas, anything. A kazoo. Do you lack that much talent that it's to much to ask for a kazoo? I think we know the answer to that one. This band's popularity unfortunately stems outside of the normal realms of teenage girls. I work with a guy in his mid to late twenties who actually worships these guys. He has met them. He is in an NSync cover band. He tours from mall to mall to the sounds of screaming 12 year olds. Why is it that people decide to form a cover band of a band that already sings songs they didn't write. Its a double evil. Now here is the problem with these bands. By buying this crap served to you by money hungry music execs, you are allowing the music industry to use money that would otherwise go into developing talented rock bands, for such evils as promoting these crappy bands. Buying radio airplay, video airplay, Rolling Stone cover stories, and choice concert venues. Rolling Stone has gone from the bible of music magazines to the satanic verses. Give Britney a good review and she'll show some skin on our November issue. In this political game that has become the music industry there is only one deciding factor: the fans. Unfortunately most music fans don't seem to appreciate real music or real talent anymore. Sadly, once Britney and NSync are gone there is bound to be another wave of garbage to follow. Only we can fight the war on this crap. So let's do it. By: Mavis |