| Knock Knock: Jehovah's Witnesses |
| There's an organization in the world that feeds off of one of mankind's most deadly weaknesses. Okay, that was a broad statement... there are in fact a lot of organizations that do this. Gun manufacturers, casinos, fast food restaurants, law enforcement agencies, strip clubs, the Republican party, to name a few. And I love casinos! So let me narrow the definition of this particular organization: they branched from a more confining organization and altered all of their rules so that they became their own organization, headstrong in unfounded beliefs. They spread paperbound propaganda to brainwash unsuspecting victims with a door-to-door campaign. That narrows it down to the Republicans, but I'm not talking about them (this time). In fact, the organization I'm talking about needs no introduction. They're the Jehovah's Witnesses. If they needed no introduction, why did I spend a paragraph introducing them? Eh, whatever, on with the rant. The Jehovah's witnesses are a "splinter group," if you will, that broke away from the Christian Faith in 1872, when Charles Taze Russell decided the whole aspect of "Hell" was too much to cope with. From day one, the Jehovah's Witnesses have been viewed as a cult by mainstream religious groups and most governments. It might have something to do with their fanatical beliefs. For instance, in the beginning, Russell claimed that the Bible, a book that had been around since about 700 BC, could only be interpreted by him. Seeing that he controlled every aspect of the "Watchtower" publishing, many people considered him mad. Because the Jehovah's Witnesses refuse to be listed as a religion, they have forever since been known to the world as a Cult, not a religious group. Their insane beliefs in the bible are a "testament" (chuckle people) to this popular label. Let's explore them a bit deeper and see why everyone, including me, thinks they're so dog gone psycho. They kick you out. Imagine that. You can be a crack addict who hasn't been to church in thirty years, but Catholics take you back... they even try to help you! But the Jehovah's Witnesses? If you foul up ONCE, just one little itty bitty time, you're out like trout. Christ was a love-lovin' guy (fun didn't work there). He loved everyone. So if you had sex or got wasted, wouldn't he try to be understanding? Well, he sure isn't according to the Jehovah's Witnesses. They call the act of giving someone the boot a "Disfellowship." Sound cult-like? Remind you of a cult scenario? It should, because the infamous Jim Jones, of the Jonestown massacre, called kicking people out the same thing. And this is just the icing on the cake. In terms of the bible, there's a lot they misinterpret. Like, for instance, Jesus' crucifixion. The Jehovah's Witnesses claim that Jesus wasn't crucified, but rather impaled, or in the very least pinned to a stick, and no crosses were harmed in the making of this bible. I seem to know a whole lot about the Romans... their history is one of the most intriguing of any ancient civilization. Crucifying someone, on a cross no less, was the Roman's favourite method of execution... either that or tossing someone in a bag with a dog and a rooster and then throwing them into a river (they don't attack the criminal, but instead claw him to death as they try to escape the bag). Anyway, they never impaled anyone, nor did they tie/ pin/ staple anyone to a stick, rod, or anything other than a cross. We know this as a fact, because we have a whole lot of archeological artifacts and old Roman documents to back it up. So why would the Romans want to kill Jesus with some radical new method? They didn't care if Jesus lived or died... it was the Jews that wanted him dead... the Roman's only killed him to avoid a riot. It's funny how they ignore scientific fact and proclaim something happened in an impossible way, isn't it? The Jehovah's Witnesses also denounce the existence of Hell. They think that when you die, you live on Paradise Earth... unless you get kicked out of their organization. They also have a special class of people that are "Annointed" who get to go to heaven. But more specifically, let's talk about Paradise Earth. According to the Jehovah's Witnesses, when you die and you're just a normal Jehovah's Witness, you go into a "deep sleep" until the day of Paradise Earth comes. You then get Ressurected and get to spend the rest of eternity in paradise, right here on earth. Problem is, the Jehovah's Witnesses fail to realize that the Earth won't be here for all of eternity. In about 3 billion years the sun will start to fade, and eventually, in about 13 billion years, it will experience a supernova. The ressurected Jehovah's Witnesses will get to watch a really cool light show for a few years, until the sun fizzles away, the gravitational orbit for all of us planets is lost, and earth will go smashing into another planet. Fun, huh? At best we'll become a satellite of Jupiter, and we'll orbit Jupiter as one of it's several moons until Jupiter floats into another Solar System. But the popular theory about the sun dying is that Earth will simply fall apart... so when that happens, and there's no more paradise earth, do you at least get to stay on a paradise chunk? In all seriousness folks, the Jehovah's witnesses really are an evil cult. They refuse to get blood transfusions, even if they're life-saving, because some guy in 1872 say's so. There are THOUSANDS of documented medical examples of people who refused blood treatment because they were a Jehovah's Witness, and died as a result. Saddest of all, there are several hundred examples in the United States alone of Jehovah's Witnesses allowing their children to DIE over a blood transfusion... all because that Russell guy said it's wrong to do. SEVERAL HUNDRED CHILDREN... tikes, toddlers, infants, babies, KIDS. In some instances the United States Government has charged Jehovah's Witnesses with homicide. That's right, murder ladies and gentlemen. Because the Department of Health and the Department of Social Services are not allowed to retain rules binding of religious beliefs in the event that a minor's life is in danger. And if it were up to me, they'd get the electric chair, or firing squad, or lethal injection... better yet, do all three at the same time. It's hard to trust an organization whose anti-abortion but oh-so-willing to WATCH A CHILD DIE. In the mid-1980's the FBI (Federal Bureau of Investigation if you somehow don't know that already) launched a massive six year investigation into the happenings of the Jehovah's Witnesses. The charges of infantcide and brainwashing finally had caught up with them. The FBI tried and imprisoned at least three dozen Jehovah's Witnesses in regards to the big brainwashing fad of the 1980's. The conclusions filed in their report is that the Jehovah's witnesses as an organization could not be charged with brainwashing or conspiracy to murder... but they've had their eyes on them since, and the United States Government, along with British Parliament and the Vatican, have ruled in the Supreme Court in 1989 that the Jehovah's Witnesses are, by definition, a cult. They were formed by a certified insane man and use propaganda tactics to recruit, rather than having open doors to the public. And the knocking on doors get's annoying, too. The next time one of these people comes by your house to annoy you with Jesus talk, just punch them in the face three times. Once for you, once for me, and once for all of the innocent children that have died in the name of a makebelieve religion created by a guy whose name we all know. If we know his name, it's a cult. -Matt Rock |
| October 1, 2004 |
 |