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January 1994

Jan 1 - Jan 3 - Jan 6 - Jan 10 - Jan 14 - Jan 18 - Jan 30

January 1, 1994

For some reason I had killed someone, or maybe two people. Why I did it, I'm not sure, but I know I was pretty mad about something, like how you get when someone hurts someone you love more than anything - that kind of mad. I know that I probably used an ax to chop at the person's head, and this is what killed him. I don't know who it was, or any details about the actual murder itself, just that I had killed someone with an ax and after it was done, I completely regretted it and knew I was in big trouble. I knew that the law was going to come after me and put me in prison and possibly give me the death sentence. This scared the shit out of me and instead of giving in to a life in prison or being put to death, I decided without hesitation to kill myself. There was no way I was going to have Sarah and the rest of my family visit me in prison. I had to die, and having made the decision really wasn't that hard. I wanted to shoot myself in the head with a gun, not stab myself or anything like that, it had to be a gun, and it had to be by my own hand, because that way I would see it coming, like getting a shot at the doctor's office - I have to look. I remember grabbing an ax, perhaps the murder weapon, and whacking myself in my skull on the left side of my head above the temple about three times to try to kill myself. This didn't kill me and it really didn't hurt because I was in a dream, but I never considered why it didn't hurt, I just kind of accepted it. Seeing that this wasn't going to kill me, I stopped, but I know that where I had hit my head with the ax, my skull was chopped and bloody, and throughout the dream I tried to tilt that part of my head away from people I was talking to so they wouldn't notice the damage. I was in a house and I think it was Spanky and Edna's house, although it looked nothing like Spanky and Edna's house. I remember talking with Spanky and asking him if he had a gun. I don't recall his response, but I knew for some reason that he had one and that it was in a hall-like closet which was at the end of a hallway, maybe just inside someone's bedroom. The gun was in there and the next thing I knew, I had it in my hand. It kind of looked like the gun you use for a video game where you aim at a screen and shoot the bad guys, only the barrel was larger. It had a plastic edge protruding from the top, surrounding the upper part and side of the barrel. I think there may have also been about three holes for bullets to come out of. I stuck the barrel of the gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. I felt wisps of air pass around my head and it either meant that the gun had no bullets and just air came out, or again, bullets did come out and it didn't kill me or hurt me. Still, I felt like it had made holes in my head and I suppose there was some kind of mess because I also tried to hide this damage from people in this dream as I talked to them. After doing this with the gun, I stayed in the back room and looking out into the hallway, it reminded me of Ragu Larlyís mom's house. The body I had killed was out there in the kitchen part of the house. Suddenly Jethro was there, and he let me know that the authorities were on their way to investigate the murder. He cried as they came, as if in worry for what might happen to me, but he had to tell them that I was in the back room because you can't really lie to the authorities now can you? I remember seeing one man out by the kitchen down the hallway and I may have even seen the legs of the dead body as they protruded from around the corner of the hallway from the kitchen. The man standing and looking at the corpse was a large fellow, not resembling anyone I know. I also have no idea who it was that I killed. The standing man said something like, "Would you mind coming out here sir to discuss this body?" I was going to do that, cautiously of course, but then I saw someone who was wearing what looked like a police uniform and that's when I knew I had to get out of there. Instead of coming out of the back bedroom, I quickly escaped out a back window and outside. I don't think anyone saw me go so I knew I had some time to gain some ground. The first thing I came to was a stream that ran beside some woods on the outside of the house, and I immediately began running through it, thinking that if the cops brought dogs after me then they wouldn't be able to find my scent. As I ran through the stream, which was only inches deep and hard to get through because the woods overlapped it, I thought of how the dogs would still probably find me because if I stepped out of the water downstream they would just sniff the ground where my foot had stepped out and would be able to track me that way. Later I think I may have had found a larger stream or river and was running through that, feeling better about my chances of not getting caught. The next thing I remember is being inside a building and going down some steps to a basement-like setting. There were lots of tools, hardware and perhaps automobile parts crammed on to many shelves that filled this basement. I was walking around this area, running into people and I was worried they would know I was wanted by the police and call them, but everybody acted like me being there was nothing unusual. Finally I walked around a corner and saw Braxton Pope, Lisa's uncle, working in a little workshop. He was surrounded by tools and all the other stuff you would envision a mechanic to be surrounded by. He was standing at a workbench and I remember the lighting to be like there were light bulbs only, no daylight, which is what it would be like in an underground basement. He looked up from what he was doing, working on something on the bench but I don't know what, and he smiled at me and said, "Hi." Apparently there was something he had given me, or I had bought from him, or something like that earlier in the dream, but I can't remember that at all. He inquired about the thing he had fixed/given/sold me earlier and I guess he thought I came there to get it fixed. This was where he worked and all the other people I had encountered there were employed there as well. We talked about some stuff but I can't remember what, but I do recall asking him if he had a gun. I was kind of surprised that he didn't ask what it was for, and he showed me the only gun he had, which sort of looked like a cross between a stapler and a gun, with a big, half-dollar sized opening in the front with a metal wrap around the barrel that started about halfway up its length. It may have had a cord at the grip, like it was an electric tool. It was supposed to be a nail gun, although it didn't look like one. I didn't waste any time and stuck the barrel in my mouth and pulled the trigger, but again, no pain or death, and I can't remember if it was because the thing wasn't loaded or what. The next thing I remember is being outside of this building with some people, and Ron was one of them. I had acquired a 25mm handgun from someone, I don't know who, and I was sure this time that I was definitely going to die because the gun was loaded and I knew it was a large enough caliber to kill me. The building was tall, maybe had large aluminum shingles on its sides, and as I looked at it there were railroad tracks, or a small town or something beyond it. Ron, myself and some other people were gathered outside here. I turned around, facing away from the building, and saw a shack about ten feet high and wide, with a large metal shingled sliding door on it that was slid halfway open. In front of the shack were railroad tracks, maybe just five feet away from the shed, and I'm sure I remember seeing little tufts of grass and weeds sprouting up in between the railroad ties. Behind the shed were dark woods. I told Ron that I was going to that shed to kill myself. He said he wanted to come with me but I told him to stay, that he wouldn't want to watch me do what I was going to do. I walked away from everybody, gun in hand, and went inside the shed. There was a bench inside and I sat on it, near the left wall so I couldn't really see outside because the sliding door was in front of me. The next thing I knew was that Ron and the other people that were with him came inside the shed also to be with me. They didn't act like I was going to kill myself or anything. They simply talked and laughed among themselves as they crowded next to me on the bench. I remember the gun going off once and a bullet grazed my leg, shedding a hole in my right pant leg just above the knee. This gave me assurance that this gun would definitely do the trick. As these people conversed around me, I put the handgun to my left temple and pulled the trigger. Again there was the feeling of air rushing through my head and little or no pain, but it was different this time because I knew that the gun had definitely put a hole in my head and I was going to die. To make sure, I stuck the barrel in my mouth and pulled the trigger, knowing I couldn't possibly survive two direct shots to my head. I think I may have been aware of what was going on around me in that shack for just a few seconds. Then the dream was over and I woke up.

January 3, 1994

Bob and Charles were involved with a guy who owned a van of some sort. I'm not sure of all the details, but I remember seeing the van in a city, the downtown area, and it could have been Puyallup, but I don't think so. There was a curb and along it were parking meters and beyond this was the busy street and city. There was a guy that owned a van that I could see from the curb. He was a big man, about six foot ten, and for some reason he had handcuffed Bob and Charles, maybe to kidnap them and take them away in his van, but I'm not sure. Someone was talking to Charles, probably Bob, about how you could get out of your handcuffs, or how to avoid having them put on so tight. I saw a pair of hands, which could have been Charles', and they were bent over backwards at the wrist, and they had handcuffs on. Bob explained that if you bent your wrists back like this when the handcuffs were put on then they would slip off or not be so tight. He proved his point because a pair of handcuffs were on Charles and his wrists were bent back and the cuffs were barely on, looking as though they might just slide off. It was weird, like this big guy, Bob and Charles went to court later, although I don't remember seeing an actual courtroom. I just knew that Bob and Charles explained to a judge or jury or someone about this guy and his van. They said that the van had it's tires up on the curb and as if this was a bad thing, the guy said, "No I didn't" but Bob and Charles laughed and said "Oh yes you did!" I then saw how the van's tires were, teetering on the edge of the curb and there was a two by four between the tires and the curb as it was on, almost off the curb.
I was with Cindy Breck at a motorcycle race track, along with some other people that I can't remember. She said some remark to someone there, like she had something to prove, so she hopped on a motorcycle and spun out. She was on some asphalt or maybe part of the track, did a one-eighty as the back tire burned out on the pavement, then she was off. I could see her traveling along the track as if it were me driving, and the scene kind of looked like a video game, Pole Position or something like that. There were a few turns that I thought Cindy wouldn't make because she was going so fast, passing everyone else up that was also on the track driving motorcycles. She made the turn, which wasn't as sharp as I thought it was. I remember seeing white, broken stripes on the black pavement as she raced along, looking more and more like a video game as she continued to drive along the four-lane, windy, up and down course.

January 6, 1994

I vaguely remember being in a house by a lake or some other body of water. I recall seeing the outside left of the house, and about halfway along the length of the house was a sliding glass door that I either opened, or walked through, or just looked at. I remember a dock with maybe a short fence dividing it from the house and the lake beyond, but not much else of the outside. I think there was a cement patio on this side of the house also. I'm pretty sure I was on the inside of the house, just on the other side of the glass doors. There were some steps leading up along the wall by the glass doors which kind of reminded me of the steps inside Lisa's mom and dad's trailer. These ran along a short hallway which led to another part of the house, maybe a kitchen or something.
I was with some people, I can't remember who, but I'm pretty sure that Gerry was one of them. We were climbing up a mountain or some other type of steep incline. I'm not sure what we were climbing to but I remember the climb being exhausting. There was supposed to be another part of the climb further up the slope that was supposed to be much harder and it had a specific name, but I can't remember what it was. When we came to it, I saw that it was indeed steeper than what we had already climbed, perhaps a seventy-degree angle. There was a ledge we were standing on as we looked up, and there were several slopes and they were all covered with what appeared to be a thin blue foam cushioning, like the kind you find inside the chairs in our dining room. This foam covered the entire ground of these slopes, and there were different slopes we could have climbed to get to the top, but they were all equally as steep. The foam had dimples in it about every few feet or so, looking like they were held down at those spots in some way or another. It reminded me of the city dump when they cover the landfill with tarps and tires. Anyway, this part of the climb was supposed to be real hard but I began running up the slope without any problem. I guess I was rested enough so it didn't really bother me, and I'm sure I left everyone else behind. Eventually we all reached the top and when we did, there was someone, or perhaps someones, there to greet us. I remember one guy in particular, and he reminded me of Peter Byrne, the Bigfoot hunter. He had a pith hat on and khaki jungle garb. He was seated at the entrance to a tent which he guided us into. Eventually some bad guys showed up and they started firing guns at us. I remember the feeling as they started firing, one of "Oh my God I can't believe that we're really being killed!" There were some people we had hiked with who remained at a lower level on the mountain and I wished I had not been so gung ho to climb this mountain because I would be there with them, not up here getting killed. I guess these bad guys arrived in a helicopter, and this reminded me of the movie "Cliffhanger." The group of us crouched back as far into the tent as we could go but the bad guys still got to us. I was probably the closest to them as I huddled against people I was with that were further back against the end of the tent. The tent, at this point, seemed to have the roof off, like it had never been there, but I know it had. I remember the bad guys shooting round after round of bullets at us from automatic machine guns and I wondered for just a second if I was going to survive this shooting, but then I remember an array of bullets pelting across my back or chest. As in previous dreams, getting killed didn't hurt and I was still aware, although I knew I was supposed to be dead. As if the bad guys detected this, one or two of them pulled out some knives and stabbed us and I'm sure this made me feel more pain and death than the bullets did, although I was still aware.
I think that I went on to do other things in this dream, but of course, I can't remember it.

January 10, 1994

I was down in a gully hiking along a stream with woods all around. There were some other people with me that hiked further up ahead than I did. We were down in this gully because there were guys up above on the cliff looking down at us that wanted to kill us or something. What happened with them up above and why they wanted to kill us happened earlier in the dream, but I can't remember it now. There were about four of us below, but I can't recall who was also hiking with me. There was an embankment and I tried to keep hidden under it as I walked along so the guys above wouldn't see me and have the opportunity to shoot me. For some reason, I decided to turn around and start walking back and when I did, I kind of let the thought of the men above slip from my mind. I remember the embankment being on the left of me now, and when I walked out from underneath its cover, I heard a shot and felt something graze my left cheek. What it was, was a bullet from one of the guys' guns above. At first I thought I had been hit with a fatal shot but as time progressed on, it appeared that just my left cheek had been hit. There was a spot on my cheek by the back of the jawbone where some skin had been scraped off from the bullet, and I remember the wound to be gray. I remember seeing the men up on top and I think it was at this time that they were Grady and Leland from the Cokey Construction Company. They stood on the ledge above on the left while to the right above were some other people, probably another two men. These guys started either arguing or talking with Leland and Grady, but I don't know what they were discussing. As they talked, however, I felt that the danger was over and I didn't have to worry about getting shot again. The next thing I remember is being up top and in a truck, probably my Nissan pickup. I was driving away from the scene, still feeling the danger of Leland and Grady wanting to kill me. I was on a road and was just getting away when I looked to my left and there was Leland. He was staring at me, much the same way he did the last night he and Grady did construction on our den, and I was wasted and walked out of the kitchen and smiled and waved at him as I walked down the hallway and into the living room. Leland just stared blankly at me then, and that's how he stared at me in this part of my dream. He was standing inside of a shack-type structure, which was actually a store of some kind. It was Leland's store, and he sold something in it like animal furs, or wood, or something that had to do with the outdoors. I drove past him and next I saw Grady, who was in some type of vehicle like a van or truck. He was just sitting there, the truck not running, facing the road and he smiled his big grin at me as I drove by. I get the feeling that Grady and Leland had turned down their bad ways of wanting to kill me and were now good guys, but I still wanted to get out of there as quick as I could. To the left of me, behind Grady and Leland, were woods like that reminded me of an area where I park to go hiking to one of my favorite spots.

January 14, 1994

A lot happened but I only remember certain parts of this dream, probably because I took so long to write this down and most of it has slipped my mind. I was up on a cliff overlooking a bay or an ocean. I was with some other people but I don't know who they were. I remember being on top of the cliff and there was a lot of beach grass around, you know, the dry scraggly mounds of thin bladed long stranded stuff that grows out of the sand and blows in the wind. The day was cool and breezy and if I could remember smells, I know this dream smelled of the ocean. The stuff that happened before this part of the dream I don't remember, but I do remember starting to walk back down the cliff, maybe to the beach. I think maybe there was a reason why I/we had to go back down the cliff, like perhaps there was someone suddenly after us or something like that. I remember seeing a man standing on the edge of the cliff and looking out at the ocean and the sky. He had shoulder length brown hair and a beard, and his hair flailed in the wind. At first I didn't know how to get back down the cliff but then I found this path that wound around the cliff to the right and downward, so I started following that. I could see the rocky beach and ocean below to my left, as I was on the path. It was like the cliff encircled this part of the beach for about a mile or so and it was like a little harbor, but with no ships, although I think I may have seen a ship out in the water when I was up on top on the cliff. When I was going down the path, the path went on for about fifty feet then it appeared as if it ended and to go further, you had to scale down the vertical face of the cliff. There were either horses or cars on top of the cliff that could not travel along the path for some reason. The next thing I remember is grabbing some hay that appeared from somewhere, maybe from the side of the cliff like it was just grass lying there, and I started putting it on the path. I grabbed armfuls of the stuff and I remember it being a light green-yellow color. Coating the path with this hay meant that the horses or cars or whatever they were could now travel along the path, and they started coming down. I don't know if they were a mode of transportation for me or what their purpose was. I also recall fluffing up a section of hay in the middle of the path, as if to allow easier travel for the horses or to capture one, or to let one out of a trap below the hay. This was probably the vaguest dream I have ever had.

January 18, 1994

I was at work. I remember being in my work area, just outside the aisle facing the end of the corridor. Charles was with me and we were both wearing smocks, and I guess he just got hired. I made a comment to him, something like, "And now it's time to see what reality is all about," referring to him having a job where I did. I think Charles had a small smile/smirk on his face. Up and to the left where other work areas were, was a room that didnít look familiar to me. There were some glass walls and I could see into the room, which was a bare, small room with nothing in it. Beyond that was another room with a door leading into it. This was not transparent and I think I may have seen Nadine Botchy in a smock at that doorway coming into the room that had glass walls. I remember being in the transparent room and looking out at my work area, but I can't remember details about what I saw. The next thing I recall is wearing some brown or gray/brown trousers or slacks. They were baggy and didn't really fit right and I think this was some kind of weird smock. I was with a group of women, but I don't know who they were. I remember pissing my pants, not a lot, just a trickle, and looking down at the front of my pants/smock but I didn't see any wet spot. As I walked along with this group of women, who seemed giggly and careless and were probably closer to girls than women, one of the women pointed out that there was a piss stain on the back of my pants. I looked at the back of my pants and saw a stain that started from my left butt cheek and went down my left pant leg. I had the feeling that I shouldn't pee any more because the stain would only get larger, where before I felt like it was okay to piss all I wanted. I remember walking to the left of the glass room and into the room where I saw Nadine standing at the threshold of earlier, and down some steps that went down and to the right of the back of the room with these women/girls. Then I was with Cindy Breck and we were walking along, either in the fab or along these steps or in the room beyond the glass room. Cindy walked ahead of me the whole time we were together, which seemed only like half a minute. She was leading me somewhere, but I donít know where.

January 30, 1994

I was with some people in a field somewhere and I remember there being some trees bordering the field, or maybe scattered randomly about the area. We were all going to play a soccer game but, like you do in basketball, we had to pair up with an opponent for some reason. I remember walking to the crest of a grassy hill in the middle of the field with the rest of my team, in a line like football players line up when getting ready to kickoff. We approached the other team as they walked towards us in a similar line. When we got near enough, we each studied each other's teams, looking for someone compatible to be paired up with. There was about seven players on each team. I was tall, maybe the tallest on my team, so I looked for someone tall on the other team. I remember seeing Trent and approaching him and the subject of being paired up was tossed around. I guess he wasn't tall enough for me, or he didn't want to be paired up with me, so I searched for someone else. I found a huge guy that was shaped kind of weird. I don't remember a face or anything and his body kind of looked like a six foot tall boulder, although if I tried hard enough I could distinguish body parts, like a head and chest and perhaps limbs. At the time, however, he just seemed big and bulky. This scene ended and playing the game was next. There were several different happenings in the game that I can remember, the rest of it I can't. There was an old lady playing, I don't remember what she looked like only that she may have been wearing a shawl and I suppose she reminded me of the wicked witch in the Hansel and Gretel book that Sarah has. She wore dark colors. She was on the opposing team and the two of us confronted on the left side of the field where some trees (rounded tops like you see in bunches of pictures) were about seventy feet away to our left. She mentioned something about how she just "sits on her opponents" or something like that. Well, I wasn't sure what she meant until she somehow managed to sit on me and let me tell you, this woman was heavy. I guess what she does is immobilize her opponent by sitting on them. There was some mention of how heavy this woman was supposed to be, but I was sure she couldn't be that heavy that I couldn't lift her off of me. Well, I couldn't move and the more I tried to lift her off me, the more I realized how unmoving she was. I don't know if it was the fact that she was a lot heavier (at least four to five hundred pounds) than what an old woman should weigh, or it was the fact that she just held me into place and I was unable to budge her. I guess I finally managed to slide out from under her at some point and keep playing the game, but the whole time she held me in place I'm sure she had a smirk or smile on her face, just like the witch in that Hansel and Gretel book. The game we were playing was supposed to be soccer, I guess, but the ball wasn't a soccer ball. It was a plastic Tupperware lid, about nine inches round. Whenever anyone kicked it, it acted like a Tupperware plastic lid would act, sliding along the ground or flailing up into the air, do some odd flips, then fall back to the grass. Most of the time though, it would slide along just above the top of the grass, just an inch or so in the air. I remember kicking it and having it travel to someone else, more than likely some guy from the opposing team. There was a time when the other side had a free kick or something like that and the lid rested just about a foot or less away from our goal, at the end by the far left post defining the goal. There was some guy that was just going to pop it through for a goal. I think maybe he was having some trouble getting it to go, like perhaps he had tried several kicks and still no one was going to stop him, although it would have been illegal for anyone to stop him. Nevertheless, I wanted to. I was a ways from this play, maybe about fifty feet or so. I ran at the quickest pace I could, right at the guy and the lid on the ground, and when I approached I did a sliding tackle and slid on the grass between the lid and the goal line on the opposite side of the guy who was trying to kick it. Doing this I surprised everyone for it was so quick and unexpected. I kicked the lid out and it went sailing away so the guy couldn't get to it. I just got up from that point and walked away by the crowd, saying something about how I didn't just want to stand there and let him score, although what I did was illegal and was professionally uncalled for, but whatever. I'm sure it impressed everybody. The next thing I remember is being in a house that was on the edge of the field, down the hill from the crest and on our team's side. I was in a bedroom inside the house, but I could see outside into the soccer field from inside the room, like the door to this bedroom was the front door to the house or it was positioned in such a way that when the bedroom door was open and the front door to the house was open, then you could see outside. I was in this bedroom with Lisa, and then I think I saw someone walking into the bedroom, someone that resembled Betty.
I watched someone on a rope. It reminded me of the guy who was the blonde-haired bad guy in the movie "Inner Space." How he got on the rope, I'm not sure, but I saw him swinging through the air on this rope towards a cliff. I had a view that suggested I was watching this from the bottom of the cliff, about twenty feet from where the guy actually was, looking up and to the left. He came around in an arc and I saw he was going to slam into the cliff. Now I had a front view of the cliff as the guy slammed into the cliff and I was surprised to see that he held on. Still, he was hurt pretty bad. He was bleeding from his face and his mouth shaped like an "O" as he moaned in pain. It took everything he had to hang on to that rope. It was felt here that others had fallen from the rope after smashing to the cliff, but this guy survived. I learned the reason for him swinging on that rope and banging into the cliff. There was a monster up above that held on to the rope, a big monster at least ten feet tall and looked like what a motleb would look like; big, wolflike head with pointed ears, and black eyes. The monster held onto the other end of the rope and began pulling the man up along the cliff to the top to do God knows what with him. On the way up the cliff, the man looked to his left (my right as I watched) and there in the cliff was a carved out area, like a long horizontal cave. Resting on the ledge just inside the lip of this carved out area were several skeletons of human beings scattered about. This was a lair where the monster had killed and eaten other humans and dumped their remains. The man saw this and began to scream in horror at the sight as he was continued to be pulled up the cliff. The next thing I knew was that I was climbing the cliff, but I wasn't on a rope, I was using my bare hands to scale the rocks. Behind me was a forest and what appeared to be a light, overcast sky. I don't know why I was climbing up this cliff towards a large, frightening monster but I had the feeling that it wouldn't hurt me when I got to the top. The man that was pulled to the top finally reached the monster and I'm not sure what the monster did to him, but I'm pretty sure it killed him. I looked up and saw the top of the cliff, which was about twenty feet up. I saw part of the man's body stick out over the edge of the cliff as the monster did something to him, like slice him up or something, but it wasn't clear. I wasn't sure which part of the guy's body stuck out over the cliff but it looked like it could have been part of a leg or arm with some other parts tangled in. It was very light in color, almost albino-like. I'm not sure what happened to the body parts next, but the monster probably grabbed them away from the edge, out of sight. Then the monster peered over the edge of the cliff and looked down at me and said something like "Ha!" or "Huh!" in defiance, as if it's tone implied "So there! I told you so!" It was like the monster had something it wanted to prove to me. I also remember looking up and seeing the monster standing on the edge of the cliff directly above me. It stood so vertically above me that I could see the tips of the bottom of its feet and its stomach, which slightly curved outward, but not like a beer belly. I was directly underneath this beast so the belly concealed most of its head as I looked up. The belly had a line, like a flap of skin, running horizontally along the middle of it, like it was marking where the bottom of its breasts were. The color of the monster was pale yellow, almost white. As I continued to climb, other people tried scaling the cliff as well but they didn't make it because the monster did away with them as they tried climbing up. There was one guy to my left and I remember seeing the huge hand of the monster reach down and fling him off the cliff like he was a rag doll, and the guy fell to his death. There was someone else that the monster killed on the cliff but I can't remember how it was done, with a rope or by the same way the last guy died, I'm not sure.

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