THAT'S LIFE

1

Sperry Masters was an important man to the city of It. It's population was a mere two hundred fifty, but Sperry's job kept him busy. What did he do? He planted gates.

The town of It was small, but growing tremendously due to the discovery of gold on the town's outskirts. With all the people moving to It from different parts of the country, Sperry was constantly called upon to plant new gates in front of new houses. However, his job did not stop there, no sir. He was the only experienced gate planter in It, and therefore kept close watch on those gates he planted, making sure they grew right and always swung properly on their hinges. Occasionally, Sperry would be hired to plant a few fences or an archway or two. If necessary, Sperry could plant an entire landscaped yard. In spite of all this, though, Sperry was known mainly for his gates.

It was Wednesday, the day when Sperry makes his rounds to inspect all he has planted. It was after lunch when he went to the house of Donald Notches to check on a gate he had planted there three weeks earlier. What Sperry found made his stomach turn. Donald had chopped down his gate. In fact he had just finished when Sperry walked up. Donald put the ax to his side and smiled as Sperry approached.

Sperry does not take his work lightly. To see a gate, one he had planted with his own hands, no longer living because it was chopped at the trunk, filled Sperry with anger and sorrow; anger to see his work destroyed and sorrow at the death of a gate. Sperry had lived with gates all his life ever since he saw them on Gardening with Ed Hume.

"Why?" Sperry asked, shocked, "Why did you cut down my gate?"

Donald looked confused. "Your gate? You planted it for me! Besides, it's paid for. The reason I chopped it down is because I want a different kind of gate. Can you plant the kind that swings open from the middle and..."

"I'm not planting any more gates for you," interrupted Sperry, "Or anything else for that matter. You chopped down a gate, Mr. Notches. That's my life! When you chopped it down I lost a friend. I can't take the chance of planting another gate for you because you are very likely to chop that one down as well!"

"You know what you are Masters?" Donald Notches said, "You're strange! Now come on, I really need this gate. I have to keep burglars out and other things."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Notches. I just can't."

"What? I don't believe this!"

"Well you'd better," and with that, Sperry walked away, a tear forming in his right eye. As he walked home he mourned the poor gate, now dead. He reached his house but before he went inside he saw Boris Tipper, the president of the only bank in It. He was carrying two large sacks from his Cadilac into the bank, black dollar signs stenciled onto each.

They're probably full of money, thought Sperry. Because of the discovery of gold nearby, Mr. Tipper's bank had quadrupled in business and since he had the only bank in town, he was the one with all the money. Sperry smiled as he watched the short, bald man waddle to the big glass doors opening into the bank. He was always tending closely to all the gates and barbed wire fences he had planted in front of Mr. Tipper's business, a security measure to keep out robbers. The bank had helped Sperry as well.

Sperry sighed, cringed as he thought again of the now dead gate, then walked into his house.

2

Donald Notches was very angry.

"How dare that Sperry Masters!" he roared as he stomped around his house, "How dare him deny me the right to another gate!"

Donald could not find a way to vent his anger and that in itself only angered him more. To try to calm himself down, he turned on the television and sank into his favorite easy chair. The news was on and soon it was the weatherman's turn to blab at the public.

"Guess what public?" the newscaster said, "There's a hurricane headed this way and it's due here tomorrow so everybody get ready to be blown away!"

Donald turned off the television and again thought about Sperry. His anger grew and grew. He thought of the hurricane and looked out his living room window. Across the street was a phone booth and since it was the only one in town, there was also a line of people in front of it, waiting to make calls.

"It's too bad the phone booth couldn't have been put on a better street," Donald mumbled to himself, "There's not even a sidewalk here in this part of town..."

Donald stood up abruptly, a grand idea suddenly forming in his head. The phone booth, Sperry Masters, the hurricane...Yes! Yes! It all adds up!

"Well," Donald said finally after a long pause, "It looks like I'm going to make a sidewalk!"

3

Sperry heard the phone ringing just as he was stepping out of the shower. Towel-drying his hair, he picked up the receiver, said "Hello?" then listened as Donald Notches invited him to dinner that night.

"Is this some kind of a joke?" asked Sperry, doubtful, "Come on Notches, you know you make me sick."

"Yeah Masters," added Donald, "You know you make me sick too, but I was thinking; why don't we be friends? I mean, after all, I'm sorry I cut down your (Donald choked on the word) gate and I'm willing to make it up to you by having you over tonight!"

Sperry was silent. Who am I to refuse a free meal? he thought.

"Oh, all right Notches," he said, "When do you want me over?"

"Around six?"

"See you then," and Sperry hung up.

Donald hung up as well. He smiled then walked into the next room to finish mixing up some quick-drying cement for the sidewalk he was planning to make.

Sperry arrived at five-fifty sharp. The two had trouble trying to talk to each other but by the time they had finished dinner and sat down with a bottle of wine, they began gabbing as if they were old friends.

For some reason, Sperry found himself becoming very sleepy. He was trying to stay awake but it was terribly hard. The reason for this was that Donald had dumped six sleeping pills into Sperry's drink while his head was turned. Before long, Sperry was snoring soundly. Donald laughed quietly to himself then picked up Sperry's body and carried him into the next room.

4

Sperry awoke facing a black, stormy sky. His head buzzed and spun as he moved his eyes in their aching sockets. For some reason, he could not move the rest of his body, only his head from side to side. He looked as far to the left as he could and saw the face of Donald Notches.

"Hello," Donald said, "How's it going?"

Sperry found it hard to speak but managed to say, "Where am I?"

"In a sidewalk," replied Donald, "I cemented you right into a sidewalk and guess where I put you? Right here in front of the phone booth, that's where, and you know what that means? One; people will trample all over you because everyone uses this phone booth, and two; You know why the sky's so stormy? Because a hurricane is on the way. Your survival is quite out of the question!"

Sperry was scared to death, to say the least. It explained why he couldn't move. Moving his eyes to the right, he saw the phone booth. His terror grew as he looked down and saw portions of his body sticking out of the cement. Among them were his left arm and part of his right.

How stupid I am for having been taken in by Notches! I should have seen through it! How am I going to survive a hurricane, much less people walking all over my face?

"You're mad!" Sperry yelled at Donald.

"I'm not mad," Notches replied, "I'm happy!" Donald then walked away. Seconds later a man wearing tennis shoes stomped on Sperry's face on his way to the phone booth. Sperry winced in pain as rain started to fall and a wind started up.

An hour passed. Sperry was continually getting stepped on and the parts of his body that stuck out of the cement were very badly bruised. The rain was pouring down now and a heavy, swirling wind swept water and miscellaneous debris wherever it went. Sperry was trying his damnedest not to drown or get stomped to death. It looked pretty bad for him. He could do nothing but lie there.

Suddenly, Mr. Tipper, the bank president, drove up to Donald's house in his black Cadilac. Sperry remembered that Donald had struck it rich with a huge gold finding. Boris Tipper was more than likely visiting to collect a deposit. That was just like Mr. Tipper - always working as if in competition although there was none.

As Sperry watched Tipper walk into Donald's house, a huge wind whipped at the phone booth, causing it to rock wildly. Sperry watched the booth through eye-stinging rain as it fell straight towards him. He closed his eyes and, hearing the booth crash around him, was surprised he was not hurt. When he opened his eyes he found that the booth had fallen down around his arms and head, covering him from the rain and wind, at least for the time being. There was a hole in the phone booth glass to the left of him where rain splashed in, but the discomfort had drastically decreased. However, Sperry could feel his cemented body parts becoming numb and he knew he would soon pass out from lack of circulation. As his life began flashing before his eyes, he looked through the hole in the glass and saw Boris Tipper coming out of Donald's house. He was carrying two large sacks, again, probably full of money. The strong wind blew at Mr. Tipper vehemently and it finally blew the short man over. Money from the bags went everywhere and suddenly Sperry had a wonderful, hoping idea. He reached his left arm out through the hole in the glass and managed to grab a coin that flew by from Tipper's money bags. To Sperry's relief he had snagged a quarter - just enough to make a phone call.

But, he wondered, Who should I call?

He grabbed the phone book with his right arm, which just reached far enough. Flipping through the yellow pages he found an ad which read: HANDI-HANK'S SIDEWALK REMOVING...24 HOUR SERVICE.

That's it! thought Sperry, and he tossed the quarter into the coin slot with one hand, dialed the number with the other, and talked to Handi-Hank himself. After Sperry had given him directions to the phone booth, he hung up and waited. Before Handi-Hank arrived, however, Sperry passed into unconsciousness, the lack of circulation making its mark.

Sperry remained in the hospital after the hurricane was over. He was very lucky to have survived being cemented into a sidewalk, being walked on, and lying helpless among a hurricane. The hospital was full of patients because of the natural disaster. Soon, the only bed vacant was the one next to him, but within the next hour it became occupied by a man who had lost his waist as the hurricane demolished his house. His name was Donald Notches and for the next week, Sperry and Donald had to live in the same room, causing great discomfort for the both of them.

But, that's life!

THE END

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