“Did you see Quatre last night? He looked terrible! Poor Trowa had to hold him up. That isn’t even remotely like Quatre, he’s never, ever been like this, it’s because he has to see them again today! It’s all his sister’s faults, those bitches!” Duo slammed into the room and threw himself onto the bed he and Heero had shared since they’d entered into the Preventers. He turned his head to see Heero looking worriedly at him, “This is just bad Heero. It’s been five months since he told them where to go, and still they’re hounding him. It’s eating him up, and even Trowa can’t seem to help.” He paused when he saw Heero open his mouth to speak.
“Have you noticed Trowa’s changes as well?”
“Changes? What do you mean?”
Heero paused and examine what he was about to say, “It’s like he…he’s had to become someone different for Quatre.” Again he paused. He wasn’t good at analyzing emotions, it wasn’t something the perfect solider had needed to know how to do, not something allowed in his training with Dr. J. But now Heero drew on the knowledge Duo had taught him, the difference between pain and everything else. “Trowa has become more…assertive, more in charge of their relationship since this thing with the Will.”
“Yeah, that’s because Quatre, can’t tell up from down. His sisters call him all the time, demanding to speak with him, not trusting the lawyers he’s hired. I mean honestly have you ever seen a guy try so hard to protect people that hate his guts.” Suddenly Duo looked to Heero, and gulped. Standing from his position on the bed, he moved to the couch Heero was on and sat beside him, resting a hand on his thigh.
“What am I talking about? Of course you understand, you damn near died a hundred times to save a bunch of people that didn’t know you from Adam and still hated the ground you walked on! I can be such a baka at times!” Duo leaned forward and rested his head on Heero’s shoulder, asking some measure of forgiveness from his lover for his foolish words.
Lifting Duo’s chin, Heero placed a soft kiss on his lips before continuing. “I know what you meant, and I know you’re worried about Quatre. He’s your best friend, and I understand you wanting him to be safe. I guess…I relate to Trowa much better than I do Quatre, I’m not sure why-“
“’Cause you’re both too quiet for your own sanity!”
Heero glared at him and continued, “Maybe I see Trowa’s agony more than Quatre’s. It hurts him to know that Quatre is in so much pain that their roles have had to be reversed. Trowa’s doing his best to cover the gap, but he still thinks Quatre’s pushing him away.”
“Yeah, Quatre’s always been the one to help others, but when he’s needed help himself, he doesn’t want to be a burden. He can be so stubborn, actually he’s a lot like you.” Duo punctuated the remark, lightly jabbing a finger into Heero’s chest. “Quatre doesn’t want Trowa to get hurt, which is exactly what he thinks is going to happen if he hears the things his sisters and the,” he lifted his nose in the air, “High and mighty social elite, are saying about them. Damn! It really pisses me off that people can’t just accept love, no matter what it looks like. It’s so rare anyway, you gotta take it anyway you can get it.” He smiled at Heero, then shifted and placed himself into his lovers’ lap.
Duo ran his fingers across Heero’s face, over the bridge of his nose and up his cheek before curling his hand around the base of his neck and drawing the other into a deep kiss. Powerfully their tongues met and dueled for dominance. This game had been played many times, both loved the challenge of deciding who would be the victor of the mock battle; neither one liked to loose.
Finally Duo conceded, letting Heero win as an apology for his earlier comment. Resting his head on Heero’s slim shoulder, he returned to the topic at hand. “Have you talked with Trowa about any of this? You know, how he’s basically become the one who gives all the attention. Did you see Quatre the last time his sisters showed up! Trowa walked him around for days, leading him by the hand, putting him to bed. That’s nothing like Quatre! I mean, I remember Quatre having to do those things for Trowa, back before the two of them really started working all the kinks out of his past. I’m not saying Quatre ran his life or anything, but it was always so obvious, Quatre said, and Trowa willingly followed. Now--now I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know it’s killing both of them.”
“Trowa’s always been quite, I’d almost say docile, but not quite. He didn’t mind following Quatre, he knew he’d never lead him astray. Now they’re both fumbling; I think because Trowa doesn’t know exactly what to do, and Quatre’s in no condition to help him learn what to do.”
“I know, like you and me. I taught you all that great stuff, and you just listened. It was great! But the best part was when you turned the tables on me, and used everything I’d taught you, on me instead.” Duo closed his eyes in remembrance, “Man what a night, what a night!” Heero smiled, “But it was different back then, you let me teach you things. Your right, Trowa’s having to learn all this on his own, and I don’t think-not that I don’t believe in him or anything-but he just doesn’t have the means to learn it. Like I don’t think you would have ever even considered being open about any relationship you could have been in, if it wasn’t for me telling you all the time how wonderful it was that we were together. What do you think?” Duo lifted his head and regarded Heero.
Heero nodded, “Sometimes I look back over the first years we were together, and wonder why you stayed with me. I didn’t know how to tell you how I felt, or even how to show it without hurting you half the time.” Heero placed a hand lovingly against Duo’s face, “There were so many times I wanted to tell you, but there weren’t any words, I didn’t know them. I was never taught them until you showed them to me; which is exactly what’s wrong with Trowa. He and I were never suppose to survive the war, we weren’t even expected to make it through half of it. I…I understand how much this is hurting him. I just don’t know how to help him.”
“Me either Heero, me either.”
The visitor chimes sounded, drawing the pair from their inner pain. Duo stood from Heero’s lap, and pressed the unlock code into the keypad. As the door swooshed aside, Wufei, emerged from the other side. “We need to talk.” He said as he entered the room and moved past Duo to one of the chairs by Heero. Settling himself, he waited for Duo to lock the keypad again and return to his seat beside Heero.
“Did you know those dishonorable women were here again?” At the pair’s nod he continued, “Did you see Trowa escort them off the premises, at gun point?”
“What?!” Both Duo and Heero were shocked. Over the last few years all of the pilots had sworn off as much violence as possible. Besides the occasional terrorist crisis, their jobs had gone from “seek and destroy” to “patrol and avoid.” They even had their own small group of soldiers left over from the war to fight their battles for them. While Heero and Wufei had hated that notion, it generally sat fine with Duo and Quatre; with Trowa to simply shrug it off.
But this, this was nothing like the Trowa they knew.
“You’re kidding right, Trowa would never do that! He wouldn’t want to upset Quatre.”
“Quatre had already dismissed them, or more accurately been dismissed by them. Trowa returned him to their rooms, and then came back with his gun drawn. I don’t know how much honor was in it, but it was a damn good show.” Wufei smiled, just a little, remembering their faces.
* * *
Gun hidden in the waistband of his tight jeans, Trowa entered the main conference room. Just a few minutes before, he’d had to half drag, and carry Quatre from this very room. Again his sisters had returned, bringing with them, enough lawyers to practically fill the room. They’d told his beloved, that his choice in lawyers was unacceptable, and that they-through a majority vote that in reality held no basis-had decided to dismiss them in favor of their own.
Trowa had watched the dejected look enter Quatre’s eyes, before he’d nodded his head and allowed the change. That was when the worst of it had started.
Ever since that terrible day, when he and the other three pilots had found out about his father’s Will, Quatre had become withdrawn. No longer was he the beautiful blond hared boy that lit up Trowa’s existence, instead he was a shell, that was slowly, day by day, dying.
Even after their talk, Quatre still would not come to him about his sisters. He’d tried everything he knew to get Quatre to open up to him. Attempt, after botched attempt, Quatre had simply pulled more and more away from him. The young man that would so often leave Trowa flowers, or little notes of affection, now only seemed to sit and wait for his sister’s next visit.
After a particularly hateful visit, Trowa had told the guards that none of Quatre’s sisters were allowed on the premises ever again. For a month, Quatre was free of them, and in that time, he seemed to be more like his old self, smiling and joking with Duo; even managing a way to get Heero to the local shopping center for some new clothes. But the change was most apparent to Trowa.
When he and Quatre had first entered into their relationship, it had been Quatre who gave, and Trowa-who had little experience in such matters-who received. He never really thought Quatre minded, in fact, his blond lover had reveled in the ability to surprise him at every turn, either with a quick kiss when no one was looking, or an innocent touch when in larger crowds. Their lovemaking was like the rest of their relationship, Quatre would begin, and Trowa, eager to please, would follow. It wasn’t that Quatre dominated him, no in fact he often made it a point that Trowa would have to make some of the more important choices; the biggest being the decision to finally decide they were ready.
Quatre had been patient with him, allowing Trowa the time he needed to get over past experiences, and build new ones with his beloved. The night Trowa had placed the past where it belonged was amazing. He and Quatre had joined as one, their passions for each other consuming them, and brought an act he’d seen only has disgusting and painful, to something beautiful and loving, something he knew for the rest of his life he would save only for Quatre.
In the month that the guards had turned his sisters away, Quatre had again begun to open up to him. For the first time in months, Quatre had initiated their coupling. Serving wine, cheese, and grapes on a bed of pillows, he’d begged Trowa’s forgiveness during this ‘hard time’, before they both gave into temptation. Their lovemaking had been fast and hard, born from desperation to show the other that they still cared. Both had given and taken, and after they had reached that place where stars were born, they laid together, wrapped in a warm embrace by a roaring fire.
But it couldn’t last forever. One of Quatre’s sisters finally managed to corner him while he was in the city without any of his friends. She’d caused a scene, accusing him of being a worthless brother that couldn’t even allow their calls. She’d said more, things that had ingrained Cijen’s name into Trowa’s brain, and caused him to see her death over and over again.
When Quatre had finally returned to the complex, there had been no stopping him. He’d barreled through the door to their rooms, ignoring the other pilots, and hit Trowa, square in the jaw. Duo and Wufei each took one of his arms, but even the two of them had had a hard time restraining the usually calm boy. He would never forget the pain he’d experienced, not the physical-that didn’t even register in his brain-no, the pain of Quatre’s anger. His lover had damned him, cursed his name, and accused him of not understanding, of coming between his sisters and himself. When his voice had given out, he still continued, saying that he could never understand, didn’t have a family like his, would never know how much this was killing him.
Trowa had gone to him then, and Quatre had not protested, his body had seemed lifeless, as Trowa had placed him into his arms, and carried him to the bed. His only remark, to the entire situation was, “I know.” A few minutes later, Quatre had passed out from sheer exhaustion.
Since that day, Quatre had allowed his sisters to completely monopolize his time. When he wasn’t patrolling, or doing paperwork, he was being ridiculed by his barrage of sisters. But he never complained, never stood against them. Quatre had once said he couldn’t, “They’re my sisters Trowa. I fought, and in a way destroyed my soul to protect them. Everything I’ve done, everyone I killed and saved, was for them. I have to believe they’re good people, I have too. If I don’t, then everything I fought for was a lie, everything I destroyed to protect them, was meaningless, or worse, dishonorable.”
But this day, in the conference room, had been the last straw. Cijen, along with about ten of this other sisters, had accused him of not being able to make a single decision on his own.
“My God Quatre, do you take that boy with you where ever you go! He’s probably the reason you’re doing all of this, isn’t he. Tell me Trowa, just how good is our little brother, hm?”
He’d stood, ready to finally be done with it. No one hurt his Quatre, no one! But Quatre had placed his hand on his arm. The touch was so light, as if he really didn’t want to have to be the one to stop him. A slight shake of his blond head, and he’d returned to his seat, turning his body towards Quatre’s, hoping to lend him some of his strength and an ounce of protection. But it wasn’t over.
“No really Trowa-I assume you’d prefer me to call you by your name instead of mongrel-I’m curious, tell me, exactly how much is my little brother paying you to stay by his side now that he’s thrown his fortune to the dogs? Well actually, now that I think about it, he’s actually thrown it all to you, now hasn’t he? Quatre never was much of a man, so I have to assume that a no-breed like you has to take it any way he can get it, that or Quatre is paying you very, very well for…services rendered.”
Quatre had stood then, he seemed to struggle to stand, as if just listening to his sisters had completely drained all of the strength from his body. “Cijen, I don’t care what you say to me, I’ve learned to live with it, all of it. But do not ever speak to Trowa that way again. Our problems have nothing to do with him. If you must blame someone, then blame me, or even Father. But do not ever, ever speak to Trowa like that again!” There had been more conviction in his voice at the end, as if he’d gained some strength as he’d gone on. Quatre had always defended him, no mater what the cost.
“Oh, forgive me, Quatre. I was only wondering how much I could make by replacing your sex toy. Since it seems you have no qualms about going against natural law, I just thought that I should try to earn some of our money now. I thought you’d be proud of my taking the initiative.”
A defeated look had entered Quatre’s eyes then, and Trowa knew that no amount of comfort would ever erase the words his sister had said. Trowa was loosing Quatre, to the very people that should have tried to save him.
He’d stood when he felt Quatre’s arm on his elbow, “Trowa, I think you should leave now, I have some things I need to discuss in private with my sisters.”
“Oh yes, by all means Mr. Barton, do leave us. I’m sure Quatre and I can strike up a deal once your gone. I do hope, Quatre, that you’ve left Thursday night open, I’m plain booked the rest of the week.” Cijen’s manic laughter had filled the room, but it seemed no one else found it funny. Even Quatre’s other sisters had wisely chosen to remain quiet.
He’d looked back at Quatre, determination in his eyes, he would not abandon his lover, “I’m not leaving you with them, Quatre.”
Desperation had seeped into his lovers’ face, every part of Quatre seemed to scream at him. With his eyes, he spoke, ‘I can’t protect you from them here, like this Trowa, please leave, I can handle it.’ But of course, Trowa would not go.
A silent battle raged in Quatre, but finally he decided protecting his lover came before all other things. "I think my sister’s have outstayed their welcome. I’m sure they know the way out,” he looked pointedly at Cijen. “I think we’re done here.” That said, Trowa had taken his hand, and escorted him from the room; his sisters’ last comment hanging in the air, “Well, I guess Quatre, we’ll have to schedule another day for our little ‘get together’.”
Quatre had lost his footing around the middle of the hallway, and Trowa had picked him up, and carried him the rest of the way to their rooms. No light shone in his lovers’ eyes, only a dead look of a man finally beaten, showed through. Pain and blind terror raced through Trowa, as he placed him on one of the couches in their room and covered him with a blanket.
Quatre said not a word, as Trowa left his side, and went into the bedroom. Once there, he removed a box that his beloved did not know about, and opened it to reveal a 44mm. He’d pulled out the clip, checking that all nine slots were still set and ready, before he replaced it, and put the box back where it belonged. Gun in hand, he’d gone back to the couch to check on Quatre. The boy was staring at the ceiling, not moving at all-no he wasn’t moving, but violent shakes coursed through his body, prompting Trowa to add another blanket. He kissed him lightly on the lips, and brushed the hair from his face, before walking to the com and punching in Sally’s code.
“Wufei here.”
“Wufei, this is Trowa, please tell Sally to send a unit to my room, I need them to examine Quatre.”
“Is he alright, what happened?”
“I can’t explain right now. Please just tell Sally, then meet me in the main conference room, you’ve got two minutes.”
“Understood.”
Once he knew Wufei was on his way, he took one glance back a Quatre, before leaving the room and walking down the hall. He met the med. team, on the way and told them where Quatre was. When he’d seen them enter his room, he walked further down the hallway, back towards the conference room.
Wufei had been standing at the door, a questioning look on his face. “There may not be any honor in this, but I ask that you don’t try to stop me.”
“His blasted sisters are in there, aren’t they?” He’d simply nodded his head. It was then that Wufei had registered the gun in his hand. “You’re not planning on killing them, are you?”
Silence, then, “I’ve thought about it, but it would cause Quatre too much pain. But, they will not be here when he wakes up.” Determination sounded in his voice, and he watched understanding and acceptance flash across the Chinese pilots’ face. A quick nod from Wufei, and the two were through the door, effectively trapping themselves in the lions den. It was a good thing Trowa knew how to dominate a lion.
* * *
“So what happened? Trowa didn’t shoot them, did he? Although that wouldn’t be such a bad thing--”
“Duo, be quiet. Wufei, tell us what happened.”
“Yeah, did he hit any of them, you know knock a couple of teeth out? I don’t think that would hurt Quatre too much.”
“Baka!”
* * *
The room went suddenly quiet as he entered. He could see the many lawyers putting loose papers into sturdy briefcases, while the conversations Quatre’s sisters had been having fell silent. His gun was now resting in the back band of his jeans, and he could feel the reassuring metal against his spine. Just like old times…
Wufei, came up beside him, posture defensive, and ready for battle. Trowa had no fear that Wufei would back down from this fight. His sense of honor and duty prevented it, not to mention his utter and total hate for the ten women in the room. Two years ago, Quatre and Duo had plotted to get he and Sally together, since that disastrous dinner date, they’d moved in together, and now sporadically spoke of marriage. Wufei owed Quatre, and the young man always paid his debts.
The silence was broken as Cijen stepped forward, her condescending tone obvious, “Can I help you with something?”
Trowa didn’t miss a beat, “Get your things, you’re leaving.”
Anger flashed in the deep brown eyes of the thirty or so year old woman, “How dare you! You don’t order me about, if anything I’ll be the one to dismiss you! Quatre obviously hasn’t trained you right if you think you can speak to me that way! I am a Winner, and neither I nor my sisters will be ordered about by a pathetic no-breed like you!”
Wufei’s voice rang out across the open space in the conversation that Trowa’s lack of response created. “You woman, are a disgrace! You dishonor yourself and your family with such an uneducated response. It’s a wonder they let you speak at all.”
Cijen’s eyes danced with danger as she opened her mouth to reply. However she never got the chance, as Trowa drew his gun and aimed it at the dead center of her forehead. Her face blanched, and suddenly she realized that she’d gone too far. Fear filled her body and her stance, making her look weak and pitiful.
Trowa didn’t care, she and the rest of them, would pay. “I have often wondered at the things Quatre would say about his sisters. He spoke of them as if they were gods, something to be admired and cherished. But I have yet to see any of the things he described. In fact, I have seen only the opposite.” He cocked the gun with his free hand before using it to steady his aim.
“I have allowed you this much, because Quatre wished it, hoped that through talks he could bring his family back together. But I realized long ago, it would not be so.
“For the way you have treated him, I would like nothing better than to kill you all,” he paused, letting the blind terror in Cijen’s face help complete his revenge. “You have condemned and humiliated him, destroyed him in ways I don’t know if any amount of time will ever heal. You may say what you want about me, most of it is true, I am no one, I have no name, and no breeding, and without Quatre I am nothing. But you WILL NOT,” his voice boomed across the expanse of the room, startling even Wufei, who had never heard him yell like this before, “Ever, again treat him like you have.
“Do not come back here. I can’t prevent you, but I promise, that should you return, the least of your problems will be how many credits there are in your bank accounts. Quatre is my responsibility, and I will protect him by any means necessary, even your deaths; no matter how much pain it would cause him. In the end it might very well be worth it.”
He lowered the gun from Cijen’s face, but kept the muzzle pointed over her heart. “You are leaving now, and I would hope you’d take my words to heart and not return. I will not allow you to hurt Quatre anymore. Do you understand, Cijen?” She looked at him, startled that he knew her name and would use it, but she nodded her head, and waited further instructions.
Trowa looked to the lawyers, “Get your things, you’re leaving.” When they’d all gathered their papers, and expensive briefcases, Trowa motioned them down the hall-in the opposite direction of he and Quatre’s rooms-and proceeded to ‘escort’ them to the door.
They passed guards along the way, who gave them funny looks, but all of them knew Trowa and Wufei, and none made any comments. As they passed the main offices, Lady Une, raised an eyebrow at the procession, but said not a word once she saw the look in Trowa’s eye. She smiled a wicked smile, reminiscent of her former OZ days; she knew who these women were, and knew of Quatre’s pain because of them. She was extremely proud of Trowa for his act of heroism, but she would never say a word.
At the last security door, Wufei keyed in the pass code, and moved aside so the women and lawyers could pass from his sight.
Once Cijen was past the door, she turned and faced Trowa, “My brother will hear of this! Don’t think for even a moment that this is the end.”
Trowa nodded once before replying and then keying in the sequence that slammed the door in the vicious woman’s face, “The end will be your deaths. I suggest you leave Quatre out of this. Even he can’t protect you from me.”
With that done, Trowa nodded his thanks to Wufei, and moved back down the hallway, to Quatre.
* * *
“Oh man, I can’t believe he did that! Way to go Trowa!!!” Duo had stood from his seat long ago, and was now jumping up and down on the furniture. Heero gave him a glaring look before dismissing him and returning back to Wufei.
“You say Trowa had a med. team go to see Quatre? Is he alright?”
“Oh shit! I totally forgot! Yeah, is he ok?”
“I’m not sure, as I said, Trowa didn’t tell me what was wrong.” Wufei seemed suddenly worried, “When I told Sally, she insisted on going herself. Should we check on them?”
Heero seemed to weight the options, Duo moved to his side and said, “Heero, we really should check on them, and I’m not just being my usual nosey self here. If Trowa called a team, then something could really be wrong.”
At Heero’s nod, all three got up from their seats, and moved to the doorway, intent on making sure their best friends were all right.
* * *
All around him, his life seemed to be falling apart. He couldn’t handle his sisters, their remarks and hate tearing into his soul. He couldn’t seem to get his act together. But most importantly he was loosing Trowa.
He felt the loss a little everyday. Trowa was trying so hard to be everything he needed him to be. But Quatre knew, could feel it in his heart, Trowa too was falling to pieces. Not for the same reasons he was, instead, Trowa was slowly dying because Quatre himself was. His lover was strong, so much stronger than most people gave him credit for; thinking his soft quiet demeanor was his true form. But he had felt pain, knew it like a best friend or fearfully, even a lover.
Quatre knew that Trowa was not use to being the one to initiate their coupling. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t or couldn’t, only that it was just something Quatre had taken upon himself. It had been his way of showing his devotion to his love. His way of proving that he would take care of him. Now Quatre couldn’t help regretting that he had not insisted Trowa be more involved in the initiation. For his poor dear Trowa, was hurting yet again, and it was all his fault.
Quatre lay wrapped in a dark green blanket, lightly sipping from a cup of tea. He was still perched on the couch where Trowa had left him to…well, to do something. The med. team had come and gone, and it had taken quite a bit of convincing on his part to prevent them from administering a tranquilizer. Sally, bless her soul, was in the chair across from him, simply staring at him, with no seeming intention of talking with him.
The quiet brought the whereabouts of Trowa to his mind again, but just as he was about to speak the question out loud, the door opened, and Trowa stepped over the threshold. The two made brief eye contact, then Trowa walked to the desk, opened the draw, and deposited something from his back pocket into it. Then in three long strides, he was at Quatre’s side.
“How do you feel?”
He managed a watery smile, “Oh, you know, same old, same old.” He paused before, “How about you, are you alright, Trowa. Those things they said-“
“I’m fine now, don’t worry about me. Would you-do you want to talk about it?”
He did. Desperately, Quatre wanted to tell Trowa everything, express to him the pain, anger and frustration he could do nothing to prevent. But that was just it, Trowa couldn’t prevent it anymore than he could; there was little point dropping his problems onto his beloved; and along with that came the age old problem he’d always had concerning telling Trowa anything.
“It’s nothing, Trowa. But you shouldn’t have sent the med. team and worried poor Sally.” He turned to regard his friend, “She was so worried, she came herself. I tried to tell her I was fine, but she insisted on poking and prodding me.” Quatre mocked the actions of the doctor, by lightly jabbing his fingers all up and down Trowa’s arms, eliciting a tiny grin from the otherwise stoic pilot.
“I should thank her then.” A real smile formed on his lips as he saw Quatre’s grin. Trowa would do anything to keep that look on his face, anything within his power. But he was learning very quickly, his power was not enough.
Sally shifted in her seat before standing, “Well Trowa, as long as you’re here to look after my ‘patient,’” she turned a knowing look on Quatre. “Then I’ll leave you two alone. Trowa, you’ll call me if you need anything?” Her tone let even Quatre know she was referring to him.
Trowa nodded his head, and stood to walk Sally to the door. Once there, they whispered quietly before he let her out, locked the keypad, and moved back to Quatre’s side. Gently Trowa sat beside him, before wrapping an arm around his shoulders, and drawing him close.
He sighed, he couldn’t help it, no matter what anyone said about it being a sin, he knew in his heart, that Allah would not have made Trowa so perfect, their love so beautiful, if they were not meant to be together.
Quatre, opened the front of the blanket, and urged Trowa to envelop his own body inside the comforting heat as well. Trowa shifted, swinging Quatre around, before lying across the couch, and tucking him into his body.
Such peace, it flowed over the both of them. Things weren’t right between them, but the battle wasn’t over yet, they still stood a fighting chance; but only if things were done quickly. Trowa tightened his grip before whispering, “Rest Quatre, it’s been a trying day.”
Trowa felt Quatre nod his head, then moments later, the smaller boy fell asleep in his arms, claimed finally, by the sedative Sally had placed in his tea.
* * *
Not long after Quatre surcame to the tranquilizers, the visitor chime rang through the room. Trowa, not wanting to disturb Quatre’s sleep, let the call go unanswered, figuring it was probably Duo to check on the blond boy in his arms. Duo had a pass-code to get into their room, Quatre had given it to him long ago, saying it was for safety purposes, but in realty, Trowa had known it was so the two of them could arrange for ‘romantic surprises.’ Quatre had the pass-code to Duo and Heero’s rooms as well, and long ago, Trowa had given Heero the code too. If it was them, they would eventually enter.
A few moments later, he heard the sound of the key sequence registering, and the door swooshed open. Heero, Duo, and Wufei walked in, worried expressions on their faces. When they saw the two lovers wrapped together, they made to leave, but Trowa waved them over to the other couch so they could have a quiet discussion while Quatre slept.
“Sedative,” Heero asked.
Trowa nodded his head, leave it to Heero to make the most obvious conclusion.
“Trowa, I only know what Wufei told us, but you got major gold stars for the ‘Protect Loved Ones’ category today. Nice going.” Duo said quietly, giving him the victory sign, before Heero grabbed his hand and settled it into his lap.
Smiling down at Quatre, he watched the younger man shift in his arms, snuggling closer.
“We should leave but we just wanted to make sure he was alright.” Duo’s hand tightened in Heero’s attesting to the long hared mans distress over his best friends’ condition.
“Actually, I’d like to talk to you.” His voice was small, barely hiding his fears. They, especially Duo, were better at this than he was, maybe they could help him help Quatre. “I’m-“
Without warning, Quatre lurched in his arms. Instinctively, Trowa tightened his hold around Quatre’s waist; but that proved to be the worst thing he could have done.
The sleeping boy’s eyes fluttered, the nightmare breaking free from its mental constraints to attack Quatre in the waking world. Arms flailing wildly, he tossed back and forth, remaining on the couch, only because of Trowa’s grip.
Suddenly, ear-piercing screams were wrenched from Quatre’s soul. Terror hung in every note, a blinding fear that had each and every one of the Gundam pilots on their feet. Trowa stood, struggling to untangle the blanket from about himself and Quatre. He could hear his beloved weeping in his dream, calling out incoherent words that made no sense except to the blond Arabian.
Holding him close to his body, Trowa finally got the blanket loose, thanks to Wufei’s assistance. Duo stood in front of him, grabbing for Quatre’s shoulders, trying to shake him awake. “It’s not working Trowa, the Tranq.’s were too strong! I can’t wake him up!”
Trowa saw Heero move with hurried steps out of his range of vision, only to return with something in his hand. At the same time both he and Duo were yelling Quatre’s name. “Quatre! Wake up! Quatre!”
The struggling boy’s hands flew to his ears, trying to block out the sound of something so terrifying that it had him yet again screaming in fearful horror. Finally, one word made it past his lips, one single word that brought the entire picture into focus, and one damning word that caused Trowa’s mind to scream that he should have claimed blood. “CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!”
The word echoed in the room, but still Quatre struggled and still Trowa held him as tightly in his arms as he dared. Suddenly, he heard Heero call out a warning, before he was splashed in the face by a glass full of ice cold water.
Soaking wet, and beyond startled, Quatre woke up. “What?!” Fear, it laced every letter, and brought chills not from the cold water, down Trowa’s spine.
Trowa spun Quatre around and wrapped him in his arms, he spoke softly, and was relieved when Quatre finally began to relax. “Shhh, beloved, it’s all right. It was a nightmare, you’re fine.”
“T-T-Trowa?”
“I’m here.”
“Oh God, Trowa,” the wet boy in his arms sank into him, melting against his body. The shaking started moments later, “T-Trowa, it w-was s-s-so af-fful! Oh, God!” The shakes caused Quatre’s footing to slip, and both he and Trowa fell gracefully to the floor, still grasping onto each other. “That-that child!”
Running soothing hands through Quatre’s hair, Trowa again tried to call to his lover, “It’s alright, Quatre. You’re safe. It was only a nightmare.”
“NO! Trowa, you don’t understand, the children!” Desperation colored Quatre’s words, as his hands reached up, and fisted into Trowa’s black sweater, “We have to help them!”
“Quatre,” Duo sunk to his knees by their side, “It’s ok, it was only a bad dream. Heero has’m all the time, I usually just kick him and he rolls over, you know, like snoring.” He joked, it was his defense mechanism, but even for him, it wasn’t working.
There was a haunted look in Quatre’s eyes, and he seemed to keep searching Trowas’ for some sort of answer. “Trowa?” The pleading look shattered Trowa’s heart, his beloved was so very broken.
Trowa heard before he saw the entrance of the med. team. Sally’s face came into view over the top of Quatre’s head, and he saw her grab his startled arm, before injecting another round of sedatives.
Then Quatre began to protest, “NO! Listen, Trowa, the children, you have to listen…” But it was too late, the second sedative ran into the first one, and attacked his system, spiraling him into oblivion. Trowa caught his body and pulled him close. He felt himself shaking with relief and absolute worry. This couldn’t be happening, not to Quatre, he was too good…
Sally’s words cut through his internal monologue, “Trowa, what happened? I just left a few minutes ago, and there was enough Tilessone in his tea to knock out a horse!”
“That’s the problem Sally, you gave him too much. He had a major bad nightmare, and none of us could wake him up. Quatre,” Duo touched the side of the drugged boys face, “he was really freaking out. I’ve never even heard him sound like that before-“
“I have.” Heero’s voice cut into Duo’s statement.
“So have I.” Trowa spoke quietly, not wanting to believe that it was true, that what he heard could be the same.
“What do you mean? When have you heard Quatre sound like that, so-so, hauntingly dead?” Duo didn’t understand, how could he, he hadn’t been there, hadn’t witnessed Quatre’s ultimate sin.
“It’s the exact same way his voice sounded when-when he tried to kill Heero in the Wing Zero.” Trowa couldn’t believe he’d said it. Over the course of the last few years, the five and the rest of the world had tried to forget the destruction of the L4 colony. The guilt had eaten away at Quatre, who had used most of the resources at his disposal to help get the Mars Terraforming project underway, not in hopes of forgiveness, but in penance. Quatre never wanted to ask for forgiveness, and he had once told Trowa, that when the Mars project was finished it would stand as an eternal reminder of all that he’d done in the war, and all that he still had to make up for. His poor Quatre, he’d been too innocent to fight, and the fighting had destroyed his innocence, the paradox was maddening.
“Oh God, you think, maybe…no, Quatre’s way over that, he’s dealt. It wasn’t his fault, none of us blame him for that anyway.”
“It doesn’t matter, he still blames himself. But that’s not what I’m worried about.” Trowa paused, thinking of how to explain, “If the death of his father caused him to lash out like he did, to-to unravel like that, then it would stand to reason, the problem with his sisters could cause the same effect…”
“Trowa! You can’t mean that! Quatre would never-“
“None of us would have thought that Quatre was capable of it the first time. Perhaps we need to think-“ Wufei was cut off.
“Forget it! There’s nothing to think about, Quatre’s not dangerous to us, or anyone else! What happened to him, in a way happened to most of us! We know what it’s like to lose like that! Yeah, Quatre lost it there for a while, but Heero pulled him back-Trowa pulled him back! He’s not dangerous, he’s not.”
Trowa lifted his head from where it had been resting, lightly against Quatre’s cheek, “I want to agree with you, Duo.” He paused, collecting himself, “But you haven’t seen Quatre away from everyone, he’s-he’s not the same person. I-I think something may need to be done, to help him. I don’t seem to be able too.”
He felt Heero’s hand rest on his shoulder, “You’ve done all you can. There are some things that cannot be discussed with the ones you love, no matter what. It’s time for someone impartial, someone Quatre doesn’t have to worry about protecting, to listen. Quatre won’t like it, but if it prevents anything close to the L4 incident from happening again, he has to try.”
Duo tried to protest, but Wufei’s hand prevented it, “I agree with Heero. For Quatre’s sake, this needs resolution.” He looked at Trowa, “We should have just killed them and been done with it.”
Trowa didn’t answer, he was too afraid of his response. Standing, and with some insisting help from Duo, he got Quatre to the bed. He brushed a few platinum blond strands from Quatre’s flushed face, before he moved back to the group.
“Sally, I trust you can find someone for Quatre to talk to.”
“I think I have someone in mind, but she’s working in the outer colonies, it’ll take about a week to get her here. She’s the best though, and the only one I’d trust Quatre with.” Trowa nodded his acceptance, “Ok, I’ll send for her immediately. In the mean time, what are you going to do?”
He was quite for a few minutes, then even to him, his voice sounded shaky at best, “I’ll keep him here, away from the outside. He’ll be safe, he won’t like it at all, but he’ll stay, even if I have to drug him to keep him here.”
And with that there wasn’t much else to say. Sally gave him a vial of Tilessone, and instructions on how much to give his sleeping lover. Then the group of friends, and medical staff retreated from the lavish rooms Quatre had so lovingly decorated. “I want them too look rich and beautiful for you Trowa, because you only deserve the very best the universe has to offer you.”
Trowa moved back to the bed, and like so many months ago, removed his clothes and drew Quatre into his embrace. The soft sounds of comfort that he spoke so quietly, were hard to interpret; were they for Quatre, or were they for himself? Quatre slept the night, Trowa, did not.
