CHAPTER TWENTY ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two days later, the Christmas tree stood tall and proud in the private dining room of the pilots.  The bright crystal star resided on top, promising a holiday not soon forgotten.  It was by this very tree as Marieminna shook one colorfully wrapped present after another, that the first mission in over three months came through the wire. Lady Une stepped through the door to find her daughter by the tree, five pilots watching her with four smiles and one look of envy.  “Duo stop thinking up ways of taking out my daughter to get her presents.” They laughed as Duo sat back in shock and had the decency to blush.  The young girl walked to her mother’s side and took her hand, a huge smile on her face.  But Lady Une cautioned her to be silent and then looked to the pilots with almost sadness in her eyes. “I just got a request from Zechs in the outer colonies.  It seems there’s an increase in terrorist activity in the region of outer L5.  He’s requested assistance in a scout mission to determine exactly what’s going on.  It’s a fly in, look around, and fly out mission, the estimated time for return is forty-eight hours.  I told him to expect you four in twelve hours; that means you leave in less than one, understand?” Quatre’s heart felt as if it would smash his ribs; the pounding was so fierce and painful.  Trowa had to go on a mission, and he couldn’t go with him.  Trowa would be leaving him.  He’d have to make all his own decisions; he couldn’t do that yet! “Ms. Une, I know I’m not on the list yet, but I’m sure under the circumstances, Corinne wouldn’t object-“ her hand came up to cut off the rest of his sentence. “I’m sorry Quatre.  I went directly to her before coming here; she refused to add you back on the list; and believe me, I used every OZ trick I had up my sleeve.”  She gave him a weak smile that did absolutely nothing to stop the pain in his chest. He felt panic overcome him, and he knew from the look on Marieminna’s face he must have shown it.  But he didn’t have a choice; Trowa couldn’t leave him.  He tried to stand, intent on convincing Lady that Trowa couldn’t possibly go; that he had to stay with him.  But strong arms pulled him from his place on the arm of the couch and into a lap he knew very well. “It will be alright, Quatre.” He wanted to cry, to scream, to protest that it wouldn’t be alright, that he’d die without Trowa here with him all the time.  How could he have allowed this to happen?  He should have insisted that Trowa get out of the military the moment they were together, the moment that Quatre’s money could have provided them with everything they needed.  He tried to be strong, not wanting to worry anyone with his fears; he couldn’t help the slight tremble in his voice.  “But, Trowa…” His lover looked pointedly at Lady Une, and the woman quietly left the room, worried daughter in hand.  Then Trowa returned his gaze to him, running comforting hands up and down his back, hoping to sooth the worry he could feel there. “Quatre, you’ve been doing very well in your sessions, and I’m very proud of the way you’ve been handling everything lately.  Corinne wouldn’t have put me back on the list if she didn’t think you couldn’t be without me for a little while.  She’s impressed with your progress, and so am I.  I know it’s unnerving and a little frightening right now, but it will be alright.  You’ve become so strong this last month, and you know that I’m only a com-signal away.  Half a day there, a full day scout, and then half a day back, I’ll be back with you in my arms before the weekend.  Then we’ll do something together to celebrate-maybe go to your Crystal Estate in New America.  Won’t that be fun?” The apprehension didn’t lesson, but just knowing that Trowa was proud of him, happy with his progress, him wanting to come home after a long mission and go somewhere private and romantic-it was enough, but only barely.  He nodded his head slowly but refused to remove himself from Trowa’s lap.  With a slight chuckle, Trowa stood, Quatre in his arms, and moved to the door.  Quatre saw the smiles on the faces of his fellow pilots; they were proud of him as well. In their rooms, Quatre packed a carry bag for Trowa, a change of clothes, and some emergency supplies.  His lover sat on the bed going over the mental list that all the pilots had created during their days in the war.  By the bathroom door, Quatre turned around and did his best to memorize the sharp features of his long time partner.  It wasn’t so much that he was afraid that Trowa wouldn’t return-he didn’t think that would ever happen-instead it was the fact that Trowa often pushed himself to injury during missions.  There were too many times to count where Quatre had sat in a chair next to Trowa’s infirmary bed listening to Sally explain all the new medication and physical therapy he would have to make sure Trowa took and went to.  He didn’t want that to happen this time. “Trowa.” Taking a moment to pause in his mental dialogue, Trowa looked at him. “Trowa, promise me you’ll be careful up there.  I’m not going to be there to watch over you, and you can get so damn reckless sometimes.”  He knew the moment it had left his mouth that the obscenity would cause Trowa to come to him, to see just how much this was hurting him. Long arms tugged him close, and he went, knowing there was some measure of comfort in the feel and smell of his beloved. “I promise I’ll return to you, and I swear on our love that I’ll be as safe as I can.  After all, I do have something very important to come home to.”  All Quatre could do was hold him tighter.  To know that he was sending his lover up to possible battle, and that all he could do was stay behind and pray; it was a new and terrifying feeling for him. Eventually Trowa pulled away from the embrace, tucked Quatre under his arm, and led him to the launch pad.  The new mobile suits called Angels were being fueled to carry the pilots to the drop-point.  In a group the five pilots stood, with Sally holding tightly to Wufei’s hand.  What happened next was completely unexpected; Sally started to cry. Silent sobs turned into great gasps for air as she turned away from Wufei and the other pilots.  Stunned, shocked, and worried, Wufei reached for her. “Sally, what’s wrong?”  But she didn’t answer, only continued to sob.  True worry on his face now, the other pilots watched as Wufei moved to comfort his girlfriend.  “Sally?” “I-I know I’m being foolish…it’s-it’s just that it’s been so long…since you had a mission.  I-I’d forgotten that I wasn’t suppose to start worrying until after you’d already-already left.”  She sniffled, trying not to show how truly afraid she was for Wufei, the man she loved.  However, the Chinese pilot covered his relief with indignation. “Are you telling me, that you’re crying over nothing?!  That’s just like a woman, always weak.” Suddenly, Sally fought back, answering the call Quatre also wanted to scream to Trowa. “How would you know!?  To be left behind, to wonder for the next forty-eight hours whether or not you’re still alive, or hurt or…” Her voice trailed off into sobs that continued to stun the other pilots who had never seen this strong woman brought to such a form.  It was obvious also, that neither had Wufei. With insistent but gentle arms, Wufei gathered the blonde haired woman to him.  He rarely showed affection while in the presence of others, so it was a double shock to see him gently running his hands over her hair.  He spoke softly to her in Chinese, and they watched her nod her head back to him. Then with a stern look, he faced the other pilots over Sally’s head.  “Don’t any of you move, and Maxwell, if you say one word, I will never forgive you.”  The command issued, he lightly pushed Sally to arm’s length before dropping to his knee before her.  Sally’s eyes grew large in understanding. “We have fought together, as opponents, and as one.  You know the things about me that no one else knows, yet still you stay with me; still you weep at the idea that I may not return.  But I will return.  I will come home to you.  My soul once belonged to the spirit of a brave woman warrior, and now once again, it does as well.  I ask humbly that you consider to be my wife, allow me to watch over you as a man should a woman, as a husband must a wife.  Say you will marry me, give me a home to come back to, a family to wait for me.  Marry me, Sally.” Large tears cascaded down the older woman’s cheeks as Wufei withdrew a box from his pocket and extracted a perfectly sized diamond ring.  She gasped and could do little more than nod her head and mouth the word ‘Yes’.  And then he stood, placing the ring on her left hand and bringing the palm up to kiss.  He smiled at her before wrapping her into his arms and seeking out her perfectly trembling lips. When he pulled away, he smiled brightly at her, his own eyes moist with joy.  “I have to come back to you now, Sally, to not would be dishonorable.  More importantly, I have to come back because I love you.”  He pulled her into another kiss, one that seared the heavens and painted the sky the colors of the warriors of the past. “I think I’m going to cry,”  Duo said, clinging to Heero and wiping his eyes on Heero’s sleeve.  Quatre nodded and snuggled back into Trowa.  “Wufei, Sally, oh man, congratulations.”  A chorus of congratulations echoed from the others until everyone had hugged the newly engaged couple and expressed the fact that it was about time. And then with a heavy and yet lifted feeling, the four pilots boarded the Angels.  Together, Quatre and Sally stood, both praying for the safe return of the men they loved.  When the Angels were gone in the wake of clouds and night sky, Quatre tucked Sally under his arm and pulled her back towards the base.  Together they offered each other words of encouragement and tried to pass off as fact that their loved ones and friends would return safely home.  Secretly, they both shuddered in fear. * * * “Trowa!  How’s it going?” Quatre stood in the observation room.  The communication signal had come through the line while he’d been in headquarters cleaning up some paper work.  He’d been so restless since Trowa had left the night before, he hadn’t slept a minute, feeling too alone and lost.  But it was morning now, and Quatre felt his spirits lift at Trowa’s beautiful face on the screen. “Hello, Quatre.  Things are well.  We’ve just made it to the drop point and had our briefing with Zechs.  We’re preparing the Angels for the cover work.”  Trowa seemed genuinely happy to see him. “I miss you, Trowa, but I’ve been good.  I even went to my session with Corinne early today.  She’s let me do the write up for the mission you guys are on.  It’s great to know I’m helping, even if it’s just a little.” Trowa smiled, “I missed you, too.  I forgot how lonely it is to sleep the night without you in my arms.”  Quatre’s smile widened at the compliment.  “I’m glad to hear that Corinne’s letting you do some work; I know you were anxious to get back to it.  You are taking it easy, aren’t you?” He nodded.  “Yes, and you and the others are being careful, right?  No tricks or games, especially between Duo and Heero.  Those two will get you all killed if they decide a game of tag is in order.” Trowa gave a short laugh.  “No, they’re behaving themselves.  Actually Duo’s been too busy teasing Wufei to do much of anything else.  I’m happy to report that Wufei has asked Duo to be his best man.” “Oh, Trowa, that’s wonderful!  Duo will be great at that!” “Yes, it seems he’s already planning the bachelor party.” “Oh no!  He isn’t, is he really?” Trowa just nodded.  Then suddenly Wufei’s image was beside his.  “Where’s that woman I’m suppose to marry?” “I think I saw her talking to that doctor from L2.  You know, he’s really handsome-a lot like Trowa.” “WHAT!?  I only asked her to marry me thirteen hours ago!  Don’t tell me she’s already looking for a replacement!”  He and Trowa laughed at Wufei’s distress. “Wufei, I was only kidding.  Sally wanted to talk to you privately.  I’m supposed to transfer the call as soon as I’m done getting the report and talking to Trowa.”  At that Wufei nodded and made Trowa promise to call him when he was done. Trowa smiled at him.  “That was very mean, Quatre.” “I know, but I couldn’t resist.  Maybe I’m starting to turn into Duo.” “Please don’t say that.” Together they laughed for a little while.  Quatre didn’t really care what they talked about, so long as he could see Trowa.  He wished the link worked from this distance, but all he could feel was that Trowa was in outer space, just like before, before…after the ZERO.  Quatre visibly had to shake off the feeling of fear that accompanied that thought.  He looked to Trowa for a quick smile before he figured he’d better transfer the call before Trowa realized just how badly he was doing without him there. “Trowa, I know you’re all on a time schedule.  If I know Zechs, he’s already wanted to leave twice since you called.  Why don’t you get Wufei and I’ll transfer the call to Sally’s quarters?” A concerned look crossed Trowa’s face, and Quatre gulped.  “Quatre, are you alright?” Lie! “Oh sure, Trowa.  I just miss you, that’s all.  But you’ll be home soon, and then we’ll go on vacation together; the Crystal, right?” “Right.  If you’d like, you can pack our bags and we’ll leave as soon as I get there.” “That sounds great.  I miss you, Trowa.  Be careful up there.” “I will, Quatre.  Take care of yourself; I’ll be home soon.  I love you.” “I love you too, Trowa.  I love you, too.” Then with great difficulty, Quatre paused the connection and transferred it to Sally’s line.  Exhausted, he dropped to his knees and covered his face. So much could go wrong, and he was all alone.  Trowa could get injured, could die, could never come back to him.  The ZERO had showed him-all those years ago-that Trowa could leave him, could never come back.  The ZERO had made Quatre into his own harbinger of destruction, and now his heart felt like he was reliving that moment all over again.  He clutched his chest as the feelings of fear, loneliness, and abandonment washed over him.  Trowa had willingly gone to space without him, had opted to leave him instead of staying behind.  It was different than before, when Trowa had simply gone back to work at the headquarters-he was only a few hundred yards away, only walking distance; but now he was at least twelve hours away.  What if he needed Trowa?  His heart pounded at that thought.  Trowa had been willing to give up everything for him, hadn’t he?  What had Trowa given up?  Hadn’t it been Quatre?  Hadn’t Trowa been willing to give up his relationship with him?  But what was that worth?  In reality, what was it worth to have Trowa willingly give him up?  His sisters, had been willing to give up love and family, friends, comfort, security, everything; but Trowa, Trowa was only willing to give up him, to sacrifice nothing of himself. Suddenly Quatre shook himself.  That wasn’t true; it wasn’t!  Trowa loved him; he wouldn’t leave him if he had any other choice.  He had to go to outer space; he had to protect the people of the colonies and Earth from terrorists; that’s what they did.  If Trowa had had any other choice he would have stayed with him, wouldn’t he?  Of course he would have!  He knew it, knew it in his heart and soul…but he’d been wrong in the past, hadn’t he? Rising from his knees, Quatre walked to the desk and pulled out the chair.  Once situated, he brought up the data file on the mission and began to input all the information Trowa had given him.  It was better not to think, not to try and make any decisions while Trowa was away.  Trowa would come home, come back to him and help him make the right decisions.  He was just tired-too tired from the smaller choices he was having to make today.  Once Trowa got home, he’d tell him how many sugars to put in his tea, he’d tell him…