A NEW LIFE PART SIX Trowa looked at the woman who now rested, slumped in Heero's arms. He'd been too terrified at Quatre's screaming and seeming seizure to notice the entrance of a med. team, this woman, and the other pilots. Ignoring everything for a moment, he turned back to Quatre. "Quatre? Can you hear me?" "He's-he's resting. The storm was too much for him." The small voice trailed off into desperate pants for oxygen, and soft sounds of pain. Trowa looked at the woman then. She was older, but not too old, most likely in her mid-thirties. She had deep brown hair, tied in a knot at the base of her neck, but wisps escaped and made the look seem less severe. She wore traveling clothes, with a briefcase still clutched in her hand. She seemed to be struggling to remain conscious. Sally rescued him from asking the next obvious question, "Trowa, this is Dr. Corinne Namon, the Empathic Psychiatrists I sent for." Trowa looked once more at the woman who now had a name. He studied her for a moment, analyzing her appearance against the words of respect Sally had uttered when referring to her. He was surprised by the slight chuckle that sounded almost painful, "Guess you were expecting someone older, huh? Too surprised to say yes, Trowa turned away from her and looked at Quatre again, taking the younger boy's hand in his own. "What happened to him?" He sensed her movement out of the corner of his eye, as she straightened, and tried again to get her breathing under control. "He suffered what's known as an Empathic Storm. It's rare, usually accompanied by severe stress and trauma. So actually, I should be asking you, what happened?" Trowa flinched, her gaze was solid, she knew more then she was letting on about what had happened here. "I was trying to explain to Quatre that I wouldn't leave him. He's been so afraid that I would. Then he just-juststarted screaming. I don't know what happened." He was growing frustrated, she was the doctor, why wasn't she doing something to help Quatre? "You said he was afraid you'd leave him, did you tell him you were going to?" Anger filled him, and he swung around to face her, "Of course not! I love Quatre, I'd never leave him, not ever!" She remained calm even while everyone else in the room flinched at his outburst; she didn't know any better, didn't know how close to the edge he really was. "You said Quatre seemed to think you were going to-" "No! That's not what I said. He was afraid I would, he-he's so confused right now." Trowa trailed off, not knowing where to begin or even where to go once he'd started. Dr. Namon stood, and approached the side of the couch where Quatre lay. She separated Trowa's hand from Quatre's. Jerking his hand way from her, he glared, death evident in his eyes that she who knew nothing of either ofthem, would dare to do such a thing. Quatre was his responsibility, his to protec-" "The physical contact between the two of you is making it harder for me to block the link. Actually, it'd be better if you were about a hundred miles away from him right now, but something tells me you don't plan to leave his side." Stunned, Trowa sat back on his heels, and stared openly at the defiant woman before him. He had no idea what to make of her. "Explain." She nodded, and took a deep breath. Just then, Quatre jerked violently. A moan escaped his lips, and Trowa tried to reach for him, only to be restrained by the doctor. "Don't touch him! I told you I can't control the block when you're touching, it's too strong." Quatre seemed caught in a nightmare, and so was Trowa as his lover struggled, and he could do nothing to help him. Then, from behind the couch Duo appeared. He ran his hands softly over Quatre's hair, and talked soothingly too him. "Hey, Q. Don't worry, everything's fine. You're gonna be just fine. Trowa's right here, and so are the rest of us, we're not leaving you, man. Just hang in there, we're right here." He continued, speaking softly, until Quatre began to calm down, and finally stop his struggles. Next to him, the doctor took a deep breath and rested her head against the edge of the couch. "God Sally, you didn't tell me he was so young, he's practically a child still." Her voice was small, pained as she looked up at him then and answered all of his questions, and some he didn't know he had. "I've only read the little Sally provided me with on Quatre. I had no idea he was so young, but now that I see him, I should have known. He's a very strong empath, one of the strongest I've ever encountered, and I've known him for less than five minutes. "I felt the Empathic Storm from across the complex; no doubt anyone that's even slightly empathic is going to wake up tomorrow with splitting headaches. Sally you should be prepared for that." At Sally's nod, she continued. "An Empathic Storm is were both stress and trauma combine in an empath to such extremes that he or she can no longer deal with the pent up emotions. They're unable to prevent the release that accompanies the total destruction of their emotional shields. The shields keep an empath from receiving outside signals, usually in ones as young as Quatre, the shields are strong and fortified. But I walked into this room and was nearly floored by the raw emotion coming from him. Sally's report said he'd been having trouble dealing with a problem, and that he'd been depressed and withdrawn for nearly six months. Is that how long this has been going on?" Trowa shook his head, "No, he's been feeling the strain a lot longer than that." When he said nothing else she pressed him, "Tell me the rest, Trowa." He looked up at the mention of his name, "The report read that Quatre's lovers name was Trowa, I assumed that was you." He nodded, "Good, then answer the question." Closing his eyes, he reached down by his leg, and pulled the journal into view, "This is Quatre's journal, there are eight more just like it in the bedroom. I read them today-" "WHAT!!" Duo's outrage caused the long haired man to shake. "How could you do that Trowa? How could you to Quatre? You had not right to-" "Duo, be quiet. Trowa wouldn't have if he didn't think it was important." Heero moved to his lover's side, and guided the seething man to one of the chairs. When Duo was situated, he turned to Trowa, "You should explain, I' ve half a mind to agree with Duo." Trowa nodded, "So would I, but I made the decision that I would do it anyway, despite the consequences. It seems I was right.and wrong." "Trowa, you're not making sense, and Quatres' screaming on the couch, and the shrink's clutching her head in the hallway yelling about 'tremendous suffering' not to mention it's three o'clock in the fucking morning! Maybe, just maybe you'd better explain this a little better." Duo's tact was always welcomed in any case. "I decided to read Quatre's journals in the hopes that they'd help me understand why he wasn't able to come to me for help." He held up his hand for silence when Duo started to protest. A stern nod from Heero had Trowa continuing. "I started from his first journal and continued through the last. I read everything he'd written, feeling guilty, but knowing that he'd have never told me some of the things in there. "When I reached the end, I was a mess, but also, I realized so many things about Quatre. His pain, all of it, has been to protect someone other than himself, these past years, he's even gone so far as to link directly to me to ease my pain." "He linked to you before his shields collapsed." Trowa shook his head at the doctor, "No, Quatre and I are linked. He doesn't know what happened, but some time during the war, right when Heero self detonated, a link slammed into place between us. He's felt me ever since then, over five years." "A spontaneous link?!" She seemed to mull that over for a moment. "Continue, did Quatre find you with his journals and get upset?" Trowa chuckled, a dead sound that sent shivers down the spines of all in the room. "No, in fact, Quatre seemed relieved that I was reading them. He told me that he'd been waiting for me to read the journals for years. That he was surprised it had taken me so long. I know, I didn't quite understand it at first either, but you'd have to have read his journals. When I realized the reason he hadn't told me, I-I got upset." "What do you mean you got upset?" "He said that he hadn't wanted to tell me about his past because of the pain I'd already gone though. Quatre explained that because of his abilities, he 'd been able to take refuge in my peace of mind while we worked through the problems of my past. He told me that he didn't want me to have to deal with both of our pains at the same time, that he'd waited for me to come to him, before he could share his pain with me. I know what he meant, he couldn't trust me. All these years together, and he couldn't trust me; he wanted to, desperately, but all the things from his past have prevented him. "I got angry and told him that I could have dealt with it, that together we could have figured it out. But he only said that I would have unintentionally compared our pains and that it would have destroyed us both. "Trying not to get any angrier than I already was, I told him I understood now that he'd been trying to protect himself from me, even though he didn't want to, that he wanted to be open with me, but couldn't. I explained that I understood, and now that I did, we could work through it together, that I was strong enough now to help him. It was all about the journals, it was a test, so see if I'd give everything up to protect him, to see if he could trust me. I told him I'd passed the test and now he could put his trust in me. "Then, it was like nothing I've ever seen before; he jerked away from me, and clutched his heart, before letting out-that scream, it was so filled with terror and agony. I've never heard such a sound, not ever." He trailed off again, his voice lost all meaning as he looked to Quatre, lying still as stone on the couch. His beautiful lover. "It wasn't your fault." Dr. Namon's voice cut through his thoughts. "What?" "I said it wasn't your fault. I could sense your emotions as you spoke, and it wasn't your fault." "Of course it was! I pushed him, I-" "No. You told him exactly what he was afraid to hear, the truth. From what you've said, and what I can glean from you emotionally, Quatre has been waiting for you to discover his pain for quite some time. "He's a classic case. Most empaths can't express their true emotions, they don't know how to do it the way most people do, only how their abilities dictate. Quatre, like most strong empaths, had a mask in place, usually one of a happy person, or soft and quiet, something to detract from the obvious pain and suffering that they're experiencing internally. He's probably wanted to tell you for years what his past was like, but because he's sensitive to your emotional state, it would be like a person explaining to a child that the child's entire family has died. The pain it would have put him through-especially because of the link you say he spoke about-would have been more agonizing than the pain he was already in; at least in the beginning. "These new pains he's suffering because of his family problems are much worse than explaining his past problems to you, but he doesn't know how now. He's put it off for so long he would have had no idea how to explain why he hadn't told you sooner. So he put it off, hoping to take shelter in the peace he's brought you. And most likely it worked, at least for a time. But this has been going on for a very long time, that much is easy to see. I won't know exactly everything until I get a look at those journals, but I think it's safe to say, your pointing out his obvious need to protect himself from getting hurt, clashed with what he thought he was doing and what he knew he was doing. It shattered his shields and that's what caused the Empathic Storm." She sat, waiting for the group of people to process the information. Trowa was the first to recover, "Can you help him?" "It isn't up to me, it's up to him. You've tried to be there for him, I can sense that, but he hasn't responded. I have a feeling he's been so hurt in his past that he doesn't know how to handle a relationship where he doesn't get injured. Again, I'll have to wait to read the journals and talk to him before I know for sure." She paused, weighing her next words carefully. "Trowa, he's-Quatre-is in a lot of pain. It took everything I had to erect the shields and muffle the link between you, even in his suffering he didn't want to let go of you. You're very important to him, and his need to protect you is almost obsessive. Again it's hard to tell at this point, until I talk with him directly but," she paused, and everyone in the room held their breaths waiting, "He's young, perhaps young enough that he can learn how to express his emotions rather than hiding them, but I'm not certain. You need to understand though, that I've never seen a case this bad in one so young before. Usually it takes years and years of torture before a person with empathic abilities even gets close to his point." "He has been tortured, for years and years. He's suffered because I couldn't reach him-" She cut him off, a stern look in both her eyes and her voice, "You can't do that Trowa! Listen to me, Quatre is linked to you, that means everything you feel he does too. You've already said that he's taken comfort in your emotions before. Every negative thing you say about yourself not being able to protect him only reinforces his obsession to protect you instead. He'll act like he's getting better-and trust me, empaths as strong as he is can be very convincing-he'll wait until I've decided he's better and then when there's no one around to catch him, he'll crash again. This time will be worse than tonight because he'll have had more time to see how much he's hurt you. He lives for you, that's the nature of obsession. You can't give him any reason to want to rush himself or cover up his real feelings, if anything you need to allow him to rage against you, and then be there for him when he needs comforting. This could go one of two ways, it could either be a long, drawn out process that takes years or even decades, or it could take just a few short weeks; with empaths as strong as he is, it's very hard to tell." Trowa nodded, "I'm not sure about the journals. I don't know if he'd want you to read them." "Probably not. But as his psychiatrist, I'll confiscate them if you think Quatre will get angry with you for giving them to me. You need to understand, empaths don't share their emotions with just anyone. He'll probably never open up to me, he'll never be able to trust me completely, as far as he'll be concerned, I'm someone trying to take control away from him. Those journals are the key to this mess, while his family problems are only the catalyst. I need to read over the journals to be able to work my way past the boost in his shields I've given him; it's the only way I'll be able to get past his blocks to help him." He thought about it a moment, then looked at Duo who seemed startled and apologetic at the same time, "Trowa, I'm sorry, I know you'd never-" "Don't worry about. I'm glad you're looking out for him. He'd appreciate it. But I want your opinion, Quatre's your best friend, and there may be parts of him that I don't know about that you do. How do you think he'd take me giving the journals to Dr Namon?" Without pause Duo answered, "He'll be pissed as hell, and normally he wouldn 't say anything to you about it, just keep it inside, how hurt he'd be. But lately he's been so hard to predict. Maybe you should just let her confiscate them. That way, you and I will still be on his good side." He gave a weak grin, but it didn't even come close to touching his eyes. Trowa nodded his agreement, and looked expectantly at the doctor. "Very well, as newly appointed Psychiatrist to one Quatre Rababera Winner, and being in the employee of Preventers, I hereby confiscate the nine journals of said Winner. I'm also using my medical opinion and judgement to remove him from the active duty list. He's not to leave this room-" "NO!" Trowa's outburst startled the doctor into silence, but the other boys understood, "You'll understand after reading the journals, but Quatre cannot be detained in these rooms. I'll take full responsibility for him, but he cannot remain trapped in here." He knew she was an empath, knew she'd understand his emotional plea. "Very well, until I read the journals, I leave him in your custody. But I'll make a decision once I'm finished reading the journals. Until then however, he's to have no contact with anyone outside this base, which includes his sisters, and any other family members. I might as well remove the catalyst. "Trowa understand that his body is well rested, Sally's report stated that Quatre was being sedated and subdued until I arrived, however, his mind is not rested. Usually an empath 'recharges' during sleep, but for some reason Quatre hasn't, that's why his shields were so weak. Now that I've reinforced the shields around his abilities, and muffled your link, he's finally getting a chance to really rest; something I doubt he's done in a very long time. He could sleep for days this way, allowing his own shields to recalibrate. In the mean time, I'm going to read over the journals, and then interview every single person in this room. I need to know more about what's going on with him, and the time that he's resting is the ideal time." They all nodded their heads, and Heero and Duo stood to retrieve the other journals from the bedroom. Sally injected another round of sedatives into Quatre, and quietly Trowa lifted his lover up and carried him into the bedroom. When he came back out, they were preparing to leave. "Trowa," the doctor caught is attention, "Don't be surprised if Quatre has more nightmares like he did earlier. His mind is trying to process the new information he's learned tonight, and also refigure on a plan of action. You'll be able to hold him, I've reinforced shielding enough I think. Be careful not to think negatively, I know it's hard, but just try to concentrate on your love for him, and how much better he'll be soon. He needs you to be there for him, he always has, he just didn't know how to call for you." With a nod of his head, they left his room, and again, Trowa went to the bed that contained his delicate lover. He tucked Quatre close to his body, offering to his small partner all the love and affection he'd longed to show him. "I love you Quatre. I'll always be here for you. Even though it's going to be hard for a while, I'll never leave you. I love you too much. You can trust me." He allowed his words to die out, as he ran his fingers though the mess of blond hair.