| This page is dedicated to all those women who have experienced or are currently living in a relationship where they are experiencing Domestic Violence. To all those women who have lost their lives, sustained severe injuries, both physical and emotional at the hands of those with whom they should have been safe, and to the children who witness their mother's being beaten. There is NO EXCUSE for violence of any kind, NEVER! EVER! I am so tired of hearing, about these men who have drug or alcohol problems, and their addiction is the cause of why they abuse their partners. This may be a precipitating cause, but the real cause of abuse is simply that they have made a choice - a choice to abuse - the responsibility lies with them!! Then, what of those many men who do not have a drug or alcohol addiction to "use" as a "reason" for their abusiveness. There are just as many of those. My abuser was a pillar of the Church community, a deacon, who neither drank, nor took drugs. It is my belief that an abuser will abuse, simply because he is a violent person, who has made the cowardly choice to beat up on his partner and that drugs or alcohol are only his excuses. The fact that you have been abused is not your responsibility, it is not your fault. However, it is our responsibility, as mothers, to protect our children. I do not mean this as a judgement. I know how hard it is to leave a violent man, with no income prospects, no supports, diminished self-esteem from years of battering, and the fear that his threats of finding you if you leave, and of kidnapping your children, so you'll never see them again, are real. Maybe you've tried in the past to get away, and he has found you, making you wonder if it's worth trying again. You can taste the fear. You see, I too, stayed with a violent man for 7 years because of those facts and fears. My son was 5 yrs old when I finally got the courage to leave for the last time. Yes I'd tried before, but he always managed to find me, and I always returned. Looking back, I wish I had have left sooner. Domestic Violence does affect our children - deeply, more deeply that I think we realise at the time, because every scrap of our emotional energy is spent trying to survive, and somewhere in there, no matter how much we love our kids, they miss out on their birthright to a loving, peaceful life, because we stay. I read once if a man hits you, he'll do it again, so you should leave, and not go back, if he's hit you 3 times, it's a pattern that will never end. That's scary!, and what makes it more scary, is that oftentimes the only "end" to the pattern is that you, and/or your children are DEAD - for many women that's the reality, and for those left behind - the tragedy. Please seek help if you're in a Domestic Violence relationship - for your sake and that of your precious children. There is a growing body of evidence through research that our children are severely affected by witnessing Domestic Violence within the family home. You will find reference to this research in the links on page three of this section. In Australia the Department of Community Services can, and does remove children from homes where they are witnesses to Domestic Violence. The children are placed in foster care homes and some are never returned home. They remain in the care system until they are 18. There are far, far too many women and children in our society that lose their lives and their innocence at the hands of violent men. You will meet some of them on my memorial pages for women and children whom have lost their lives due to Domestic Violence. I know that to face these issues and to face the fact that our precious children are being damaged by the violence they are witnessing can be very confronting for us as women and mothers, and truly as I stated previously, these facts and this page is not in any way meant to be a judgement or a censure on you because you are in a Domestic Violence relationship, nor because you have as yet been unable to leave. I too, have been in exactly the same place. Don't beat up on yourself, you are precious and worthy of being safe and loved! Seek help and assistance from trusted friends or professionals and devise a safe plan for you to leave. Maybe it's not safe for you to leave right now, and to leave would truly place your lives in even more danger but it is important to have a Safety Plan in place so that when the time is right you can escape. Now I know I'll get some Wally that will raise the fact that sometimes men are the victims of abuse rather than the women, and that women are in these cases the abusers. They may want to know why I haven't placed links in here for the male victims. Simply it is because these pages are intended for women who are being abused, and I believe it is my right to be true to the spirit and intention of my pages. A quick internet search will, for those people who wish to find links on male abuse victims, bring up the resources they need to find such information. |
| DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Page One |
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| With Thanks |