Author: Kay Tee
Feedback: 'Course, send to maybeshedoes@yahoo.com
Rating: PG; a little bitterness, mention of sex, nothing they couldn't show on tv though.
Spoilers: To Shanshu in La, There's no place like Plrtz Glrb, Tomorrow, Grave, The Gift, Graduation Day, Becoming, Prophesy Girl, Bargaining, Enemies, The Harvest, basically, everything through the end of season six/three is up for grabs here.
Improv: cinnamon, dust, leather, sway
Pairing: Wesley, others
Summary: Wesley has some thoughts.
Distribution: Take it, but tell me where so I can visit.
Disclaimer: In my dreams I'm Joss... but during the day I have to face the cold hard truth-- I'm a hack who steals characters. But I'm not giving them back! Or I am, just don't sue me, all I have are speeding tickets and student loans.
Author's Note: Is it a story or an essay? I don't know, but it's all from Wesley's head, so it was exciting to write, whatever it is. By the way, his opinions are not neccesarily my opinions, and certainly not statements of fact.
Dedication: To Katarina Hjärpe, Rubywisp, and Sarah Cox, for being very cool, and betaing for me.
:: Regarding Angel ::
The first thing I did when I discovered the Shanshu Prophecy was ascertain that Angel really was the only vampire in the world with a soul. It wouldn't have done at all to get him worried about a prophecy that didn't actually pertain to him. All I needed was a rather elementary Gregorian Seeking Spell to determine that there were no other souled vampires in the world.
Yesterday the spell returned to me. I don't know any specifics, of course, but I can say with certainty that somewhere on the coasts of Africa, there is a second vampire with a soul.
Now all my recent suspicions are justified.
I am a watcher by birth, imbued with natural instincts. Just because I wasn't present, don't assume that I didn't know what was going on. Over the past two and a half years, I have constructed a web of informants throughout the city; some I shared with Angel, but most I kept to myself.
They let me know of Connor and Justine's 'punishment' of my former employer, and I suppose that one day, I will have to rescue him. But not anytime soon. I'm sure he'll keep.
You see, Angel had a destiny. A purpose on this Earth. Not many of us can claim that, but he was recruited by the Powers that Be, and he accepted their invitation. Once Connor was born, that purpose was served. The only reason the Powers maintained their connection to Angel was to recruit a new warrior: Cordelia.
Now, according to my more enlightened sources, the Powers have her, so they should be finished with Angel and his mission.
Oh yes, Wolfram and Hart are in possession of prophecies that indicate Angel will have a pivotal role in the upcoming apocalypse, unclear as to whether Angel will be helping or hindering the destruction of the world.
Clearly, Wolfram and Hart are not exactly 'up' with current events. One of my first activities when I arrived in Sunnydale years ago was to research Buffy and Faith's histories. I learned of the incident with the Acathla from Mr. Giles's official diary. Just as the prophecies state: Angel had a pivotal role in both the triggering of the apocalypse, and the averting of it. Really, you would expect Satan's own law firm to be more in touch with the goings on over the Hellmouth. If they only knew that the events they are so eagerly anticipating had already come to pass... well, I shudder to think what they would have done in retribution for Angel's little lapses, had they felt free.
The Shanshu Prophecy that seemed to indicate Angel's place in the world most likely pertains to the newly souled vampire in Africa. After all, is it really likely that a vampire who won't touch a bite of human food-- won't even take a little cinnamon in his blood-- is destined to someday become human again? I think not.
My point, and I do have one, is that Angel thinks he has some great destiny to fulfill. He does not yet realize that he has fulfilled it; he has served his purpose.
Angel most likely believes that he must be rescued, that the Powers would not abandon him. After all, they retrieved him from hell, why not the bottom of the ocean? But he may remain buried alive for the rest of eternity. The Powers are done with him.
Of course, *I* could rescue him, but I'm not feeling overly generous to the vampire who attempted to *murder* me when last we met. So no, I'm not going to be rushing out any time soon. Like I said, he'll keep.
:: Regarding Lilah ::
I am always astounded by the secrets people reveal when drunk. Since I have spent the better part of the last month completely snockered-- and just because I'm English-- I am quite capable of holding my liquor now. So I had a few drinks with a bitter enemy; I was sure I would be able to maintain complete control over myself.
I really only meant to learn what secrets I could from Lilah. There was that unfortunate and distasteful incident with the shagging... but I digress.
Lilah spent much of last year stealing files from her employers so she could blackmail them should they choose to 'terminate' her employment.
What she discovered was rather remarkable-- to her. I must say that I am entirely unsurprised.
Apparently, the time is ripe for the demons to reclaim the earth, and the Senior Partners plan to use humans to destroy humanity. Not a particularly original trick, but Lilah Morgan was shocked.
Seeing as her contract with Wolfram and Hart extends long past her death, the revelation that she ought to die soon caused her to go back and read the fine print. Apparently, after death all of Satan's lawyers are employed with menial tasks in hell-- janitorial work and such.
As you can imagine, Miss Morgan was horrified by this news. She had imagined having some time to relax in the lap of luxury, and then, who knows? I suppose she hadn't let herself think too far into the future.
So now Lilah knows with absolute certainty what her destiny will be: she will go to hell and be humiliated for an eternity. Does she run away to enjoy the remaining years of her life as her associate, Lindsey, did? No. Does she join the forces of light to try to earn her redemption and thwart the destruction of humanity that will surely deliver her to her final 'resting' place? No. What does she do? The woman begins to frantically try to be *more* evil, *more* vicious, more deserving of a prestigious spot in hell.
I find this endlessly amusing. I tell her so when she stops by on her little recruiting excursions.
Honestly, *a more prestigious spot in hell*? Good lord, I shall never cease to be entertained by Lilah's utter stupidity. A more *prestigious* spot. Like the one earned by Billy Blim, perhaps? Yes, yes, something very prestigious. Something special. Ahh...
And if my laughter sounds a little forced, a tad desperate, who?s to hear anyway?
:: Regarding Buffy ::
Destiny is certainly a relative thing, especially when one finds an ancient scroll or an oracle that will map out one's fate.
Buffy Summers was destined to die by The Master's hand. She did die, of course, but she was quickly revived by her ever stalwart friends.
The girl has gone on to 'save the world' a number of times since. But really, have you ever heard anything so ridiculous? While the opening of the Hellmouth would be quite a catastrophe, it certainly would not be the end of the world. The end of Sunnydale perhaps. But really, a population surge in the form of demons would not end anything. It might change the world, but that's happened before. Naturally, the demons were the main residents of Earth once; an apocalypse spell banished them all to hell, making way for lesser mammals to safely evolve into humans. Yet, the world still turns.
I don't mean to sound snide. I understand that life on the Hellmouth tends to lend itself to melodrama, and I have never averted an apocalypse myself, so I really haven't a leg to stand on here. But the end of the world would have to involve more than just the changing of the current natural order. An apocalypse would literally have to be the end of everything; the destruction of the earth itself.
I understand that almost happened recently. Mr. Giles reports that our planet was nearly reduced to a 'cinder of ash.' Now, *that's* an apocalypse.
My humor does seem to be a bit more on the morbid side lately than is absolutely necessary. And yet, I find nothing amiss.
Where was I? Oh, yes, Miss Buffy Summers. Destined to die. And her death was the key that released The Master from his prison as a cork over the Hellmouth, thus triggering an 'apocalypse,' or the opening of the Hellmouth anyway.
The crux of the matter is that Sunnydale was founded to cater to demons who want to be near the mouth of hell. There must always be one supernatural master or another watching over the town, keeping everything in balance. For nearly a hundred years, The Master and Mayor Wilkins fought for control over Sunnydale, with the demon, Balthazar, trying unsuccessfully to usurp them both.
In the course of slaying, Buffy killed all of these leaders, leaving herself Master of Sunnydale by default. The dear girl doesn't realize this, naturally, so she hasn't created a power structure, or, well, anything. Difficult to lead a town you don't know you're the leader of, isn't it.
As her recent encounter with death can attest, Sunnydale is now completely dependant on the protection of the slayer.
Buffy will eventually die permanently, and when that happens, it is only a matter of time before some powerful demon decides to open the Hellmouth. If the town had a proper master, he would prevent any other demon from gaining too much power, including the power garnered by opening the mouth of hell. Even Mayor Wilkins's strategy of just allowing the local demon hunters to destroy a certain percentage of demons was quite effective-- until those hunters killed him.
No, Buffy will leave no protections after her death, and she has destroyed what protections there were before her arrival in Sunnydale. So essentially, her death will mean the end-- at least for the little town over the Hellmouth.
Inevitably, Buffy will fulfill her destiny just as she would have had she not been revived five years ago when The Master first killed her.
I am not sure if this is ironic, or obvious. Alas, I don't feel particularly inclined to warn anyone of the danger. Buffy and Giles have been quite clear in the past; my advice is not welcome. Sunnydale is their problem.
:: Regarding Faith ::
There are very few things I regret in my life. Faith used to be one of them.
I believe I understand her issues now much more than I ever could while I was serving as her watcher. I sometimes forget that I too was once young and naïve. Those times are long past.
Poor Faith, strutting about in her leathers and perfume, surrounded by people who were destined for greatness while she, herself, was merely a slayer. My research revealed that she did good work in Boston and in her travels before she came to Sunnydale. If she hadn't met Buffy, she may have led a relatively normal life-- for a slayer.
They are meant to be solitary. Slayers are imbued at the moment they are called with the animal instincts and strength necessary for them to hunt demons. They simply aren't meant to carry on a normal life during the day.
Most slayers are destined to save a few innocents, kill a few demons, and die young. That's all, but it's not insignificant. I believe that the only reason this life wasn't enough for Faith is that she witnessed Buffy's ability to maintain stable relationships, and thought that she deserved the same thing. But Buffy is *special*, and Faith simply isn't.
Some people, even slayers, don't have a destiny.
Watchers aren't called, they are born. Each of us is naturally less empathetic than the average human being. We are instilled with the ability to do what must be done, be it killing evil human beings or... At any rate, we direct the slayers because just as they are the embodiment of wildness, we are the embodiment of reason. Surely, this is a bit of an exaggeration, but my point is that as long as Faith rejected any guidance, she was forced to find her own way. She used Buffy's life as a type of road map, and the results were disastrous.
Faith believes she must have a place in the world, and a purpose. But as long as Buffy lives, Faith is just an extraneous slayer.
Of course, she could travel and protect the world at large. The slayer is not meant to sit sedately in one town her whole life, but to follow the evil of the world wherever it may be. Yes, Buffy is protecting the Hellmouth, but meanwhile there are hordes of master vampires and clever demons who know where the slayer lives and can find time to build power merely by steering clear of southern California.
Faith was sixteen when she arrived in Sunnydale, and seventeen when she was imprisoned for her many crimes. She will be twenty-one the year after next, and she will be a free woman. Our fates were once intertwined-- every watcher is destined for one slayer, though any slayer may have many watchers. I am sure that Faith will once again search for her purpose in life, and I know that I am now much better equipped to guide her. By all rights, I should begin visiting her, trying to make some sort of peace so we can create something useful of her life once she is released from prison.
But I simply haven't the heart. It's not that she tortured me-- no, I forgave her for that long ago.
You see, I know she can never make anything real out of her life. She can't even be the chosen one-- not while living under Buffy's shadow. No matter how hard she tries, Faith will always amount to... nothing.
It has occurred to me that the prospect of having two slayers in the world must appeal mightily to The Watchers Council. They could be drowning and reviving young girls left and right in an attempt to increase the number of warriors at their disposal. But I sincerely hope they refrain from that unadvisable course of action. I may even try to stop them if I hear that they have actually decided to undertake the task. I know I have failed Faith, but I would like to think I could do something for her successors.
Then again, I have no knowledge of *what* the council is up to. I think I shall have another whiskey and not worry too much about it.
:: Regarding Xander ::
I recently had a rather lengthy conversation with Mr. Giles, and not realizing that I am no longer associated with Angel Investigations, he felt the need to bring me up to date on the happenings in Sunnydale.
Miss Rosenberg attempted to end the world. Giles and young Harris stopped her. Not particularly interesting. Perhaps.
But I find myself pondering the situation of Xander Harris.
I remember Cordelia telling me the story of her first encounter with demons. Apparently a group of vampires took control of the local dance club and began feeding the patrons to their leader one by one. Putting this information together with my research, I deduced that the event Cordelia described to me must have been The Harvest, which was interrupted by Buffy.
According to Cordelia, this was also Xander and Willow's first real encounter with demons, and in the midst of the fray Harris dusted his oldest friend, who had recently been turned.
After combining news of that incident and his recent rescue of his other oldest friend from darkness, I am forced to wonder if Xander Harris isn't perhaps one of the few destined for greatness.
Again, I am sounding more melodramatic than I intend to, but the question should at least be asked.
Here is a boy who has never sought out any mystical specialty, never bothered to request training for his combat with demons, who has, in fact, made every endeavor to lead a normal life outside of his slaying activities.
There is nothing out of the ordinary when an average man is swayed into fighting the forces of darkness-- Charles Gunn is another example. These fighters are rarely of greater importance than a pawn on a chessboard. But Xander Harris may be more than that.
Consider also the fact that Cordelia may never have gotten involved with Angel (which led to her acquisition of the visions and eventual ascension to a higher plane) had she not first become a full-fledged member of the 'scooby gang' in Sunnydale. And the catalyst for her joining their ranks? Her relationship with Xander.
This is all circumstantial evidence, but in matters of the occult, that is often all one has to go on.
I can testify to the fact that membership with the Sunnydale group is not exactly conducive to exploring one's mystical prowess. Certainly, Willow succeeded in that area, but Harris and myself were rather discouraged on the whole.
Perhaps a more welcoming environment such as a place that would allow a traumatized slave girl to grow into a competent fighter amongst a group her own parents once called 'heroes' would also allow Harris to discover his potential, his destiny.
Silly of me to think of that. There is no welcoming environment anymore, just an empty hotel, abandoned by the only remaining members of the Angel Investigations team, two humans who are without formal training or teaching.
My informants tell me that Fred and Gunn live in his apartment together, and continue to fight demons while searching for the lost members of their team. I could tell them everything, I even know that Connor, now Stephen, has buggered off to England with Justine.
I would tell them, but they haven't asked me.
:: Regarding Wesley ::
Since the beginning of time, human beings have searched for the meaning of life, desperately trying to prove that we do indeed have a purpose on this earth.
It is a tedious search.
Some people have a purpose, some do not. Some know their destiny, some do not.
Old story.
I myself have always assumed that I was just another watcher-- which is of course (or so I once thought) a position of greatness in and of itself-- but I had certainly never dreamed that I might be more important than any other watcher.
I have struggled against failure all my life. When I found my place at the right hand of a vampire, I was satisfied that my life was a success. I wanted nothing more.
But there is more, or so Lorne assures me.
Allowing oneself to be read by a prescient being is a delicate matter. As the Greeks were so fond of noting, asking for information about your future is a tricky and often dangerous business. But I did not ask for some broad explanation of my personal fate, I merely wanted guidance.
I got more.
According to Lorne, *I* will be of vital importance in the coming war between light and darkness. *I* will play the pivotal role.
This is, of course, shocking news. I am Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, reader of scrolls and teller of other people's futures. I am not meant for importance. I am simply not that kind of man.
Or anyway, that was my line of thinking when I heard the news. After all, what might I do that could be so significant?
But I have had a lot of time to myself recently. Time to think, to gather evidence.
I see that I could soon be in a position to affect change, to protect or condemn my world... and I think I rather like the idea.
So many men let their lives pass by without meaning, but I shall have more. My fate, as described by my anagogic friend, is already defined.
I have the power to *do* something, to *be* someone. To most of all, be worthy of remembrance. There are so many options open to me now, I scarcely know which to choose...
I may seem like nothing at the moment, unworthy of recognition, but I have a destiny. I will be great again.
I have to.