Author: Kay Tee maybeshedoes@yahoo.com
Website: http://www.oocities.org/maybeshedoes//front.html
Distribution: Take it, but tell me where so I can visit.
Rated: NC-17, slash
Category: Story
Improv: steel, false, letter, shiver
Spoiler: Happens around the time of "The Wish," but not in the wishverse. Hints at "Lovers Walk."
Pairing: Xander/Angel
Disclaimer: In my dreams I'm Joss... but during the day I have to face the cold hard truth-I'm a hack who steals characters. But I'm not giving them back! Or I am, just don't sue me, all I have are speeding tickets and student loans.
Summary: Xander wakes up Angel.
Xander hesitates just inside the door to the mansion; he *so* doesn't want to be here right now.
Buffy needs Angel's help-- some big purple demon has just arrived in town, and nobody with a pulse can touch the thing without disintegrating into ash. But Angel doesn't have a pulse, so he'll be able to fight the demon with no problems. Of this Xander is sure, because Angel is made of fucking *stone*, and Xander couldn't picture the vampire disintegrating into anything even vaguely ash-like-- even if you put a stake through his heart.
Xander makes his way through the front rooms to the stairs, not sure which of the closed doors at the top of the landing leads to Angel's bedroom. Xander wishes Buffy had asked Willow to go, but the witch wasn't in the library when they realized that they'd need Angel's help, and apparently Buffy is avoiding the vampire now... something about them not being friendly, or whatever. Xander doesn't know, doesn't really care either.
He just knows that he's looking for Angel-- who will be in bed this time of day-- and he doesn't want to be there.
Never wants to be anywhere near Angel. Maybe it's because he's a vampire, maybe because he's Buffy's vampire, maybe because... there are many reasons Xander's never comfortable around Angel, and the boy doesn't really feel the need to examine them.
Just being in the same room with Angel has always made Xander shiver-- that little tingle at the bottom of his spine screaming, 'this is the edge of something you will fall into and never ever recover from.' He tries not to pay attention to that tingle, and also tries not to ever be alone in the same room with Angel if he can help it.
Ahh, but today he can't help it. He opens the nearest door, sees a nicely made bed with a canopy on one side of the room, an open trunk next to it with a bunch of antique dolls scattered on the floor nearby, and chains hanging from the wall opposite the bed. Yes, that's right, there's chains here; Xander can't forget that this is (used to be) Angelus's lair.
The boy quickly closes the door and turns away. Tingle just bouncing along the bottom of his spine, Xander tries the next door.
And there's Angel. Lying in bed, seemingly asleep, hands limp at his side. He's covered by a rich red sheet, but not very covered. The sheet is just low enough that Xander can see that Angel's got absolutely no pajamas on, while being high enough that it covers anything Xander wouldn't-- shouldn't want to see.
Xander's frozen there in the doorway, that bundle of tingly nerves dancing now, laughing at him, because he has to go in there, walk up to the large sleeping predator, and wake him up. For a moment, Xander considers just writing Angel a letter, leaving it by the bed, and escaping while he still can. Really really wants to go with that option, because there's something else he wants to do... shouldn't dare, but Angel's just lying there on display, and before he knows it, Xander's standing by the bed, and his hand is on Angel's chest.
He hesitates, hand just brushing the object of his-- desire isn't the right word for it, yearning, curiosity, longing, disgust, *need*... none of them cover what he's feeling at the moment-- and Xander doesn't know the right word, maybe doesn't want to. But he lets his hand smooth over that clean expanse of skin, goes with the impulses of his body as he always has, wishes his mind would shut down completely at times like these so he could claim insanity later. Needs to claim insanity now, because Angel
has
just
opened
his
eyes.
Xander doesn't breathe, doesn't move his hand either, just stares at those already alert brown eyes, and wishes he was dead already.
Angel raises a brow in silent question, but he doesn't move either. Waits instead, to see how Xander will explain himself.
And this could go either way, Xander knows, fears. Waits for violence, a reprimand, anything. But Angel holds himself still and just *looks* at Xander, and the boy wonders if maybe Angel is as lost as Xander is.
One of them needs to move, speak, and since Xander started this, he knows he should be the one, take his hand away and act like he was just trying to wake the vampire up. Tell Angel about the latest big bad, and get the hell out of there.
Knows what he needs to do... but doesn't want to move, or he does, but not away-- closer.
And if that whole catastrophe with Willow proved nothing else, it proved that Xander is more a fool than a coward, so he lets his hand slide across cool skin, exploring exposed flesh with uncalloused fingers.
Angel continues to hold himself still, allowing this increasingly less-than-innocent exploration, watching Xander's face as intent, arousal, and growing panic swirl in his eyes.
Oh yes, Xander wants this, yes, he's afraid, yes, on the brink of running away.
Angel sees all this in the boy's so expressive eyes, knows he should let the moment pass, let Xander pretend it's nothing. But Angel finds he needs this touch, needs the awe in the boy's eyes.
How long since Buffy looked at him with such... *want*?
So when Xander draws away, fingertips burning, frozen, Angel grabs his wrist, grips it too tightly, just barely painfully, and pulls Xander's hand back to his chest.
Xander's tingle is hopping now, running all up and down his spine, no longer content to just sit at the bottom. The boy didn't even see Angel move, but now his wrist is sore and his hand is... moving of its own volition, apparently.
Xander eyes meet Angel's and hold as that hand begins to roam again, crossing smooth smooth flesh, dipping lower, uninvited, but unforbidden also.
When Xander finally lets his hand under the sheet, blunt nails scraping the coarse hair he finds there, Angel inhales sharply, and Xander flinches, jumps about a foot away, and says with false coolness, "Buffy needs your help with a demon. It's living in the caves behind Gorgon's Woods, and nobody with a pulse can touch it without dying. She was hoping you could take care of it."
That's it, Xander's out of there, darting to the door and almost almost away before the naked vampire with the preternatural speed is pressing against him, holding him-- not tightly, but not so Xander can escape either.
Angel's arms are wrapped around Xander's waist, his chest now pressing against the boy's back, and they're just a foot away from the open door. Xander stares at the hallway with longing, but relaxes into Angel's arms, because it just feels
so
right
to be wrapped up like this.
And there's no way Xander's gonna say a word, so Angel says it, the only word: "Xander."
Palpable shudder from the boy, but nothing else.
Angel lets one hand smooth over the boy's stomach, snake down, cup the erection pressing insistently against the boy's pants, and just rest there.
Xander's not sure what's going on. Angel's not fondling him, or beating him, the vampire's just holding him. Holding Xander with one arm, while his other hand holds Xander's dick. It's all just a little bit too surreal, and Xander prays it will never end.
Can imagine that: the two of them, frozen there like that, forever. Eventually Buffy will come by, wondering where they've been, and walk in on this living statue-- her ex and one of her best friends, doing... Xander can't imagine there's a word for this. And Angel is so still behind him.
Xander turns-- has to, has to know what's going on back there. Angel's arms don't really move at all, so now they're face to face and Angel's arm is still wrapped around Xander and his hand is cupping Xander's butt-- not squeezing or pinching, just holding.
But Angel's naked, and Xander realizes he's hard too. Hard for Xander. And they're face to face...
This, of course, is when the random thought generator in Xander's head-- the one that was obviously paying way too much attention in child development today-- pops up to remind Xander that the reason babies always put things in their mouths is that the lips are so much more sensitive than fingers.
Suddenly Xander feels his exploration of that bare AngelChest wasn't thorough enough, and he dips his head, running slightly parted lips over Angel's left pectoral.
"Xander," Angel says, because yes, this body does belong to somebody that's not Xander.
The boy looks up, squirms, embarrassed, and he wants to get away, not be here, be gone.
But Angel's grip is like steel, and there's nowhere for Xander to run anyhow.
Angel's leaning in, eyes locked on Xander's lips, and moving so slowly.
Xander nervously says, "So, that demon. That you're gonna fight. Better get right urmph..."
Angel's kissing him, lips just slightly parted, pulling, pushing, kneading Xander's lips, and Xander gives up, feels the uncertainty and restraint just roll away from him.
Xander lets his arms come up in a mirror of Angel's-- one across the vampire's back, one on the bare butt.
And he lets his tongue continue the exploration of the vampire in front of him, finds himself licking Angel's teeth. Then Angel opens his mouth wider, and they're kissing, wrapped fully in each other, and this is perfect, perfect just how it is.
Which is why, naturally, the hand on Xander's bottom pulls him into Angel, raising the metaphorical stakes, because there's a hardness there to match Xander's own, and if he breaks this unbelievable kiss and looks down, Xander could see it, because, as his unsilent mind keeps reminding him, Angel is naked.
Na-ked.
Nude.
And Xander knows that if he were naked too, then he would be touching all of Angel with all of himself, exploring and maybe, hopefully, being explored.
So Xander pulls back to remove his clothes, and this time Angel lets him get away, looks almost chagrined for a moment before Xander tugs off the Salvation Army reject shirt he's wearing. Then Angel's helping, dropping to his knees on the rough stone floor, tugging at Xander's shoelaces while the boy rips off his belt (stares, for just a second, at the curve of Angel's back, and then drops the belt immediately, horrified and more aroused than ever in his horror).
Then Angel's up, and they're still standing, but now they're kissing again, and rubbing along the whole length of each other, and Angel's tracing Xander's tingly spot with his middle finger, over and over until Xander's toes feel like they're going to curl right into his feet, and Xander whimpers, "Angel, please," not even knowing what he's asking for.
Angel doesn't seem to know either, because he takes that finger away from the beautiful spot that Xander never even realized was supposed to be touched, god, needed to be touched. Angel guides them both back to the bed, lays the boy down, and Xander has never felt more fragile in all his life than he does at this moment. Because Angel's not lying down with him, he's just *looking* at Xander. The eyes, more alive than Xander has ever seen them, but not pleased or curious or even particularly lustful, travel the length of Xander's quivering form as Angel takes him in, takes him in more surely than the vampire would if he drank Xander's blood... And suddenly that scariest-idea-ever has become the most-erotic-idea ever, and Xander's cock twitches, and Angel... smiles.
Lowers himself so so slowly onto Xander, at last, and resumes the kissing-- gentle, but rougher than any kiss Xander's ever had with a girl, because these are ManLips, and ManHands gripping Xander's hips as Angel begins to slide against him, and oh, definitely ManCock that Xander's pushing, *rubbing* against.
So good, so good, sofuckinggood, and Xander's just barely eighteen, and he's gonna cum, gonna cum, tries to whisper it, but it comes out as more of a grunt: "Gonna cum, Angel," as Xander tries to pull away from the vampire's mouth long enough to get five syllables out. He doesn't even finish before Angel's mouth is back on his, just working against him, grinding and brutal now, as much as their pelvises, and the contact is too much.
He cums, shaking, and he hates that he's shaking, but he's pretty sure he's been doing it this whole time.
Angel's not shaking, is still grinding against him, wet and as alive as the vampire is ever going to get.
Now that Xander has orgasmed, he pays more attention to the kiss, pulling Angel into him with lips and teeth and god, tongue, until Angel groans, deep and loud and helpless, and Xander feels the cooler wetness on his skin: Angel's cum.
And fuck, Xander is never ever going to shower.
They both still, Angel letting his head drop into the crook of Xander's shoulder, and after a long while, Angel asks, "Where did you say that demon was?"
"Huh? Oh, uh, in the caves behind Gorgon's Woods." A very strange conversation to be having post-coital, but after dating Cordelia, Xander's all about strange conversations at inappropriate times.
Angel slowly gets up, and though Xander's lungs are a bit relieved, his skin is reluctant to lose contact with the vampire.
The boy sits up, staring at the mix of fluids on his stomach, and is startled when Angel hands him a damp cloth to clean up with. Angel's fully dressed already, and Xander wonders how long he was out of it.
"I'm going to go... take care of that... demon now." Angel looks intensely uncomfortable, which is good, familiar. Xander can deal with anything at all when this ancient creature is looking as lost as he is right now.
Xander wipes himself off, rolls out of bed, and pulls his jeans on, the boxers still inside them because there was no way he was gonna take the time to take each item off separately.
"Okay," he finally answers Angel, couldn't really say anything while he was still naked, can barely say anything now.
Angel just sort of blinks at Xander as he pulls his shirt and shoes on, leaves the belt, doesn't want to *touch* the belt, at least not while Angel's still in the room.
"I'll walk you out," Angel says quickly.
Xander runs a hand through his hair and nods.
Angel walks him out. It's almost time for the sun to set, but not quite, so Angel stands in the shade of the door and exchanges a confused look with Xander.
"You want to..." Angel stops, starts again, "You're welcome to come by later. If you want."
Xander smiles a little raggedly, more confident now than before, but still shaking, just barely. "Yeah. Maybe."
And he walks away, hears the click of the front door closing behind him, and smiles.